Smoking wasn’t his thing. Never had been and never would be.

 

But the smell was everywhere.

 

In his car. In his sheets. In his clothes. In his hair.

 

In his skin. On his fingertips.

 

Even now, he could taste it on his tongue.

 

He wasn’t a smoker and he hated the smell of it and the taste but that didn’t stop him from longing for it.

 

“I’m out of cigarettes again...”

 

A sigh followed the words and carried in the air, sticking thick against the walls where the scent of last night's cigarettes was held. The owner of that voice could be seen at the foot of the bed, at least the top of his head anyway. With that bright, cotton candy blue hair, he was hard to miss anyway. Even though he wasn’t smoking now, it was like the image of the clouds of smoke went with him wherever he went.

 

“I wish you would stop smoking.”

 

“Do I taste bad?”

 

The blue hair was now fanned out a bit at the foot of the bed, the owner having tilted his head back to look at the other. His lips were naturally tinted because of the smoking but that was the only real indication that he was a smoker. His gums and teeth were fine. There was no sign left over his fingertips and his skin was as milky and smooth as ever.

 

“You don’t taste bad, hyung. I just don’t want you to keep smoking. It isn’t healthy.”

 

The other looked away and then closed his eyes. He managed an angle where those blue locks of his were now hiding his face. Even though there was no denying that they’d had conversations like this before about the smoking, it still seemed like each one was their first one. The air would always go tense and it seemed like the world around them would stop for a while.

 

The younger of the two reached over to the little table by the head of the bed, laying on his stomach to reach for what he wanted. He stared at the box of cigarettes and could feel his eyes watering up. Sure, there were no signs now. Nothing really detrimental to the other’s health, but that didn’t stop the worry. Eventually, they would come, right? If the habit never went away, how long would it be until the older’s body began to break down?

 

He gripped at the box of cigarettes and, before he could turn around, he felt a light weight on his back with the incense of days old, maybe even weeks old, cigarette smoke surrounding and capturing his senses. He felt frozen like that, with his arm still stretched out to the table with the box in between his fingers. There were dents in the unopened box now because of just how tightly he was holding onto it.

 

“You’re crying.”

 

The older rested his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder before resting his cheek there instead, closing his eyes. The younger dropped the box onto the floor into the mix of notebooks, pens, and loose paper, his body feeling weak now.

 

“‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.’”

 

“Hoseok?”

 

“Is this something I can change, hyung?”

 

There was silence again. Hoseok wasn’t sure what he was looking at but it didn’t feel like he was in their one-room anymore and, even though he could touch the floor, it felt like it was miles away. Everything suddenly felt so bare, as though their bulletin boards full of posters and poems and pictures weren’t there anymore. It felt like the handful of stuffed animals they kept were gone along with all the notebooks and pens and pencils they always seemed to have scattered all over the floor. Even the weight on his back seemed to have disappeared.

 

“...seok... Hoseok.”

 

The older male had moved to sit beside his boyfriend on the bed. Hoseok startled himself when he kicked the wall on accident in an attempt to move. Yoongi sighed and tugged Hoseok over, the younger male resting his head in the other’s lap. The older male took the chance to wipe away his boyfriend’s tears, keeping Hoseok’s face cupped in his hands.

 

“I told you that I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

 

“You will if you don’t stop smoking.”

 

The more his habit came up for discussion, the longer the conversations seemed to get. In the beginning, Hoseok didn’t say anything at all. From what Yoongi could tell, Hoseok hadn’t minded it at all. As they began to spend more and more time together, hanging out with friends (mainly Hoseok’s friends), going on dates, and eventually moving in together, it seemed to be more of an issue now than ever. Yoongi hadn’t even fully moved in yet. He was spending time at his place here and there, especially to give Hoseok some space, even though the younger repeatedly voiced that he didn’t like being away from him. Yoongi was honestly just waiting for his lease to be up, which was only a couple of weeks at this point. He also spent his time at his own apartment smoking so as not to disturb Hoseok but there was no escaping the evidence.

 

“It’s been a while since I’ve had my last cigarette.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“When I said I was out of cigarettes, I was talking about my candy ones. I have some sugar ones and some gum ones. I smoked one the other day but I’ve been using my candy ones more often lately.”

 

Hoseok shot up, forehead almost colliding with Yoongi’s chin, causing the older male to simply lean back to make sure he was out of the way. He tried to figure out what the look was in the younger’s eyes.

 

“Does that mean you’re quitting?”

 

“I’m trying.”

 

Yoongi rubbed at his nape. Since he’d started using the candy to replace the actual cigarette, he’d come to learn that the taste was something he didn’t enjoy. It was just the fact that the item itself seemed to calm him. He would keep a candy one between his lips and would toy with his lighter while he ate it. Sure, he was still getting used to the fact that he didn’t have to inhale or exhale the smoke either but that was just a part of the process. There were times when he wanted a smoke but he’d begun to satisfy the craving by simply having something in his mouth.

 

He was caught off guard by Hoseok stealing first a peck and then a full-blown kiss. He cupped the younger’s cheek and could feel some fresh tears falling again. Yoongi himself broke the kiss, Hoseok resting his forehead to the older’s. They both smiled softly, looking in each other’s eyes.

 

“You try to die on me and I may seriously kill you myself. I’m warning you now.”

 

“I wouldn’t fight you trying to kill me either. I’d let you.”

 

“That’s not the right response, hyung. You’re supposed to assure me that I don’t even have to think like that.”

 

“If it’s because of something stupid I did, smoking or not, I mean, I wouldn’t blame you.”

 

“The line between being the best boyfriend and the worst boyfriend is somehow really thin when it comes to you.”

 

“It’s only because you love me so much.”

 

“I’m an idiot for that.”

 

“Well, at least you’re an idiot that’s loved by a genius.”

 

“Hyung!”

 

Yoongi grinned and initiated the kiss this time, laying back to make Hoseok’s hovering over him a bit easier. Breaking the kiss again, the older ran his thumb over the other’s bottom lips, shaking his head a bit.

 

“Don’t congratulate me until I’ve actually stopped smoking, okay?”

 

“But I’m proud of you.”

 

“But hearing you say things like that...”

 

“...Worried you won’t be able to keep it up? I know it’ll take time. I’m just glad that you’ve started. I’ll be here for you, okay?”

 

Yoongi just silently stared up at him before tugging him down into a kiss. He felt and heard the “I love you, too” that was spoken against his lips and just smiled into the kiss.