I wrote this July 19 2015, so just after LMR era. Keep in mind, I got into exo the second week of June 2015 so....I got into Kaisoo so fast lol. I've gone through and fixed up some grammar, but other than that this is unedited and unrevised. There's no plot lol.

I'm posting this kind of as an apology for those that are subscribed to a song of love......I will update don't worry. I'll explain when I do. 

non-au, kaisoo, kind of angst?? Pining?? 
 

***

  It was June, now, and the members were still recovering from taos departure. They had known something was going to happen, in retrospect. Jongin remembered their last week as ten, the heavy signs, blank stares, upheavals of emotions and the few tears. In some ways, it had been easier to lose tao, because they had already lost Kris and luhan. In some ways, it was harder, because they had already lost Kris and luhan.

  Exoluxion was taking its toll on the members, and though jongin loved seeing a silver sea at concerts, loved the thumping bass and deafening cheers of almost hysterical fans, he liked to be at the dorm, sleeping in his own bed, comforted by the breathing if the remaining members. Right now he was playing chanyeol in a racing game in their shared room.

  Kyungsoo was not there.

  His untouched, perpetually made bed was a testament to how little he was at the dorm anymore, so busy was he with his acting career. Jongin was happy for his best friends success, he really was, but he missed him. He missed the way kyungsoo fixed his outfit if it was haphazard, or how he laughed at his jokes when no one else thought they were funny, he missed the easy way they could just be together, without words, and the contentment that resided within them when it happened.

  Kyungsoo's business was a good thing, jongin reminded himself. When EXO disbanded, as it would have to, someday, he could rely on his prowess in acting to get him jobs. Kyungsoo's rising fame and reclaim as an actor was ever more acknowledged by film critics and sunbaenims alike. And acting made Soo happy. The challenge of becoming someone else, of portraying emotions in subtle movements, in slight fluctuations in intonation, stimulated kyungsoo and pushed him to be better. And better he became.

  Jongin had never resented how easily most things came to kyungsoo. What did he care if kyungsoo could breath out honey smooth tunes at the drop of a hat, while he struggled to hit a high c?  What did he care if kyungsoo could imitate worry with only the tips of his eyebrows, or unrequited longing with only an ache in his voice, when jongin couldn't be angry convincingly for a camera? When he read starry reviews of kyungsoo's acting written by usually unabashedly cruel critics, jongin felt proud. Of course kyungsoo would be praised from Seoul to buson - he was talented beyond what jongin thought was possible. Because Jongin loved him, it made him happy to see Kyungsoo successful. Anything that made Kyungsoo made Jongin happy too.

  But still- jongin missed his best friend.

  And when kyungsoo returned to the dorms from a job with purple rimmed eyes, or when he had to take a separate flight to a concert, arriving with only an hour to spare to prepare, he hadn't time to talk with jongin. Jongin didn't push him- he knew kyungsoo must be exhausted, and why should some insignificant insecurities on his part weigh his friend down more? So jongin didn't speak. Backstage, he didn't hug him from behind either, like he might have a few months ago- their manager nim had reprimanded them for that anyway, and had reminded them to keep their physical interactions to a minimum. They chatted at mutual shoots, yes, and occasionally watched movies at the dorm, when kyungsoo was there, but their conversations weren't thoughtful or deep. They didn't talk about anything of import- mostly their schedules, and isnt manager noona kind for having bought the members ice cream yesterday? and what would they wear for an awards show next week, they wondered.

  It was only a little after luhan left that things started to change. Before that, especially during the few months after debut, kyungsoo had been shy and unused to the camera. He liked jongin to stand next to him, and Jongin would have to rub his arms in comfort if he did something he thought was embarrassing. With words for only jongin’s ears Kyungsoo had been hopeful and bright off cameras, but still nervous. Now, though, with a few years of immense acclaim and experience from performing with EXO, and after five acting jobs, kyungsoo was comfortable in front of the camera. He was confident, and when he spoke he did not stutter and look for words. He had come into his own. Jongin was proud of and happy for him, but he felt....unneeded. His friend still asked him for help with dance moves from time to time, but he wondered if, although kyungsoo didn't need him, would he still want to be around him? Would he be perfectly unaffected if jongin left EXO?

  God, not that he would. Enough members have left, and he doesn't want any of them to hurt on his account. And what would be do anyway? Become a model? Yifan seemed to be doing well in that regard. Could he join a dance troupe?

  It certainly didn't make jongin’s feelings around his friend any easier when kyungsoo returned from a month-long job with broader shoulders, thicker thighs, and a tan. It made jongin think of late nights huddled beneath the covers if one of their beds, bodies pressed against each other, heads tilted down and away from the bright screen of kyungsoo's iPad, a thriller playing with Korean subs, breaths mingling and sleepy minds not thinking of consequences.

  Jongin missed kyungsoo.

  With a violent shout chanyeol jumped from his bed, doing a stupid little dance in celebration of his victory over jongin. His brilliant red corvette had bested jongin's plum purple mustang by only a few seconds. Jongin laughed and smacked chanyeol's wiggly ,

  "Play again? Play again?” Chanyeol nearly shouted, “I want to lap you this time."

  Before jongin could agree (and whup chanyeol's by lapping the smug hooligan), the front door opened.

  "Oh? Is that kyungsoo-ya?" Chanyeol exited their room and greeted his friend with a bright "kyungsoo-ya! hi! Welcome back, how was your flight?" Through the wall Jongin listened to the other members, who'd been in the living room, murmur hellos and how are you to kyungsoo before getting up himself.

  A tired smile is what jongin saw first, to which he couldn't help but smile back. After that he noticed the way kyungsoo's eyelids drooped and his scratchy sleep-addled voice. After kyungsoo dropped his bags off near his bed and came back out of their room to stand next to jongin, their arms brushing, Baekhyun proposed they all go out to dinner, in honor of Kyungsoo's return. Everyone agreed and got their wallets before heading to the garage. Before they left, jongin leaned close to kyungsoo and quietly asked, "are you sure you aren't too tired, hyung? You could stay here and rest."

  Offering another tired grin, this one more reassuring, kyungsoo responded, "I'm fine, jonginnie-ah.” he rubbed his hand down Jongin’s arm, “I slept on the plane."

  Jongin could only pout and let out a small "hmp" before they were ushered into a minivan by Baekhyun.

  They ate at a small, dilapidated restaurant near the dorm, rundown but with delicious food. Exo was there in full, save yixing, who was filming for Go Fighting in Beijing. Jongin was sat between Chanyeol and Sehun. Kyungsoo was kitty-corner from him, between Baekhyun and Jongdae.

  They talk mostly about what they've been doing while kyungsoo has been gone, and about kyungsoo's movie, Heart in Spades. It's about a gambling man who loses his job, house, family, and all his money, and has to stay with his brother while he recuperates and sets his life straight. Kyungsoo plays the man's nephew, who falls in love with a girl whose father is actively involved in the mob that his uncle is indebted to. It's supposed to be a light, heartwarming family film with a touch of thrill. EXO intends to see the film together when it premieres.

  "And? How was Jihun-ah?" Baekhyun mentions Kyungsoo’s love interest playfully, nudging kyungsoo in the side, waggling his eyebrows. In the script there was originally a suggestive scene for which Kyungsoo would’ve had to record moans for, before the director’s decided to make it more family-friendly.

  Kyungsoo ignores the verbal and literal jabs, still looking at his food, but smiling, "Ah her acting's pretty good. She’s great at acting mean, for being so sweet off-set."

  Rolling his eyes, Baekhyun says, exasperated, "I meant her kissing, you dolt."

  "Oh. Not bad. Don't have much to compare it to, though." He sighs, acting put out, resting his chin on his hand, and stares directly into Jongin’s eyes, "seems the only way I can get a kiss is if it's for a job." He grins when the others laugh out loud, but jongin’s blushing too much to force himself to laugh, like the other members are. kyungsoo is staring at him, chin in hand, smile smaller now, but not unhappy. Jongin doesn't know how to read the gloom in his eyes. When did that happen? He dives back into his duck stew, but jolts when he feels someone’s foot brush against his. WIth a quick peek under the table, he confirms it’s Kyungsoo.

  There are no more strange glances that night, but kyungsoo walks with him to the car, the members voices abnormally loud in the cool, quiet night air.

  When they get back most disperse to their own rooms, and Jongin is about to do the same when someone tugs on his arm.

  It's kyungsoo. "Wanna watch a movie?" His face is bright with invitation. Jongin can't help but brighten a little bit too- maybe they can be easy with each other again. Lately all he feels about Kyungsoo is confusion and longing. He misses him so much.

  Replying with a yes, they decide what to watch. They're both too tired to watch horror or thrillers, and as kyungsoo has just finished his filming for a romantic part, he's not in the mood for a rom-com. He suggests a sports anime, and though jongin does watch too much animation, he wants to hang out with kyungsoo more than he cares about what they will actually be doing. Or watching.