She awaited the day of his return with great excitement.

According to the doctor, she was more than a couple of weeks into her pregnancy, which meant they had conceived before making the decision to finally start a family together.

And she hadn't told him yet. She knew how much he had always wanted a baby, and she decided it would be better to tell him in person rather than through impersonal, electronic devices.

However, things didn't go at all as planned.

She was dismayed to learn that he would need to drop by a party first before coming home. "Father's orders," he said with a regretful sigh, "I'm sorry. I'll try to be home sooner, but if I can't, don't wait up for me. Get some sleep." There was a smile in his voice when he added, "I'll be with you when you wake up."

She was a heavy sleeper and he knew it. Though it was always pleasant to wake in his arms, she wanted to fall asleep with him this time.

She had everything ready and she didn't want to wait any longer.

"Aish, it's almost eleven!" she cried impatiently, laying down on the sofa and turning on the TV. Cooking shows. Food. She promptly shut it off. She had been eating quite a lot the past few days and didn't require much temptation to cave in and begin eating again. She had already bought enough food to last them for weeks, something she had never done before. He was bound to notice and speculate.

And she'd be damned if he ended up finding out about their baby through her food rather than through her.

When he finally did come, it was well past midnight and she was moodily munching on an apple, but seeing him had reignited her excitement so that she even forgot about being cross for making her wait for so long.

She rushed to greet him, but to her surprise, he held back, apologized for being late, and then he told her to get some sleep because he still had some things he needed to do.

"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked in concern.

"Another time," he said softly, "let's speak again. Okay?"

She couldn't understand why he was acting this way. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't even look at her for longer than a few seconds. She thought he would have missed her as much as she missed him.

Something had felt wrong, so he had left the room with a splitting headache, his entire body feeling like it was burning. Though the woman smelled like Soo, her body felt different in his hands. Though her hair was the same color, the same length... she had kissed differently.

It had taken all of forever for his mind to clear. He lodged in Baek Ah's place 'til then.

"How much did you drink, exactly?" Baek Ah asked in a worried voice after he had thrown up a third time. "I've never seen you so... well, like this."

So shook his head. "I don't remember."

"Wow. You drank so much you can't even remember?"

"I don't think I drank that much... at least, not more than usual. Baek Ah-yah... I think... I may have..." The horror of what had potentially happened left him feeling paralyzed.

But no, he had left the room before things could progress that much.  The tonic seemed to be helping. His mind, which had been disturbingly hazy for the past two hours, had finally started to clear again.

"What? You look like you've seen a ghost." Baek Ah poured him a glass of water. "Also, if you were feeling this poorly, you know Soo can mix tonics and herbs much better than what I've been giving you. Why would you leave her and come here? Did you fight?"

"I haven't seen her yet."

That shocked Baek Ah. He eyed the kiss stains on his cousin's shirt and skin, his disheveled appearance and haunted expression. "Then why..." his voice trailed off, and his jaw slackened in disbelief. His cousin was many things... but a womanizer was not one of them.  He sat on the chair across and demanded answers. "What happened?"

So shook his head again. "Yeonhwa. I don't remember much of anything else."

Baek Ah respected So more than anyone, but he was this close to hitting him. "You slept with her?!"

"No," So said firmly. "That much I'm sure of. I left before we..." he shut his eyes, feeling so sick, he thought he might throw up again.

"Then what?" Baek Ah demanded sharply.

"We kissed. I don't even remember getting into a room with her. I only remember leaving." He groaned and buried his head in his hands. "What have I done, Baek Ah-yah?"

Baek Ah shut his own eyes and rubbed his temples, feeling equally stressed. But he knew what should be done first. "You need to find a way to tell Soo. You did wrong, but I think she will understand. She's not unreasonable. Besides, she's probably still waiting for you. You know how she is."

He knew.

And when she rushed to greet him, looking so happy and lovely even in just her nightgown, the urge to take her into his arms and never let go was so strong that it hurt all the more when he had to push her away.

Despite having changed and washed up, he could still feel Yeonhwa's lips on his, her hands all over his body. And he couldn't bear to touch Soo... he couldn't disrespect her like that. He loved her too much. 

The hurt and confusion on her face cut him deep, but he turned his back on her and locked himself in the study to cry.

I'm holding back the tears

I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart

To a place that is neither close nor far

Where a different me stands

I will not cry

 “Have you told him?” Eun’s hushed voice might as well have been a scream.

“No,” Soo hissed in sudden paranoia, glancing at the closed bedroom door to make sure So was still inside. She stepped out onto the porch and slid the door shut behind her. Not even the warmth of the early morning sun, nor the soothing sound of the incoming tide could totally dispel her unease. “I don't know how to tell him.”

“Yah, you can't keep something like this a secret forever,” Eun tutted. “Even Jung noticed. Jung.” Soo heard her brother-in-law yell, “Hey, I noticed before you!” in the background, but Eun ignored him. “You know, hyung’s bound to notice, too. It's better you tell him before then. Isn't that why you agreed to go on this trip with him in the first place?”

“But I don’t want him to stay with me because he feels obligated!” she whined. “I want him to stay because he wants to.”

“Why can't he stay for both reasons? No matter how you look at it, you're both obligated now to someone other than yourselves.” Sounding suddenly distant, Soo could hear Eun say to Jung, “That was a good line, wasn’t it? It should be put in books as one of the greatest lines of men.”

Jung’s great bark of laughter made Soo smile despite her nerves. She loved talking to these two.

“Anyway, here's another question to put things into perspective…” Eun continued, sounding suddenly serious. “If you weren't about to have a baby… would you have left him by now?”

Unconsciously, Soo placed a hand over her bump. “I don't know. Maybe.”

“Okay, let's try again,” Eun rushed on, clearly panicked by her response. “Do you still love him?”

Soo had to be honest. “Yes. Of course I do.”

“Even though you still think he slept with her?”

Soo sniffed and blinked back her tears. The topic always made her emotional.

“Hyung!” Jung protested, and Soo could actually hear them wrestling over control of the cellphone.

Jung won. “You don't still believe he really loves that devil woman? Didn’t he tell you he loved you?”

The events of last night flowed into Soo’s mind like a hot shower.

“Do you… still love me?”

“With all my heart.”

The memory alone was enough to make her blush, remembering the way he had hugged her, his warmth enveloping her completely. She hadn't felt his body in the longest time.

“Okay, stop it. Let's talk about something else,” she demanded, pulling her mind and volatile hormones sharply away from their dangerous trajectory.

“Okay, we have good news at least,” Eun said, reclaiming his phone. His voice held barely concealed excitement at the news he was about to share. “We think we've finally-”

“We've found a way to make Won-hyung help us!” Jung finished for him.

Soo waited until the two had stopped slapping and bickering before speaking again. “I don't know, you two, your cousin doesn't strike me as being particularly trustworthy.”

“We don't trust him either, just his love for money,” Jung explained.

Soo blinked in disbelief. “You're paying him?”

“It's the surest way to get him to help us. Not to mention…” Eun paused, his voice on the verge of laughter. “We found some very interesting photos of Wook-hyung’s secretary in his office.”

“Chaeryung?” Soo’s surprise couldn't have been greater.

“That's the one. We're keeping copies as insurance. Wook-hyung won't be too happy with either of them when he finds out-”

“Everything about this is immoral,” Soo stated bluntly.

“We have no other choice. We need to know what really happened that night, and since you don’t want to ask Baek Ah-”

“He’s too close to So,” she said at once.

“Then Won-hyung’s the next logical person we can talk to who can help,” Jung explained. “You do still want to know, don't you?”

“I'll make her confess the truth. Until then... will you give me the benefit of the doubt?”

“Yes. I want to know.” Even if it hurts.

With their truce in place, the tense silence between So and Soo lessened noticeably. Though she still had her doubts, she couldn't help but hope that he had been truthful, while Yeonhwa had not... that perhaps there was, indeed, more to the story than she had been originally told.

That tiny bit of hope was enough to make Soo feel like she might actually, truly, end up enjoying this trip, after all.

“What do you want to do today?”

She had her reply ready. “Let’s walk around the town. I want to see if anything’s changed.”

They spent the rest of the morning walking through the market. Soo ate enough sweets to worry even her, but she couldn’t help herself. In the end, she suggested going to the area closest to the shore to see if the halmeonis there had any good seafood for sale, but one thing she hadn’t considered was the stench and the moment they walked in, she immediately rushed to a nearby bush to puke.

“I told you not to eat too much,” So sighed, rubbing her back.

It’s lucky that I did. 

The drizzle started mid-afternoon, but it ended just as quickly as it came. With one glance at the sky, So determined it would rain again. With one glance at the weather forecast in her phone, Soo confirmed it would, but much later in the evening, so when he suggested going back to the resort, she desisted, but she knew how stubborn he could be especially when it came to her safety.

"You promised we'd go to the observatory," she grumbled, adding in just enough aegyo to get what she wanted. A slight pout of the lips, a slight wrinkle on the nose, and a little puff of the cheeks, and she had him. "We don't need to stay very long. I just want to look at the stars."

"At the rate the clouds are rolling in, there might not be any sky left for us to view."

She pouted and walked away. "Fine. Let's just go back and sleep 'til morning."

He relented with a sigh. "We stay thirty minutes at most."

"Deal," she said, flashing him a rare sweet smile before leading the way to the taxi stand.

"I'm pretty sure Cassiopeia was the queen, and Andromeda was her daughter," Soo insisted, clicking her tongue as she checked her notes with a flashlight, while he tried to locate the coordinates to the stars she wanted.

"I'm pretty sure you're wrong." He hid a smile and stepped away. "Here's your Queen Cassiopeia."

"Yah! I know stars better than you do and I'm telling you you're wrong, Cassiopeia was the qu-" she dropped her hands to her sides and glared at him.

"Hm?" he blinked innocently. "You know stars better than me. If you say she was the queen, then she was the queen."

She whacked him with her brochure and put her eye to the eyepiece. "Oh, you found it!"

"Did you doubt I would?" he asked, not bothering to ask his next question: Did you not trust me to do it for you?

He was pretty sure he knew the answer to that.

"I didn't doubt your intentions, merely your abilities," she teased. She loved to , though she hadn't done so in a while. The fact that she had so casually this time surprised them both.

Speechless, they looked at each other.

"Soo-yah-"

"It might rain soon," she interrupted, quickly walking away.

He could only sigh after her.

The storm clouds grew heavier the closer they got to the resort, and when the rain did come, it came in torrents. They were soaked within minutes of stepping out of the taxi.

Though he tried to shield her from the worst of it as much as he could, she was strangely uncooperative. He called her name many times, telling her they'd move faster if she stopped struggling, but every time, she would tell him they would move even faster if they separated. He knew she didn't mean anything else by it, but it still hurt him. He couldn't understand why she kept trying to distance herself when all he was doing was keeping her from getting too wet.

Until he did.

Soo panicked.

Every time he tried to grab at her waist, she squirmed and offered him her arm, except he mistakenly thought it meant she wanted to get away from him. How could she tell him every other part of her body was free to touch, except the one part he seemed determined to get? She wasn't ready. She hadn't yet thought of how to tell him. Something told her having him find out in this way would be disastrous.

And it was.

Sighing with impatience, he had grabbed her at a spot where she just knew the little curve of her once-flat stomach would be noticeable. She froze and stared at him, but he only stared back. Did he not feel anything?

When more seconds passed with no reaction, she decided pretending to be ignorant would be best. She was too confused to do anything else.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him running towards the shelter of their room. There, she hastily pulled her soaked clothes away from the curves of her body and walked inside, ready to change, but he stopped her by grasping her elbow. "Wait."

Her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears that she felt deaf to everything else. She tried to keep her voice steady despite her nerves, "We're soaking wet. Shouldn't we change?"

There was a very pregnant pause before he spoke again. "Soo-yah." Slowly, he moved towards her.

Suddenly, everything made sense. Her avoiding him, her sudden fascination with baggy clothes, the brightness of her eyes, the constant flush of her cheeks... even her increased appetite and the way she had thrown up all over the bushes this morning.

She was afraid of him finding out. But why?

A shiver passed through her when his warm hand finally came in contact with the cool flesh beneath her soaked blouse. There was no hiding it now. She knew him too well... she saw the subtle surprise on his face when he felt it... the tensing of his broad shoulders.

She had to consciously remind herself to breathe.

"So... So, I..." she didn't know what to say.

Before she could think of something, he drew away from her. "Soo-yah, what...?"

"I... am..." she swallowed and forced her numb lips to move, "pregnant."

"I can see that," he snapped, and to her surprise and dread, he looked angry. "When...? Why...? Whose...?"

At the last question, her own anger flared. "Whose?" she shrieked in disbelief. "Yours! Who else?"

"We've barely touched each other for months. How can it be mine?"

She felt her jaw drop. "How far along do you think I am?"

He was no expert. Just looking at her gave him no answers, so he replied with another question, "Then why did you not tell me?"

She bristled at the accusation in his voice, as though this had all been her fault, as though she had wanted to keep it a secret from him this long, as though she had enjoyed the secret, lonely trips to her doctor. "Are you kidding me? How could I?"

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe because if that's really my baby, then why would you keep it a secret from me this long? How long were you going to keep it a secret, exactly? Or would you have never told me if I hadn't found out just now?"

She bit the inside of her cheek and took a deep breath. She had to calm down. "You left me with no choice. The day I was going to tell you, you started avoiding me. Then I found out weeks later that you'd cheated on me. How do you think I felt? I thought you were going to leave me for her. Was I supposed to beg? Use the baby as an excuse to make you stay? I may not be as proud as that woman, but I do still have my dignity."

"Soo-yah... I was never going to leave. I couldn't face you because I felt like for what happened."

"How was I supposed to know that? You wouldn't say anything! I had to hear everything from her."

His jaw clenched in anger - at her, at the other woman, Soo couldn't tell. "I told you not to talk to her anymore. All she does is upset you. Why didn't you listen?"

"I wanted to know why you were suddenly so distant. She offered me an explanation," she willfully forced back her tears. She wouldn't cry. Not now. 

His lips pressed themselves into a thin line. "So... you believe her more than me now?"

Was he purposely twisting her words? Was he choosing not to understand her? She supposed, after spending more than two months in silence, it was too much to expect they would still be on the same wavelength.

"I had no choice but to believe her," she snapped. "Put yourself in my shoes! If you had seen me kissing another man, what would you have done?"

For a very long time, they looked at each other. She wasn't sure what was going to happen next. She didn't know what more hurtful things they could, should say. Did she have the strength to drive that wedge between them for good? Did she really want to? 

In the silence, realization hit her like a truck. She could see it so clearly now... what she had wanted all along... 

And then, just as quickly as her realization came, he turned. She could only watch as he left... could only listen to the sound of the door closing. Then the silence. 

I don't want to lose you.

Feeling weak, she slid to the floor and tried to make sense of what had just happened. 

Her phone wouldn't stop ringing. Someone had been calling nonstop for what felt like hours and it hurt her ears. Past caring about anything else for the moment, she forced herself to get up and put the caller on speaker. Even though she knew it wouldn't be him, she still found herself wishing... hoping. 

"It's us!" Eun's excited voice greeted her. "I told you Won-hyung was the way to go. He asked to meet us earlier and showed us the CCTV tapes from the hotel! I couldn't believe how quickly he got them, Jung and I tried so many times and-"

"Hyeongsu-nim, the video confirmed that my brother did indeed get into a room with her... but it also showed him coming out less than two minutes later! Nothing could have happened!" For once, Eun didn't mind being interrupted by his younger cousin. "He was drunk and tired, so he probably wasn't even thinking straight."

"What did I tell you, Soo?" Eun said, trying to inject as much positivity into his voice as he could. "It was all her! She came to him first, brought him upstairs... everything! She lied to you. So, don't doubt hyung's feelings for you anymore, okay? You can talk to him now honestly. I promise you he loves you. Soo? Hey, are you there?"

Jung and Eun stopped talking to listen. It was only then that they realized she was crying. 

"Don't tell me..." Jung said in a subdued voice. 

"Soo..."

She was too distressed to speak. All the avoiding and the fighting, over lies fed to her by that hateful woman. Why?

She felt too weak and sick to even guess. But she should have tried harder... she knew now what she wished she had known then... that his sudden silence and distance had been for a reason. She wished she had asked him... wished she had forced him to open up... if he had been suffering in silence for whatever reason, she should have been there to comfort and understand him, instead of adding to his problems.

She no longer cared for anything else. She just wanted him back... for things to return to what they once were. I wish none of this had happened.  "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." for believing you had stopped loving me.

Suddenly, the door opened. The light from outside was barely enough to illuminate anything, and her vision was so blurred with tears that she couldn't really see his face, but she knew it was him. She considered the possibility that she might just be imagining things, but his touch, his warmth, his slow embrace felt too real. 

"I'm sorry."

She let go of the breath she had been holding and held tightly onto him. "I thought you'd left."

"I wouldn't leave you like this." He sounded tired, but the hands that held her were as strong as ever. "I thought about what you said, and you had every right to be upset. I kept my distance, not realizing what was happening around us... to us. I know now it was wrong of me to assume you would understand, even without an explanation. I didn't know about the pictures, or I would have told you sooner. I was going to tell you. I just didn't know how."

"I'm listening now," she whispered quietly against his shoulder. 

"I felt weak and disgusted with myself that night, after the party. I came so close to doing something that I would have regretted forever... and all because I'd drunk enough alcohol to cloud my judgment." He closed his eyes and felt her... all of her. From her short hair, to her soft, damp skin... from her delicate shoulders, down her slender back, to her full hips. How he missed holding her like this. "I was being selfish, I can see that now. Until I could come to terms with my guilt, I couldn't face you. You are one of the few truly good things I value in this life, and I didn't want my memories, my feelings for you tainted in that way. You're too important to me."

His soft lips brushed her temple in a light kiss. "I'm sorry for everything I put you through. You are my love, my guiding star, my heart... and you deserved better. I never should have kept this from you for this long.

"Forgive me... Soo-yah. I never dreamed I would end up hurting you like this."

Each word was spoken with care and sincerity. No matter what happened that night, it was enough for her that it had been unwillingly done. It was enough for her that he was sorry. It was enough for her that he regretted it. "I love you too, and I forgive you."

The sound of sniffling noses brought a temporary halt to the conversation. 

So had no idea they had an audience. Soo hiccuped in surprise, the warm feeling of wanting to dissolve into nothing in his arms gone in an instant. She'd completely forgotten about those two. 

Eun and Jung must have sensed their continued presence was unwelcome and spoke their apologies for eavesdropping in chorus. 

"Goodnight," So said dryly, ending the call.

Embarrassed, Soo tried to stifle her hiccups. Eun and Jung's rude interruption had brightened the gloom somewhat. 

"They've been helping me," she told him softly, drying her tears.

"I know," he smiled, tucking her damp hair behind her ear. "I'll need to thank them for looking after the both of you for me."

Soo glanced up and met his eyes. She returned his warm smile with a shy one of her own. "Are you still angry that I didn't tell you sooner?"

He took a moment to assess his feelings. "Not angry, though I must admit to some hurt over the fact that I found out later than everyone else."

Feeling guilty, Soo apologized again, but he laughed it off with another kiss, this time to the forehead. "It doesn't matter. I understand why you hid it from me. A baby." He said the last word as though he still couldn't believe it was true.

"Yeah," she assured him it was by guiding his hand to once more feel the small but noticeable growth of her abdomen. "You're going to be a daddy."

He smiled. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

She shook her head. "I haven't found out. I wasn't sure if I should. My doctor knows though. Shall I give her a call?"

"It's up to you. It doesn't matter to me either way."

She smiled, feeling happier than she had in weeks. "It doesn't matter to me, either. Shall we let it be a surprise?"

He nodded and began to kiss her, softly, those little sweet kisses that used to calm her after every fight, that told her everything was going to be okay, that she was loved and not alone.

A loud clap of thunder shook the air right outside, but it didn't faze her in the slightest.

She was back in the arms of her man, being kissed to within an inch of insanity. Her body was driving her crazy with need, urging him to fulfill it. 

They made love to each other through the night, and in the morning, a new sun broke through the storm, making way for much clearer skies.

 I'm holding back the tears

I run adding to the weight of my faith

To a place that is neither high nor low

Where a different me stands again

With a small smile I can laugh