Falling Petals

Final

Sometimes, love isn’t being together anymore.

I was having another sleepless night, just tucked up in sheets while lying down in my couch. My apartment’s a mess, like how it always been since I quitted my last job. Snow was falling outside, but it wasn’t enough to lose the warmth inside my heart.

Just a little bit more, a little bit more…

The alarm started ringing, saying it was already 8 in the evening. And as the music goes, there I was, running to the bathroom to throw up yet again. Drops of blood trickled on the corner of my lips, flower petals on the sink.

I wiped my lips, taking the rose petals and putting it in a bottle, hiding it away.

That was my third night, only nine nights to go.

I’m dying.

I never believed in fictional tales, something out of the possible. However, my heart was broken and my love unreciprocated. How can I continue on?

The constant ringing of my telephone woke me out of my trance. I answered it, only to be greeted by the person I’ve wanted to hear the most.

“Spending Christmas alone, Naeun-ah?” Her voice that sends me in cloud nine was there, making me close to certain that she was grinning.

“That’s because you are not here with me…” I said, like how straightforward I always am. She giggled, and damn how can someone’s laugh sound so beautiful?

“Look out your window. Your sunshine’s here.”

I did as she said, and when I looked down, her bright smile shone brighter than anything else. My heart thumped once, twice and then stopped. There she goes again.

The moment I opened the door, she enveloped me in her warm arms. Her nose was touching my nape, her scent lingering in the air. It made my heart skip a beat.

Damn.

“You should be spending Christmas with your family.” I whispered as we were tucked in my sheets, she’s cuddling me. My heart was beating crazily at her touches, her fingers tracing my skin.

“…but my family doesn’t mind. In fact, they were the ones who told me to spend Christmas with you.” She mumbled back, snuggling closer to me in that couch. “I didn’t want you to be lonely on this day.”

“You being here make me lonelier.”

She heard it, but didn’t respond back. Instead, she planted a kiss on my forehead and closed her eyes. I took that chance to stare at her. She looks beautiful, even with the lack of light. She was in a whole new level I weren’t in. And no matter how much she makes me feel loved, I know she will never reciprocate my heart.

Just a little bit more, a little bit more…

If she does, I won’t be dying after nine nights.

She simply doesn’t love me, they way I do to her.

“…She loves me, she loves me not…” I whispered those words endlessly, picking up each flower petal scattered in my bed and putting it in a bottle. Primrose.

Eunji was still asleep in her side of the bed while I was taking time counting, chanting. I know how the older girl loves sleeping, and not even an earthquake could wake her up. That’s why I know for sure she doesn’t notice me coughing last night, and she wouldn’t wake up even how much I scream my heart out now.

“…She loves me… She loves me not… She loves me…” With the last petal, I sealed the bottle and hid it in my cabinet. Four bottles are already in the closet.

Just a little bit more, a little bit more…

Four days… Just eight days to go.

I had trouble breathing already. I know that the flower was living well inside my chest. I couldn’t believe that I was literally growing a small garden in my heart. Eunji must be really special for me.

“You’re in deep thought.” I glanced at Eunji and I saw her with a glint of smile, reaching out to hold my hand. “What’s bugging your mind?”

“You.”

She released a chuckle before pulling me in her arms, hugging me softly, sweetly. I didn’t resist for being in her arms feels so right for me.

“Say Eunji, what’s your favorite flower?” I asked in curiosity, but more than that to know the reasons behind the flowers.

“Well… I don’t know. I like different flowers every day.”

A smile found its way on my lips, I know that. “Then what’s your day’s favorite?”

“Uhmmm… Primrose.” Eunji smiled as well. “It means I can’t live without you.”

I kept mum, sighing as I turned the other way. The garden inside my heart was growing and I need to put it to stop soon before it’s too late. I don’t want to forget my beautiful feelings for Eunji; but moreover, I don’t want to die either. I don’t want to leave Eunji.

“Oh?” Eunji noticed a petal in the bed, my face almost giving away as I didn’t notice the last primrose petal. “Why is this here?”

“T-that’s nothing, unnie.” I hastily took the petal from her hand and threw it away. “I think that’s from the flowers Taemin oppa gave me the other day…”

“But that’s like days ago, right? The petals seem to be still fresh.”

“It’s fake.”

Eunji didn’t buy it but she didn’t press it on either. Just like that, another few days has passed.

And every single day, a new type of flower would scattered all over my bed as I open my eyes.

I was getting worse, the garden deep in my heart was nourishing well. I could no longer breathe properly, nor even speak a single line without faltering due to lack of air. It was to the point that I cough out of nowhere and petals