A/N: A dash of my own feelings on top of the events that happened around pupwhee a few days back.

Thanks for reading and hope you guys will enjoy this! :D 

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Wheein caught herself staring into blank space once more.

Bringing herself back to reality, she took her phone lying beside her and checked the time.

10.50AM it read. She had been staring into space for the past twenty minutes after finishing up her weekly laundry chores.

Internally sighing, she rose from the edge of her bed and walked out to the living room. The absence of intermittent meowing that her Son usually gives whenever he craved for something was deafening. That very silence served as a stark reminder that Kkomo was back in Jeonju with her mother for a week and she was all alone.

Her members were not in town for play with her either. They were with their respective families, enjoying their well-deserved vacation after their Busan Concert. Sure, she enjoyed her vacation with her mother as well and had spent some quality time on her own, recuperating, doing the things she really wanted to do.

Tried to be free from the constant constraints her job had.

But instead, she was met with utter criticism for what she did.

Shot down for the fact that she tried to be human for just one day.

Not Mamamoo’s Wheein, but Jeonju’s Jung Wheein.

She understood. She understood the reasons why netizens went crazy after her posts and vlive. She did admit (at least to herself) that she went a little overboard. But how can one restrain themselves when they felt truly happy? That, she could not understand.

She was not particularly affected by the backlash that she got. She really could not care less about what others think. She knew that if she had real fans, they would probably be a bit more accepting because she had faith that her fans knew, that before her identity as a singer, was a 22 year old adult who should be having the time of her life, being free and normal.

Of course, the company had told her to lay off the vlive for a while and she was more than happy to comply. The apology message she had sent out contained her true feelings, for not being able to constrain herself for the language used when minors might have been watching her talk.

Wheein understood everything and the reasons behind the backlash, the action took by the company.

Prevention of hurting the group image, appeasing the masses.

Wheein understood, but that doesn’t mean that she could not roll her eyes at the situation that unfolded.

A guy that said those things first were met with laughter at praises but when she did the same thing with lower intensity (she remembered to change some phrases), she was met with such huge backlash that she could only open her eyes wide to the situation unfolding at that point in time.

Just goes to show how hypocritical our world is. And the double standards is so real that if people deny it, it’ll probably come alive and smack them in their faces. Wanting us, idols, to be real but at the same time, maintaining that god-like image that they have in their minds… Wanting us to be humans but at the same time, we can’t do things that normal people do?

And this got Wheein wondering why people are so shocked that she was cynical about the world at such a young age.

Realizing that she had been standing in the middle of her living room for quite a while, she decided to take a seat on the couch and turn on some programs on the television. However, the pain from the lack of company in the living room caused her feet to decide otherwise.

Walking towards the back of her living room, Wheein brought herself in front of a room, whose doors were closed. Wrapping her small fingers around the door knob, she turned it slightly and gently opened the door, into her mini studio.

In it revealed a number of canvases lying on the floor. Some of it were hanged on the wall and some canvases were blank. Smiling to herself, she took one of the blank canvases and set it on the easel. The next few steps almost seemed mechanical.

Bringing up the palette, squeezing out a few colours, mixing some of the colours to get the desired effect that she wanted. Choosing the type of brushes she needed, getting her pencils ready for any draft work she might need. Putting an apron over herself lest she got paint on her favourite pajamas.

In this space, she could truly let herself free.

Sometimes, she would come in to the room and paint the canvas in the strongest shade of red she could find. Angry battered the canvas as she painted without any form of technique, shape, or image in mind.

Other times she would draw and paint the calm skies and lush green forests. An image that always stood at the back of her mind, whenever she wanted to retreat into a place where she could heal herself.

Some of her canvases were also covered in melancholic colours. Whenever she was sad, she would draw images and paint them according to colours that suited her mood.

These finished paintings served as memories for Wheein. Others might have a way of compartmentalizing their feelings, but this was Wheein’s own way. Splashing all her emotions onto the canvas to the point where she was sick and tired of feeling this way. Washing herself off all emotions felt at that current moment and return into a blank state.

Only in this way, she feels, that she could return to the stage, to her fans, in the purest state of mind where she can live in the moment and truly be happy. Of course, Wheein does not know if this method is truly the right method but all she knows that it works for her. And so, she continues with her routine.

Bringing her brush up to the palette, she dipped it in some colour and applied soft onto the canvas, trying to imprint the image she had been visualizing in her mind’s eye onto the canvas.

Another thing that Wheein liked about drawing was that she could truly be lost in the world of lines, shapes and colours and feel refreshed after that. She could sit in the room for hours on end and not feel tired or hungry. It was truly better than sitting around at home, staring into blank space. Staring into blank space would mean that the little devils running around in her mind would tear open the bad memories she had painstakingly covered up. Once the floodgates of pain open, she would not be able to sleep well for months on end, always needing Hyejin by her side to soothe her to sleep.

The scars she had accumulated, she imprinted them onto the canvases. But, they could not be removed from her memories.

Hence, she draws, to keep those little devils at bay.

Applying after , Wheein’s hands moved swiftly to change brushes, remove the colours from the brushes and reapplied new colours on it. She only paused to take meaningful glances at her work, to determine if she needed to make any changes to any parts of her drawing. Sometimes she would debate to herself, whether to add more perspective and depth into some areas or whether she needed to adjust some of the lines, be it making them finer, or more blurred.

As her hands move with blind accuracy, Wheein thinks of the long journey that she had before reaching this stage today. What had been a fleeting dream became a reality and she could not be happier for being able to achieve all these despite all the odds that were thrown at her.

Being able to debut with her best friend, Hyejin. Being able to debut with Byulyi Unnie, who had been in the same group as her before Mamamoo. Being able to debut with Yongsun Unnie, whom she loves. Wheein would not trade anything in the world for it.

She is willing to give everything up for her members. That much she knows. And she knows too, that they would do the same for her.

But, the road to continue, to maintain this, was really hard. Wheein feels like she was losing a part of herself to this dream of hers. She knew her members were feeling this way too.

They were taking longer breaks from one another. They all had preferred to stay home, rather than to meet. Even if they were to meet as a group, long silences filled in between them as they sit and drink (of course, not missing Solar’s sudden drunk shouts). Sure, they could meet and talk like they used to. However, those moments now only occur once in a Long while. Wheein knows, with the sudden popularity, they were feeling the effects of it. Constant promotions, interviews after interviews, festivals after festivals, appearances after appearances.

Wheein was thankful for all the attention they were receiving as a group. She truly was. This meant that they were getting recognised by the public, getting more jobs which eventually translates to more money earned. With that, she could better take care of her parents, her mother especially.

But, just to be normal for just one day. Was that too hard to ask?

The hand holding her paint brush abruptly stops. Wheein looked at the latest addition on her canvas. Multiple deep blue pastel circles.

Wheein chuckled to herself. Those deep blue circles were unintentional. But somehow, her hands were moving in tandem with her mind. Moving in circles about the topic she had at hand. Being busy but wanting to be free at the same time.

Well somehow those circles might be of use later I guess. Wheein thinks.

Setting her paintbrush down, she took another paintbrush of a thicker size and dipped it in brown paint. Once again, her right hand moved swiftly, no movement wasted as she drew out the outline, painted it, and added depth to the image.

She repeatedly continued these few steps with several other colours and before she knew it, her painting was nearly 80% done and she could already see the final product in her mind.

A beautiful disaster.

The final product that was supposedly on her canvas was too far off from the original image that she had initially thought of. But, nevertheless, she was still happy with the finishing product simply because it actually looked better than the first image she thought.

All those blue pastel circles decorating the canvas, mirroring the effect of small balls of light from fireflies, bringing about a mysterious atmosphere to her painting.

All that’s left is to add some final touches.

Wheein was so focused in her painting that she jumped at the sound of her doorbell ringing. Her right hand, which was holding a small paintbrush, had nearly jerked out of the region she was painting. Thank the heavens the disruption of the doorbell had not ruined her artwork for she was sure she would have killed that person who rang the doorbell.

Setting down her paintbrush and palette, Wheein rose from her seat and stretched while walking out of the room. Although she hadn't checked the time, she knew that she had been sitting for quite a while as the morning sun that peeked into her living room previously had turned into the evening sun.

“Coming… Give me a minute!” Wheein called out, walking quickly to her front door.

Opening it, Wheein was greeted at the sight of her members, grinning widely. The smell of chicken immediately invaded her senses and her sleeping stomach groaned loudly, reminding its master that she had been neglecting it for a very, very long while.

At the sound of Wheein’s stomach, all four of them laughed and Wheein invited them into her house.

“I thought Hyejin wasn't supposed to be back until two days later?” Wheein quipped, while taking out the old newspapers to set onto her table, before putting boxes of oily chicken on it.

“I missed you my sweet pumpkin.” Hyejin nuzzled herself on the crook of Wheein’s neck, to which the latter snorted in disgust.

That earned a smack on the from Hyejin as she moved away from Wheein, taking out the cans of beer in Wheein’s fridge.

“Did you just paint that?” Wheein could hear Byulyi calling out from her mini studio.

After setting the last box of chicken down onto the table, Wheein walked up to Byulyi, who was currently sitting on the stool, looking at her rather unfinished painting.

“What’s with you and trees?” Byulyi asked, feeling Wheein’s presence behind her.

“I don’t know. Makes me feel calm and collected somehow? Whenever I paint these, I can imagine myself sitting on those huge oak trees, watching the sun set over the horizon. It peaceful I guess… Some ‘me’ time?”

“You have at least 10 different interpretations of these kind of paintings but I have to say, this would be my favourite.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Byulyi said with a note of finality. Wheein could somehow understand why Byulyi unnie would like this painting over the others. The other interpretations of the image had always included colours that are really bright, giving off a vibrant atmosphere. However, this painting had nothing of that sort. The colours used were all mellow and dark, but yet, had a sense of warmth to it. Something that really suits her unnie’s style - which is as obvious as day if you were to observe her sense of dressing.

“That’s really Byulyi’s style. Did you paint it with her in mind Wheein-ah?” Yongsun asked, putting her hand around Wheein, engulfing the smaller one in a back hug.

“No I didn't. I just painted this with the thoughts of what had occured recently in mind.” Wheein didn't feel the need to hide this fact from her members, which was why she explained it as such.

Silence loomed over all the members as they were now huddled in the mini studio, looking at the latest addition to Wheein’s paintings. No doubt, the same event were currently on their minds. If they could, they would have tried to prevent it from happening. But, they were only human and it was only from mistakes that we can learn and grow.

This was why they were able to take the incident into their stride. They knew, their fans would always be there for them, through thick and thin. Never letting go.

“You should draw all of us sitting on that tree. Stop drawing only yourself on it you attention-seeking .” Hyejin scoffed.

Wheein knew that it was Hyejin’s subtle attempt to lift the mood back up into a cherry one and she mindfully thanked her best friend for that. Trust Hyejin to make such comments to bring everyone back on track.

“Yeah, I’ll add you guys in later… Probably a little smaller? Like, maybe 1cm shorter than me?”

“Yeah but we all know in reality…” Moonbyul gave a slight smirk towards Solar’s direction.

“We’re taller than you.” Solar whispered into Wheein’s ear evilly.

“YAH! UNNIE THAT’S DISGUSTING!” Wheein broke free from Solar’s grasp and tried to smack the older girl, earning peals of laughter from the other two members who were enjoying the show.

“LET’S EAT KIDS!” Solar sat herself down on the table and opened all the boxes of chicken, gesturing for the other members to sit around the table as well.

As the other members went towards the table, Wheein looked on and smiled to herself.

They’re doing this to make me feel better when they know that I would beat myself up internally for this. What a bunch of dorks.

And that was when Wheein decided. She was definitely going to protect the smile plastered on those three dorks forever.

Screw the system. Screw society. We’d be happy in our own little ways.

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Well... there's that I guess. And if you guys want to see what painting Wheein painted (lmao she didnt paint it, but I saw this while browsing the net and I thought it was seriously a nice photo) 

https://danielbogni.deviantart.com/art/Speedpaint-What-I-see-521411688 

PS: If anyone thinks that this story should be taken down for some reason, do let me know. 

Peace out~