The night sky had always fascinated Jungkook.

With the way the stars glisten and twinkle, the light emanating from the crescent moon as it complimented the night all in all. It all just seemed to capture his attention.

Jungkook usually wasn’t one to admire nature, but he appreciated the cold, starry night sky in the hot summer once in a while. The boy closed his eyes as he breathed in the summer night. Calming wind breezing through his ruffled sand-brown hair, the clashing waves of the sea, soothing.

Just like how it had always been.

He smiled (although a bit bitterly) and he continued to look up at the stars as he sat at the park bench. Yes, it was 2 o clock at night, and he should be sleeping, but no, the Busan sky was way too pretty and sleep was just not coming.

Purple hues would tint the sky in an hour or two, and soon enough, the sun would rise. And this, this is what Jungkook had always deemed as something that was his.

Watching the night sky, breathing in the salty air of the night that is oh-so-ethereal, that is.

He always wondered as to why he felt so attached to the Busan sky at 2 o'clock, maybe it was the emulsion of the purple and blue hues, maybe it was the beautiful yet forlorn memories that came with the sky itself.

He’d never know.

He sighed once again and closed his eyes, basking in the beauty of it all. He hadn’t expected the night sky of Busan to affect him as much as it did. He hadn’t expected to miss the purple-hued sky as much as he did, hadn’t expected to come back to his home after 3 ing years of being stuck in Seoul, waiting, and yearning to come back and to witness the beauty of it all once again.

It had been 3 years since he started his singing career in Seoul, leaving the warmth of what he once called home. It had been exactly 3 years since he last came to this park.And it had been three years since Jungkook left their once shared flat….since he took all his belongings and left for Seoul.Going far far away from the boy whom he had once loved.

 He hadn’t expected a lot of things..And he most definitely did not expect to meet him again. Not after all that happened between them.

But there he was, standing under the lamppost, mouth slightly agape, eyes wide as he stared at the taller man sitting at the bench.

There he was…

Park Jimin.

The boy he left behind.

~*~

“Jeon Jungkook.”, he said in a shallow quiet voice, as if it would punch him in the gut if he were to even mutter his name aloud. 
And suddenly, all emotions surged through the shorter boy like a ing tidal wave.

He felt overwhelmed, the stab at his heart, aching more than it did normally, the sting at his eyes, threatening to tear up and spill any second now.

He was here. Jeon ing Jungkook was here, he came back…after three years…he finally came back.

He should’ve felt happy, relieved , or at least have some sort of disclosure, when he sees  how well the muscular boy turned out to be, and how Jimin still managed to find his ex lover to be so so beautiful, even after three years.

Even after all that happened.

But , it was just not fair, how can he be so perfectly fine when all Jimin had been the past years was just horrible?? (horrible was an understatement as to how Jimin had felt and still feels)

Jungkook’s pupils dilated as soon as their eyes met, and Jimin knew how much of a sore sight he must have been.

Over the course of three years, Jimin managed to lose 60 pounds, his skin grew paler, and his dark circles were more prominent and visible than before.

He looked and felt terrible, aching, for all he wanted was for his lover to come back and just hold him again, to love him again, and maybe this time around Jimin would’ve been less clingier, would’ve let Jungkook bring that white puppy home, would’ve let him stay out till late at night partying and go out early. He would’ve let him do everything, he would’ve given everything, if it meant that Jungkook would stay.

Because God, Jimin felt empty, as if a part of him had left with Jungkook’s departure.

But what frustrated him so much was the fact that Jungkook could look so perfectly fine and happy without the Busan sky relaxing him.

The fact that Jungkook could look so perfectly fine and happy without Jimin beside him.

He felt devastated.

And as if it was a movie, time had slowed down as the wind gushed through, the tense atmosphere around them, suffocating.

Jimin, in his dazed state of mind, hadn’t realized when Jungkook came to stand in front of him,  his legs shifting every now and then and his eyes looking everywhere but at him.

And only then did the memories come flashing back at him.

The beautiful ones, where Jimin would find himself being spooned by the younger, cuddling as they watched their usual Harry Potter marathon. The horrible ones, where they fought and slept in different rooms( neither actually slept during those days) and the devastating ones, where Jungkook came home late, drunk and smelling like someone else’s perfume.

It’s been exactly 3 years, but Jimin still can’t get rid of the void feeling he felt everytime he woke up in his way-too-big-of-a bed, cold and alone. He still can’t forget the look Jungkook gave him, the stern, spiteful words that left his mouth.  And goddammit, he really wished he could..but he can’t.

He just doesn’t know how to.

Flashback

9th July 2014, 3:55 am

It was a cold Monday morning when Jimin had realised that he loved Jungkook. With a bouquet of white roses at hand and sweet words of nothing, Jungkook appeared at his door at such an ungodly hour. (And surprisingly Jimin wasn’t mad)

He told Jimin that he ‘looked lovely today’ (even though Jimin was in his Star Wars Pajamas with messy bed hair) and after a while,  he took him out to the park .

He took Jimin out to the small park beside Jimin’s house (Jimin himself had never seen the park, despite living near it..and he regretted not having done so before) ,and  the moment his eyes caught sight of the small field, spread out with patches of grass and fallen leaves from the small oak trees that  surrounded the benches, almost comically, he felt his eyes go wide and his jaw drop.

Jungkook laughed at his expression,and Jimin thought that it was the most beautiful thing he ever heard.

He laughed and chuckled so heavenly, the 4 o'clock sky, tainted with warm pink and orange, making him look like as if he’s an angel, his eyes twinkling like the almost-invisible stars in the sky.

He felt happy, and he felt loved.
The park was beautiful , their date was beautiful, and Jungkook was beautiful and good Lord, no one but him would know just how much emotions he felt for the boy with that bunny smile.

So with a heart full of courage, he had told the boy that he loved him. And Jungkook, with a wide eyed smile, replied an “I love you too” with the same amount of enthusiasm as the latter.

And now, this park was more than just a small field by the pond, it was an abodement of all the amazing and horrible things that were to come .

The park was where they had their first date, it was where Jimin had said his first “I love you” and where they had their first anniversary.

But the park was also where they had their last date , it was where Jimin had said his last “ I love you” and where they had their last anniversary.

The park held so much memories, so much emotions that Jimin, after years and years of trying, still couldn’t properly decipher.

~
10th August, 2014

It’s been a month since he last heard Jungkook say those three heavenly words.

It’s been a month since they last went on their Wednesday Coffee Date, or their Saturday Dinner Date.

It’s been a month.

And what is the fact that they acted like everything was normal.

Jimin didn’t know what had happened, he didn’t know if he did something wrong (which he was pretty sure he did).

And so he tried talking to Jungkook, a lot of times, but everytime, Jungkook would reply with the answer

“I have work, I’m busy, Jimin”.

Jimin knew that was not the case, but he wasn’t one to nag about it.

Yes, Jimin was clingy, and he loved sticking close to his boyfriend but no, he wouldn’t stop Jungkook from doing whatever it is that he was.

Jimin kept himself out of Jungkook’s business, figuring that Jungkook would tell him what it was when he felt that the time was right.

But instead, the more he kept himself away from Jungkook’s matters, the further they drifted away.

And the more Jungkook started to become cold to Jimin. Started to ignore him and sometimes even downright shout at him.

Jimin felt upset, he felt horrible.

He didn’t know what to do, and so he did the only thing he knew best, he’d put on a smile and continue complimenting him, and showering him with love.

But soon enough, even that turned out to be useless. ‘Cause everytime Jimin smiled at him, he’d just glare back. Everytime he tried to make small talk, he’d ignore him and everytime Jimin said “I love you”, he wouldn’t say it back, replying with something like “I know” or “Me too”.

And Jimin…he might be clumsy, he might get too attached and he might get emotionally biased, but he wasn’t stupid.

He knew that Jungkook was ignoring him on purpose, and he didn’t like that at all.

And so, he decided that once Jungkook comes home, he’ll make the boy talk and explain.
And that they’d figure this out once and for all.
.
.
.
He never came home.

~
It was Jimin’s first time waking up in a cold, empty bed in months.

And it was Jimin’s first time crying in despair, alone in months.

When Jungkook had finally come home, he didn’t say a word, nor did he even look Jimin in the eye.

It agitated him, angered him and it hurt him.

What terrible terrible thing did he do that caused Jungkook to push Jimin away?

What did he do wrong that made them fall apart?

He had to know.

“kookie-ah”, he called out as he followed Jungkook into the room but got no response. And so he tried again.

“Jungkookie-” , he called again but was interrupted by a cold and stern voice.

“What??”, Jungkook glared at the younger boy, noticing that he was wearing one of Jungkook’s white hoodies, clearly way too big to perfectly fit.

(Jimin felt safer when he was surrounded by Jungkook’s warm scent of something between coffee and mint, not that Jungkook needed to know that)

Jimin had a lot to ask, but for now, he asked, “Why didn’t you come home last night?”

He wrapped his own arms around himself, shivering despite wearing warm clothes.

“Why should it matter? I’m here now, aren’t I?”, he asks back, sharply. Not really answering the question at all.

He wanted to say a lot of things, God, he wanted to scream and let his frustration out on Jungkook just like how he does on Jimin. But all that came out was a soft whimper of “I missed you”.

He bit his lip as he looked at anywhere but at the boy in front of him, trying his goddamn best not to cry.

He was waiting for Jungkook’s reply, but nothing came.

He looked back up with furrowed eyebrows as he looked at the boy.

And for once, he really looked at the boy. He looked at his sagging figure,at the tired expression that harbored itself on Jungkook’s face, his outfit was messy and ruffled.

God, it hurt Jimin just to look at Jungkook.

He came closer to the boy and observed his features as the younger boy just stood there, probable lost in thoughts.

Jimin reached his hand out to caress the boy’s face that he missed so so much, only to have the latter retreating, quickly flinching away from the touch.

Jimin would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt.

He slowly retreated his own hand, moving away from the boy.

He doesn’t want to touch you anymore.

He doesn’t want to love you anymore, he thought.

He felt his eyes stinging with pain, emotions and rage. Not at Jungkook, no, never at Jungkook. 
But at himself.

For being so stupid, and thinking that maybe all the taller boy needed was a little bit of loving and affection, when it had been Jimin himself who had been needing it all along.

He just craved for love and attention, something Jungkook didn’t want to give him anymore.

“what happened?”, Jimin finally managed to ask.

He needed to know.

“What do you mean 'what happened’?”, Jungkook asks back as he took off his leather jacket.

“You know exactly what I mean, Jeon Jungkook”, he replied with a firm voice.

He needed to know.

He saw Jungkook hesitate, open his mouth to speak and closing it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, he says as he turned to face the other way and headed for the bathroom.

“ why are you being like this?!”, Jimin said with a loud voice.

Jimin, the boy who was the epitome of sunshine and happiness, Jimin, the boy who was gentle and never  got mad, had finally snapped.

“Why are you trying to push me away?! Everytime I try to talk to you, you’re always ignoring me or just shouting and screaming at me!”, he said, his arms flailing around in exasperation.

“You’re always either outside doing God knows what, or you’re at home hungover from drinking too much the other night! ”, Jimin’s breath quickened, as he spoke those words, “ And you’re never home for breakfast, or lunch or dinner. You stopped going on dates with me and you don’t smell like yourself anymore”, he finished with a slight whimper at his own words.

Jungkook had scoffed in reply, his patience was wearing thin as soon as Jimin had started to talk.

“Are you trying to say that I cheated on you?! Do you really think so lowly of me now?!!” ,he shouted.

Jimin flinched at that. Because, this isn’t what he meant to imply.

“ No I-”, he tried to say but was interrupted by his loud voice once more.

“You’re always like this !! God, is this why you’ve been annoyingly clinging to me so much?! Because you didn’t trust me?!” , he said and threw his jacket to the floor in anger.

This isn’t what he meant, at all.

“All I did was just ask a question! why are you being so-”, he says back and got interrupted, like he always does.

“ For s sake Jimin, just stop asking so many questions and stop being so annoying for once!”, He shouts again.

And Jimin whimpers at that. He hadn’t realized that he was crying till now.

Please don’t shout at me, he thought.

“ It’s as if you don’t even love me anymore.”, Jimin says, and this time, a bit softer than before. A bit more vulnerable and hurt .

“Well then maybe you’re right for once!! Maybe I don’t love you anymore! Maybe you’re just a burden to me !”, Jungkook said.

And if Jimin was hurt before, he was devastated now.

Jungkook didn’t love Jimin anymore.

He thought Jimin was annoying, clingy and just a burden.

He felt his throat tighten, his heart tugging and his eyes blurring from the crestfallen tears on his face.

“Oh…”, Jimin said, looking away.

“Well I - uh ”, Jimin tried saying something, but stopped himself before doing something stupid like telling him how sorry he was and how much he loves Jungkook or kissing him out of the blue.

“I’m gonna ..go to sle-”, he tried telling Jungkook but ended with a sob at the end of the sentence.

He went out of the suffocating room as quickly, and as fast as he could.Only wailing out in sobs once he was in the guest room, once Jungkook couldn’t hear him.

Needless to say, Jimin couldn’t sleep that night. Shivering and sobbing and repeating the same whimpers of “I love you” and “I’m sorry”. He stayed in the boy’s hoodie that night, huddling in and lingering on to his smell.

He regretted everything. He regretted ever asking him those questions, and Jimin  wished he didn’t know the things he did now.

Jungkook said he  didn’t love Jimin anymore, but he probably didn’t mean to say that, (Jimin hoped Jungkook didn’t mean that) , he probably got too carried away in the disputes.

And the shorter boy decided that he was going to fix this, 'cause God, Jimin can’t imagine his life without a certain Jungkook by his side, holding him, and telling him how much he loved him.

He would apologize the next morning, shower him with affection, cook him lunch for his work and tell him he loves him. He awaits for the next morning to come, with a will to say sorry for everything he did and to fix this once he sees Jungkook the next day.
.
.
.

He waited for three years.
 

Jungkook never came back.

Flashback Ends

“Jimin”, Jungkook says in a hushed tone, almost whispering,  although the park was void of people.

Jimin internally scowled at the way Jungkook had said his name,  just like how he did three years ago.

But just like he said, it had been three years ago. And if it was the Jimin from three years ago, he’d be hugging Jungkook by now , forgiving him with open arms and tears of joy in his eyes.

But things were different now, Jimin wasn’t the fluffy ball of sunshine like he was before. His smile never reached his eyes anymore, and his words were stern and curt.

Old Jimin would’ve teared up and cried at the sight of his ex lover. But all Jimin did now was prominently glare at the taller boy.

“What the are you doing here Jungkook?” ,he said in a cold manner.

Jungkook felt taken aback at the boy’s choice of words but replied anyhow, “I didn’t see the Busan sky in a while…I kinda missed it”, he looked up at the sky as he spoke the words.

The sky was turning into a lighter shade of blue by now.

“You and I both know that’s not what I meant”, Jimin said curtly. “Why the hell are you here in Busan??”, he continued, fuming.

Why? 
After three ing years, why did he come back now?

And why was Jimin still feeling weird in the guts while looking at the taller boy?

He had his heart broken way too many times because of the boy standing in front of him, the sun was snatched from his hands the second Jungkook left him all alone, cold and forsaken, without any explanation.

He had tried to contact Jungkook, he called him everyday and every night, sent drunken texts to him about how much he missed the younger…. but Jungkook never replied.

It hurt Jimin to know how much he had given for his first love, when all he did was walk away.

The boy broke Jimin’s heart.

And  he wasn’t going to risk it again, never again. Which is why he built walls around him, he started to shield his emotions, not letting them through. He didn’t want to feel like that anymore.

And it was all Jungkook’s fault.

“I came back for you.”, the boy said softly, looking at Jimin with eyes that spoke more than any words could.

And if Jimin didn’t know any better, he would have believed him, would’ve thought that Jungkook was actually back for him. But Jimin didn’t fall for his words, no, not like how he used to.

Jungkook was wrong, he didn’t come back. Busan wasn’t a home for Jungkook to come back to, not anymore.

Jimin scoffed at Jungkook’s response. “No. You didn’t”, he said firmly.

“Jimin-”, Jungkook tried speaking but was interrupted by Jimin.

“You left, Jungkook. Without even telling me why. You left me alone and hurt. I kept thinking about what the it was that I did wrong. What went so wrong that you felt the need to run away from your own goddamn house !” , Jimin fumed, his breath quickening.

Last time, Jungkook was the one who had screamed at him, and all Jimin did was listen.

And now, it was Jimin who screamed, and all Jungkook did was look at the boy that was so unlike the Jimin he knew.  

“But that’s not the worst part. The worst part was that I blamed myself for all this, when it was all your fault, Jeon. ”, he said pointedly.

“I’m sorry”, Jungkook said. Because there was nothing else left to say, nothing else he could possibly say.

Jimin laughed bitterly at the mention of Jungkook’s words, funny how Jimin used to be the one to apologize after every one of their fights and now Jungkook was the one who did so.

Too bad he didn’t forgive the taller boy. He wouldn’t, not after everything Jungkook put him through.

Jungkook opened his mouth to speak once again, and this time, Jimin let him.

“I didn’t run away because of  you, Jimin. ”, he started to say. “I ran away because of myself”, he smiled tightly and sadly at the latter, but Jimin only raised his eyebrows and glared at him. “Seoul was my dream place, Jimin. Busan… just wasn’t made for me ..I wanted to do music, to sing and perform in those big stages”, Jungkook said.

 And Jimin could tell that Jungkook would have a beautiful voice. It made sense that Jungkook would want to be a singer. (Jimin wished he could hear Jungkook sing a song for him before)  

“I wanted to be an idol, Jimin. And frankly, I thought that being with you would just get in the way.”, he continued.

And if Jimin’s heart ached at that, then he didn’t show it.

“I thought putting feelings aside would make it easier for me, would make me fall out of love with you. And I thought that pushing you away would make you fall out of love too.”, Jungkook said, with tears b his eyes.

“I was selfish, Jimin. And maybe I still am.”

“God, Jiminie, I’m still so selfish, because..I still want to love you, Jimin. And everytime I looked up at the 4 o'clock sky, I couldn’t help but remember how beautiful you looked that day when you said you loved me.  I couldn’t help but miss you. ”, Jungkook said with a lone tear strayed down his cheek.

Jimin felt his eyes sting as he heard those words. No, he wasn’t falling for this again.

“Go away, Jungkook-ah”, he said curtly, his voice cracking ever-so-slightly.

The longer Jimin would stay there, the more he felt like breaking down. He needed to go as far away from the taller boy as possible.

And so he walked away with angry steps, but Jungkook called after him, “Jimin, wait!”, he says desperately.

And Jimin was raged. He turned around to pointedly look at Jungkook, who felt a cold shiver run down his spine as he looked back.

“I waited for three years Jungkook-ah, and what good did I get from that?”, he asked, his sore voice sounding raw and just tired.

And if Jungkook felt guilty before, he was downright ashamed of himself.

He felt ashamed, and he wanted to cower away and hide in a corner. But this was Jimin, and he wasn’t going to give up on him, not again.

Cautiously, he came closer to the boy who kept glaring daggers at him.

“B-but I still love you Hyung, I-”, he said but got interrupted by Jimin, who grabbed Jungkook by the arm and pulled the him towards himself harshly, staring at him with cold eyes that were void of the sparkle and glimmer they once had. 

“Can you see my eyes, Jeon Jungkook?! You did this. You monster”.

And with that, Jimin let go, he turned around and walked away.

Never looking back, afraid that he might change his mind if he looked at the boy for one more second.

And for the first time , Jungkook was left heartbroken, as Jimin walked away.
 

---

The End! So…what did you guys think? 😏 Did I give y’all the angsty feeling hihihi (i hope i did lel)  Anyways~~ I wanted to try and base this oneshot off of “4 O’Clock by BTS R & V” if ya havent already noticed~ And yes, I will be writing another alternative ending, just cos I hate making y’all suffer. :3 

 

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