YOU ARE NEVER ALONE

“Oh my, what a beautiful boy.” A young mother laid in her bed, cradling a little bundle of joy wrapped in a blue blanket. The little boy had his eyes closed, seemingly asleep, or maybe he just wasn’t able to open his eyes yet. Thin tus of hair cling to his head as he moved a little in the blanket. His mother planted a kiss on his forehead and eyed her son. Oh gosh, what a handsome little man..
“aunty! Let me see him!!”
“Stop pushing!! dad! Jina is being mean!” at which jongin, the father of the new born, snickered.
“Girls,” their father pushed  the two young girls away from each other and held their hands. “Don’t be rude. I know you want to see your brother but pushing around is not going to bring you two any closer to him.”
“Yes daddy.”
“Oh, sweetheart, he’s absolutely perfect. He’s so handsome.” The young mother smiled as she leaned her head against the hospital bed. She was tired, and who wouldn’t be after 5 hours of labor? But when she held her dear son in her arms, she felt like it was all worth it.
“He is, isn’t he?” jongin smiled."i am so glad you made it with your daughter's kyungsoo" the young mother said.
the other man smiled and said, “What shall we name him?”
“I have no idea.”
“How about minseok?”
“minseok…” the mother pondered for a while. “That sounds lovely.”
“Alright then! Girls, say hello to your baby brother, minseok.” said Do kyungsoo, jongin's best friend.
“HI minsokkie!!” The girls squealed and climbed onto their aunty’s bed. Jongin’s wife laughed.
Jongin and Kyungsoo stood near the hospital bed observing the bunch. Now when jongin looks back at the time gone by, he knows he was never left alone....
**************************************
Baby Jongin was the only boy in a group of three siblings. His elder sisters, lina and minee couldn’t help showing  their baby brother to their friends. From early on, Jongin is definitely the star of the family, with family members and friends ringing their doorbells with baby gifts and words of congratulations.
It was late one night as Jongin’s mother cradled the little darling. She sang him a sweet lullaby as the baby’s eyelids flutter close. He smiled at his mother before dreamland took him in. Jongin’s mother kissed his little nose and placed him in his little crib. She straightened out his legs and placed his favourite Pororo blanket over him.
My baby darling. Mommy’s here. I will protect you for as long as I can. I won’t ever let anything hurt you. Mommy loves you so much. Jongin turned in his sleep, almost as if he heard his mother’s words. Jongin’s mother smiled and kissed her handsome little prince one last time before she closes the door.
As the moonlight shone in and the little toys in his room stand tall, as if protecting the baby in the crib, Jongin dreamt his first dream of colours, candy, and rainbows.
He was a lucky boy, he truly was.
***************
By the time Jongin started walking, he could already start running. When he learned how to talk, he learned how to squeal. Jongin took after his dad, so his skin was much tanner than other kids his age. He was even tanner than his sisters. One day, Jongin’s mother invited her friends over. One of her friends brought her own, just a year older than Jongin.
“Here you go Kyungsoo,” she called. “Say hello to Jongin.”
“Hello. I’m Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo walked over to Jongin. Jongin clutched his Pororo doll and stared at the boy before. Wow, he must be really smart; he even knows how to talk in a full sentence.
“Jongin, say hello.”
“H…hello.”
Jongin’s mother laughed. “Jongin, why don’t you let Kyungsoo play with you? Mommy has friends over today.”
“Kyungsoo, go play with Jongin, and be nice to him, okay?”
The two boys were left alone as their mothers walked away to the kitchen. Jongin sat down, his weak legs still not good enough to support him fully. He started playing with his Pororo doll. Kyungsoo sat down next to him, wondering why the tan kid isn’t talking. Maybe he hasn’t learnt how to talk yet?
Kyungsoo put his hand on Pororo’s head and tried to pull the doll. Jongin squealed in response and before you know it, he let out a huge bawl.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
“Jongin!” Jongin’s mother came rushing in and picked up her baby boy, who was still crying. “Oh, don’t cry angel…shhh…”
“Kyungsoo! What did you do?” his mother asked him, but Kyungsoo shook his head, pointing to the fallen doll. He picked up the doll and pulled Jongin’s mother’s pants leg. She let Jongin down, who was still crying and rubbing his little eyes. Kyungsoo handed the doll over to Jongin. Jongin peeked up at the older boy, and took his doll back, still sniffing away.
“Now Jongin, Kyungsoo gave you back the doll. He doesn’t mean any harm; you have to share, okay?”
“S….sher…”
“Yes, baby, share.” Jongin walked towards the older boy and handed his toy over. Kyungsoo put a hand on the toy’s head and smiled.
The two of them played with the toy, making incoherent noises with their mouths and mumbling a mix of baby talk and actual words before they fell asleep on the sofa, exhausted from playing so much.
And so begins a friendship that would last forever.
***********
Jongin sat in his mother’s lap as she started singing a little song for him. He was  glad for his mother’s attention.
That night, as Jongin was tucked into bed with his mother moving his bangs across his forehead, Jongin sat there looking at his mother.
“Mommy.” He called.
“Yes, baby?”
Jongin couldn’t talk yet, but he stood up to give Mommy a hug. Mommy didn’t say much, she just smiled and kissed his little nose.
He fell asleep that night, in his mother’s arms where he heard a silent promise by his mom of never leaving him alone. 
********************
Jongin was afraid of his father. His dad was strict and tough, the definite disciplinarian of the house. He would never let his kids get in trouble, and Jongin remembered the way his dad yelled at his elder sister lina for cheating in a test. It felt like the whole house shook everytime he opened his mouth.
Gee, I wish daddy would stop yelling. He yells so much he’s losing all his hair.
Jongin was one of the first few to notice that his dad was losing hair. But by the time he could do anything or tell anyone about it, he would wake up the next day and see that his father is no longer there.
He found his mother crying and his sisters weeping. He couldn’t understand it. He went to his parent’s room and found his dad lying on the bed.
He called for daddy, but there was no response. He touched him, but there was no response either.
D…daddy doesn’t want to play with me?
His daddy’s body felt cold and his eyes were always closed. After a while, Jongin knew something was wrong.
Da…daddy…
Jongin just had his first taste of death. And it wouldn’t be his last and he might be left alone. There was an unsaid fear in his heart. 
***************
Few Years  later his father passed away, Jongin grew into a tall, handsome 15-year old. Ever since his father passed away, Jongin started dancing as a past time. He found it therapeutic at first, but then it became more than that. He made a new friend, Taemin, and they would dance along the streets, or in the subway stations or even just in school hallways for fun.
Kyungsoo was also a very good friend of his. Kyungsoo liked studying, so his grades were always higher than Jongin’s. He tutored him for many subjects and they enjoy hanging out after that, watching movies and eating ice cream.
Jongin’s passion for dance overwhelmed him. He wanted to do nothing more than dance. He hung out with Taemin more often and spent more and more hours dancing. He started skipping classed to head out to the streets. His grades slipped, and his mother was worried.
“Jongin, why did you get a D in history?”
“What do you mean why? I can’t get a D?” Jongin grumbled as his mother held his report card.
“I thought Kyungsoo was tutoring you?”
“Oh, I haven’t hung out with Kyungsoo in a while.”
“Why’s that?”
“I’m hanging out with Taemin.”
“Taemin? Who’s he?”
“Just a friend.”
“A friend I have obviously never met before, I guess. What have you guys been doing?”
“Mom, stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop asking me so many questions! Just leave me alone!”
“Jongin, I do not like where this is going. Your grades have been slipping, your mind is not focused what is up with you?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Jongin…”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Jongin yelled for the last time and slammed his bedroom door.
Mum would never understand. She’ll just tell me that dance is a waste of time, that I shouldn’t spend so much time on it and I should just go to college.
Poor Jongin’s mother was heartbroken at her son’s response. What is wrong with my son?
But she had no time to think. She had to go to her second job at the restaurant. Ever since her husband died, she had to work two jobs to support her family. She must go, before she is late.
She will deal with her son later.
Oh Jongsuk, I wish you were here. I miss you so much, his mother thought after her dead husband. 
*************
Times passed and nothing has changed. Jongin’s love for dancing grew, if that was even possible, and so did his love for the fast life. Being young and famous (in school at least) as well as handsome and hot was definitely the life for him. Girls swarmed around him and Taemin as they entered the school compound. He enjoyed the attention they lavished on him and would switch from girlfriend to girlfriend at least twice a week.
Kyungsoo didn’t enjoy this. He didn’t enjoy his childhood friend become such a playboy. He didn’t like the way Jongin broke girl’s hearts, especially, his own mother’s. He always remembered jongin's mother telling him, "kyungsoo baby, please take care of jongin,always."
“Jongin, where are you going after this?” Kyungsoo asked his friend as they sat down for dinner together in a restaurant. Kyungsoo has just spent 3 hours tutoring him Maths, but something tells him it will lead to nothing.
“I’m meeting Taemin downtown. We’re gonna go clubbing.”
Kyungsoo spat out his drink. “Clubbing?! But you’re under aged! How can you do this?! What time do you plan on returning home?”
“Dunno. Somewhere between 1 and 2 in the morning.”
Kyungsoo felt like he could punch someone. “Jongin, why are you doing this? You know your mother will worry.”
“Sure, she will.”
“This isn’t funny Jongin. I’m serious. She works two jobs to support you and this is the payment she gets?!”
“Yeah, all to send my sister to beauty school and another to England to study.”
“Jongin…” Kyungsoo groaned. “Please think about this. Your mother would gladly support your dance aspirations as well.”
“Fat chance. All she cares about is grades. ‘Oh lina you did so well!’ ‘Oh minee I’m so proud of you!’ She has never said anything like that to me before!”
“Most likely because you have never done anything to make her proud.” Kyungsoo muttered. “Jongin, have you ever told her what you wanted to do.”
Jongin looked up, but didn’t reply.
“You didn’t?! Then how do you expect her to support your ambitions if she doesn’t even know what they are?!”
No reply.
“Jongin, I don’t want to be mean, but trust me, you will never know what you have until it’s gone. You will live to regret this Jongin, trust me.”
Jongin just ate his meat quietly. As the meat sank into his stomach, so did Kyungsoo’s words. Kyungsoo is his childhood friend, the one he can run to whenever he has problems, the one he tells all his secrets to, eveything not even Taemin knows.
Besides, Kyungsoo is a smart kid, so he must know what he is talking about, right?
After dinner, Jongin decided to go home instead of meeting with Taemin. He saw his mother in the living room, massaging her own aching shoulders. Jongin’s heart paused for a minute, before he picked up his steps and walked towards her.
“Mom, let me.” He massaged his mother’s sore shoulders.
“Why…thank you son.”
Jongin didn’t know why, but it seemed like his mother aged a lot. The way the white hairs seemed to duplicate in numbers and her skin getting
wrinkled. His heart broke a little to see his mother like this. Kyungsoo was right. His mother struggled for her family, but all Jongin seems to be doing is
giving her even more struggle.
“How’s school dear?”
“Mom, I have something to tell you.” Jongin started telling his mother about his dreams. He wants to become a dancer. His friend Taemin went for all these auditions and he passed. He might become a star. Jongin wants to do the same.
“Jongin, I had no idea this was what you wanted.”
“You supported lina and minee. I just only wish you would do the same for me too.”
His mother gave him a small smile. She ran a hand through her son’s dark hair. “Of course I will angel. Nothing but the best for you.”
“You will mom?!” Jongin gave his mother a huge hug. He couldn’t believe his mother agreed. He couldn’t believe he had her approval.
It suddenly felt like that was all he ever needed in the first place.
*****************
A few weeks later, Jongin dragged Kyungsoo to the auditions for SM Ent. Kyungsoo didn’t really want to go, but Jongin forced him.
“You are coming with me!”
“Jongin! Why??!!” Kyungsoo whined.
“Because you are here to support me! Plus, you have an awesome voice, you should audition too! Can you imagine how much fun it would be if we both got in?”
“Yeah, just so you can hang out with Taemin more often.”
Kyungsoo grumbled.
“Taemin? What’s this about Taemin?” Jongin said, his face down and crestfallen. “I was thinking about us.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s be great if we could be you know…friends forever.” Jongin said. Kyungsoo felt his breath stop. Jongin has no idea what he just said. He has no idea how kyungsoo really thought about the exact things.
“Just say you will try with me.”
“Okay, Jongin, just for you.”
“Thanks kyung!!” Jongin hugged his best friend. “You are the best!”
They walked into the building arm in arm, and exited with their arms in the air, screaming excitedly.
“WE MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!” The two boys sang at the top of their lungs. They couldn’t imagine how it was even possible. It was like a dream come true.
“I can’t wait to go home and tell mom! Our troubles are over! Once I become famous, I can buy her everything she needs!”
“I’ll come with you!” Kyungsoo said and they walked back to Jongin’s place together. Once they arrived, the apartment was found to be empty.
“That’s funny, mom should be here.”
“Maybe she’s late.”
And late she was indeed. The clock struck 7 and then 8. Countless calls and messages aerwards
and still no news. Suddenly, the phone rang.
“Is this Kim Jongin?”
“Yes.”
“This is Seoul National Hospital.” The hospital?
“Your mother, Park Miyun, has just gotten into a car accident. She is admitted in our hospital. I suggest you come by quickly.”
“My mother? How is she?! Is she gonna be okay?!”
The nurse on the other line held her breath. “We hope so. We are doing our absolute best to help her.”
But sometimes the best is never enough.
That night, Jongin returned home with his sister, lina. They sobbed in each other’s arms as Kyungsoo followed them back. He helped make a call to minee in England, asking her to come back.
He didnt want his mother to leave him But she did. Unfortunately she did.
*************
Jongin paid an awfully hard price for all of his rebellious actions. The next day, he found himself alone in an empty apartment. Well, it wasn’t completely empty. His sisters were around, but something was terribly missing.
Mommy…
He dragged his feet to the kitchen, where his sisters were making breakfast. They made him a bowl of porridge. They sat down at the table, eating it quietly. Jongin eyed an empty spot. He imagined his mother’s so face and small smile, smiling at him and asking him to eat his meal.
A teardrop of his fell into the porridge without him noticing.
The funeral was quiet and small. Taemin came to visit him, but he left after a little while. “Sorry buddy, but I got a big audition today. I’m finally going to become a star!”
“Congrats, my friend.” Jongin smiled weakly. Truthfully, he didn’t have the energy or the spirit. Perhaps it’s best if his friend just left.
“Jongin.” Kyungsoo called upon his arrival. He gave his friend a hug and paid his respects.
“I’m so sorry.” Kyungsoo apologized for the umpteenth time.
“Don’t be.” Jongin sighed. “I’m glad you are here.”
“I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”
“Kyungsoo…”
“I’ll be here. No worries.” Kyungsoo said, holding Jongin’s hand.
The funeral ended. The day was over and everyone headed home, except for Kyungsoo. He followed Jongin home. He made sure his friend managed to shower and change. He made him some soup and made his bed.
Everything jongin's mother used to do.
“You know Kyungsoo,” Jongin told his best friend. “You told me a long time ago, that I never knew what I had until it was gone, and that I would live to regret it.”
“I did.” Kyungsoo answered quietly.
“I only knew how much she meant to me after I let her go.” He started crying. “If only…”
Kyungsoo wrapped an arm around his best friend and let him cry slowly.
He patted his head and sighed deeply into his ear, making comforting motions on his back.
That night, Kyungsoo spent the night over, crying with arms wrapped around his best friend as his best friend cried himself to sleep.
Life is full of “if only”. If only this, if only that…the only time people ever say that is when they truly regret something.
Kyungoo told jongin later, "Jongin, I can’t tell you she will come back, but I can at least tell you things will get better. I'll always be there for you, Jongin. I'll face the world with you. Lets be together till the end. I may not take aunty's place in your life but i'll make sure you succed in your life just like aunty wanted... Best Friends Forever ."
******************************
Kyungsoo nudges Jongin out of his thoughts as he gives him a questionable look . Jongin shakes his head smiling as he gives a meaningful look to Kyungsoo pointing towards their family. Kyungsoo smiles and nods as the same thought reels through his head............
kyungsoo baby, please take care of jongin,always.....
Jongin knows that till this day , he was anything, but alone. Everyone didnt leave his side how he had feared. He always had special people to guide him through darkness.

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