You are sitting on white couch ,reading newspapers.....you look so damn gorgeous in white sweatshirt, blue denim Jean jacket with little white ribbons on elbows areas 

You really look stunning with your new shade,brown .

Well, you look y with black haired too

You look gorgeous in everything you wear ,everything you do

You are more mature now

You are not like a little boy that I used to know.

A smile blooms from your lips as you lift your head and look at the door

"You are late" you say and turn smile into pouty one 

Oh!! You and your cute pout!! You two really can't be separated, right??

Your face starts having pink shade as you receives an apologetic kiss.......you look like red tomato...how cute! 

That's exactly what I love about you....you get shy and embarrassed over little things even though it's been so long

I can watch you all day long Hyesung-ah!

If I only I can stand here and see your happy face, I will watch you all day long........

 *__________________________________*

He's the best boyfriend in the world

He's been with me through thin and thick

Through my dark and brightest time

He's the reason why I'm here

He's my biggest supporter to become who I am

He always trusts me in

Even when I was a nameless rapper, he always used to tell me "You are the world's best rapper Eric-ah!"

Without him,I won't be here

I won't be here on the stage, performing in front of thousands of fans, occupying all the news headlines, doing world tour

Without him, there's no me! 

You are the best thing I have ever had Hyesung-ah!!

*___________________________________*

"Please take this and review your opinion "

"Here! Please take this CD sample"

"Can you please review on this CD sample ??"

"Oh!! ahjushii!! Just one night!! Just let him perform one night!!"

"Trust me! He's the best rapper in the world! The audiences gonna really love it!"

"Excuse me,sir! Can you please send this CD sample to CEO ?? Oh,no no!!! This is only sample  CD of rap songs!! Oh! Please Ahjusshi!! Wait !! Let go of my hands!! I can go by myself!!"

"Hyesung-ah!"

"Hmmm??"

"Let's stop" I told as I saw him being dragged by securities of the music production company.

"Stop what??"

"Stop all these doing. Stop all these you trying to promote me...I think it's just my crazy idea to want to become Rapper....I don't think I'll become famous...it's just my......my crazy and stupid dream"

"Ya!!! You Eric Mun!!! How can you give up easily??? Isn't it your dream to become famous rapper?? Isn't what you have been wanting your whole life?? Isn't that the reason what you are living for?? Don't give up!!! I'll do whatever I have to make you famous!!" You said in determined tone!! 

It's kinda surprising! 

You may look soft and clumsy most of the time...you may be a whining kid.....you may cry when you are sad or touched....you may get yourself drunk and blunt out all the harsh words,but end up crying when you are stressed....you may say lots of curses when you are angry...you may look like a fragile prince but I have never seen this side of you....so determined and your eyes....so glistening!!! Shining like a star!! In those eyes, I can see your expectant in me, your trust in me!! Your sacrifice in me!! Your dream,your love, your life in me!! In that little moment, I knew myself, I can't and won't be able to love anyone else anymore!! You are the one!! You are the love of my life!! The one I need in my life is nothing else just you.........

"Eric, its late...why don't you sleep now??"

"Hmmmm...just a moment please, I'm gonna finish this lyrics...I'll sleep after this " I didn't even turn my head back to you and replied

"Ah....okay then! Don't be late"

"Finally Done!!!!!!"

I put down my newly finished lyrics on the table. "Wahhhhhh! So tired.....Hyesung?? Oh!!!"

Did I see something wrong?? You were sleeping on my couch...in front of you were untouched dishes...."What??? Did he just fall asleep while waiting for me?? He hasn't even had dinner! Maybe because he is waiting for me!"

I felt so bad and guilty...how can I forget you made you slept on this tiny couch...and made you missed your dinner

"I'm really sorry Hyesung-ah! To make you face all these troubles...I promise you!! I'll make you proud of me! I'll give you best thing in the world! I'll make you happiest person in the world"

"Eric-ah!! Please come pick me up!I can't walk anymore!"

"What?? Where are you Hyesung-ah!! I'll be there in minutes! Just stay there'

I grabbed taxi and went to where Hyesung told he was....arriving at the address he gave me,it's company, the music production company, and there he is....sitting like a little kid who lost in shopping mall when he was out with his parents 

"What are you doing here Sung-ah?? What's wrong?? You made me so worried!"

"He took it"

"Hmmm?? He? Who? Took what??"

"He took your CD sample Eric-ah!! The last one you recorded! The CEO took it Eric-ah!!!"

We both couldn't speak for minutes....actually I was digesting his words carefully,even though he said only few words ,it took me really long to fully understand 

"CEO of this music production company took my CD??" I asked him again in disbelief 

"Yes!!!! And he said he will contact us !!! Can you believe Eric-ah??? He said he will contact us!!!"

And there two men, holding hands and squeezing out the high notes, shouting whatever came into their minds, jumping like little kids in front of the company.....

"Hyesung-ah"

"Hmmm??" You answered softly while leaning your head on my shoulder, we're now on bus on the way back to our house

"Thanks you"

You said nothing back.......a minute later," Don't be, it's something I have to do as your boyfriend....."

Oh!! How I love this boy!!! Are you sure you are human?? I think you are angel disguised as human sent from heaven to me!!!

"I love you" I said as I gave soft kiss to your forehead 

"And I promise you Hyesung-ah! One day, I'll give you white sports car which you have always wanted as present! You won't have to ride bus anymore! I promise ! I'll treat you as my little prince!! No..no, you'll be the king of my life,my world! Just wait and see "

You giggled as you heard my words

"Okay....I'm counting for that day"

Now you are smiling happily 

Of course who wouldn't be happy when you are  being treated like a prince.

Your eyes turn into round shape and let out "Oh!" from your mouth when you see the present in front of you

'Car key' ....you really love sports cars! I know your addiction to cars...but how could I afford to give you one while we both were struggling our own to have living? 

'Thanks you' you whisper 'I have wanted a sports car for long time' .....

You look like you are lost in thoughts...

Maybe because you are so excited to get white car as present??

Maybe because you feel really thankful??

Maybe because you feel like you are loved and treasured??

Or maybe because..............you remember about our memories??

Actually I'm not quite sure about last fact by myself.....how can you remember our memories because it's been so long?

"Thanks you " you say again

"Don't be...I'm doing what I have to do as your boyfriend....I love you Hyesung-ah!"

You smile softly and whisper "I love you too"

And I smile. Even though your smile is not meant for me, 

Even though, your I love you words not meant to me

Even though your happiness not come from me

I'm happy when you are happy Hyesung-ah

I really want you to be happy even though I don't and won't get a chance to make you happy myself.......

"It's been a month!!!" I hissed as I threw some things towards the innocent wall

"Let's be patient Eric-ah! He said he will contact us!"

"You said those words thousands times during the month!!!!!!!! You must be really happy seeing me like this Hyesung,huh?? Seeing me helpless, hopeless, you must have so much fan looking at me ,thinking this poor guy and his impossible dream to become rapper?? Huh??? Now you have so much fun giving me impossible hopes??"

I shouted and let out words Non-stop

You looked really shocked to hear my words

We both became silent for minutes

No one stated a word

I left you alone in the living room and stomped into my, or our?? Yes, our bedroom 

After about thirty minutes, "I'm not sleeping here tonight " you said as you opened the bedroom door

From your voice, I knew that you have cried

But I pretended like I don't care "okay!" That's the only word I said back to you without even looking back at you

The sound of front door closed and I knew perfectly you don't have place to go 

We lived together in my apartment,as it can reduce our money....so you didn't contrast your annual lease of your apartment last time 

Even though I knew perfectly you had no place to go

Even though I knew perfectly you would spend your night somewhere cold

Even though I knew you cried for like half an hour

Even Though I knew you were hurt from my words

I still let you go......... 

A week later

"Eric -ah!!!! Eric!!!"

You looked like you ran to my apartment . We haven't met for a week since our argument last time 

" what??" I answered you flatly. Seem like you didn't notice my tone or you just chose to pretend like you didn't hear ,you continued your words

"He phoned me!!! At last!!! He phoned me!!! He said he wants to see you!!!"

"Oh!!!! Really!!!" "Yes!!!" You shouted and came hugged me!!!

For a moment, we both forgot about our fight.And I forgot to ask where he spent last week.

And I have to say that the rest days were my flower days

I got to contrast with Company, they helped me in my debut, I was really nervous when I had to perform my first stage, and you were there, holding cardboard saying "Eric!Jjang!!!"

I got a lot of harsh comments from anti-fans and haters too, at those times, you showed your hidden Jung Pilkyo side and you became keyboard fighter, you standed at my side and fought back with all the hate comments givers

"Let them be Hyesung ah!" I tried to persuade you

"No! I can't ! They don't have any idea about you and how dare they say bad about you?? You are the best rapper Eric ah!"

Oh!!! I've got myself best boyfriend in the world

Eventually my fame got bigger and bigger

I got first fan club and then second,third, fourth 

My name occupying all the newspapers headline

The titles be like "Handsome rapper!" "Eric's all killed again in Music bank!" "Eric took the top chart again!!" Eric here! Eric there! I even got some drama scripts and advertisements.

During all these times, you only looked at me with proud smile...you look like you are happy even though your name not get to mention anywhere..............

*A year later*

"Eric...."

"What??" I answered you in impatience .....you hesitated for a while...maybe thinking about you should talk or not

"What?? Talk if you called me!" I said in annoyed tone

"That drama......can you please not do that drama?? I heard there are so many love scenes "

You said..no no...you pleaded,should I say.

"So what?? What's wrong about having love scenes?? Do you expect me to kiss only to men?? Only to you?? Huh??"

"No,that's not........I'm afraid you'll have scandal with your co-star"

He was right! Scandal came out after several episodes of drama aired....they said we acted so realistic...truth is we were not acting and the news was not scandal....in fact, we really dated secretly....looked like you found out the truth....I knew you wanted to ask me about that...but I ignored you ..........

you tried to hold back your tears and emotions.......

And you left our apartment like that

* 1 year and 6 months later *

"Eric Mun!!! Wth is this?? I saw a news that you had fight at night club??" You stomped into my apartment holding newspapers with headline "Rapper/ Actor Eric Mun had fight !"

"Ya....don't you see??" I answered him heartlessly while looking at my computer 

"What's wrong with you?? You know it wasn't easy to become famous!!"

"So what?? You are telling me that it's you who made me famous So I need to stay like your puppet?? I need to pray for you every Sunday?? Now you want attention because it has been me who got attention all the time and you feel bad coz you are unnoticed?? "

"I really don't understand you anymore Eric...it's not Eric Mun I know. You are not Eric Mun I loved"

"Then leave!"

"What??"

"If you can't stand me anymore,then leave!" 

"Oh!!!" That's the only word came out from your lips.

And that's how our relationship ended....

Well,to tell the truth,I didn't feel any bad that time...maybe because I was on high tide that time....maybe because I thought my fame gonna last forever....maybe because there were so many gold diggers around me that time and I was wrongly believed that I'm loved ....maybe because I wrongly believed  that my fans gonna support me whatever I do 

*3 years later*

Now tell me who I am......

I wandered around the town but no one noticed me

I wore hoodie and even put on my hat,but those are really useless since no one ain't even giving about me

Haha!! Tell me where that famous Eric Mun is

I went into convenience store to buy some soju bottles....the sale girl just took a glance at me but kept doing what she had to

in back days, she would have gone crazy if she knew the great Eric Mun came her shop to buy alcohol...but now, even if she knows who is me, she won't even have any interest .....in her eyes, I'm just alcoholic with unshaved mustache.....

Ya!!! Me Eric Mun is now on the street , wandering around wherever but no one cares about me!!

After ending my relationship with Hyesung,I became really horrible person

I addicted to drugs

I kept missing my practice 

I messed out in my recording 

I cancelled shooting whenever I'm bored

My company fed up with me and cancelled the contract !

No more drama scripts came to me!

No more advertisements!

No more world tours!

No more solo show!

There ain't any photos of mine on street

Since I've left no money, gold digger hoes left me!!

Now here I am!! All alone on the street.......

."Hyesung ya! I miss you......."

"Hyesung-ya! You are not oxygen for me ...most think oxygen is essential because they have to breathe oxygen to live....but how about Carbon dioxide?? If we can't exhale carbon dioxide, we all gonna die having acidosis.But if we keep exhaling carbon dioxide more than necessary, we gonna end up having alkalosis and die.We all know carbon dioxide is toxic,but just because of that, we can't live far away from it...we have to breathe out carbon dioxide every second to live...we can't live without it in our lives too....toxic but essential in our life...not famous but keep supporting our life....you are carbon dioxide for me Hyesung ya....love is like carbon dioxide for me........toxic but I need love in my life.....dangerous but I need you in my life ...I can't live without you"

You are sitting there, having grand dinner, chatting with your boyfriend, sometimes you laugh when you find something amusing, your smile worth every second to watch ...your laughing sound is just like angelic voice....

I'm not sad about you forget about me,after all these years

I'm really glad that you found your true love who treats you as prince 

Your new love who can fill your world with only smiles and laughters

Your new lover who really worth your love and trust 

Your true love who takes granted in you

please stay like that always Hyesung ya! Please be alway happy!! Please enjoy your new and true love! Please enjoy all the happiness and best things which I couldn't give you.And please forget the gone.......bye!

And there in living room, a news is on TV screen with headline " It has been five years since Once-famous rapper Eric Mun's suicide .........." which no one pays attention to!

And a soul leaves that place with tears on his cheeks, regrets in his heart.