SANA

Things I wanted to do with you:

I wanted to be with you.

As in actually be standing next to you

In front of people

Holding your hand

Smiling warmly at you

 

We were limited

Confined

 Cramped in a space

Hiding from people we knew

Because we wanted this

Even if it meant being away from everyone else

Just for now

 

And because I love you

I still do

I'm sorry

- 8/5/17

 

.  .  .

3 MONTHS LATER

 

All my grades are surprisingly good, with the exception of chemistry. It was something my mom aced and could easily switch jobs into that field if she wanted to. Munching on a cold belgian waffle, I walk down the stairs, with a book in my hand. Scrunching my eyebrows I walk into the sophmore area, no one to be seen. I had been pretty sure homecoming decorations were going on, we were setting up all week.

I walked further realizing the football team dinner was being set up and it clicked. Seeing vague figures decorating right outside, I sighed of relief, happy that I didn't stay after school for no reason. 

I saw her first when I walked out. I felt those fluttering feelings, a nostalgic feeling as I trudged to the other side of the hallway and started to work with the others. Well, by working that meant continuing to read my book, because without a ruler I couldn't do anything. When you are cutting out stripes, you gotta be precise.

"I hope you know she was never embarassed by how you looked. She was never embarassed of you actually."

I glanced to my right and saw Chaeyoung there, cutting out letters. She felt my gaze, looked up and smiled at me. The type of smile that said it all. I know. 

I continued to read and once in a while would play around with some of the scrap lying around, this was the least productive day and I didn't know why I was just sitting there and doing zilch. I was the one stuck and behind while everyone moved forward. Sighing I mentally listed all the homework in my head and just relaxed my shoulders. 

Her. 

Her.

Her.

Her.

I smelled it. The perfume. I felt it. I clenched my jaw as I hardened my hold on the opened book, not daring to glance once. 

She was talking to Chaeyoung. They were joking around a bit. That conversation unfortunately didn't end soon enough, because I looked up once to immedietely again focus on the words placed in front of me. There were no chances of her even once looking at me. I was scum. I was blending in with the carpet.

She doesn't care. You are out of her memory. She's lost of them. it up. 

I was more conscious of my breathing and halted for a few seconds. When she left I muttered, "Run me over with a truck." It was more like a whisper. 

She's still goddamn beautiful.