Howon really was not a stalker.

Despite feeling like he was currently following someone, he was not following someone. He was just going back to his own rented room, a few steps behind of someone else who was also going to the same building. He was not doing anything wrong, but it felt like he was doing something wrong. He looked back at forth from his feet to the person who was walking ahead of him, contemplating something that perhaps shouldn’t be a big deal.

Should I call him? Should I talk to him?

Every time he opened his mouth he ended up closing it again, something refraining him from actually calling out to Myungsoo. Sometimes it was just nervousness, something that Howon was familiar with when it comes to facing a new situation (—or in this case, a stranger), but there were also times when Howon didn’t really know what is stopping him from talking.

The person himself—Myungsoo—seemed to not be aware of his surrounding, looking straight ahead of the street with earphones attached to his ears. Howon knew that Myungsoo was daydreaming from the way he stumbled once in a while—not looking as cool as he was supposed to be, knew that this was usual for Myungsoo despite not knowing Myungsoo personally.

Myungsoo lived in a room across of Howon’s own room, no, not an apartment because their rooms were literally just a room. And yet, despite living in a very close proximity to each other, they had never talked or got to know each other, even though Howon had always wanted to get to know Myungsoo, just so he had a friend near him because living alone turns out to be very lonely. But Howon never managed to get to know Myungsoo, because he just couldn’t seem to bring himself to talk to Myungsoo.

‘Hi, my name is Lee Howon, I lived across of your room, nice to meet you, can we be friends?’

Those things should be easy to say, and yet it had been two years, and Howon still hadn’t managed to say that out loud. It was not even that he didn’t get any chances—they had accidentally bumped into each other and recognized each other before, but they only smiled politely at each other, not one of them saying anything. Howon wished that Myungsoo would be the first one to say something, but that never happens.

Perhaps, Myungsoo was similar to him, in that he couldn’t really talk to strangers. Or, he was just not interested in knowing Howon. Howon wouldn’t feel surprised if that was the case, they lived in a very individualistic area, even though there were a lot of filled rooms in their building, they had never talked to each other, too busy with their own lives. Honestly, Howon was not sure why he had taken a special interest in Myungsoo, it was not even because he is attractive (—though, Myungsoo was quite attractive).

They finally entered the building they lived in, Howon purposely staying behind and let Myungsoo went ahead, entering his own room. It always felt awkward when they arrived at the same time and entering their rooms without saying anything, Howon always felt like he wanted to die when that happens.

But when he finally entered his room, for the thousandth time after two years, Howon regretted not opening his mouth again.

 

***

 

The reason Howon knew Myungsoo’s name was because of Myungsoo’s friends were loud and when they came to Myungsoo’s room, they always yelled out his name. Myungsoo himself was a really quiet person, his room was really quiet when his friends were not around. Unfortunately, his friends came to Myungsoo’s room a lot and it annoyed Howon because they were loud. Honestly, Howon wanted to use that as a reason to talk to Myungsoo, but he felt bad about blaming Myungsoo for something he didn’t have a control of.

(One time, though, a short, loud friend of Myungsoo came to his room and ended up having a karaoke session in the very small room, Myungsoo joining once in a while, making Howon unable to fall asleep and rest. He got revenge by playing music out loud the next night and practicing, but when he saw Myungsoo looking like he had become a zombie the next day, he ended up regretting it for more than a week.)

He knew that Myungsoo is still a student, though he was also working. They often came back to the dorm at the same time, late at night, though Howon usually stayed far away from Myungsoo. They liked to eat at the same places around the place they live, and Myungsoo seemed to always order the same things, so Howon thinks he could safely assume that he also knew Myungsoo’s favorite foods. Considering how many times they ended up being in the same place, even if it’s just for eating out, Howon thought that it would be nice if they get to know each other and went to eat together, instead of being alone just like how they usually are.

Perhaps that was what sparked the endless struggle of wanting to introduce himself to Myungsoo.

Howon knew that Myungsoo’s birthday was on March 13th because his friends surprised him and waking Howon up when that date came, making him felt grumpy. He ended up peeking at them through his blurred window, listening to Myungsoo’s friends surprising him and messing up Myungsoo’s room.

He wanted to join, feeling so lonely suddenly when he saw that. That just enticed his desire to have a friend around there.

 

***

 

"Then just talk to him, you say that he seems like a nice person," Dongwoo said, looking like he didn’t understand anything Howon was telling him. He seemed so puzzled, indirectly telling Howon that he really couldn’t relate to Howon at all. Howon felt jealous, just a little because it was easy for Dongwoo to befriend anyone, while for Howon, it was a little harder. He had friends, of course, but most of those friends approached him first, so it was easy for him to get to know them because they were the one who opened up themselves first to him. It was hard for him if other people were as closed off as he was.

“I want to,” Howon whined, “But I always missed the chance.”

Dongwoo was the only person he told about Myungsoo, mostly because even if Dongwoo was not the closest person to him in their dance crew, Dongwoo was the only one who wouldn’t make fun of him and his awkwardness. If the others knew that he managed to fail to introduce himself for almost two years, they will have so much fun taunting him about it.

“It had been two years, though, I am sure you had a lot of chances," Dongwoo said, doubting him. Well, it was true that Howon had a lot of chances, but he ended up doing pep talks to himself for too long or purposely missed the chance.

“Well, I did…” Howon trailed, before sighing and finally admitting, “I am wishing that he will talk to me first.”

“You are ing yourself.” Dongwoo declared, even stopping playing with his dinosaur toy on the table they were sitting on.

Howon frowned, “That sounds sad.”

It took a second before Dongwoo reacted by yelling out, “I have a plan.”

The way Dongwoo yelled made it seemed like the plan he thought of would be the best idea ever. But it was Dongwoo, and Howon knew him well enough to assume that the idea would be—in the most inoffensive word—absurd.

“What is the plan?” Howon asked anyway, for the 1% chance that the idea might be good.

“You should pretend to faint in front of him, so he would have to help you and talk to you!”

Dongwoo looked so proud of that idea, while Howon could only groan because of course, it would be an idea that Howon would never do.

“That’s ridiculous, I would rather die.”

This was really more complicated that it should be.

 

***

 

The plan came true.

Though, not in a way that was expected. Howon was not even planning it, but maybe God finally took pity on him and gave him some luck. Though those lucks couldn’t be applied to Myungsoo, because if there was someone who suffered because of Howon’s luck, it would be Myungsoo.

As always Howon was trailing far behind of Myungsoo on their way to their building. It was killing Howon because Myungsoo walked slower than he usually was, he was itching to walk past Myungsoo but he felt that it was wrong. Maybe because it had become a habit for him to follow Myungsoo so it felt wrong for him to violate that habit.

Myungsoo was stumbling much more than usual and it made Howon felt curious—made him wonder if Myungsoo was drunk or something.

He got his answer (sort of) when Myungsoo fell down, clutching his stomach, prompting Howon to run towards him, taking Myungsoo's head on his lap and asking, "What's wrong?!"

“Stomach…” Myungsoo managed to utter before he passed out in Howon's arms.

Howon wasn’t sure why he didn’t call an ambulance or something, instead, he carried Myungsoo towards the closest hospital in the area, not even using a taxi. An ambulance or a taxi—those things didn’t cross his mind at all.

 

***

 

Howon sat awkwardly on the chair beside of Myungsoo’s bed, his hand on his lap, his mind running through the sentences he could say when Myungsoo woke up, wondering which one he could say out loud. The hospital already called Myungsoo’s family, so Howon could just leave, but he felt bad if he leaves Myungsoo alone since his family hasn’t arrived, yet, even after several hours. Howon’s decision to stay made him wonder since when he became a nice person.

He felt a sense of panic again when he saw Myungsoo waking up. He woke up quite quickly, fluttering his eyes open and then suddenly sitting up on the bed in a surprise, surprising Howon in return. He had never seen someone woke up that quickly after fainting.

“Uhm, you should take it easy,” Howon advised hesitantly, wondering if Myungsoo was okay now or not.

Myungsoo turned his head so slowly to Howon, scrunching his face in confusion, and finally asked, “What happened?”

“You passed out on the street.” Howon explained, trying to be as efficient as possible, so he dismissed the unimportant parts, “I think you have gastritis.”

“Oh.” Myungsoo said, he looked at the IV that was hooked on his arm now, sighed, and looked at Howon again, “You helped me?”

Howon nodded, “Yes.”

“Thank you.” Myungsoo thanked him with a smile, which made Howon happy, “You’re a life savior.”

"No problem," Howon said, trying to smile, too. He would bet that his smile came across weird. Even when he smiled genuinely, not forcing it, people said that his smile came across weird. He practiced smiling in front of the mirror, but he ended up embarrassing himself.

“You’re Howon, right?” Myungsoo asked, surprising Howon because he didn’t know that Myungsoo knew his name. He knew that Myungsoo knew his face, at least, “You live in front of my room.”

Howon nodded again, not sure about what to say other than, “Yes.”

“I am Myungsoo.” Myungsoo introduced himself. Howon kinda thought that Myungsoo shouldn’t talk this much when he just woke up. He still sounded like he wasn’t really here.

“Uhm, yeah, I know,” Howon said.

Myungsoo looked confused again, frowning, “You know?”

“I heard your friends yelling out your name a lot!” Howon explained in a hurry, afraid that Myungsoo thought he was stalking him…or something.

“Ah, I see.” Myungsoo nodded, accepting Howon’s explanation easily even though it could sound unbelievable.

"I think you should rest," Howon suggested. And he should probably call a nurse since Myungsoo finally woke up—he didn’t even think of that when he saw Myungsoo woke up. Why did it feel like his mind was not in the right place, right now?

“Yeah, I should.” Myungsoo said, sighing again before he laid down on the bed, “You should go, thank you for helping me.”

“Umm,” Howon mumbled, hands clasped and eyes darted toward anything that is not Myungsoo, “I think I am going to stay here…because I feel bad if I leave you alone.”

“Uhm,” Myungsoo seemed to hesitate for a moment, before finally saying, “Okay, if it’s not a problem for you.”

“Yeah.” Howon nodded.

“Yeah.”

After that, they were silent for a while, a doctor came to check on Myungsoo, and Howon went away when Myungsoo’s family came when Myungsoo was asleep again.

 

***

 

Myungsoo’s room was empty for almost a week and it felt a little weird knowing that Myungsoo wasn’t really there. He started to wonder when Myungsoo would come back, but right when he started to wonder about that, someone knocked on his door and when he opened the door, he almost closed it again when he saw that it was Myungsoo. Thankfully, he didn’t, he was sure that if he closed it he would hurt Myungsoo’s feeling.

“Hi.” Myungsoo greeted, smiling, showing his dimple, which made Howon felt a little weak. Myungsoo looked a little nervous to be there, too. From the way he tensed, the way he seemed to be not so sure about what he wanted to say. It reminded Howon of himself a little.

“Hi.” Howon greeted back, “You came back.”

"Yeah, I'm good now," Myungsoo claimed, though from how he looked Howon was sure that he was not totally healthy yet. Maybe he had no choice but to come back since he still had school to attend. For once, Howon thought that he made the right choice when he chose not to attend university.

“What’s up?” Howon asked, trying hard to be as casual as possible.

“I am just wondering if you would like to have dinner together,” Myungsoo explained, “I will treat you since you helped me.”

Howon raised his eyebrow. What he did didn’t seem something to be rewarded for.

“You don’t need to do that.” Howon said, “Anyone would have done the same.”

“Well, I am still grateful for your help.” Myungsoo insisted, “Are you busy?”

“No, I am not.” Well, it’s free food anyway, I shouldn’t refuse, “Well, please wait a minute.”

Howon closed the door and changed his clothes quickly. It felt a little unreal that he and Myungsoo were finally speaking to each other, after two years of silence. Dongwoo was right, it took one of them fainting for them to be finally on speaking term to each other.

When he was done and went out of his room, Myungsoo was still waiting outside. He was wearing an orange sweater, which was unusual because he saw Myungsoo wearing black most of the time. Myungsoo smiled to him again, which made Howon tried to smile back. Myungsoo was being too generous with his smiles, he should cut back a little because it made Howon felt weird.

“Where do you want to eat?”

Howon shrugged, he wasn’t wanting anything particularly, that day, “Anywhere you want.”

“Is ramen okay for you?” Myungsoo asked again, “There is this new restaurant near here, I want to try it.”

“I’m fine with it.”

They walked together, going out of the building together without saying anything. It also didn’t take them a long time to get to the restaurant, it was only 50 meters away from their dorm. Both of them didn’t say anything on the way and Howon was dying to start a conversation, but he wasn’t so sure how to start it. It was only after they sat down and ordered what they want, Howon knew what to ask.

“Are you really okay, now?” Howon asked. It had only been around 6 days since Myungsoo got admitted to a hospital, and now he was out and about again.

“Yeah, I am fine,” Myungsoo assured him, “It was because of stress, so I am trying to take it easy now.”

“I see.” Howon nodded. He didn't know that one could suffer gastritis because of stress. It was possible, though, because every time he saw Myungsoo, he always seemed to be thinking and stressing about something, Howon heard that your mental health can affect your physical health, "I guess university can be pretty stressful."

“Yeah,” Myungsoo smiled, a little bitterly unlike his other smiles. He looked up to Howon and asked, “You are working?”

“Kind of?” Howon said, he wanted to explain about his works, but he also wanted to make it sounded like his life was not too shabby. For other people, the life he was having right now might seem uncertain, might seem low level and messy even though Howon enjoyed it. He didn’t want Myungsoo to think like that even though he couldn’t control that, “I am not studying right now, but I am working as a dancer. That's my main job, though I have some part-time works.”

"I see," Myungsoo said in an understanding. He doesn’t sound like he was judging Howon, though who knew what was on his mind. Myungsoo continued, “No wonder every time I see you, you always look sweaty.”

“Haha, yeah.”

Howon didn’t know how to respond to that. Myungsoo didn’t seem to know what to say, too, because of Howon’s lack of response. They were silent again and Howon felt even more awkward than usual. At least their ramens finally came, making the silence felt a little more comfortable since they were eating and had a reason to not talk.

Howon belatedly wondered if it was okay for Myungsoo to eat ramen when he wasn’t even fully healed yet, but Myungsoo was already eating and it was too late. They ate in silence for a while, until Myungsoo’s voice attract Howon’s attention again.

“Are you from Busan?” Myungsoo asked him, curious. Howon almost said, Can’t you tell from my accent?, but he held back. He had been trying hard not to be too sassy, even though he didn’t have any reason why he shouldn’t be sassy towards Myungsoo.

“Yes.” Howon confirmed instead, “I am from Busan. Born and raised there.”

"I see, I have never been to Busan," Myungsoo said. Howon couldn't help but think that was weird because it felt like everyone he knew had gone to Busan at least once. His confusion must have shown on his face since Myungsoo asked, “Is it that surprising?”

“No, it’s not,” Howon said in a hurry, “I guess…”

“I have always wanted to go there, though.” Myungsoo continued, taking a sip from his drink, prompting Howon to do the same.

“You should, Busan is not that different from Seoul…” Howon stopped talking, realizing that he was not making sense and said that with no reason, he ended up clarifying, “Well, they’re different but they’re not that different.”

“Maybe when I have some off time I can do a road trip there by myself.”

“You can go with me.” Howon wanted to smack himself, suddenly, because he said that without thinking, “…If you want to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…”

“I will tell you then when I have some free time.” Myungsoo grinned. Howon wanted to die.

 

***

 

Myungsoo continued asking him to go out and eat together, almost every day. Howon felt delighted, but it turned out that they had almost nothing in common, at least, they didn’t have similar interests because personality wise they were both didn't like to talk too much. Howon was into dance and hip hop, while Myungsoo was more into other arts and mangas. They ended up telling each other some facts about themselves, but only superficial facts since none of them felt comfortable telling each other too many things.

Howon felt like he finally found someone he could relate to, and yet at the same time, because they were both a quiet person, it felt like Myungsoo was a little unreachable. Howon wanted to give it time, though, because he thought that if he managed to felt comfortable with Myungsoo, he could have a really great friend.

“Can I see you dance?” Myungsoo requested suddenly, one day, it surprised Howon because it was out of nowhere. They were eating, as usual, when Myungsoo suddenly asked that. Howon was already given up—yes, very easily—and accepted that they would only be eating buddies (if that kind of relationship existed). Myungsoo’s request opened up more opportunities for them to spend more time together.

“What? Why?”

“I have this photography project,” Myungsoo explained, “I think capturing dancers dancing will be a good project.”

“Well, you can come to our practices and performances, I guess.” Howon shrugged. He had no problem with it and his friends wouldn't mind, too. In fact, they would probably felt excited that someone would take photos of them.

“Really?” Myungsoo asked in disbelief.

Howon nodded, “Yes.”

“Thank you!” Myungsoo thanked him loudly, surprising some of other customers, “You really are my life savior.”

Howon smiled at that. It felt nice being called that.

 

***

 

“You’re so cool.” Myungsoo praised him, “You’re really cool.”

"Stop exaggerating," Howon complained, even though he was almost blushing right now, feeling joy at being praised. Myungsoo finally had managed to come to one of Howon’s performances and now he wouldn’t stop calling Howon ‘cool’, which was embarrassing but also delightful.

They were sitting in a small café, both of them ordered the cheapest drink on the menu. Myungsoo was checking on his photos while Howon ended up following him after they were finished home even though he didn't have to. His friends let him go because they were glad that he cared about someone new—it was almost as if Howon never showed that he could care about someone, even though he was pretty sure he did show his concern once in a while.

“But I mean it!” Myungsoo insisted, “You make me wish that I can dance too.”

"Then you should try dancing," Howon suggested. Myungsoo laughed at that as if that was the most ridiculous thing Howon had ever said.

“No, no, I don’t like dancing, and I can’t dance,” Myungsoo explained, laughing to himself again, this time he seemed to be remembering something funny, something that Howon didn’t know or understand, “I like appreciating arts, though.”

Myungsoo eyes were focused on his camera again. He was sorting through the photos and Howon suddenly felt curious about how the photos looked like. So he got up from his seat and moved to the one closer to Myungsoo, taking a peek at Myungsoo’s camera without any permissions. Myungsoo deleted some photos that he deemed not so good, and Howon marveled at how his friends could look so cool dancing on the stage. He felt excited when he finally saw his photo, couldn’t help but pointing, “Is that me?”

"Yes," Myungsoo confirmed, handing over the camera to Howon so he could see it better. Howon took a look for several seconds, before handing the camera back to Myungsoo since he was afraid that he would accidentally break the camera.

“You make me looked cooler than I actually was,” Howon commented, wondering if he should ask Myungsoo for the photo. It would make a good profile photo on his social medias.

"No, you are already cool, I just need to capture the moment," Myungsoo assured him. Howon was pretty sure that it was the tenth time Myungsoo called him ‘cool’ that day.

“You’re going to ace the project,” Howon said, patting Myungsoo’s shoulder.

Myungsoo moaned and then pouted, “I have to if I want to keep my scholarship.” He complained, pulling his drink closer to him and then drank his coffee from a straw like a child. After he gulped down his drink, he continued to say, “You know, you look really suave on the stage, it’s a little different than when you’re off stage.”

“What do you mean?” Howon asked with a frown.

“You’re kind of…awkward,” Myungsoo observed, “It’s not a bad thing, though, I am awkward, too.”

Howon nodded, and then shrug. He knew that very well because so many people told him that. He had tried to change, but when he tried to not be awkward, he felt even more awkward. He had accepted that the awkwardness was a part of him, a part of his identity, even.

“Well, a lot of people said I’m really awkward around strangers,” Howon admitted, “I can’t help it, dealing with people I don’t really know is a little nerve wrecking.”

“I can understand,” Myungsoo said, his fingers touching the edge of his cup, while Howon watched his fingers moving nervously, "I used to be very silent, I don't really have any friends in school because of that, I am better now, though, since I have to face real life now."

That was true. Howon was sure that he was better now, he used to be called anti-social back when he was younger. He wanted to tell the people who called him that to check on psychology book to know what antisocial actually meant.

“Me, too, I am just a very closed off person.”

He didn’t like talking to strangers, didn’t like revealing his personal problems and stories to other people. It was rare for him to want to talk to someone else.

“I guess we are similar.” Myungsoo mused, "Do you feel weird too when you have to tell other people about your personal problems?"

“Yes, I don’t like that.” Howon agreed, “It’s better to keep everything to myself.”

Without any warning, Myungsoo suddenly looked up to him and asked, “Hey, do you have a girlfriend?”

He changed conversation topic so fast. Thankfully, most of his friends were like that, so he adapted easily.

“No.”

“A boyfriend?”

“Nope.”

"Oh, that's why I have never seen anyone visiting you," Myungsoo said in a realization. Howon gave Myungsoo a look, not understanding how those related to each other. Just because he didn’t have anyone visiting him, didn’t mean that he didn’t have a significant other.

“How does that relate to each other?” Howon questioned, in turn, he asked, “Then do you have a boyfriend? I have seen you got visited by a lot of men.”

He realized how wrong that could sound belatedly. Thankfully it didn’t seem Myungsoo took offense. He wasn’t sure if Myungsoo even realized he was almost rude.

“There aren’t a lot,” Myungsoo denied, “They’re all my friends.”

“All of them are loud.”

"Yeah, they are," Myungsoo confirmed, with a fond smile on his face. Howon wished that Myungsoo would have that smile too when he was talking about Howon.

 

***

 

Howon felt high a little. Dongwoo was helping him walk towards his room, but his mind was not really there after being given a painkiller. He remembered falling and being carried to a hospital, but everything felt like a dream.

“What happened?” He heard Myungsoo’s voice, it sounded so far away.

“There is a little accident,” Dongwoo answered, he continued to talk but Howon couldn’t decipher what he was saying, he was not even aware in which position they were in, “…he wouldn’t be able to walk for a while.”

Dongwoo and Myungsoo continued to talk, but Howon didn’t feel like he was hearing them right.

“…Don’t worry, I will take care of him.” He finally heard Myungsoo saying, feeling his body was shifted, moving from one person’s arm to another person’s arm. And then suddenly he was on the bed, his mind drifting away.

 

***

 

When Howon woke up, he heard the sound of someone typing loudly on his laptop, and the first thing he thought was, , I wouldn’t be able to dance for two months. As he became more aware, he started to remember how he made a wrong move, twisted his ankle, and fell from the stage. His whole body was in pain, even though it wasn't a tall stage but he remembered passing out right away when his body hit the ground.

He looked up at the ceiling, regretting not being careful. He realized it late that he was not at the hospital anymore, but at his dorm room. He started to remember Dongwoo helping him in the hospital and bringing him back here. As he remembered one last thing, he turned his head, towards a blurry figure on his desk.

“Myungsoo?” He guessed. He barely remembered that Myungsoo was the one who helped him into the bed.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Myungsoo turned around and asked, “You okay?”

"I think so," Howon said. He didn’t feel okay, he was upset. He regretted not being careful enough, he didn’t like that his ankle was in a cast now.

“Your face just told me that you are not really okay.”

"I won't be able to dance for a while," Howon whined. Why did he fall? Now he couldn’t dance. He hated it when he couldn’t dance and had to stay idle.

“I’m sorry about that,” Myungsoo cringed, sympathizing, “But you can’t do anything about that.”

“I know that.” Howon sighed, knowing well that he couldn’t force himself to dance even if he wanted to. If he didn’t have to get a cast, he would probably force himself.

"Since it will be hard for you to do a lot of things, I will help you from now on," Myungsoo told him.

Howon turned his head to Myungsoo again and asked, “Why?”

He didn’t want to trouble Myungsoo. He hated having to be helped, no matter by whom. He hated feeling helpless, he would rather take care of himself.

“Because I want to?” Myungsoo said, confused on why Howon asked even though he had stated a reason, “Well, and your friend asked me to take care of you. And I want to take care of you.” Myungsoo explained again, Howon could see that Myungsoo was trying to come up with more reasons since his eyes darted and he pouted when he was thinking hard. Myungsoo ended up adding, “Your friend seems nice.”

It was Dongwoo. And yeah, he was nice.

“He is nice.” Howon agreed, before arguing again, “You don’t need to take care of me, I can take care of myself.”

“Really?” Myungsoo sneered, he gave Howon’s ankle a side eye. He looked ridiculous trying to look judging, “Are you sure you can go out to find food when your ankle looks like that.”

“Food deliveries exists.” Howon pointed out, deadpanning.

"Oh, I forgot about that," Myungsoo said, looking like he just found out about the 8^th wonder of the world. He snapped out of it quickly, arguing again, “Well, you are still going to need help in a lot of things, I will stand by in case you are in danger of hurting yourself more.”

That was the first time Howon realized that Myungsoo could be really, really, stubborn. He was actually amazed to find someone who was more stubborn than he was. That was how he ended up losing the argument.

 

***

 

“You do realize that you don’t have to live in here just to take care of me, right?” Howon reminded Myungsoo. Myungsoo was on the floor, playing with his laptop. He had been staying there for the whole days, and it had been four days since he started to spend his time there. Basically, when he was not at school or at work or when he slept, Myungsoo spend his whole time here, making sure that Howon could easily eat or walk anyway.

“Why? You don’t like me here?” Myungsoo asked. For a moment Howon thought that he was angry, before Myungsoo added, “If you don’t like it I can go, just call me when you need me.”

“I am just worried that you spent too much time here.”

Myungsoo should play with his friends, took a rest, or do anything else. It must be boring staying at Howon’s room so much.

“I am fine.” Myungsoo assured him, "Really, though, if you think I am spending too much time here, you can tell me."

"No, it feels nice to have someone here once in a while," Howon admitted. Myungsoo’s presence was a little overwhelming, as Howon was used to spend a lot of time on his own. But it didn’t mean that he didn’t like that. Even though he used to love being alone, being alone for too long didn’t feel so nice, too. He still needed company, once in a while.

“Cool,” Myungsoo said, “Honestly it’s a little lonely staying by myself in my room.”

"I know, it's so quiet around here."

They ended up making guesses about why everyone who lived in the rooms around them was so quiet.

 

***

 

“You know, I actually have been wanting to talk to you for more than two years.” Howon admitted randomly one night, when Myungsoo was still in his apartment, “I am glad you passed out that time—no, I mean, I am not glad that you got sick, I am glad that I finally had a reason to talk to you.”

Howon waited, but he didn’t get any response. He looked to his right, looking at Myungsoo who was sitting on his desk, working on his assignments on his laptop. Myungsoo was still sitting still, but Howon realized that his hands were not moving anymore.

Howon struggled to get off the bed and walked towards Myungsoo. Thankfully, it was only two steps away. Howon almost laughed when he saw that Myungsoo fell asleep while sitting like that, his hand was still on the mouse. If he kept sleeping like this, he was going to have a neckache and backache tomorrow. So even though he felt bad about it, he shook Myungsoo awake.

“Hey,” Howon said softly, “You shouldn’t sleep like this.”

Myungsoo opened his eyes quickly, but then shut them again, “Hmm.”

"You should go back to your room," Howon suggested. If he had a good leg he would probably end up carrying Myungsoo to his room. But then again, if he had a good leg, Myungsoo wouldn't be here.

“Can’t I sleep here.” Myungsoo said sleepily, “Lazy to get out.”

“It’s too cramped here,” Howon mused. He had no problem with Myungsoo sleeping here, but he was afraid that it would be uncomfortable for Myungsoo since Howon had no additional bed and Myungsoo would have to sleep on the floor or they had to share the single-sized bed.

"Let's just sleep together on your bed," Myungsoo mumbled, getting up. Howon was sure that he was not totally awake because the next thing he did was throwing himself on Howon’s bed, making a little room for Howon.

Howon probably should find that annoying, but instead, he found that quite endearing. He swore that when it came to Myungsoo, he was not how he usually was.

He ended up joining Myungsoo on the bed and felt happy about it even though it was so cramped. Sure, he fell on the floor the next morning, but he felt happy anyway.

 

***

 

After several months of knowing Myungsoo, Howon knew for sure that sleeping while working on his laptop was Myungsoo’s habit. It wasn't only one-time Howon found Myungsoo sleeping while doing his assignments, there were a lot of times when that happened. Howon found that amusing that something like that could happen so many times.

One time, though, when Howon was accompanying Myungsoo finishing his assignment in Myungsoo's room, as he stared at Myungsoo's sleeping face, he suddenly felt an urge to kiss him. He never really felt that before, but he had grown fond of Myungsoo over the last few months, liking how Myungsoo accompany him when he was alone, how Myungsoo took care of him when he could barely walk.

So Howon knew it was wrong, but before he knew it, he was already moving his head, kissing Myungsoo's lip quickly before pulling back. He cursed at himself and then cursed, even more, when Myungsoo's eyes fluttered open. Myungsoo looked at him, and Howon looked anywhere else, feeling guilty for stealing a peck.

“Did you just kiss me?” Myungsoo asked, somehow still calm and not looking angry at all. He just seemed a little distraught because his sleep was disturbed.

“Yes,” Howon looked down, standing like a punished student beside of the sitting Myungsoo, “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” Myungsoo said, “I like that.”

Howon blinked, unsure of what he heard, “What?”

“I like that,” Myungsoo told him, softly, feeling shy, “Do it again.”

Howon couldn’t help but smile. Of course, he obliged Myungsoo’s request—he hunched down and kissed Myungsoo again, this time Myungsoo pulled him down and helped. Howon quickly forgot his guilt, as the kiss progressed into something else.

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“So, you really waited for two years before you finally managed to talk to me?” Myungsoo asks after Howon is finally done telling him about how he ends up falling for Myungsoo. Howon doesn't understand how after such a long story (which he ends up skipping some parts of because his tongue is dry), that's what Myungsoo points out.

“Well, I don’t know why but every time I wanted to approach you, something stopped me," Howon explained, brushing Myungsoo’s bangs out of his forehead. Myungsoo was laying down on the sofa, his head on Howon’s lap. Sometimes when Myungsoo was like this, Howon felt like he was petting a cat. A human-sized cat.

“I can’t believe I had to faint so you would actually talk to me,” Myungsoo sighed dramatically, a habit that he adopted from someone lately, “I wanted to talk to you, too, but I felt nervous every time I saw you.”

Howon chuckled, “So, we were similar, after all.”

They are both introverted, awkward human beings. There are times when it’s hard because both of them are not people who expressed their struggles and problems easily (though, between the two of them, Myungsoo was much better at expressing his feelings). And there are times when they didn’t talk to each other because they have nothing to say anymore. It used to be awkward, but now they are fine with it because they are used to it and understand each other. Even though they don’t have a lot of similar interests, they are fine with that because if they really want to talk to each other, they will put effort to find something to talk about.

“It was because you always looked like you were ready to chew out anyone who dare to approach you.” Myungsoo explains, “I was afraid that you would hit me or something.”

It takes a few seconds before Howon realizes that Myungsoo means that he looked scary.

“What?” Howon says, taking offense at being called scary.

Myungsoo giggles while getting up, running away from Howon to their room. Howon chases him and before Myungsoo manages to get to the bed, Howon tackles him and starts to tickles him. Myungsoo laughs, trying to break away from Howon’s grip, but doesn’t manage to do so until Howon throws both of them to the bed. From then, laughter can be easily heard in their brand new small apartment.