Yuta used to think that maybe he could never love anyone again.

People have asked him many times that why he didn’t find someone to love, and he just answered that he has no time, and just wants to focus on his career for now.

Such a common answer from those who want to avoid the topic.

They keep saying if he lives like this, it will be very boring, and every time like that he just laughs it off.

Yuta doesn’t blame them either because they don’t understand his feelings.

But if he tells them the truth, maybe they won’t believe it, the fact that he has a fear of separation, while he’s obviously single right now.

But Yuta himself is sometimes confused by this “fear”.

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Yuta's first love was a Chinese boy. They found sympathy in each other, the sympathy for those who had left their home countries to study here, and gradually that sympathy developed into love.

But one late autumn day, they put an end to their love. There was no fight, not a single tear was shed, they broke up with an awkward smile, but in their heart was some kind of relief, and also the emptiness.

At that moment, Yuta wondered why he could say the farewell words so easily, why he didn’t feel heartbroken, and why he didn’t want to ask the other guy to stay.

Just because there was no love anymore. Because there is no longer love so they broke up, emotions weren’t existing any longer so they didn’t have to suffer from a broken heart, and because they can no longer be together so there would be no use clinging.

From the first time to know the feeling of loving someone, but then having to go separate ways, all of those things have made Yuta think that the feeling called love is scary. For one moment you may be falling deeply in love, but another moment every emotion can fly away with the blowing wind, leaving nothing but the emptiness in your heart.

Yuta hates this emptiness.

And you know what they say, first love stays in your mind forever, right? Maybe that’s the reason why Yuta doesn’t want to face love anymore, because when love ends, what remains is only emptiness.

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Yuta used to think that maybe he could never love anyone again until Lee Taeyong appears in his life.

After graduating, Yuta decided to stay in Korea to work, and with that, finding a place to live was a matter he had to deal with. At first, Yuta lived with a close friend, a senior in college. That guy left Busan for Seoul to study and stayed to work like Yuta, so they decided to share a place, but after 3 years that guy wanted to get married, so Yuta had to move to another place.

Yes, Yuta was kicked out.

Just kidding, actually Yuta only switched places with the Busan bro’s boyfriend, which means the boyfriend would move here, while Yuta would be moving in with his cousin Taeyong. Yuta agreed unhesitantly, it doesn’t matter who he would be living with as long as he wouldn’t pay the rental cost alone, because saving is important, you know.

Speaking of saving, after a while living together, Yuta found out that living with this guy can not only save money for rental cost but also for food. The reason is simply that Taeyong can cook very well, so Yuta doesn’t have to go out to eat anymore. And because there are healthy meals every day, so he can also say goodbye to those instant noodles.

And Yuta can swear he has never met such a clean guy like this one, he cleans the house, like, all the time, even if there is just a tiny dust, and he also makes sure everything in the house stay in their positions, not an inch out of place. Sometimes Yuta is late for work and can’t clean his room, but when he gets home, the room will be so clean that he can see sparkles.

But of course, every time like that he has to have dinner while being nagged.

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One day Taeyong suddenly asks Yuta to go have some drinks, he has nothing at the moment, and the next day is Sunday so he agrees. But despite agreeing to do so, he still feels Taeyong is a little bit strange.

It has been an hour since they sat down at the table, but there is still no talking, and Taeyong can’t stop drinking. Seeing his friend’s unusual image, Yuta starts to get worried, so he stops him from drinking. He wants to ask if there was anything wrong but realizes the other guy was too drunk to answer anything, so he decides to get him home.

Fortunately, Taeyong is not very heavy, so Yuta could easily carry him on his back. Yuta couldn’t understand his friend, why he has to drink that much when his capacity is so bad, and now got all drunk.

This is the first time that Yuta could look at Taeyong this close, and somehow he finds the other guy very adorable when sleeping. Right after this thought, Yuta shook his head, telling himself maybe he’s a little bit drunk, he hasn’t been drinking for a long time anyway. Suddenly, Taeyong moves a little, his cheeks are no longer on Yuta’s shoulder but puts his chin on it instead. Their faces are super close to each other, Yuta can feel Taeyong’s warm breath very clearly, causing his cheeks to flush and his heart beating faster than normal. Well, maybe Yuta is drunker that he thought.

One thing Yuta didn’t know was that the wall he had put up to keep himself from the feeling called love had been gradually collapsing since he met Taeyong.

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Actually, Taeyong wasn’t so drunk that he lost all awareness that night. He knew Yuta had carried him home, and he liked it very much. That was the first time Taeyong could be close to the other guy, he could feel his warmth, and he loves every moment of it.

The fact that Taeyong likes Yuta actually has something to do with the drinking. Taeyong simply wanted to grow some courage to confess, so he decided to use alcohol. But he just didn’t expect himself to drink so much that he couldn’t even talk normally.

And that’s why there is a young man torturing his head with his pillow on a sunny Sunday morning like this.

Suddenly, there is a call from his cousin. Taeyong is a hundred percent sure his cousin calls him to ask about yesterday. Knowing that Taeyong likes Yuta, his cousin told him to just confessed to the other guy no matter what the result will be. Taeyong strongly protested because they are living in the same house anyway, if he confessed and things didn’t work out, how could they look at each other again, so he decided to use the drinking tactic. Now that he has failed, his cousin will probably laugh at his face.

Just as he guessed, his cousin is laughing like crazy on the other side. Taeyong thinks he’s gonna laugh until tomorrow so he hangs up the phone, then covers himself with the blanket again. Today Taeyong doesn’t want to leave his bed at all.

But there is only one thing Taeyong may never know, that someone got up early on a Sunday morning just to search for a recipe to cook for him some soup to get him out of his hangover, and that person was standing at his door.

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It has been a month since Yuta accidentally heard that shocking thing. In that one month, Yuta tried his best to behave as normally as possible, but it was harder than he thought.

Since the day he carried the other guy home, the frequency of his heart beating faster as he approached him is getting more and more. Every morning he wakes up very early to see him a little more, has breakfast with him a little longer, he wants his shift to end quickly to be able to go home and help the other guy cook dinner. Of course, he knows what these feelings are, that’s why he becomes confused again.

Apparently, the two of them have feelings for each other, but maybe they never will be able to start a relationship, just because Yuta doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to because he thinks every relationship will end anyway, and all that remains is just the emptiness. And for Yuta, he is afraid of that emptiness, because the feeling of it is will never be comfortable. It seems to be able to drain all of one’s life force, making that person feel like their life now has a very large blank space and may never be able to fill up again. Though Yuta knows that over time, other things in life will push that blank space away, but just a little thought about the time he may have to carry that emptiness in his heart is enough to make him feel uncomfortable.

Yuta is the kind of guy who has a simple mind, if you don’t want to face that nasty thing again, then don’t fall in love.

But life is not as easy as it seems.

During the past month, despite all efforts to push Taeyong out of his mind, the desire to get closer to him in Yuta grew bigger and bigger. The more frightening thing is that while having breakfast this morning, suddenly he wants to… kiss Taeyong. And after 10 minutes splashing water onto his face to calm himself, he decided to seek help from his Busan bro.

“You selfish kid.”

Yuta begins to regret this decision.

“I don’t care what the hell you are afraid of, but you have to think about Yong too. Taeil said this is the first time that kid has feelings for anyone since forever, you can’t let him down just because of some crap you made up in your mind.”

Yuta just sits quietly, because he doesn’t know what to say.

“It’ll be awkward, but I have to say this. You can’t see what will happen when it comes to love. Maybe you two will love each other for the rest of your lives, or maybe you will break up at some point. If you break up, of course, there will be that “emptiness” thing that you’re afraid of. But just because you hate that feeling and use it as an excuse for not daring to love anyone, then you are a coward. Take me as an example, I had to go through so many relationships before I could meet my Taeil, and if I was like you, would my life be as good as it is now? In short, just try to accept your feelings, you won’t regret it. Just think about what I said, and I have to go now.”

Those words keep echoing in Yuta’s head for the whole the day. He stays in his room, so focuses on thinking that he couldn’t hear Taeyong calling him out for lunch. Well, he doesn’t have any mood for that now anyway. What his friend said is right, Yuta is a coward. But if he accepts Taeyong now, will he be able to make the other guy happy, or will he let that “fear” dominate him and make his loved one suffer?

Then suddenly the image of a drunk Taeyong popped up in Yuta’s mind. Right, that day the other guy wanted to confess to him. Though he hasn’t had the guts to do that again, at least he has tried. Yuta tries to think about this clearly. The fact is that Taeyong didn’t know about his feelings but has attempted once, while he fully aware of the other guy’s feelings and doesn’t dare to do anything. What is he afraid of anyway? Yuta thinks about his friend’s words again, that he can’t see what will happen in life. So if he doesn’t grab Taeyong’s hand right now, maybe he will lose Taeyong forever.

The thought of losing Taeyong makes Yuta feel uncomfortable. Well, breaking up is not pleasant, but losing Taeyong doesn’t feel right either. If it’s unpleasant anyway, then the best thing to do is follow your feelings. Not wasting any moment, Yuta jumps out of the bed and runs out of the room, not hesitate to rush straight into the opposite room. He has to say this to Taeyong right now.

“Lee Taeyong, be my lover!”