NSN_Sabrina
Orchid Story Review Shop \\ Status: Closedpickup for Nsn_sabrina
Author: NSN_Sabrina et all
Reviewer: spark931
________
First Thoughts:
- Title: I think it sounds cool. Gives me a mysterious vibe.
- Description: I really like this description. Giving it a different twist is really unique!
- Poster: Nice, fits the vibe.
Plot: What's weird is that I've read a story that has a similar starting starting point (same situation) as yours. The characters had different relationships though, but I really liked the idea, and the story. Because of this, this story doesn't make me as emotional as it should, because I know the plot already, but I still like the idea.
Grammar: A few mistakes, but nothing too major. Check back if you can, but only if you have time. Missing a few commas and some article mistakes, and missing 's's.
Style: There is questionable word usages in there. I'm not sure if your native language is English, but you've used the word affirmed and hardly incorrectly in chapters 1,2 in addition to other places where word usage and placement could be improved.
- I do wish that you would relate back to your original theme of Ami being the antagonist, and use words that would correllate her with villainy, like twisted and wicked despite the fact that she is only being misunderstood.
- you switch from third omniscent to third limited flawlessly, good job!
Flow and Pace: I don't find anything disagreeable in this area. (I'm not very picky in this area though XD)Characters: Sometimes I feel like the dialouge doesn't match your character. Ami in chapter two, says "Funny Sehun... realize that, huh?" There are many emotions/ ideas conveyed, and despite being not very deep into the text, I get the vibe that Ami is one to close others out while in denial. It's nitpicky, but important.
Overall Enjoyment: I really enjoyed this to an extent. I feel like there wasn't enough going on for me to get totally hooked, but I was also really into the plot, which was enough for me to keep going. Also, your story wasn't riddled with grammar mistakes and little punctuation errors that bother me, so that made it tons easier to read. I enjoyed this overall, keep up the great work! Regarding 'keeping up', I was wondering if this story is still ongoing? If it isn't I'd have a lot more to say regarding the shaping of the plot, but I see that was updated (sort of) recently, so I'm not sure, and therefore, won't say anything.
Final Notes: So, as you know, I didn't have much to say regarding you story, because I did enjoy it. HOWEVER THERE ARE SOME POINTS I'D LIKE TO MAKE REGARDLESS:
- : Well, I'm not a huge fan of s unless they are done well. Here's a link to one that I think is one of the better s. http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1066244/who-we-were-bigbang-gdragon-jiyong-kwonjiyong-gdxoc-gdragonoc || At your point, I would say that you're halfway or maybe a little more than halfway there; there's a little something missing, maybe more on emotions.
- Romance: Similarily to your , your romance is missing a little something. It seems superficial to me. I think it may be because you're missing the link between the actions and the reasons for the actions. When Ami screams or gets upset, WHY is that happening. Sometimes you're explaining it (well), sometimes not so well, and sometimes not at all. There's an art to it-- when to do it and when not to, but I think it's an experience thing
-Good luck (if you are) continuing your story!
Thank you for requesting. I apologize terribly if there is any words that you take on account for harshness. I sincerely say that I do not want to be harsh! If you want any more help, feel free to message me privately!
*so sorry for the short review. I wanted to get this out asap for you because I didn't see your comment like two months ago. T^T Anyway, please let me know if you have questions, because I didn't really go in depth in this, or if you want more information on how you did in a certain area (since I didn't address too much)
Like this story? Give it an
Upvote!
Thank you!
I sincerely apologized for being gone for too long. I promise I will try and be more active :)
Comments