When the smile and the good-bye happen at the same time, Jieun tries to stop her from letting out a tear. Is it supposed for her to apprehend this to be a good-term good-bye when he smiles?

But.

All of those ed-up emotions inside of Jieun have saturated her mind of colorless gaps. When people fall in love, they tend to colorize more. But, Jieun knows clearly in her mind that she’s still the same person who is madly in love. Then, why doesn’t she paint any color more now?

She doesn’t eat anything from her refrigerator, nor her favorite spicy rice cakes or from her favorite Chinese restaurant. When people fall in love, they tend to have more appetite. But, Jieun knows clearly in her mind that she’s still the same person who is madly in love. Then, why doesn’t she crave any more now?

She doesn’t feel like connected to the world, or the people who breath lively in the world. When people fall in love, they tend to appreciate the world more. But, Jieun knows clearly in her mind that she’s still the same person who is madly in love. Then, why is the world so intolerable to her now?

Ah, that person was her world.

And, she lost him.

<1>

“You should rest.” Inna pats her head.

Jieun still lies in the same position, on Inna’s lap, and closes her eyes, pretending that she didn’t hear what Inna just said. Maybe she’s trying to look strong as always whenever Inna’s around, just because her role is to be a little stronger sister who always swipes out the tears for the older one.

“Don’t tire yourself out alone. Just go somewhere else.”

Jieun turns her head to Inna, presenting a question without words. Where else should she go when even if she did, it probably wouldn’t help anything?

“Please Jieun. Just go.”

“Where?” Jieun heaves eventually.

“Anywhere far away from here, from Seoul.”

In a second, Jieun agrees with Inna that she doesn’t want to stay here, because everywhere here is haunting her with those good-turns-out-to-be-not-so-good memories. But, overall, she just doesn’t want to think of anything else.

(Just then, she never really thought she was going to pack her stuff briefly two days later just because she didn’t want to miss the flight, and to almost cause a big fight with her best friend.)

When Jieun is sure that Inna’s going to be at the airport with her, she once again loses the devotion to grant Inna the Reward of the Greatest Friend. Because right now, Jieun has to check-in alone with her messy suitcase on her worst look: briefly tied-broken-hair with a hat on, big white hoodie and ripped jeans in accompany with whatever-sneaker she picks on her way to the door. Worst, she almost curses out when she sees the destination on the ticket given by the ticket agent until she remembers that the person has nothing to be blamed for this. And now, she has to go to a place when nobody (she knows) is literally there, which later might turn out to be a good idea for her in some perspectives. At least, she knows that place well enough.

“Just this time, Inna.” She exhales every word through her teeth, puts the phone in the pocket and slowly walks in the security check hoping a week shall quickly pass.

<2>

When the noise of the announcement breaks out throughout the plane, Jieun finds herself waking up from a tired sleep. It gives her ugly headache, but the view from where she sits right now somehow heals her mind immediately. It should be one of the rare times she could see the proper color of what is in front her, which is always something Jieun misses when she left this place.

Jeju is always the same, with ceaseless breezes and nonstop waves. The moment she steps out of the door of the airplane, a familiar scent of the sea flows through her nose as if it was the same scent she’d been feeling on those days when she tried to hide in the beach alone from grief. Her grandma used to always mumble about that to the point Jieun used to wish that she could stop, but now if only Jieun could hear those words again.

She turns on her phone, looks for the direction of the place she’s supposed to stay, ‘booked by Yoo Inna’. Jieun at least feels not too bad for still being friends with this woman after being abandoned alone in this place. Spending time alone for several days could be wasted, but since she’s here, she should use it to make it as less wasted as possible.

How was it?

Inna’s text is short enough for Jieun to imagine her sarcasm.

Great.

Jieun throws away her phone after texting her best friend who tries to use that title to betray her and still to be forgiven.

But, after 10 minutes lying on the bed in a quiet room and looking out the window to observe the view, Inna once again breaks the silence of which Jieun is enjoying for the first time during this trip.

You can go to this café shop if you want.

And following that is an address, which probably refers to the café shop.

Jieun never likes coffee; she drinks tea, sometimes. But she had good experience with coffee, because that person always drinks coffee when he comes over. That’s weird, his habit becomes her habit, but not literally. He becomes, not the coffee though.

So, she excuses herself to claim that coffee might be her habit for this time, not him. But whatever she means, the fact that she misses him cannot be deniable.

<3>

Monsant Café.

The design fascinates Jieun when she arrives.

“The owner of this place must be rich and smart enough to rent a place like this.”

Jieun mumbles to herself and glares at the girls who tried to take photos with their selfie-sticks though the sun has almost gone. The coziness in mid-Spring catches her to wrap a big jacket around her body; and the coffee shop is literally standing right beside the seashore. For the first time, Jieun actually prefers having her long hair for covering her neck from getting frozen. Despite having a hard time to hide her soft body from the winds, Jieun is still surprised at the fact that people could forget about the coldness to have so much fun around the area. Well, she couldn’t deny the fact that the scenery in here is definitely flawless; besides, the sound of the water is a big plus.

She supposes that since it’s on Friday so it might be the reason for having many people spending time at a café. Isn’t it regular for normal people to spend time alone at a coffee shop? Jieun never experiences that, so she never knows how it feels like. She didn’t have time to go to a coffee shop alone just to enjoy before. Somehow, the idea of first experiencing a coffee shop alone excites her.

When she steps inside the building, the atmosphere is tragically opposite. The darkness covered most of it, neon lights brightens some of the spaces but not all of the guests. Jieun couldn’t tell if the shop is crowded inside, but the noise could somehow give her a guess. When she tries to look for a seat with less attention and more private, she finds one at the corner right away with the perfect view from the inside. Jieun wonders if someone recognizes her, but everything seems dark so she doesn’t mind. She’s good at hiding in the dark anyway.

<4>

When the stream of people are moving in and out of the store, Jieun still sits there with her coffee. Basically, she ordered a coffee, without sugar, and never touched it. She is observing the sea until she couldn’t see it anymore; then, she starts writing her diary. Sitting here with a coffee is like a trademark of her past relationship, waiting him to arrive at her house with a cup of coffee. She almost forgets that she has nothing to do with him anymore, and she almost texts him to ask when he’ll come to take his coffee. Coffee should be bitter, just like how her life is right now. Her life is already bitter, so she doesn’t think she needs more bitterness in her life.

Until the atmosphere is less packed, while still finding words to convey her feelings, a tiny sound from her phone suddenly shakes her off. It’s an unknown number. That’s rare, to have an unknown number texting her instead of calling her.

Why are you alone right now?

Jieun quickly turns her head around, as if to freak out because she thinks she got busted for some reasons. People who know about this freaking-vacation are only Inna and her two precious managers. And after being nagged despite the explanation of the evil-planner, they had promised not to tell anyone about this trip. And now, this creepy text message comes up out of nowhere, scares Jieun to death. She stands up stuffing her things inside the tote and moves quickly to the front door when someone suddenly shows up in front of her.

“Jieun-sshi?”

Jieun thought she was ruined, but when the figure becomes clearer in her eyes, she was stoned instead of processing her walk.

She wonders why she could see him very clearly, despite the fact that the place is so dark right now, with rare neon lights coming from some words on the wall.

“Sun.. Sunbaenim? What… are you doing here?”

When he smiles, she still feels fascinated although they had spent at least three weeks together for their past reality show, to be exact, one year ago. Probably, it is the feeling of standing too close to your idol, who is also quite charming.