I need your love before i fall.

Me and Yoongi have been dating for 2 years now, and the first year he was sweet and caring, but as time we were together got longer, he has been more grumpy and not so gentle. 

It's not like i'm asking for more than his rough but kind kisses but, he has beeen coming late and i'm either asleep or out with friends i'm been come one, if you had a lover than never showed up, nor showed much affection towards you. How would you feel? And when he comes home early or on time, he is always on his computer. He is always trying out new beats and writing them down.

We got together in high-school and yeah after high-school he got a job and asked me to move i with him. I did, but from that time we only kissed and touched but no further action, like no. I don't know, if it's because of him not begin ready or if he doesn't wan't to but it has been bothering me. 

There are a few times where i ask for kisses, but he looks at me like i grew another head. And either nods hesitantly or says a simply 'no' or 'I'm a bit busy right now.' I either just say yes with a hurt face or just walk away, it takes another day before he apologizes and says that it was something 'important' and that always makes angrier. Like is something more important than me? But if it was so easy i would have said it, but i'm scared he would get angry at me, if he would say that it's over. And those kind of dreams or nightmares have been hunting me lately. 

That i tell him how i feel, and he gets angry, that he says something like, 'if that's how you feel than move out.' or 'I think my work is more important than you'. The nightmare has different endings for each day, and it all started when i started thinking like this, when i started thinking that Yoongi has lost his feelings for me. Yesterday the dream i had was that i told Yoongi and he just started laughing and stood right up in front of my face and said 

"You important? don't make me laugh." and i just stood there until i woke up, i got hurt and went into the bathroom and started crying. I'm sure i cried for like half and hour. There was actually no reason for me to go into the bathroom, Yoongi wasn't home anyways. He left yesterday at maybe 3.pm and that hurts me more, without Yoongi saying that everything will be okay and rubbing small circles on my back, like high-school days.

I hung out with Baekhyun and Chanyeol the whole day, and it felt bad seeing them showing how much they love each other, like they were all clingy and talking about yesterday night, i as good when it came to hiding when i was sad, so i just hope they didn't notice.

We went to the cafe first, and had fun, they didn't just act like lovers, they were acting like they were my parents, how they were asking about how i have it, who i'm dating, if i'm still living with Yoongi.

When they were done with all the questions they asked me if i need anyone to take me home, i answered to fast with a 'no'. They laughed and asked me if i was sure, i nodded and they went, after they were out of my sight i started walking towards Yoongi's studio. I know i shouldn't but he might die if i don't check on him, like he won't walk out of that man-hole, without begin happy with what he've made.

I was in front of BigH studio or entertainment, okay so i have been here one time before, because i would call Dongwoo-hyung and tell him to throw out Yoongi from the studio but now  i was close to the Studio so i didn't need to bother Hyung.

Dongwoo-hyung told me that i should go in from the back-door and, so i walked behind the bulding it did take a while before i heard a laugh, i hid behind the wall and tried looking where it came from and saw two figures besides the back-door, i didn't recognize it so i tried looking at the two figures. It's not like i'm eavesdropping, but yeah whatever.

"Hyung, stop it you're begin funny." the voice said.

"Are you sure i'm begin funny, or you?" the other one said, he said it while hitting the other on the arm. And both started laughing, i realized the laughter belonged to Yoongi, and i don't know but i felt my heart fall, if that is possible, it felt like something was dragging it down, like someone wanted me to fall down.

I breathed heavily, and some thought hit me harder than a truck could hit a person,

What if Yoongi likes someone else, what if Yoongi is bored of me, what if Yoongi doesn't want me anymore. I really didn't want to belive it but, it might be true. We haven't been talking as much we used to do before, we haven't been doing anything anymore,and he is always on his computer. Like he could at least have a little time for me right?

"What are you doing here?" A familiar voice said behind me, i turned around.

"N-nothing." i stammered. I looked shocked, or i'm sure i did.

"Are you looking for Yoongi? I could get him," Dongwoo said and was about to walk to the back-door before i took his wrist and shook my head really fast, i'm sure it might have fallen of. I don't want him to know i eavesdropped and i don't want Yoongi to know i was here.

"I came to see you, hyung." i said, and nodded to myself and gave him a smile, he nodded and said 

"well, let's go to a cafe or something if you really came for me." 

I nodded and he looked hesitant before he told me he would get his stuff and come soon, i sat down on the front-door stairs waiting for Dongwoo and the thoughts about Yoongi came up again, what if tho.

While i was thinking, i was looking own on the ground when four feet came into my vision, i realized who it was and looked up, Yoongi and 'his' friend. I looked at them for a while, i didn't talk nor did they until Yoongi ended the silence.

"What are you doing here, you didn't need to come." 

I didn't know what to say, i wanted to say i came for Dongwoo, but then i would be lying. I really did come for him, but i don't wanna.

"Oh, he came too meet me, we were going discuss something coming up and i needed his help." Dongwoo-hyung said from behind and i was bit happy, he is always there too help me, and i'm happy for it. 

Yoongi looked up at Dongwoo first then me, maybe for conformation, i nodded out of habit and then stood up.

"Ready to go," he said

"Sure, see you at home Yoongi-hyung." 

He looked shocked, well in front of my eyes and we went, I told Dongwoo everything and he understood, he told me that i'm overthinking and that Yoongi-hyung loves me, and how much he talk about me. 

"It just that Yoongi is bad at expressing his feelings, you know that he loves you, or he would have ended it." 

I hope i can belive that, after we were done and i felt bit better i was walking home when i got a call from Taeyang, he told me that Dongwoo told me what happened. 

"You should try making him jealous, act like you don't need him much, or like you should confront him and tell him-" he got cut off by Dongwoo

"Don't listen to what he said okay? do what you feel is right, OKAY?" They hung up before i could reply, but i felt better. much better than today morning.

When i came home the light were on so he is probably awake, but he wouldn't care, i felt little when i walked into the house but i brushed it off and said

"Hey," 

"Hey." he replied without looking up from the laptop, he is always like that, maybe i should try what Taeyang said, maybe i should act like i dont care or make him jealous. I put my bag on the couch and went into the kitchen i got myself a glass of water and said down on the couch again.

I the Tv and at the same time got a text message from the group Dongwoo-hyung made

[Dongwoo] You okay over there?

[Taeyang: I know you're concerned off him, but don't make me jealous, or i would be rough tonight

[Dongwoo]  Shut uip

[Taeyang: Can't even write.

That made me start laughing i replied with 'Don't flirt here' They both replied with " Wearen't" it took my a while before i understood that they meant, "We aren't" laughed again this time harder, they're really meant for each other. I sure i'm grinning like an idiot, now i know how fan-girls feel when their ship becomes true, like i really wanted those to date for years now.

When i looked up, me and Yoongi eyes met, and he looked at me uhm,-

"Who is it," he asked.

"Ah, Dongwoo and Taeyang," i replied looking back at the screen again, i really love those hyungs, but when i looked up again, Yoongi had already shut off his laptop and put it on the table besides and that is the first time on a while i've seen him do it.

I didn't understand why, maybe because he was tired, he hasn't got much sleep lately, when our eyes met, i gave him a smile, i don't know if it was forced or not but i didn't feel like smiling, when i looked down at my phone it, it got a new message, and without checking it i smiled, the screen was on, and i had a picture of me and Yoongi as screen-lock wallpaper. 

It was the date of Yoongi's birthday and we felt like taking picture for a memory. Yoongi and i were having a lot of fun. He was laughing more than usual. I too was, when i snapped up from my trance because of another message i got, i looked down and the notification said

[Dongwoo: Me and Ji Ho are going out tomorrow, to Burger king, wanna tagg along? 

I opened the messager faster than i thought i would and replied after 30 seconds of the message begin sent, of course i would! He is my caring hyung and free food is always number one on my list, when i looked up, i turned and faced where Yoongi was siting, he was still looking my way, and it looked like he was thinking.