The sky was dark.

There was no stars that enlightened the dark night. The breeze was cold. Winter was definitely on its way. But the roads were still packed even at this late hour. People were still walking and strolled around, enjoying the starless night instead of going back home and rested.

Trucks of selling midnight snacks were crowding the street with the food that was steaming hot and drove your stomach growled with a glance of it while christmas decoration could be seen in almost every store and already adorned the streets as well, adding a merrier vibe.

Donghae came out of the bathroom with his oversized navy blue sweater and comfortable pants that wrapped his thigh perfectly. Hands were busy drying his fluffy hair using the towel and he made a quick peek to his bed while he was on it, only to find his lover was busy with iPad on his lap and phone on his hand. He shook his head and smiled in secret.

Donghae slightly brushed his hair with the fingers and let his hair to dry naturally. The brunette grabbed the novel book he had been trying to finish these past few days from the night stand and Donghae decided not to disturb the older as he went over and allowed himself to sit comfortably on the couch on the other side of their bedroom.

He settled himself to face the night view and his heart knew how much he desired to step outside into his balcony. He usually read in the balcony, sitting on the chair with a mug of hot chocolate and warm blanket wrapped around him or sometimes his lover’s arms that never failed to make his protected. But the night was freezing cold and he didn’t feel like dealing with it right now.

            Donghae flipped open the book and started to read from the page where he had left the bookmark last night. He was enjoying himself and immersed into the story line as he went into the last few chapters. His smile was printed beautifully on his face and sometimes couldn’t hold back his chuckle while he continued reading the novel that was in romance genre.

            It was a quiet 15 minutes later when he reached the page 415 and said while flipping the page to the next one, “Stop staring at me, Hyukjae,” eyes still reading the words on the book and he heard a chuckle from their bed.

            “How could you even know?”

            Donghae was still looking down on the book, not even bothered to meet the eyes of his lover, “Baby, I could feel your obvious stare,” Donghae hung it there and he knew by this time Hyukjae’s eyebrows must be meeting in the middle, forming a straight line. Donghae looked up and he was right.

            “Your hot stare,” Donghae said, locking his gaze with Hyukjae.

            And Donghae earned a loud laugh from Hyukjae before he could hear him said, “Can’t help it when my adorable baby is looking so hot just by sitting and reading. I miss you but you choose to sit there and ignore me,” said Hyukjae with a pout and Donghae couldn’t stop himself from grinning at the sight.

           Hyukjae then patted on their bed softly, clearly asking the younger to come over to the bed and stayed with him. Donghae obediently climbed onto the bed with intention to lean himself against the headboard and sat beside Hyukjae. But Hyukjae gently pulled the younger on the wrist and made Donghae sat between his legs instead.

Donghae turned around a little and gazed fondly at the older with a deep chuckle that escaped his lips and shook his head lightly before he naturally leaned on his lover’s chest and continued to read. This had always happened whenever Donghae read and Hyukjae was around in their house.

Hyukjae would silently hugged and rested his chin on the younger’s shoulder.

Hyukjae would place butterfly kisses over the younger’s nape and the exposed skin of his shoulder.

Hyukjae would bury his nose in the younger’s fluffy hair and inhaled it deeply as if trying to store Donghae’s scent in his memory box as much as he could.

And sometimes Hyukjae would tease and disturb the younger by constantly kissing his cheek or tickling him.

Hyukjae just loved being close to Donghae.

And Donghae also loved being close to Hyukjae.

A scratch sound of paper was made when Donghae turned to the next page and Hyukjae asked, “Sweetheart, do you miss me?” and Donghae nodded in respond, “Silly, of course I do.”

“Then why are you ignoring me?” Donghae could hear Hyukjae pouting again and decided to a little bit.”Because apparently, this book is much more interesting than you.” Hyukjae scoffed and said, “I can’t believe I lost to a book.”

Donghae smiled happily hearing his lover that was sulking, “Hyukjae, tell me anything,” and so Hyukjae did.

Hyukjae started telling his business trip to Tokyo that lasted for five days. He told Donghae everything that happened there and Hyukjae didn’t miss any single thing. Whenever Hyukjae came back from his business trip, he would tell him how his work went, how amazing the place was and how much Hyukjae wanted to bring Donghae there and how much he missed the younger. Hyukjae also didn’t forget to tell him the ramen shop he tried the first day he arrived in Tokyo. It was deliciously served and made Hyukjae thought of Donghae at his first spoon because he knew the younger would love it as much as he did.

Anyone who saw this would think that Hyukjae was talking on his own. Donghae might be reading the book on his hands but Hyukjae knew Donghae was listening to him. Donghae always listened to him.

Thrity minutes had passed and Hyukjae knew it was the time to disturb Donghae from his read and caught his attention. Hyukjae landed his lips on the younger’s soft cheek. And another one. And another again. Hyukjae played with Donghae’s fingers and shook it lightly, in hope the book would fell off from his hand.

But Donghae still remained calm and Hyukjae started to breathe right behind the right ear, knowing it was Donghae’s weakness. Hyukjae blew on it and Donghae felt tickled and shivered as he brought his shoulder up to cover his ear. “Hyukjae,” Donghae warned softly. However, Hyukjae grinned widely as he felt so satisfied to catch a little of his attention and continued placing light kisses on the younger’s earlobe.

Another 10 minutes passed but Donghae was still reading. Usually Donghae would have cuddled with him already and Hyukjae started to feel annoyed by now. Hyukjae was about to snatch the book out of Donghae’s hands when Donghae suddenly snapped shut the book tightly, making Hyukjae at the back startled by the sudden action. Donghae cheered, “Finish and it is a happy ending.” He turned around and placed a soft peck on Hyukjae’s lips. A pleased smile was plastered on his face.

Hyukjae chuckled, “I should have known it. Had it been a sad ending, you would probably cry your eyes out and sob madly by now and I need to pat you on your back, tell you all sort of nonsense trying to make you smile and minutes later, I will find myself being dragged by you to ice cream shop.” Donghae pouted and punched Hyukjae lightly on the chest while softly mumbled, “I’m not like that.”

Hyukjae pinched Donghae’s cheek, “Of course my baby is like that,” and leaned himself forward, so close yet still far enough to stare into Donghae’s beautiful eyes. “Kiss,” Hyukjae demanded and Donghae was more than delighted to grant his wish.

This time, Donghae leaned closer and their lips crashed. Bringing both of them engaged into a sweet kiss and all the unspoken emotions exploded. They kissed passionately, slow yet lovingly. And every movement just showed how much they had been missing each other for the past five days. It was gentle, soft and addicting as well. Until today, Donghae still couldn’t figure out and understand how in the world Hyukjae’s lips were so sweet and he could never get enough of it.

Hyukjae’s lips were way too addicting.

Both of them were running out of oxygen and their lips parted a little, catching up their breath and Hyukjae pecked Donghae’s swollen lips few times. Donghae moved back and Hyukjae immediately pulled Donghae on the waist, making him to sit on his lap.

Donghae shifted, trying to find his comfortable position as he placed his knees beside Hyukjae’s hips and now completely facing him. Donghae stared at Hyukjae’s face carefully and traced his index finger down Hyukjae’s eyebrows, his doe-like eyes, his nose bridge, his plump lips and his sharp jawline.

Hyukjae caught his finger and Donghae looked up a little to match his eyes. Hyukjae kissed his finger softly before pulling the younger into a hug and Donghae naturally circled his arms around Hyukjae’s neck. Donghae closed his eyes as his nostrils were filled with Hyukjae’s signature intoxicating scent.

“I miss you so much,” Hyukjae uttered. Donghae nodded, silently trying to tell Hyukjae that he knew it and he felt the same too. The torturing feeling when Hyukjae went to Tokyo and Donghae was just so frustrated of missing the older that he couldn’t shut his eyes for a good sleep. He remembered tossing around furiously and kicking the air. Donghae finally drifted to sleep after hugging Hyukjae’s shirt that he found in his closet.

They stayed silent for a few minutes while hugging each other and felt so secured to know that their love was in their arms. They were home. Once in awhile Hyukjae would place a kiss on his shoulder. This was exactly the purpose of Donghae wearing oversized sweater. He loved it when he felt Hyukjae’s lips on his skin. A simple gesture that made Donghae felt being loved.

Hyukjae called him, “Sweetheart,” and Donghae replied with a hum, still burying his head in the crook of Hyukjae’s neck. “Your graduation is next year right?” Donghae nodded.

“So, what’s your plan after that?” Hyukjae asked.

Donghae opened his eyes slowly and gave it a thought, “You remember that I know this one famous designer that was introduced by my friend right?”

Hyukjae raised an eyebrow, “Which one?” he asked when he couldn’t recall any memory of it and then continued, “AH! I remember. Cathleen right? What about her?”

Donghae snuggled closer, as if he wasn’t close enough, “She offered me a job as her assistant and I accepted it so I will be working under her later.” And at that Hyukjae pushed Donghae away a little to look at him. “Why? Didn’t you say that you want to have your own brand and line?”

Donghae looked straight into Hyukjae and gave a reassuring smile, “I did and I do still want it but I guess it would not be that bad to work under her and gain some experience. I will work for her for sometime while I will look for place and prepare everything for my work space and I could make some money as well. The pay is quite high so why not?” Donghae ended with a light hearty laugh.

Hyukjae sighed and something budged him, “Baby, you don’t need to. I can find the place for you and left it for you to handle. I will take care of everything starting from the place and all will be on me. So you can start fo-.“

 Donghae snapped him quick, “No! Don’t!” Too quick maybe and the tone was higher, sounding stern and serious and Hyukjae was wounded by it.

Realising that he had hurt Hyukjae unintentionally, Donghae flashed an apologetic smile and softly muttered, “Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to cut you like that and being rude. But hear me Hyukjae,” Donghae pleaded and continued, “Baby, I know you have a good intention. I know you do and you do it all because you love me but please don’t, okay?”

“Why?” Hyukjae managed to whisper.

Donghae smiled a genuine smile and Hyukjae knew he was falling in love all over again with that smile. “I want it all to be about me. I know you have the power to handle all of it for me with a few of phone calls but Hyukjae, I want to take care of it with my own power. It may not be as quick as you, but I will love every moment of me building my own work with my own sweat and tears. I hope you can understand it. I didn’t mean to ask you stop interfering into my business. I will never do that. I--,” and Hyukjae shutted Donghae up with his own lips and let it stay there for a few good seconds before pulling away and smiled meaningfully.

“I understand now,” Hyukjae said.

And Donghae couldn’t  be more grateful to have such understanding lover like Hyukjae. Hyukjae was truly a gift from the God and the answer of his every prayer, “Thankyou,” he mumbled back softly and hugged Hyukjae back.

“Donghae,” Hyukjae called out.

Donghae mumbled back, “Yes, baby?” and the sweet call made Hyukjae blushed a little.

Hyukjae nibbled on his bottom lips, “Why me?” he tightened his arms that were hugging Donghae.

The younger meanwhile quriked his eyebrows and Hyukjae continued when he knew that Donghae didn’t quite catch what he meant. “Why do you love me?”

 Donghae grinned at the back and shrugged, “Mmm.. Not sure. I just do.”

But that didn’t satisfy Hyukjae at all. “Baby, look at yourself. You are smart and attractive. You got a loving smile and the best one in this whole universe. You are also pure in heart. There is nothing wrong with you, Donghae. You are perfect in every way. Flawless and gorgeous. You are beautiful, Donghae. So, why me? You could’ve dated someone more than me. Why.. me?” the last one unintentionally came out as a whisper.

The tight hug loosened as Donghae pulled away to stare at his lover and grinned so wide. Hyukjae’s beat faster than he intended to. It had always been like this whenever Donghae smiled at him. His heart would go wild at the sight and jumped madly that Hyukjae sometimes worried that he might have a heart attack.

But this time it was not only Donghae’s beautiful smile that drove him this way but also the fact that Donghae hadn’t answered to his question. His mind started to make their own guess before Donghae could answer and it scared Hyukjae more. Afraid that he couldn’t handle it.

Couldn’t handle it if Donghae actually didn’t love him.

No. Hyukjae wasn’t strong enough to absorb that. In fact, he never would.

Donghae moistured his lips and decided to tease his lover, “Have a guess then, Hyukjae,” with a wink.

Hyukjae placed both of his hands on Donghae’s hips and let it rest comfortably as he started to make a guess, “What could it be? Is it because I’m handsome?”

Donghae tilted his head a little and smiled in meaning, “Maybe,” he answered.

“Because we were in the same college?” Hyukjae had another guess.

“Maybe,” Donghae answered in a split of second.

“Because I’m rich?”

Donghae chuckled loudly by heart. Of course no, silly. He didn’t say it out loud but teased Hyukjae further, “Maybe?” he responded in question.

“Because I am funny?”

“Maybe.”

“Because I am charming?”

“Maybe.”

“Because I am kind?”

“Maybe.”

“Because I ask you to date me?”

“Maybe.”

That went for a couple of minutes with Hyukjae taking any kind of wild guess and Donghae just answered with one short ‘maybe’. Hyukjae figured out that the younger must be tricking him now and quickly tickled Donghae on the stomach making Donghae laughed out laugh until breathless. His face was now flushing so bad after laughing too much. Tears were spotted in the corner of his eyes. Hyukjae really didn’t spare him any second to breathe until a minute later which for Donghae was like a year later.

Hyukjae stopped and their full of love gaze locked together. Hyukjae brought his thumb up to wipe the tears that escaped from Donghae’s beautiful eyes and then Donghae leaned to hug Hyukjae as he tried to stabalize his breath.

Hyukjae didn’t say anything and it was only until Donghae’s breath turned normal that he asked again, “Do you love me?”

And at the question Donghae laughed just right near Hyukjae’s ear, feeling that question was a rhetorical and the silliest one, “Maybe.”  

Hyukjae froze at Donghae’s reply and he knew he stopped breathing for a few seconds. His pupils wavered. He unknowingly clutched Donghae’s sweater and made a fist. Tears were gathered on his eyes without his command. His pulse went crazy.

“Really?” he asked bitterly. It was dry and lifeless.

Donghae who was still smiling so wide and laughed by heart, wasn’t aware of the expression made on Hyukjae’s face. But at the sound of Hyukjae’s word, his smile quickly vanished in a matter of milisecond.

Donghae recognized that tone. The insecure tone.

            Donghae pulled away and only to be greeted by the sight of Hyukjae looking so broken and Donghae swore he could hear his own heart broke into million pieces. Donghae was only joking around. He didn’t mean it at all. Totally. He knew he had joked too far. He loved Hyukjae with every piece of his soul but he had forgotten that insecurities could overwhelm Hyukjae anytime.

            Hyukjae darted his eyes to meet Donghae’s. His vision blurred a little as the tears were gathering and rushing to fall. He whispered, “Really?” so soft that anyone could barely hear it but the room was quiet so Donghae could catch perfectly how broken he sounded. Donghae’s heart ached.

            “No… No.. Hyukjae.. Listen, darling,” Donghae begged.

            “I was only joking. I love you, Hyukjae. You know that well. I was only messing around with you,” said Donghae but Hyukjae just stared at him and didn’t say anything.

            “Hyukjae,” Donghae called him and this time Hyukjae finally came back to focus.

            Donghae stared deep into Hyukjae’s brown orbs, not sparing any chance for Hyukjae to look away, “I won’t leave you. Listen to me carefully. Don’t be afraid, darling. I’m here. I’m always here. Don’t think about anything. There is no ifs or whys. It’s just you and me, love. Don’t think of the past, for we only see the future ahead of us. But for now, it is you and me. Only both of us loving each other with whole of our heart. No one else. No such thing as backing off and leaving. Screw that. God damn it.” Donghae’s breath turned shorter. He spoke fast, trying to convince Hyukjae and washed away all his insecurities. He knew Hyukjae must be lost somewhere and he needs him back immediately.

Donghae smiled sincerely and whispered, “I love you, Lee Hyukjae.”

And a tear rolled down, making a stream down his left cheek, “I love you too, sweetheart. I am so afraid of losing you. I can’t imagine myself without you, Donghae. Don’t leave me please. If I ever made any mistake, I’m truly sorry but,” his voice went hoarse, “Just don’t leave me.”

Donghae’s heart shattered, at this time he felt himself was so useless for not being able to do anything when Hyukjae broke down all over again, he wanted to punch himself. He made a huge effort to smile and chuckled as lively as possible. Hyukjae needs him now, he can’t break down along with him, “Who is leaving? Nobody is leaving. Neither losing anyone. Hyukjae… Love, I’m here. I love you so much.”

“But baby,” said Hyukjae and Donghae could hear a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

“What if one day you start getting closer to her or anyone and drift apart from me?” Hyukjae’s voice grew smaller.

Donghae immediately cupped Hyukjae face to stop him from drooping his head low. Both of them stared at each other, letting the silence squished in and Hyukjae mumbled with a voice full of pain, “What if you left me like how she did?” and Donghae instantly knew what he meant.

That painful memory really left a deep scar in his heart.

Donghae didn’t realise his own tears slipped out as well. Hyukjae was so fragile.

Donghae knew Hyukjae had always been trying to avoid this topic as much as he could, and the younger let him be, knowing that it was much better not to reopen his wound again but to see him now speaking it again, Donghae’s heart ached so bad to see Hyukjae in this state.