A single tear rolls down my cheek as I watch the woman leave and the door close. At this point, it's become a habit.

I don't feel remorse when someone leaves me. I don't feel frustrated. I don't feel much of anything anymore.

I've come to accept that I probably just wasn't meant to be with anyone. What else could I do? Every time I meet someone I finally think I want to settle with I'm left alone with dead flowers and a cold hand.

I never bother to ask why I am being left alone anymore. Once upon a time when I was still a naive child I had asked one of them, why? They looked at me, with remorseful pity in their eyes and asked me in turn, what makes me think I'm so special?
I never bothered to ask why I'm being alone again.

What could I do? I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be loved, but I still wanted to be loved. No, I still want to be loved. So what could I do? Or say, what can I do?
There comes a time when you learn to accept things as they are and deal with it. Unfortunately, though I've accepted my truth, I can't seem to be able to deal with it. Every Friday night I would leave to go clubbing. Every cute girl I see at a cafe, I'd make conversation with.

Desperate? No no. I'm ashamed to say I've long since passed the line of desperation. I've been doing it so long, it's just become a habit now. 

It's a wonder how I never get sick of looking at myself in the mirror. When I look in the mirror, it becomes so obvious to me as to why they'd all left me. Yet, somehow I find myself looking into the mirror more and more often with each heart break.

I'm beautiful, I know. I'm unbelievably handsome, I know. There are so many positive adjectives I could use to describe my appearance but it is those exact adjectives that act as the wrong side of the magnet in my love life.

So what if I'm beautiful? So what if I'm unbelievably handsome? That doesn't make me any less human. I am a human. I am a someone. I am human. I classify as homo sapien. I don't believe I deserve love but I do believe I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this. What have I ever done to deserve this? What terrible sin could I have possibly committed in my past life to be treated with this kind of disrespect?

All around me, wherever I go, all I see walking past me and sitting ahead of me and eating beside me are nice couples enjoying their time together as lovers. Many of them with a meaningful ring around their left fourth finger. 

I'm never loved. I'm always lusted after. There's a fine line between love and lust. Love is when you can't stop thinking about them, when you're excited for your next date, when you think back to the great memories you shared together as a couple. Lust is when you can't stop thinking about them, when you're excited for your next hookup, when you think back to the great you just had. Lust is not love. Lust is dangerous. Lust is temporary.

Lust is not love.

I look into the mirror and I see how ridiculously handsome I am. I am not narcissistic. I do not love myself to the point where I will brag about my beautiful appearance to the lesser attractives. Because my face is not a gift. It is a curse. 

I look at myself in the mirror, and I finally realize why I am always left alone.

Because I am not loved. I am lusted after.

 

And there is a fine line between love and lust.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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a/n

one of my worst works? I agree. Tbh everyone says Infinite's L is so handsome but like I highkey disagree.

Not my type.

But, I made him the mc for this cus, you know, everyone says he's hot.

-K.o