Jinki came out of the bathroom while trying his best to remove every drop of water resting on his brownish black hair. He always prefered a quick shower before getting to his bed to say goodbye to another day of his life. It was still 9.30 pm. But, yeah.. it's Lee Jinki. Our lazy bunny boy who loves sleeping. He hung the now wet towel on the cloth hanger and went infront of the huge mirror in his room. 

"Aigoo, my chubby cheeks. I still have them. I'm glad"

He pinched both of his cheeks tightly which caused a dark pinkish mark when he released them. He looked at himself on the mirror. He looked... ok. Not just the same as before. Might have gained some weight or lost some. He didn't remember the last time he weighed himself. But yes, he was, ok. Same as the past days, that day also wasn't so terrible, but it wasn't so good either. It was another day he spent on Earth without any kind of an excitement or joy. But it wasn't so bad. For his relief, another day was going to end soon. 
He kept smiling at his own image on the mirror (like a silly old man?! Lol) with his cute little hidden dimples being shown to the outside, thinking about this and that. Then finally came to his normal senses. 
"My bed is waiting for me. I should get going"

The young man chuckled at his own jokes and quickly jumped in to his bed and slipped inside the blanket. It was warm and cozy. Something he needed the most at the moment. While snuggling inside seeking for some more warmth, he shut his eyes to start his dreamland. Five minuted passed. Ten minutes passed. But he wasn't sleeping. 

"Why aren't I sleepy today...?"

Jinki thought. He tried rolling left and right on the bed for a while, but it failed to give any good result. He covered his whole body from the blanket, but it only made him sweaty and too hot inside.

"Aish.. this isn't going to work"

He streched his arm to the bed side table and pressed the switch on button of the small table lamp. 

"Ting"

It went on and a slightly dimmed light made a small area around him lightened. He took his phone which was on the table and switched it on for the first time since he had his lunch. He wasn't busy. He didn't had any work. But he avoided himself from taking it to his hand just like everyday. His parents told him not to. His manager told him not to. Even s told him not to do so. 

'Maybe because they think I'll read things that I shouldn't read. See anything that I shouldn't see'. That's how he thought all the time. 
He was craving to play a video game and thought it was the perfect time since he wasn't sleepy at all. He was going to press on the Candy Crush icon on the phone when he saw a notification. He forgot about the game for a second and went on to check it out. It was an Insta post notification from Bumkeyk. Of course, our precious leadernim has post notifications on all s' accounts. The two famous accounts of Jonghyun and Kibum and Taemin's secret account (I'm sure Taeminnie has an account, both Insta and Twitter because of all the things he has been talking about here and there. Hahaha.. continue reading..). He's always telling Minho to make one too, but that proud minded guy never listens to him saying that he doesn't need one as he's there in every other persons' posts (Lol. He truly is. Hehe..). 

Jinki started to go through a process of thinking, whether to check it out or not. He so much wanted to know what s were upto since he didn't contacted any of them the whole day. But in the other hand, he was afraid of going online thinking that he'll look into some other things too. He bit his lower lip trying to make up his mind not to check it.

"WHATEVER!!"

He pressed on the icon and a moment later, a new Bumkeyk post was viewed on the phone. It was a slightly angled picture taken from a much longer distance with Kibum in a red shirt sitting on a bench looking away from the camera.

"Hehe.. It's Taeminnie's work I guess"

He thought while examining the picture more. Then he looked at the bottom of the post. There was a caption in Japanese.

"Miss you already..."

He read it in his mind. A wide smile appeared on his face. He felt so happy. But, what? Why couldn't he see it clearly? Is he getting sleepy finally? No wait.. A pool of tears started to fill his two eyes suddenly. It didn't took much time for the watery liquid to roll down his cheeks drop by drop and wet the top of his pyjama shirt. 

"Ugh.. not again..."

Jinki quickly rubbed his teary eyes and wipped his cheeks. He tried his best to build up his mind again. 

"Aigoo this kid missing his fans"

The usual cheerful singer grinned at the picture he was looking at. A second later, a mischievous idea came to his mind. He typed a something on the comment section.

"Me? Or your lil freaks?"

He was just about to post it when he felt something strange. A series of thoughts flowed inside his head. He feared. The fear of facing the truth and the reality that he was afraid of was still with him. He thought about the pathetic days that passed by without letting him smile as he did before. But it was all his fault. No one's to be blamed, but only him. It was how he thought. All the responsibilites he has on his shoulders, he didn't wanted to pass those to anyone and free his mind. That's the Lee Jinki we all know. 

He quickly cleared the letters he typed. 

"I shouldn't cause any trouble again..."

With a huge sigh, he kept his phone on the table again. Wait.. what about the video game Jinki-ah?? He didn't felt like playing it anymore. While keeping his arms behind his head on the pillow he looked at the ceiling above him. There wasn't anything new. Just the same black dots he counts everyday.

"Dirori!!"

It was from Kibum. Jinki had different tones for each of s. He grabbed the phone again and opened the message. A smiling Jinki was back again. A sincere smile.

"Miss you"

He didn't wasted any second to reply back.

"What? We met yesterday too. Hahah.."

"Hyung!! You're awake!!"

"Yeah.. I saw your post just now"

"Really? I thought you wouldn't"

"Why? Was that for me? Haha..."

"Yeah"

Silenced. He didn't really believed it. But why did he do that? He thought. He recieved another message.

"Hyung, do you remember that photo?"

"Um... no.."

"It was you who took it"

Another silence. Why did he felt guilty all of a sudden? What else has he forgotten? He thought again.

"Sorry Bummie"

"Hyung.. you don't have to say that"

"It's just.. everything feels like a dream. I don't know what to do"

"Hyung. It's time to forget about the things that happened"

"I know.."

"Did you checked out your Insta recently?"

"No.."

"When did you last did so?"

"I didn't Kibum. I rarely switch on my phone. You know that. And I know there won't be anything good. Maybe just some hateful comments"

He was truly heart broken. When did he became this much hopeless? Where did the positive minded Jinki go?

"Hyung, go see what's in there. You won't regret"

Jinki bit his lower lip slightly. What to do? He thought. Then without any second thought he opened his account and pressed on his last post to view it. He couldn't believe that it was almost 3 months old. As soon as the post came to his sight, he squeezed his small eyes shut. He scrolled down the post a bit, in which he thought he would be able to read the comments. Then he slowely opened his eyes praying god not to make him uneasy and regretful again. 
But then, he realized that everything he thought all this time was wrong.

"Miss you Onew oppa"

"We love you so much"

"Come back soon"

"We're waiting for you oppa"

"Good night. Have a nice dream"

"Take care"

Everything he saw was only filled with words of love. He couldn't believe his eyes. He loaded more and more comments. He read every short and long comment (or shall we call them Shawols' Love Letters? Hehe..). He even translated and read the ones he couldn't read. He read everything. Every fan has left atleast one heart. The beat of his heart raised every time when he read those lovely words. Then suddenly something stopped him.

"Smile always Jinki oppa"

He eventually smiled reading that very thing. Why do they love me this much? Do I deserve these things? Will I really smile again, one day? He thought.

He remembered the fun and happy times he and s shared before. He remembered shawols' screams when one of them do something stupid or weird at the concerts. He rememered how the five of them danced and sang their very best hearing all the cheers from shawols. His fans. s. He missed them so much.

"If only..."

He sighed. A long sigh of regretfulness left his soul. A day that will never leave his memory. Why can't I forget it? Why can't I go back to my normal self? They all love me and need me again. I shouldn't be this way. 

He closed the post and went straight to their group chat. 

Me              : I MISS YOU ALL!!!
Jonhyon    : Hyung??!! You aren't sleeping?!!
Ming           : Jinki hyung!!! 
Taeminnie : MISS YOU TOO HYUNG!! 
Bummie     : Miss you too, old man
Me              : I miss our fans too..
Ming           : Aigoo... they miss you too hyung
Taeminnie : Oh really Minho hyung? But how do you know? Haha..
Ming           : Shut up you brat!
Jonghyon  : Hyung, are you ok? Don't tell me you were staring at the ceiling again
Bummie     : No he didn't
Jonhyon    : Wait.. WHAT? How do you know?! Are you two together right now?
Bummie    : Are you mad Kim Jonghyun??
Taeminnie : Stop that now you two mad people!!
Ming           : Lee Taemin!! They're older than you, you brat!!
Taeminnie : Shut up, Choi Minho
Ming          : WHAT??!! Really Taemin!! You need to know how to respect
Bummie    : Stop it you two
Ming          : You stop it!!
Jonhyon    : Hyung!! Teach these kids how to talk properly as soon as possible. It's you who spoilt all of them
Bummie    : Look who's talking like the most decent man on earth
Taeminnie : Yah yah! Did we scared Jinki hyung again? Where is he?
Ming          : Jinki hyung?? Where are you?
Jonhyon   : Don't tell us you have fallen asleep again
Bummie    : JINKI HYUNG!!!! 

No. He wasn't sleeping. He was chuckling all the time reading the messages appearing on the group chat of a five mad people in which the world called as SHINee. Those four people that he loved and cared the most. Their little family. He realized that he should never think that he didn't belonged there. He always belongs to that family.

Me              : I'm here guys
Ming           : Oh thank god. I thought you've already gone to sleep
Taeminnie : Where were you hyung?
Me              : I just went to the bathroom
Bummie    : Hyung? Are you ok? You aren't sick, right?
Me              : No no Bummie. I'm ok
Jonhyon    : I knew you went to the bathroom
Bummie    : Shut up you liar
Taeminnie : Guys guys, we need to add our fans to this chat to complete our family. Don't you all think so?
Ming          : Seriously??!! Taeminnie, are you ok? Did someone hit you on the head?
Taeminnie : No I'm completely fine
Me              : Omo Taeminnie!! That's a great idea. Then we can call this as SHINee World instead of SHINee's World
Bummie    : Wow hyung. You too??!!
Jonhyon    : I can't believe I'm friends with these two dumb heads. Seriously??
Taeminnie : Why? It would be awesome
Bummie     : Well, we can add a fansite-nim for each of us as representatives for all other shawols
Ming           : Kibummie?? Not you too!! Are you all mad??!!
Jonhyon    : Minho-ah, I guess it's just the two of us that has something called a brain
Me              : Hey, it can be done guys
(Jonhyon went offline) 
(Ming went offline)
Bummie    : What?? Did they leave just now??
(Bummie went offline)

Taeminnie : Yah!! I hate you all
Me              : Calm down Taeminnie
Taeminnie : I'm going hyung. I only love you. Good night. Sleep well
Me              : You too, sleep well. Love you too
(Taeminnie went offline)

"Well well. I guess I've to sleep now"

He smiled again at their messy chat and closed it. 

"Dirori!"

"Bummie?! Isn't he sleeping yet?"

Jinki thought. He opened the message quickly.

"Let's go on a date tomorrow. It's been a while"

He grinned.

"Ok. I'm on, my sweet little boyfriend"

"Yah!! I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND, LEE JINKI!!"

"Hahaha... It's easy to tease you"

"Ha ha. Very funny. Good night old man. Sleep tight"

"Good night Bummie. By the way, thank you. You know why, right?"

"I know. I know. I'm sleepy. Bye bye hyung"

"Bye bye"

"You always belong to SHINee World, Jinki hyung. Never forget that. Love you"

I love you all too. My dearest members and our lovely fans. He thought. He felt relieved and happy after a long while. Maybe the first time in nearly two months. He realized that he should try to get over everything now. So that SHINee World will be completed again. The space that no one wants to cover. The emptiness that was there in everyone's hearts. He has to fill that up again. That's the only way he could be happy again. He realized that he should be there.

"...I thought I could withstand any kind of hardships if I'm with these friends. There was a time when I was asked whether I would choose to be SHINee again if I were to reborn and I replied, half in jest, half in earnest, that I would if it consisted with these members..."
                                                                             (GQ Korea October 2016 Interview - Onew)

Hello everyone. I hope you enjoyed it. It's something I wrote half happily and half worried. I hope our Jinki is ok now. I want to see him smiling again soon. I don't know when that day will come. But till then I'm always going to wait for him. My happy vitamin, come back soon. I miss you so much...

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