You'll never know the endless nights

the rhyming of the rain
Or how it feels to fall behind

and watch you call his name

—

Taeyong has gone through this moment many times—Jaehyun putting his clothes back on after spending the night with the cherry-haired male, meanwhile, Taeyong is still very much bare under his blanket. It could have been a beautiful sight to see if he didn’t feel the numbing pain on his chest, a constant reminder that after the other man walks out of the door, he completely belongs to someone else. He can ask him to say, Taeyong doubts if Jaehyun will say no to his request, since he has done it many times before, and not even once he declines

This man is not his; and yet.

Jaehyun must have caught him staring because now, he is on the edge of Taeyong’s single bed, looking at him with the loving eyes of him and that’s great, because Taeyong can pretend it’s him whom Jaehyun belongs to.

“Is something wrong?” He says, soft and tender, fingers threading through his bleached locks. Taeyong wants to laugh.

This is wrong. Yet, we’re still doing this.

Instead, he smiles and shakes his head. Jaehyun’s hand drops to his cheek, the soft touch of his thumb against Taeyong’s cheek bone is comforting, and it’ll be gone soon.

“I have to go,” I know. “She called.” I understand.

“Okay.” It’s not. Taeyong decides to avoid the eye contact. He notices the small hickey he left on the bottom of Jaehyun’s collarbone, he wonders what will his girlfriend think if she sees that.

The brunet leans down for a kiss and once again, Taeyong can pretend. It’s simple, intimate, although it still feels like goodbye.

“I’ll see you soon,” Jaehyun gives him his signature dimpled-smile before leaving one more kiss. “I love you.”

Oh, Do you?

His heart burns and Taeyong knows he needs to stop pretending.

—

“He was here, wasn’t he?”

Doyoung comes home at half past 12, seeing Taeyong being a complete melancholic at their couch, staring but not paying attention to what the television is airing. He doesn’t answer Doyoung’s question, not when the man probably already knows the answer.

“How was your date?” Taeyong asks instead after a brief moment of silence. The lavender-haired male only sighs.

“It was great, but right now is not about me. It’s about you,” Taeyong, once again, stays mum. He wished Doyoung wasn’t this sharp. “Jaehyun was here, wasn’t he?”

He nods, half-heartedly. The other scowls.

“For how long you’re going to do this to yourself? To his lover?” Doyoung’s words feel like thousands of daggers to his heart and ego, yet he doesn’t bother to argue. “Just stop, Taeyong. You deserve better. She doesn’t deserve this too.”

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong apologises with a hushed voice.

“You should be. You deserve so much more than just a little secret.” Doyoung leaves the room and Taeyong can feel tears b in his eyes.

—

They had a history together, he and Jaehyun. Years before this tangled mess happened.

Being Jaehyun’s boyfriend was probably one of the best things that ever happened in his mediocre life, it could have lasted longer if it wasn’t for his own insecurities and anxiety. If Taeyong had have more faith, this mess wouldn’t have happened.