I glanced at the watch on my wrist, 

 

 

8:52 AM 

 

 

 Thirty-six seconds...

 

 

 

Three..

 

 

Two.... 

 

 

One... 

 

 

 

"That was the most horrible joke I've ever heard in my life." 

 

 

 

8:53 AM 

 

 

 

 

I looked around, the subway train I'm currently in is silent. 

 

 

 

Dead silent. 

 

Across me is a typical, stressed out, close-to-being-bald businessman, browsing what seems to be different types of tie — don't get me wrong, I noticed based on the reflection of the glass window behind him — he definitely didn't say that. 

 

 

The full bench I'm currently sitting on is occupied by no one but me. The next one on my left is a fellow student — based on her uniform I'm seeing right now — but not from my school. 

 

 

I quickly diverted my gaze when her eyes decided to meet mine. 

 

 

I don't care, I really don't. 

 

 

 

I'm forced to care. 

 

 

 

The voice, no, the hallucination. 

 

 

 

I am always hearing that voice. 

 

 

 

Never in my life have I ever heard that voice. 

 

 

 

Ever. 

 

 

 

I can't even remember when I started hearing it. 

 

 

All I know is that, everyday, everytime. 

 

 

 

At this particular hour, 

 

 

 

At this particular place,

 

 

 

I hear cackling and scoffing from this surrounding that clearly has people busy living in their own planets, obviously not muttering any word.

 

 

Cool, isn't it? 

 

 

 

It's not. 

 

 

 

Especially not when you're grocery shopping, currently in the chips section, and an all-too-familar voice comes up saying, 

 

 

"One bowl of tteokbokki, please."

 

 

Followed by a..

 

 

"How much is it all?" 

 

 

At ten and three minutes in a Saturday Morning. 

 

 

I hate it when that happens. 

 

 

I hate it when I furiously turn around and frighten a peaceful customer with my loud "What?!", earning embarassing looks from others and I, giving out endless ripples of bowing and apologies. 

 

 

I hate it so much. 

 

 

Or that time when it's Mathematics. 

 

 

My Math teacher, Mr.Choi, is naturally discussing a branch of that subject, Algebra, at twelve and twenty-three minutes when I suddenly heard someone say, 

 

 

"So how do I get the circumference of a circle if there's no diameter or radius?!" 

 

 

Instinctively, I jerked my head sidewards to the right with an unbelievable expression and muttered in a low tone, 

 

 

"Why in the world are you talking about circles?! We're in Arithmetics!" 

 

 

At that time, all I wanted was to fricking jump out of the window as realization hit me.

 

 

The one I just spoke to was no other than our freshly, newly, transferee that goes by the name Park Sooyoung. 

 

 

"I get that you're being friendly with our new student but you can continue with your ways after my class, Miss Kang"

 

 

I should be thankful but somehow I'm not because I am currently now seated with the devil, thanks to that incident and that voice.

 

"Still hearing lullabies?" 

 

 

"Shut up, Joy."

 

 

Oh, I forgot to say that girl insisted on calling her that name 'cause that's what she brings—words from her and her only—in order for her to stop mentioning the mysterious mare's nest I'm currently in. 

 

 

Between looking like a total fool and confessing your something-that's-weird-and-embarassing​​​​​-madness secret to a complete stranger, I picked the last one.

 

 

No one knew about this—well, except for myself and Joy — not even my parents.

 

 

It's just a voice, come on, how bad could it be? I mean, yeah, those were embarassing alright. I believe they'll be all gone soon.

 

 

 

 

That soon may never come.

 

 

How bad could it be? 

 

 

 

Who was I kidding? 

 

 

 

Days became weeks and that bad has now become worse.

 

 

Right, Kang, how bad could it be? 

 

 

Of course, with the time passing by, the voice in my head has gotten severe.

 

 

No, that isn't the right term to use.

 

 

It's not like it's some disorder, right? Or is it? 

 

 

Nonetheless. 

 

​​​​​

It has gotten worse, alright.

 

 

Everyday, every 3:29 of the day, may it be in the morning or in the afternoon, short sentences became long dialogues. Once again, don't get me wrong, this voice thingy has gotten its toll on me, I thought maybe there's gotta be some way how to solve this jumbled-out puzzle.

 

 

To get out of this locked-up maze.

 

 

To crack its uncrackable code.

 

 

"Yeah! Let's hang out soon! Gosh, I miss you and your friend already! Oh please! Me? Spittling lies? You got it all correct."

 

 

Listen, brain. I care less about what you say and what your friend is saying so please, please, get your together 'cause my English seatwork is not going to answer by itself.

 

 

All my mental pleading were of no use as it is now 3:33 in the afternoon, a new set of statement produced by my futile brain, 

 

 

"I hate you! That's not how you iron clothes! You made a hole in the bust area, stupid!" 

 

 

And my seatwork is now being checked with blank sentences as its answer.

 

 

6:43 PM 

 

Since when did I start to listen to the voice?

 

 

Maybe only this time of this day.

 

 

I mean whose attention wouldn't be caught when you're on the way home from school then suddenly you'll hear, 

 

 

"Am I really not enough? Am I really not loveable?"  

 

 

Of course, as usual, I turned around and saw no one beside me.

 

 

 

Why am I not surprised that I'm not surprised? 

 

 

 

 

Weeks became months and that worse has now become worst.

 

 

In my case, I guess.

 

 

I started to become distant, quiet even.

 

 

I guess my classmates understand what I feel.

 

 

Scratch that.

 

 

They think I'm still worked up with that incident with Joy months ago that I decided to become quiet for the rest of my life. 

 

 

Atleast they're not numb.

 

 

 

Just dumb.

 

 

 

Gosh! The voice's effect on me! 

 

 

 

Oh my god! 

 

 

I just realized something. 

 

 

The words from her, months ago, crossed my mind.

 

 

 

​​​​​​"That was the most horrible joke I've ever heard in my li