It was a nice Monday morning. The windows were open letting the cool breeze of spring and the sun rays hit the sun-kissed tan of a sleeping figure by the couch. There’s no noise aside from the birds chirping and the weather forecast from a TV that was forgotten to turn off. The alarm clock started to ring and Taehyung in his deep slumber groans as he tried to reach the phone that was sat atop the coffee table that was just across the couch, falling off in the process as he snoozed the damn phone.

 

 

“You’re doing it again.” A voice said.

 

 

Taehyung tried to go back to his comfortable position. His limbs dangling off on the medium-sized couch. He could never be comfortable sleeping in there but he got used to it. Ever since that day, he hadn’t slept in his bed.

 

 

“Taehyung wake up! You’d be late for class.” said the way too familiar voice.

 

 

“Taehyuuuung!” the voice that’s now obviously shouting at his ear comes around. He sighs and mumbles a 5 more minutes.

 

“No, you’re getting up young man. The last time I let you sleep for five more minutes you didn’t budge when I tried to wake you. So get up now.”

 

 

Taehyung let out a huff of annoyance and squints at the bright light, opening an eye to look up at a Kim Jisoo staring back at him, pouting while her arms are crossed.

 

 

“Okay okay, I’m up.” He begrudgingly dragged his self in the bathroom.

 

“That’s good because I don’t want you to be late in your Philosophy class. Especially now that Professor Choi seems to understand you now.”

 

Taehyung has only attended his classes just recently. He had been missing on a lot of lectures but fortunately, his professors were kind enough to give him the materials he needed to catch up on. And that’s what he’s been doing lately, drowning his self with studying so he could forget.

 

 

“I know.” Taehyung replied back as he squeezes a toothpaste on his toothbrush. He turns back around to look at Jisoo. “And why are you still following me? I’m going to shower.”

 

 

“Oh right.” Taehyung chuckled at a flustered Jisoo who scrambled to get outside of the room.

 

 

After finishing his shower he went inside of his room to get some fresh clothes. He only ever goes inside his room when he needed to get some clothes, notes, or books, but he never stays there long enough to sleep. Taehyung slips on a black shirt and tops it off with a peach-colored cardigan. He then chose to wear a pair of ripped denim jeans. After blow-drying and combing his hair then getting his things, practically shoving his books and notebook inside his bag, his wallet on his pocket and phone on his other hand, he then slipped on a pair of sneakers and locked his apartment. He didn’t have to look at his back to see Jisoo following in tow.

 

They walk silently side by side as they waited for his bus to arrive. Jisoo keeps looking at him and whenever he catches her she’d look away.

 

“What?” he inquired. A couple of corporate worker who were standing beside him looked at him puzzled but he didn’t mind them. Instead he is looking at Jisoo who’s looking anywhere but him.

 

“Nothing. You look good today.” Instead of answering, Taehyung smiled his signature box grin. He felt elated, getting a compliment from someone he so adore.

 

 

 

 

➿

 

 

 

 

The rest of the day went uneventful. He is back at his old self, or at least he thinks he’s getting there. His classmates and friends are still wary but they’re considerate enough not to bring up the matter. 

 

 

“J-jeongguk”, a small voice beside him whispers. Taehyung halted in his tracks. 

 

 

Leaning just beside the wall waiting for him is his bestfriend, Jeongguk. He likes him, really. He treats him like his younger brother. But he’s one of the last few persons he wanted to see. 

 

Jeongguk stares at him seemingly a deer caught in a headlight. He sighs. He really didn’t wanna talk to anyone right now. He feels bad but he’s not in the mood for it all. He turns the other way around and was just about to leave when a hand clutches at his sleeves. It was of Jisoo.

 

 

“Stop running away, Taehyung. Please talk to him.”

 

 

Right as he was about to shrug it off. Jeongguk catches up to him and is now in front of him.

 

 

“Tae-hyung.”

 

 

He sighs. It will really be a long day. An emotional one at that and he’s not mentally prepared for this.

 

 

“Just say whatever you want. Make it quick.”

 

 

Jeongguk looks down. He’s guilty at a fault. He has played a part of what happened too and he wishes he could turn back time and change it.

 

 

“I’m sorry.” There are now tears streaming down his wide doe eyes. 

 

 

“I’m sorry for lying. For covering it up. I’m sorry.” His sobs are causing Taehyung’s heart to tighten. He’s always had a soft spot for his younger friend but this will never be enough. Being sorry will never bring back a life lost. He clenches his fist while he tries to hold back his tears.

 

 

“Why did you do it? Why did you lie to me?” 

 

 

Jeongguk looks up at him.

 

 

“You won’t understand, hyung. It’s the only way he’d look at me.”

 

 

That was the last straw for Taehyung. It’s as if he didn’t pour out all of his soul to Jeongguk while he cry at how miserable this unrequited love makes him feel.

 

 

“Cut your bull. I understand perfectly how it is to crave the attention of the only person who won’t look at you the same.” He is now fuming. He hates people doubting his feelings. He is hurt too. Why can’t they see that?

 

 

The younger male looks down as he hold his hands.

 

 

“I’m sorry. It’s just that... when hyung asks me to do things for him, I felt important, I felt like he needed me, I felt like a dependable person. You of all people know how much he matters to me,” the younger male sobs. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have still done that. Every night it kills me that I’ve played a part on someone’s demise. It has been weighing me down and it kills me.”

 

 

 

Taehyung’s anger simmers down. In one way or another, Jeongguk is just like him. They’ve known each other, have known each other’s problem and concerns, have depended on each other for a long time. He pities him and he pities his self too. They’ve always stucked with each other because they’re the same. 

 

 

 

Jeongguk didn’t have a father figure. He doesn’t even know what his biological father looked like. His mother remarried when he was still very young, and even then, his new father doesn’t seem to like him. He only have his older step brother to look after him. He has always been his older brother’s shadows. They were fine at first, he follows him everywhere. He studies well because his brother does well at school too. His friends would jokingly tell them that he has a brother complex and his own brother would too but it’s okay because ‘Jeonggukie will always be my adorable little brother and we’ll always be together forever’ until it is not the case anymore.

 

 

 

His older brother dropped out of school as he has taken interest with music. He has newer cooler older friends he hanged out with too but ‘Gukkie can’t come because you’re still not an adult’. His brother comes home late, then infrequently, and up til he stopped coming home altogether. 

 

 

 

He tried so hard to fill the emptiness his brother left. He tried so hard to do well and divert those frustrations to his academics, sports, and extracurricular activities. He did well at everything but his parents won’t even blink an eye as they’re always out of business trips. In the end, he’s left alone. He didn’t have someone he could rely on or congratulate him for his achievements. He feels invalidated and feel so little of himself. That‘s when he met Taehyung. 

 

 

 

Taehyung became his bestfriend and somewhat an older brother. He follows him around to the point where one won’t be there without the other. They become joined by the hip. They share a lot of common things together, be it hobby, music, and likes. 

And it’s really eating him up that he betrayed his bestfriend. He betrayed his bestfriend for his own brother. Because whatever may happen, his loyalty stays with his older brother.

 

 

 

His sobs are choking him up as he realizes just how horrible he is as a person. Taehyung sighs as he pulls the younger male towards him and rubs circle on his back.

 

 

“I’m sorry Taehyung.” he says between his sobs, again and again.

 

 

 

It may take time to go back to how they are but Taehyung knows a time will come and he’ll be able to forgive him.

 

 

 

 

➿

 

 

 

Jeongguk has considerably calmed down as they part ways. Taehyung had told the younger male that they’ll be back to how they were again but maybe it’d take time. He promised to keep in touch and the younger male was visibly relieved.

 

 

As he was on his way home, he ponders on the last thing Jeongguk told him.

 

 

“You should check up on Seokjin hyung.” 

 

 

He stopped on his tracks. He didn’t want to meet Seokjin because it would make it seem real for him. He didn’t want to face the truth.

 

 

“Taehyung.” He turned to look at Jisoo. 

 

 

“I think you should listen to Gguk. I wanted to see him too.”

 

 

“Have you forgotten what happened?” Taehyung didn’t mean to raise his voice. He is just upset and maybe scared — scared that this is indeed the reality, the world he has to live in without Kim Jisoo.

 

 

“But isn’t it the purpose to this? Of why I’m still here?” countered Jisoo.

 

 

He couldn’t look at Jisoo any longer as she pleads with her eyes. He knows deep inside that he’s been living with lies. He’s lying to himself. He knows she isn’t real. But everytime he looks at her, it makes him yearn for those eyes to only look at him, the reality he’s always been dreaming of.

 

 

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Lol I’m sorry for this ty update. You guys have commented that I should update and I seriously would have done that but I got busy with exams and stuffs. I have this draft sitting on my notes for a long time. I may or may not have forgotten what the whole story was about. I’m sorry if it’s too cringey. I‘ll try to update as soon as I can. Thank you for the subs! ^^