I have been waiting for this moment for the better part of the year, or even longer... I've been waiting for this my whole life. The cliche made me grin ruefully, distracting me from thoughts of turning tail and running out of the airport.

I looked around the crowd... and there he was, standing up slowly with a wide grin on his face. All the trepidation and outright terror I was feeling vanished as my feet propelled me slowly toward him. At last, I was standing in front of him, looking up his height into his deep, dark eyes.

He uttered one word: my name. Next thing I knew I was sniveling like a kid into his chest, repeating his name over and over again. In his low, gravelly voice, he whispered soothingly into my ear, his hand rubbing soothing circles on my back. I felt his lips touch my crown softly and thanked everything for how real the moment was.

At last I drew away, grinning like a fool. "You look weird," he said teasingly. I laughed, which was a little incongruous considering how much I was bawling just seconds before.

"I know, so much for knocking your socks off first time you saw me, right?" I surreptitiously wiped at my eyes and blew my nose into some Kleenex.

I let my eyes eat up the sight of him. He was so tall, and the way he held me made me feel delicate and secure. Loved, even. His hair was even more unruly than I thought, and his eyes crinkled adorably.

"What are you looking at?" he demanded, but his smile took the sting out of his tone.

"I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how I got your shirt all snotty and crap."

He laughed out loud, and I felt my heart skip. "That's not just some ploy to get me to take my clothes off, right?"

I punched his shoulder. "Jeez, man, I'll let you keep your maidenly virtue." Out of its own volition my right hand wandered up into his hair and ruffled it. "As mussable as I thought it would be." Shyness forgotten, I drew his head down, went on tiptoe and kissed his forehead. "I'm so glad you're here at last."

He looked down at me and ruffled my own hair, a gentle smile lingering on his lips. "You know what, Key? So am I." With that, he took my hand and led me out into the morning sun.

 ***

It felt so good to be walking with him this way... him towering by my side even though I wasn't wearing flats, my hand feeling engulfed in his warm, big one. He caught me looking down at our entwined fingers and remarked, "You know what? Your hands are way too small for someone your size."

"My hands, sir, are not small. They're dainty. And I resent the implication." I stuck my tongue out at him and he chuckled.

"I knew your hands would be dwarfed by mine, but I had no idea your fingers would look so fragile. Even your wrist. See?" He encircled my wrist with thumb and index finger, and then proceeded to entwine his fingers with mine.

I smiled and said nothing. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to be walking with our hands joined, and I hoped he felt exactly the same way.

"Key?" I inwardly shivered with the thrill of him calling me by the pet name he gave me.

"Hmmm?"

"A dime for them?"

"I would think my thoughts cost a lot more than that."

"You like me, so you'll tell me for free. What are you thinking?"

I laughed. "Like you really wanted to know. Hey!" I yelled as he pinched my cheek.

"Crazy girl. Like I would ask if I didn't." He rolled his eyes, making me grin wider.

"Tell me what you're thinking first."

"Why should I? I asked you first."

"Well, if you really wanted to know what I'm thinking, you'd tell me what you are." I grinned as I extended our word play, just like we used to do in the past.

"Nothing. I was just thinking how perfect this moment is."

I sharply glanced up at him to see his reaction, seeing nothing but a small smile playing around his mouth. I was surprised and touched by his response, but I downplayed its effect on me with humor. "If I didn't know you any better, I'd swear you were serious."

He quirked up an eyebrow. "Who's saying I wasn't?" Before I realized what he was up to he leaned down and brushed a light kiss on my forehead.

I cleared my throat in a desperate attempt to keep my composure. "Wow. That's about as romantic as kissing your grandma."

He affected an injured expression. "Hey. You're the one who kept on making me feel like an old man with the quality of kisses you've been throwing around. Lame, man."

He then caught my hand as I swatted his shoulder and suddenly pulled me in for a tight hug. "Yup," he murmured in my ear. "Perfect."

My inner diatribe at the lack of romance abruptly stopped.

***

"No, we're not going to dinner yet so better tell your stomach to behave," he said with a smile full of mischief. He's probably up to something, and he looked so adorable I didn't know whether I wanted to smack his head or kiss him until we're both dizzy.

"You're going to starve me?" I asked with a pout. "Am a bit hungry." I watched as he steered the vehicle deftly through rush-hour traffic. "Are you sure you've been away from this country for the past seven years?"

He grinned. "You, kid, are a horrible driver, so driving like this is inconceivable to you. And you're always hungry."

"Kid?!? I'm older than you are, turd." Then I slumped back against my seat. "I'd contradict you on the other two counts, but I can't," I grumbled in defeat.

"Don't worry, I'll do the driving for us."

I chuckled. "Ah ain't gonna offer mah services, babe."

He laughed. " Good. I wasn't going to take you up on it if you did, anyway. I'd like to go back to the States in one piece, if that's ok with you."

We settled into a companionable silence for a while. Then he spoke up. "Now what?"

"Now what, what?"

"I could hear the wheels in your head creaking. Krrrrk.... krrrrkkk..."

"Haha! A little rusty, barely used, needs oiling?"

He rolled his eyes. "Hold the little, babe."

"Hey." I leaned against the backrest, facing him. "I was just wondering..."

"What?"

I carefully lifted his sleeve, baring the multi-colored tribal tattoo just above his elbow. "So that's what the band looks like. I didn't think I'd say this about an ink job, but looks like the pain's worth it. It's beautiful." I lightly ran my fingertips over the pattern, then snatched my hand back when I realized what I was doing.

He sharply glanced at my direction, but his voice was teasing when he spoke up. "And here I thought you've seen it all and nothing scares you anymore. What if you saw the mean dragon on the other side?"

"Me, scared?" I scoffed. I leaned closer to his arm, seemingly to observe the pattern more closely. Then I whispered. "I did tell you before..."

I felt him pause for a moment before replying, "Remind me."

I shot him a wicked smile. "That I would kiss this ink job when I get the chance."

He looked down at me with a glint in his eyes, silently challenging me. "Do you dare?" With a small smile, I let my head sink toward his upper arm...then pulled back with a loud laugh. "I still think you should have gone for Tweety." My pulse was ringing so loudly over my ears, I almost missed the impatient honk of the car behind us. And his momentary silence before his guffaws joined mine.

Nope. I didn't dare.

Kim Gwiboon, you coward.

***

"Gwiboon-ah, I have something to tell you."

I looked at the screen expectantly. "Hmmm?"

"You can spend our Christmas fund now."

My mind went blank. I was quiet for the next few minutes. With shaking hands I replied with one word. "Taeyeon?"

He took his time answering. "It was in New York. It was so sudden even I was shocked. I mean, I've always treated her as a dongsaeng, but then something happened and now I'm looking at her differently."

I knew this was going to happen, I whispered to myself, numb. Suddenly, my heart seized up so painfully that I thought I was having a heart attack. I gasped for air as tears started trickling down my face. Then I started typing.

"I knew it! Hahahahaha! Congratulations, dude, you deserve to be happy!" Every smiley emoticon and happy word felt like a sledgehammer blow smashing my chest flat, but there was nothing I could do. I was only his friend, and I have to be happy he found love at last. 

Maybe I could do that—be happy for him. As soon as the thought of him stops digging its talons into my insides and slashing them into ribbons.

"Thank you." After a while, he added, "Once the deal is wrapped up, I will be flying straight to the States for Christmas." Back to her.

I could barely see the screen at that point with the tears streaming from my eyes. "Dude, I gathered as much. What can I say? I wish you guys the best." I closed our chat window and fell back against the wall. How could he not know?

I thought he had already logged off, but his window suddenly popped up.

"I'm sorry, Key. Taeyeon and I make perfect sense."

WE make perfect sense, you moron! I wanted to lash out at him. But that wouldn't do me any good, seeing as he couldn't see that from the beginning.

"Just promise me you'll be happy." I said, already drifting away from the conversation into a huge lump of pain.

"I am... and I'm really sorry."

"Hahaha, for not keeping your promise? What about my Christmas gift?"

"It's on its way. And for everything."

"Yeah. I have to go, the bank's closing soon. I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"I love you, Key. You know that, right? Merry Christmas."

I couldn't reply to that. At those words I flung my mobile away from me blindly and curled up in a tight ball on my bedroom floor in an attempt to stop what felt like my homogenized organs leaching out of every pore. 

Wow. So this is how a heart gets properly broken. It's a total body experience. Beats going to the gym for a workout. Maybe I'll lose the extra weight now. 

Even the random, darkly comic turn of my thoughts couldn't stop my tears. And they didn't stop falling for a long time. 

***

him: guess why I took that course.

me: hmmm... why, you wanted to become rich?

him: I'm already rich, try again.

me: you are?

me: marry me. (tongue out)

him: in my nutty brain, I am. (rofl)

him: we'll get married later, guess again.

me: fine. your parents told you to take economics because your brothers and sisters were already taking up other degrees...y'know, to complete the collection...

him: I at following orders. I never do what my parents tell me to do. (smug face)

me: (eye-roll) fine. your parents told you specifically NOT to take the course.

him: they didn't even try. (smug face)

me: no GPA quota? but hey, you're pretty smart, so I guess you don't need that handicap.

him: non-quota, my . (fuming) (rofl)

him: pretty? smart? are you coming on to me? (eyelashes fluttering)

me: (eye-roll) if I said that with as much as a comma separating the two, then maybe. (arms crossed)

me: ah! all the cute girls were in that department.

me: were you, by any chance, offended? bwahahahaha!

him: offended? nah, I'm the offensive one. (tongue out)

him: not before I enrolled.

me: pretty cocky, aren't we?

him: just me. you don't have one. (arms crossed)

me: well, I have more balls than most guys I know, dude.

him: well, I'm not most guys, babe.

me: just shut up and tell me why.

me: I give up. I can't think of anything anymore.

him: come on, use your so-called brain.

me: it's out of sight. no evidence of it existing. come on, I fold.

him: I took economics because...

me: ...?

him: ...the line in the registration was short. (rofl)

me: WHAT?!? get out! bwahahahahah!

him: I thought it would be a ty course. man, what do you know, it turned out to be even tier than I thought.

me: bwahahahahaha!

him: true story. (rofl)

me: Choi Minho, you are so weird.

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