Have you ever thought of your guardian angel? What would he think of you? Jonghyun thought of his most of his time in the army. He decided that his guardian angel thought he was a waste of the angel's time by the rate that his life is going.

Well, perhaps he was wrong. How he managed to stay alive in the army after going in at the young age of eighteen proved that he had an angel guarding him. As an emotional lad, he had numerous thoughts about suicide inside the camp. Who would not? He’ll wake up early in the morning for rigorous trainings, get his body exposed under the sun all day long even during the peaks of the afternoon sun. If unlucky, get shouted at by the troop leaders without the freedom to protest on whatever the they are complaining about.

His fellow enlisters at least have the chance to see their loved ones during the visits, but Jonghyun? His grumpy aunt which is the only relative who took him in since his parents’ death after he graduated high school was his only visitor, and most of those visits ended with his aunt grumbling and complaining about how she got no help—which is treating Jonghyun like a slave in exchange for his food and shelter—in her business because her nephew is in the army.

His very few friends probably were busy reaching their own rosy dreams to even have the time to drop in the camp and say ‘hi’ to him. In the first place, Jonghyun couldn’t blame them. They have dreams. While him?

Well that was the reason why he entered the army at such a young age in the first place. He thought that he could reflect about what he wants to take for college in the confinements of the camp, but no. All he got in the army was that he gained a backbone to be able to face the harsh realities of life, his newfound endurance, strength and toned body sculpted from the deathly military trainings.

Now, after just being discharged from the army the other day, he decided to go around and find an apartment that is near on whatever university he finds interesting. Funny, isn’t it; searching for an apartment to stay at and a university without even knowing what course he would be taking yet. Great.

He passed by a clothing store, and from the glass, he saw his attractive reflection staring back at him. His bulging muscles covered by a slim tee contracted in the most provocative ways, and his jet black hair was styled messily. The girls—and probably, guys—were checking him out as they passed by. He ignored the giggles he heard from the distance, because for him, he does not care.

Who cares about having a gawking and drool-worthy ensemble if that someone is as dreamless and worthless as Kim Jonghyun?

Everything is meaningless.

A sudden excruciating pain rose in his skull and before he knew it, he was clutching his head to prevent himself from screaming in agony.

Of all the days that he could have a migraine, why does it need to be today?

Out in the streets, exposed to the sudden dark, stormy clouds looming the sky above, and jostling in the sea of people walking on Seoul’s soil.

He needs to go home.

With all the strength he could muster, he moved his wobbly legs towards the street’s direction. He was too pained to even mumble apologies on the people he ungracefully bumped as he struggled to keep himself conscious.

He was also too pained from the pounding inside his head for him to notice that he was not standing on front of a pedestrian lane, and that it was not yet time for him to cross the road.

He stepped his foot on the curb of the road, and screeching of wheels and screams of people were all he heard before he was pulled back by a strong pair of arms.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jonghyun’s savior asked him in a frantic voice as they laid on the sidewalk. Some concerned citizens also surrounded the scene, but Jonghyun was too shocked to even answer. He suddenly let out a loud cry when his head felt like it would be cracked open. He could only scream, yell and holler as he clutched his head, and he didn’t register the alarmed voices and footsteps rushing to get help.

His lifesaver started carrying him as he cried in pain, and that was when everything went black.

An external force pulled Jonghyun from unconsciousness, which he soon realized was the rhythmic beeping of machines. Next was the sterile smell of the hospital. It was not hard to recognize; there was no smell quite like it, anyway.

His guess was confirmed with a pinching sensation on his arm, telling him there was an IV there. Opening his eyes, everything was extremely bright that it hurt his eyes, but after a few blinks, the images became sharper and he found himself on a bed with white sheets and a thin cream colored blanket. He sat up slowly, trying to check if there were any injuries in his body. Good thing there weren’t any, except some scabs that have been dressed perfectly.

Looking around, he found a medium-built nurse in white with a long brown ponytail who, upon seeing that he was awake, called a doctor.

Soon, footsteps were heard, and the doctor, a short man with grayish hair came into his room with a male nurse who looked oddly familiar. "Hello, young man. It is nice to see you awake. We were beginning to worry. You passed out on a busy street and nearly got injured. You were clutching your head and you were screaming as if your head would break. Were you having a migraine, son?"

Jonghyun, running his hand through his hair, replied. “Certainly. I get them when I am stressed out, dehydrated, or really tired."

The doctor smiled kindly."It is a good thing that Jinki brought you to the hospital.” Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow up at the name, but then, he remembered that there was also another soul standing before him, who is a male nurse looking at him with concern. Jonghyun’s eyes trailed down on his chest, were a name plate with the carved letters Lee Jinki was neatly placed on his uniform.

“Once we have finished the normal tests and checked your vitals, you are permitted to go home. It's good that you are okay. Jinki, get him ready and checked out. Young man, if these headaches get worse, make sure you come in to see me. It could be something worse but for now rest and hydrate yourself." The doctor nodded at them both and quietly left the room.

“It’s a relief that you’re alright. Are you? My, you do not know how I nearly got a heart attack when I saw you almost getting hit by a speeding truck.” A deep voice resounded in that area of the ward, and Jonghyun looked up to the nurse who was worriedly staring at him.

“W-Were you the one who saved me?” The patient asked with a tone of uncertainty in his voice, and the other nodded with a bright smile that somehow comforted the slight pain lingering in Jonghyun’s body. “Yes, errr…?”

“Jonghyun. Kim Jonghyun.” Jonghyun extended his hand for a handshake, only to pull it back once he realized that it has an IV stuck on it. “Ouch.”

“Lee Jinki.” He said with such a soft voice that made Jonghyun think of the sweet, flowing of honey, and the pleasant sound of water gushing down the rocks in a serene, secluded forest.

Jonghyun thought that the other would leave to attend on the other patients, but instead, he leaned closer to Jonghyun to adjust the IV before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Why were you walking all alone?" The worry in this Jinki’s voice made Jonghyun think how sincere the other one is. Normally, he was not comfortable when other people ask him such personal—if that ought to be referred to as one—questions, but well, the angelic man on front of him obviously does not mean any harm.

"I just finished my term in the army the other day. Today, I planned finding any apartments or bedspacers to stay at whenever I start studying, even if I still do not know what I want.” Jonghyun noticed how Jinki’s eyebrows quirked at the remark, and he shyly smiled. “Let’s say that I’m already finding a college to study at even if I do not know what my plan is for my life.”

Jinki nodded slightly at the answer. “Okay, I get it. You just went out of the army and you are not studying yet… Wait, how old are you?”

“Twenty-one.”

“Really? Woah. You entered the army at such a young age then!” Jinki replied, shock evident on his face at the revelation. “Most people enter the army at a later age, so, why did you enter early?”

“Let’s just say that I tried to seek answers in the military, but I couldn’t find anything there.” Jonghyun muttered under his breath and hung his head low in embarrassment. “I’m a hopeless case.”

“Oh. Hmmm…” Jinki dug his elbow on his knee and placed his chin on his palm as he thought. How a simple action can intrigue Jonghyun made the younger man puzzled at himself.

“Are you good at any stuff?” Jinki asked, to which Jonghyun answered. “I cannot say that I am good, but I usually sing and write during my free time. I prefer doing those rather than waste my time running and dribbling a ball inside a court. Yeah, I am boring.”

“No, you are not.” Jinki chuckled, and the heavenly sound that resonated made Jonghyun conclude that the other is an angel in disguise. “Some people are more into having solitary moments.”

“No matter what you say, I still do not have any plans yet.” Jonghyun heaved a deep sigh, one that was from the exasperation of trying to find himself for so long. “If ever I resort to jobs with those needed skills, then what? I do not like doing them. I do not like doing anything. Not that I am an idle youth or what; I just do not know what the hell I should do with my life. What am I working for? Myself? I do not mind dying in starvation, to be honest. My life has no purpose. I had been living for myself for so long. Well fine okay I have this aunt who took me in but I was repaying the food, clothes and education she allowed me to have by being a slave for such a long time, but I am tired of that lifestyle. I just wish that I’ll sleep and never wake up again.” Jonghyun said in such a depressing voice that he felt himself getting into low spirits again.

The fact that he is confiding his inner frustrations to a complete stranger is supposed to be a ridiculous thing for Jonghyun, but the affectionate stare he got from the nurse made him not regret his decision.

“If you are tired of living for yourself, why don’t you live for others?” Jinki said with a jolly tone in his voice, which confused Jonghyun.

“You know… Some sort of living for other people. Whatever you have, share it with others. You have the talent to sing? Then sing to make the others feel what you are feeling. Sing to relay inspiration to other people. If you are too shy do so, settle with writing. Whether you are writing lyrics, news, blogs, reaction papers or whatever, use them for the good of humanity. Your works should uplift someone with downcast spirits. I assure you that there is nothing better than seeing the bright faces of the people you comforted and uplifted.”

“You have a point.” Jonghyun mumbled lowly, to which Jinki answered, “believe me. I had been serving thousands of patients since I started taking my community service.”

“…You’re doing your military service right now?” Jonghyun asked to which he received a nod.

“It’s actually my final month. Well, I wanted to enter the military as a police but they said that my weak back will get on the way.” A hint of self-pity was heard in Jinki’s voice, which Jonghyun dismissed as chaotic screeching of stretchers and frantic footsteps of nurses were heard in the ward.

“Oh. Another patient,” Jinki chuckled to himself as he made a move to stand up. “I’ll help them first.”

He was halted on his steps when he heard Jonghyun’s voice. “U-Um, can’t I get discharged yet? My aunt is probably worried, so… I need to go home.”

“Let me take your vitals first,” Jinki smiled and proceeded on doing his job. Once Jonghyun was deemed okay enough to go home, Jinki assisted on taking the IV out and signed some papers for the former to be discharged.

“Thank you, Jinki.” Jonghyun smiled his first genuine smile after ages. He felt an unknown warmth budding in his chest when Jinki returned the smile. The elder opened his mouth to say something, but whatever he was supposed to say was left unsaid when a doctor’s voice rang in the ward to page the other nurses to the emergency room.

Jinki spared him an apologetic glance and Jonghyun didn’t have the chance to say his farewells when Jinki was barbarically dragged by his fellow nurse.

After a week of pondering about what the nurse advised him, Jonghyun decided to take a Korean literature and creative writing course. He heard from his usually disinterested aunt that his writing is nice and he has a broad knowledge on vocabulary and Korean proverbs.

“You write serious stuff. You’re like an old man. Try doing something funny, too.” She suggested as she changed the radio channel they were listening at. That very moment, the DJ was talking about a radio contest about sending stories and poems on the radio station. Upon hearing that the reward is a cash prize, Jonghyun had an idea to join the contest.

Since then, he started passing entries which were mostly about the struggles of being a student because he was too afraid to send his hundreds of essays and writings about his unfulfilled love. He won mostly the bronze prizes, which helped a lot in keeping his rent paid in his small, miniature shanty that barely passes as an apartment.

It honestly helped him that he became a half scholar by being one of the smartest and most diligent people on the campus, and the fact that Jonghyun is not into a luxurious lifestyle helped him save money. Holding a book during the morning and holding trays of greasy fast food during the night became his daily life style. Weekends were mostly spent in going to the public library to study because the thin walls of his so-called apartment were not enough to muffle the noises of his neighbors, or if lucky, he could cover a co-worker who would be absent at that certain day.

Things were moving in his life, but somehow during the night, when all he could hear were the sounds of his breath and the spinning of the old electric fan’s blades, his mind always drifted to the angelic nurse.

His gentle touch, his warm, honeyed voice telling him gentle words, and the grace with his every movement…

They drove Jonghyun to the brink of insanity.

Three years passed.

He is still the industrious Jonghyun he had always been. He works at night, barely gets enough sleep and goes to classes during the morning.

It is finally the start of his third academic year.

The other day, he spent the majority of his time moping around the fact that his best friend, Kibum, already found a beautiful girlfriend. Joohyun is gorgeous and fashionable, just like Kibum's ideal type. Jonghyun never thought that his best friend could ever find someone who could endure Kibum’s nagging besides Jonghyun himself and their friends. Now that Joohyun is there, things are changing. Jonghyun is more than thankful that his friend finally found The One.

But as for Jonghyun...

Sigh.

Jonghyun discovered that loneliness is not a good friend. Living in a homophobic country is definitely making things harder. People aren't open about their ualities, and that means he had difficulty finding The One.

Sure, some men showed interest in him back in the army, but Jonghyun was so young before, and his mind was focused on finding himself... Which he still didn't fully find yet.

He thought that the army would change the way he was. He thought that if he built muscles, he could be confident; if he strived to gain ranks in his almost two-year stay in the damned military camp, he would get proud of himself; if he trained himself to be strong and agile, he could finally have the guts to go along with the others.

He was definitely wrong.

Perhaps, the only good thing that happened was when he met that nurse years ago. In such a short conversation, he started dreaming: to become a journalist.

But that was three years ago. Can't he move on at all?

While waiting for their new professor, Jonghyun slouched on his chair, his patience thinning out at the delay of their morning class. How can someone with a respected position—a professor—be so irresponsible? It has been thirty minutes since the class should have started, and it was also thirty minutes full of chit-chats in the background especially those who are friends from the last academic year. However, Jonghyun is unfortunate enough not to be in the chit-chats as his best buddies, Kibum, Minho and Taemin, were not in this class. But the day was just starting. Maybe he would have them in some classes coming up…

Or not. They differ in their courses anyway.

As time trickled by, he felt his eyelids drooping from working full-time the night before. It was stupid of him to work that late in the evening but what can he do? It is his only source of income to keep himself alive. In the moments that followed, he found his face buried in his arms, dozing off on the not-so-comfortable desk. He didn't know if he was dreaming, but the sound of the door being slammed open, followed by pants and dropping of things definitely caught his attention.

Sounds of chairs and desks moving, followed with a 'good morning, Mr. Lee' tempted Jonghyun to open his eyes, but his sleepiness didn't permit his lids to do so.

The professor's voice was like a lullaby, and Jonghyun found himself falling into the depths of peacefulness and serenity.

It sounds like the sweet, flowing of honey, and the pleasant sound of water gushing down the rocks in a serene, secluded forest.

That voice belongs to an angel.

"Good morning, young man." He felt a warm, familiar hand patting his shoulder. The warm voice was as pleasant as cherry coke to his ears, and it made Jonghyun lift his head up…

Once his eyes met the other's beautiful brown orbs, he felt his heart in his throat.

His world stop revolving.

It’s him.

It is the nurse he met three years ago, who was the reason that Jonghyun found the right way.

It’s Lee ing Jinki.

Those pair of brown orbs are still the same; radiating warmth and bringing assurance to one’s soul. His hand still had the searing heat that Jonghyun felt through the thin fabric of his shirt. His voice is still as calm and placid as it was before, and Jonghyun felt himself falling into a ditch.

"Are you not feeling well, young man?" He asked with the gentleness he has. Jonghyun could tell that not a hint of irritation is present in his professor’s voice.

“I-I am okay, sir.” He answered, hoping that the other would recognize him despite how small and fragile-looking he had become from so much stress.

“Good.” Jinki gave him a pat on his shoulder before strutting down on front of the board to begin his class.

He does not remember.

Jonghyun never felt dejection as great as he did at the moment.

Days turned into weeks. Jonghyun found himself getting more and more distracted every English class. Mr. Lee... Lee Jinki, was the distraction. The perfect shape of his lips, the body that hid under the professional apparel, the expressive gaze that brought optimism wherever he goes; Jonghyun found himself fantasizing about those things all the time.

There was this day that they have two vacant periods because their professors were busy having their emergency faculty meeting. Instead of staying over to chat with his classmates, he decided to go to the school library to finish some assignments on the school computer as he had none.

It was as if the three goddesses of fate were in favor of Jonghyun, because once he took the left wing towards the library, he saw Jinki from a distance.

Jinki also saw him, and proceeded on walking towards his direction with his signature smile.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Lee.” He bowed at his class adviser who also did a small bow in return. “Good afternoon, too, Jonghyun-sshi. Where are you heading at?”

“The library. Classmates are too noisy so…” Jonghyun replied while looking down, too shy that he would say something stupid on front of his… professor, class adviser, lifesaver, love of his life.

“Ah. Yeah.” Jinki sighed as he leaned on the hallway’s wall. “It’s absolutely nonsense, to be honest.”

“Sir?” Jonghyun quirked his eyebrow as a response, and Jinki quickly understood. “Not you. What I meant was the faculty meeting.”

“You see,” Jinki added, “we were just wasting time. The dean would be the one to decide anyway. He never listens to us.” The elder sighed as he crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

“Not that I am meddling with your affairs but, don’t tell me that you skipped the meeting.” Jonghyun said, a bit wary of his words if ever he is crossing the boundaries of the student-teacher communication.

Jinki coolly answered with a smirk that made Jonghyun’s inner self go nuts. “I said that I’ll go to the comfort room, but well… everything.”

Jonghyun was startled at the sudden strong language used but managed to make his expression the same. “Y-Yeah.”

“Anyway,” Jonghyun heard the other’s lips smacked and he looked up at the elder man who was gazing at him intensely. "Can I ask what's the matter?”

Jonghyun tilted his head as a question, which was answered when Jinki spoke. “Why do you always seem to space out in class? You are often drowsy whenever I see you in class or around the school. Is there a health issue I should know about?"

“Uhhh…” Jonghyun was shocked and tongue-tied to think of any intelligent response. To think that Jinki noticed him amongst the students in their class…

Of course, er. You’re a scholar. You’re known by the whole faculty as one of the smartest students in the university. And Lee Jinki is your adviser. It is his duty to watch over his students, idiot.

“I…” Jonghyun started once he found his voice again. “I work on evenings to pay for my rent, food and some school fees so I don't sleep much. I apologize if I acted inappropriately.” Jonghyun did a ninety-degree bow and shamelessly begged his professor. “Sir, I know I made a mistake and I am sorry. Just please pass me this semester because I really need to graduate next year and I need this for a more stable future and to repay my aunt who gave me shelter and to—“

“Shhh, shhhh.” Jinki held his index finger up to his lips to hush the rambling student. “Calm down, Mr. Kim. I am not Mr. Devil Oh for you to be jittery.” The professor said with a hint of playfulness in his voice, which made Jonghyun shut his mouth.

“Of course I will pass you. Even if you sleep during classes, you still belong to the top students of your batch. You are a passionate writer with excellent English to back it. I really think you should try out and join the school publishers. You definitely should share and use that talent for good instead of hiding it. Here I thought my course was lulling you to sleep out of sheer boredom." Jinki chuckled.

"No!” Jonghyun profusely shook his head together with his hands at the other man. “I am very, very, very passionate about your course. I look forward to it, I am just tired most of the time. I know that I should not make excuses but I beg your pardon, Sir." He bowed once again, scrunching his eyes shut in embarrassment.

He barely held back his flinch when a soft, warm hand landed on his shoulder, followed with a few comforting pats. “I’ll only forgive you if you promise me that you will do your best in everything, school or work. People like you deserve to be commended. I guarantee that you'll be blessed in the future."

“Yah, Lee Jinki,” a loud, nasal voice coming from the annoyingly tall, terror professor rang in the hallways, and their heads whipped towards a scowling Mr. Oh who had his hands planted on his hips. “Get your in the faculty because the dean is being a again.”

“As if you are not one,” Jonghyun mumbled lowly to which Jinki laughed.

“Stop using banmal on front of the students, you lanky bastard.” Jinki snorted as he headed towards Mr. Oh’s direction. He gave one last wave to Jonghyun before playfully pushing his co-professor who glared at him in return.

Jonghyun completely forgot what he was supposed to do because all that ran in his mind was his professor’s honeyed voice making him feel a little bit better about himself.

Jonghyun didn’t know how, but once the try-outs for the publishing club began, he entered the club room with oozing confidence. Kyungsoo, a member of the publishing club and a friend of Taemin’s friend Jongin, personally vouched for Jonghyun, saying he was one of the top students in Mr. Lee's course. Jonghyun was instantly accepted even without presenting any of his works.

During the second month of the academic year, Jonghyun's birthday is drawing near. His close friends who were as stressed out as any other good student in the campus decided to crash Jonghyun's usually quiet lunch. Kibum, Taemin, and Minho rarely had lunch together due to different schedules, and that day is the golden opportunity for them to have a quality time with their aspiring writer of a friend.

“Yo!” Minho greeted, and Jonghyun looked up to see a grinning Taemin beside him. He looked around and saw Kibum on the queue of the cafeteria.

“Hi guys,” Jonghyun beamed, and the two sat beside him. “Long time no hanging out.”

“Let’s just say that calculus is racking my brain way too much,” Minho sighed as he opened his lunch box and brought out his fully loaded lunch box.

“Where’s Jongin?” Jonghyun asked Taemin in particular, who shrugged with a frown on his face. “Jongin’s busy with his unfinished artwork. That bastard barely passed the first sem because he kept on sleeping during classes, and now, he cannot even finish a simple artwork.”

“Art is not simple, Taemin.”

“Perhaps you forgot that we are art students; only that Jongin’s on the visual one and I am at the performing arts. That is supposed to be an easy task for him but yeah, he loves sleeping anytime of the day. Perhaps that’s why he had grown too much.” Jonghyun flinched at the sudden topic about height. I also slept a lot back in my childhood days. Perhaps I am bound to be an unlucky midget forever.

“Anyway, where’s Kyungsoo?” Minho inquired. Jonghyun gave him a smile while saying, “Kyungie is busy making a new layout for the publishing website. That kid surely works hard. I feel somewhat ashamed whenever I slack off.”

“It seems like you two get a long a lot better than Taemin gets along with him,” Minho chuckled to which Taemin rolled his eyes. “It’s because lit students are boring and too emotional.”

“Aww. That hurts.” Jonghyun pretended to choke while clutching his chest. Taemin smiled sweetly and wrapped his slim arms around the elder male. “Of course you are different, hyung.”

A sudden loud clatter of the tray colliding with the table’s surface broke the three people from their chit chat. Kibum stood before them, horror evident on his face, and before Jonghyun knew it, Taemin’s arms were pried off the smallest male and was replaced by Kibum’s bone crushing hug.

“What happened to you, my baby!?” Jonghyun’s face scrunched when Kibum screamed bloody murder right on his ear and nearly crushed him to death. “You’re literally skin and bones! What happened to the bulging muscles you had befor—“

“Uh, Kibum, I lost them after the first sem when we were just freshmen, and that’s like ages ago—“

“How are you going to find the one if you do not take care of yourself!?” The horror of Kibum’s ear-piercing shriek was quickly followed by a bun stuffed in Jonghyun’s mouth, in courtesy of, again, Kibum.

Minho and Taemin snorted at the sadistically affectionate display before them and opted to proceed on their lunch than watch their tiny friend being squished by their overacting friend.

“Anyway,” Kibum said once he finally let go of his poor friend who had trouble chewing on the goddamn piece of bread stuck in his mouth. “Guess what occasion will take place next week?”

“The exams are still on the next month, right?” Jonghyun asked with the bread still in his mouth, causing his friends to face palm and look at him as if he is the most stupid person on Earth.

“Jonghyun, it is your birthday for Pete’s sake.” Taemin shook his head profusely at his friend who nodded in realization. “Oh.”

“You’ll get a year older than me again, hyung,” Taemin grinned while chewing on his cured beef. “We need to talk about