35, 36, 37. Jeongyeon walked in the hallway, staring at every number of the door, remembering the room number that was informed by Nayeon Manager this morning. 38. 39. 40. She quickened her step as her destination was around the corner. At last. 41. Jeongyeon stared carefully at the left and right side of hers before opened the door carefully.

 

“Jihyo.” She whispered as she peeked from the outside of the patient room. “What are you doing?” Jihyo responded, lying on the bed while watched television. She rose up, patting the pillow that was lie on her head before placed it vertically for her to lean her back. “I want to make sure that no one would see me here.” Jeongyeon entered the room slowly and steadily before closed the door.

 

“What are you talking about? I can see you clearly from here. Get inside. Hurry.” Jihyo switched off the television and sat upright as she watched Jeongyeon pulled back her dark green padded coat hoodie behind. “Don’t you think you’re way too obvious and too visible to be recognized if you ridiculously sneaking into my room just like now? Just wear cap or something next time.” Jeongyeon tidied up her hair before taking out a black plastic bag from inside her padded coat. “Look at my hair colour, Jihyo.” Jeongyeon pointed her head. “It’s blonde. Even though I wear beanie or mask, my hair colour is too striking.”

 

“Here.” Jeongyeon placed the plastic bag on Jihyo’s lap. “I’ve got you this.” “What’s inside?” Jihyo opened up the bag, her curiosity and eager expected Jeongyeon would bring something delicious for her to eat alone in the room.

 

“Seriously, Jeongyeon?” Jihyo rolled her eyes, feeling irritated. “Fish? Again?” Jihyo took out a twin pack of sandwich from the plastic bag and placed it on her lap. “It’s not basically a fish. It’s a tuna salad.” Jeongyeon opened the wrapper before gave it to Jihyo. “Salad or not, it’s still fish.” Jihyo threw the wrapper into the plastic bag and munched the sandwich slowly. “Yesterday the one that I gave you was salmon. Salmon and tuna are way too different.” Jeongyeon took an empty mug on the bed side table and poured drinking water half full before gave it to Jihyo.

 

“I watched ‘Vitamin’ few days ago. The nutritionist said patients that are having pain on their knee joint should consume more fish products.” Jeongyeon picked up the plastic bag and threw it into the bin.

 

“I watched the episode, too.” Jihyo bite the sandwich more. “Don’t you ever try to twist the fact, Jeongyeon. The diet is for arthritis patient, not knee joint patient.” Jeongyeon paused as she listened to her explaination. Busted!

 

“Okay. Okay.” Jeongyeon took off her coat and place it on her lap and sat on the guest chair beside Jihyo. “I know it’s for arthritic patient but it also related to knee pain. Could you keep your whinging to yourself? Why are you keep on complaining over everything that I’ve done to you?” Jeongyeon turned her body – her back facing Jihyo, pretending to be sulked. Jihyo pushed Jeongyeon’s back really hard to the extent that Jeongyeon almost hit the chair arm. “If you admit that I’m winning this time then go on sulking, Jeongyeon. Besides, looking at your back is much better than your front.” Jihyo laughed.

 

“What did you say?” Jeongyeon turned her back and hit Jihyo playfully with her coat. “Ouch Jeongyeon! You hit my knee.” Jihyo squeaked. “What?” Jeongyeon stood up. “I’m so sorry, Jihyo. Is it hurt?”

 

“Merong~” Jihyo stuck the tongue out, laughing at Jeongyeon. “You~” Jeongyeon choke Jihyo playfully before Jihyo hit her with the pillow.

 

Teasing or mocking was like the daily grind for both Jeongyeon and Jihyo every time when they were met or during their free time. Even though Jihyo already admitted to the hospital a couple of days by this time, it never stopped Jeongyeon to play around with her. This was how they expressed how close they were with each other.

 

 

 

“Jeongyeon,” Jihyo asked, watching Jeongyeon peeled off tangerine that was given by her fans. There was a diehard fan among the staff nurses in the hospital that acknowledged Jihyo admittance in the hospital. She secretly sneaked into her room and gave her a basket of fruits when Jihyo was about to fall asleep last night. “How’s Mina? Is she okay?”

 

Jeongyeon sighed deeply and paused. “How do I want to explain to you, Jihyo? She’s barely speaks after the rumours. I don’t know what’s on her mind. Is she trying to not bother about the news? Is she still thinking about it? Is she trying to pretend like nothing happened? I don’t even dare to ask her ‘How are you, Mina?’  I don’t know how to explain to you how she is right now, Jihyo.” Jeongyeon answered before continuing unpeel the fruit. Jihyo shrugged and gave a heavy sigh. “I only can count on you, Jeongyeon. Just stay by her side. I know she will appreciate it.”

 

The calling light on the phone was blinking when Jeongyeon and Jihyo were immersed in their thoughts. Jeongyeon gave the tangerine to Jihyo and immediately picked up the phone. “Jeongyeon,” Nayeon Manager called. “It’s time for you to go back.” “Okay, give me 10 minutes.” Jeongyeon answered before off the call.

 

“Now?” Jihyo asked, watching Jeongyeon wore her padded coat. “Yeah. Nayeon Manager wants to fetch Chaeyeong and Tzuyu at school.” Jihyo stared at the clock that was hang on the wall. “But it’s too early.” “I know. We plan to eat first before pick them up.”

 

“It’s unfair. I want to come along, too.” Jihyo whined, watching Jeongyeon walked approaching the door. “Only if you could leave your knee here.” Jeongyeon turned her body, waving at Jihyo. “Jeongyeon, buy for me apples, will you? I’m craving for the fresh local one.” Jihyo requested. “What are you talking about? It’s almost spring. Farmers are about to start sowing the land. If you want the fresh one,” Jeongyeon pointed at the bed side table beside a guest chair. “There’s a pen inside the drawer. Draw the apple on your blanket. That should be local and fresh.” Jeongyeon laughed before closing the door. “Jeongyeon!” Jihyo screamed out her name.

 

 

 

An hour passed since Jeongyeon and Nayeon Manager trapped in traffic congestion. Jihyo must be praying so hard right now so that we could not eat first before picking the kids, Jeongyeon monologue, sighed slightly. “Jeongyeon,” Nayeon Manager spoke. “Maybe we’ll go eating together next time, okay? We can’t going anywhere if using the main road right now.”

 

Jeongyeon nodded. “You’re right, unnie. Maybe next time.” Nayeon Manager turned the steering and used the alternative road to escape the congestion. She drove through some nice shop houses before stopped the car in front of Dongdaemun Market, another super local food stall market in Seoul.  

 

“Jeongyeon,” Nayeon Manager pulled the handbrake before she unlocked the door. “Is it okay if I leave you here? I'll straight to the school after this, waiting for Tzuyu and Chaeyeong. I don’t want to trap in traffic jammed later. It’s almost peak hour.” Jeongyeon pulled up her long-sleeved padded coat and looked at her watch. “You’re right. It’s almost 12.” Jeongyeon unbuckled her safety belt and patted Nayeon Manager’s arm. “Don’t worry, unnie. Just leave me here. Take care.” Jeongyeon opened the door and walked away from the car.

 

As Jeongyeon walked through Dongdaemun Market, she could not keep on gasping in awe as she noticed and smelt many vendors prepared and cooked the tasty snack in oil. The hissing sound of well marbled grilled marinated beef, chicken, or pork that was commonly found in barbecue restaurants was singing in harmony above the burning charcoal. An amazing aroma of gochujang (chili pepper paste) with vegetables such as sliced cabbage, onions, and scallions filled in the air as Jeongyeon walked further to the heart of the food stall market. What a paradise, Jeongyeon thought.

 

Jeongyeon stopped for a while, allowing the aromatic food stall lingered surrounding her smell receptor. How do I want to choose if everything is so delicious? Jeongyeon dialogued, thinking of the meal that she really wanted to try.

 

“Bungeoppang! Bungeoppang! Three for 2,000 won!”

 

Bungeoppang? Jeongyeon turned her head almost instantly to the direction of the voice. “Bungeoppang! Bungeoppang! Three for 2,000 won!” the seller voice echoed once more. Most of the time, the sight of freshly baked bungeoppang and its sweet aroma wafting through the crisp winter air was a signal that winter has truly arrived. However, in this year, even though the third week of March was approaching, bundle up was still a must because of the cold air outside.

 

“Hi, dear,” the seller greeted Jeongyeon with a smile on her face. “We got a diverse variety of bungeoppang. Ingeoppang, mini-bungeoppang, and regular bungeoppang. We also got various type of filling – red bean paste, choux cream, lotus seed –”

 

Choux cream filling. My Mina craving for this Bungeoppang since last week.  Jeongyeon pointed the snack filled with choux cream to the seller. “Aunty, I want this one.” She took out her money from the pocket and gave it to the seller before received a handful of bungeoppang in a paper bag. “Thank you aunty,” Jeongyeon bowed and counted the snack first before walked away from the stall, grinning from ear to ear. She must be happy if I bring this home. She smiled, imagining how excited Mina will be when Jeongyeon brought the snack for her.

 

 

 

Jeongyeon speeded up her pace, hugging the paper bag containing Bungeoppang tightly as she struggled to walk up a steep. The neighbouring area of Twice’s home was quite hilly but Jeongyeon loved the scenery. Sun rise can be seen clearly from the balcony when the sky was clear especially during summer. Even though Jeongyeon hated exercise, she loved walking around the neighbouring area. The physical exercise relaxed her, and it could make her forget almost anything.

 

She huffed as she neared the top of the hill where their house was situated. She took out the paper bag from her padded coat and clutched it lightly. It’s still hot. Mina must be very happy to see this. I can’t wait to show this to Mina, Jeongyeon smiled.

 

As soon as Jeongyeon arrived at the parking lot of their house, the paper bag escaped from her grasp as Jeongyeon swung the paper bag cheerfully. The snacks scattered on the ground messily. Owh no! Jeongyeon ran to the paper bag and picked it up, checking the state of the snack inside it. Only two of the Bungeoppangs were in perfect shape.

 

Jeongyeon’s heart raced as she heard the sound of smashing from the house. What was that? She wondered. What just happened? She could sense that something wrong happened in the house. Jeongyeon left all of the snacks behind and hurriedly ran to the house.

 

She was greeted by Nayeon in the corridor, sobbing and clutching her hands at Jeongyeon’s padded coat. The tears burst forth like water from a waterfall, spilling down her face. “Nayeon,” Jeongyeon asked. “What’s happening here?” Nayeon tried her best to hold her hiccup before explaining to Jeongyeon. “Jeongyeon. Mina~”

 

 

 

“Mina,” Jeongyeon rushed to the door. “Please open the door, Mina-ssi.” Jeongyeon pleaded. I can’t let her alone inside. She enthusiastically searched for any possible tools that could let her breaking the door. She didn’t want to waste another second. Mina needs her – and she know that.

 

Nayeon hold her breath, gasping for air as she tried to seek for calm before put in plain words to Jeongyeon. “We were watching television together in the living room and didn’t realize the time passing by. It was 12 when the main headline of the news of entertainment section was the journalism of Mina’s controversy and she–”

 

“No. What? I don’t get it.” Jeongyeon interrupted. Jeongyeon took out her phone from the pocket and unlocked her phone, immediately browsing Naver. What Nayeon said is true – the controversy appeared as the headline of the engine search – but the title of the topic was different this time. Jeongyeon tapped on the headline and read the content thoroughly.

 

What the…

 

From the upstairs, Dahyun heard Jeongyeon and Nayeon raced up the stairs. She backed up a little, watching Jeongyeon’s every move. “She locked herself inside?” Jeongyeon asked. Dahyun nodded. “Where’s the room key?” “Nayeon Manager kept all the house keys.” Dahyun explained. “I’ve called Nayeon Manager. She does not keep any spare key at home.  She won’t be here in any minute soon. She’s trapping in traffic jammed in the highway.”

 

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Even though the anchor delivered the news with the hardest Korean language that she ever heard, Mina understood the contents crystal clear. Mina slammed into the bedroom door right before Nayeon made it to turn off the television.  She didn't care who saw. She just broke down. The sobs punched through, ripping through her muscles, bones, and guts. She pressed her forehead against the locked door and began to let her heart yank in and out of her chest. She began to throw any object that is visible in her eyes, smashing it against the wall. She was hollow. Mina felt that her life crumbled in her fingertips.

 

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

“Momo,” Jeongyeon turned her head. “The bat! The bat that I got from ‘Lost Time’ producers. Do you remember where do I keep it?” Momo turned and ran to their room, digging out any present case or box that is possible for her roommate to keep it.

 

Jeongyeon waited anxiously outside Mina’s room for Momo. All of them winced when they heard the crash inside the room. Hurry, Momo. But it was very hard for Jeongyeon to wait. Her adrenaline pumped. She’s been inside there too long. With all her might, Jeongyeon started to smack the door knob with her fist. “Jeongyeon!” Nayeon hold back. “You’re going to get hurt.”

 

Jeongyeon did not mind the pain she beared because of her action. Jeongyeon continued to punch the door knob, ignoring the protest from Nayeon. In her mindset, she only wanted to comfort Mina, to stay by her side. Mina's heart is more painful than my fist right now. 

 

Just in time Momo dashed into the corridor and gave the bat to Jeongyeon. “Stay back!” Jeongyeon alarmed the members. She slammed the door knob as hard as possible until it started to loose. Jeongyeon gave out her one last swung, smashing the door knob and it went to pieces on the floor. She was able to open the door with the help from Momo and Dahyun.

 

Soon after they were able to open the door, they were so nervous to see Mina – for the first time since they were performed as Twice – hysterically screaming and throwing the pictures hanging there into the wall. Glass shattered and rained on the floor. “Mina,” Jeongyeon ran to her, wrapping her arms around Mina and gave her a back hug, only to get rejected as Mina pushed Jeongyeon aside and kept on tossing her stuff into the floor.

 

Jeongyeon flinched as her foot stepped on the glass, leaving a footprint of blood on the floor. I had no time for self-ailment. Jeongyeon pulled herself to her feet, sweeping her foot with her bare hand.

 

Jeongyeon pulled Mina to her warmth from behind and spoke softly in her ear, “Mina. It’s okay. You have me, Mina.” Mina stood silently as her twinkling tears continued falling from her eyes. They stood together on the floor as Mina gripped Jeongyeon’s wrapping hands tighter. Still choking in her tears, her sob softened as Jeongyeon turned Mina’s body, facing her. “Cry, Mina. Just let it go. I’m here, Mina, I’ll cry with you.” Jeongyeon looked at Mina with her gleaming eyes and brought Mina to her warm embrace.

 

When Jeongyeon could see Mina’s face, her heart broke into pieces. Mina had cried her eyes out miserably – her face gets red and blotchy, her eyes bloodshot, and her eyelids puffy. She got a lump in . She scrubbed her nose so she don't end up with snot running down her face. Her breath stuttered when she tried to take a deep breath. “Jeongyeon,” her voice cracks when she tried to speak.

 

Mina sank her face into Jeongyeon’s chest as if to ask her to never let go as she put her arms around Jeongyeon. It was painful to see Mina like this. All Jeongyeon could do was embrace her and let the torrent of her tears to soak through her shirt. She could feel Mina clench her fists, not knowing whether to be mad or to give up hope all together. Jeongyeon could hear her silently screaming, suffocating with each breath she took.

 

Jeongyeon’s thoughts and feelings are so compacted she felt like her chest will collapsed as Mina started to yell louder into her chest. She ran her fingers through Mina’s hair, time and time again, in an attempt to calm the silent war within her mind. Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. Jeongyeon bent forward where both them stood still on the floor and pressing Mina into her chest, she began to cry with silence.

 

From the outside room came the most hysterical crying, the screaming sobs only interrupted by the person's need to draw breath. Nayeon, Sana, Dahyun and Momo could not hold themselves and eventually burst into tears, feeling and sharing the pain that Mina had to engulf inside. Tzuyu and Chaeyeong were in the car, wiping in silence as they heard the heart-wrenching sobbing dissolved in the sound of the rain has fallen steadily without letting up.

 

The rain fell softly as if it knew of the hardships both behind and ahead. It sounds like the heavens are knocking on the door, roof and window panes of the house. Each droplet alighted on the Earth with just enough coolness to express Mina’s mind to the present, to pull her away from the pain of the past and the uncertainty of what was to come. The sound of the rain, so soothing to some, is enough to drown out every other noise.

 

Until the sunrise to see the cloud cover, only then will we know what the new day will bring.

 

 

“Jeongyeon-san,” Mina grasped Jeongyeon’s hand, wrapping it closer to her chest as they lie on the bed in her room. “Hhmmm?” Jeongyeon responded. “Can you cuddle me closer?” Jeongyeon shifted her body closer to Mina, hugging her torso from behind. When they finally clasped each other in a warm, slow and luxurious hug, Mina felt the warmth of every touch, every gesture and every breath from Jeongyeon.

 

In the darkness the cuddles were feel like a little touch of heaven, warm, together, cosy. Mina wished she could extend the night just so she could stay close to Jeongyeon for longer, safe in her embrace. Jeongyeon’s arms wrapped right around her bring a peace she had never known before, a calming of the storms in her heart.

 

“Is it better?” Jeongyeon asked, placing her chin on Mina’s head. She kissed her hair softly, enjoying the scent of the fragrance of flower essence shampoo – the best aromatherapy for Jeongyeon to lullaby herself tonight. “Much better,” Mina moved her body backward and wrapped Jeongyeon’s arm even closer to her.

 

Mina turned her body, her head closer to Jeongyeon. She leaned in, so her foreheads rests against Jeongyeon’s. They closed their eyes. Both their breaths were shaking. "Thank you," Mina said in barely more than a whisper. "For what?" Jeongyeon replied, her voice low and husky.

 

"For being you." Mina’s voice wavered, exhilarated from the tension between them. She gently leaned in and kissed Jeongyeon’s warms lips. They pulled apart and took shaky, shallow breaths. Unable to contain themselves anymore, Jeongyeon held Mina’s head in her hands and pulls her into a fiery and passionate kiss. Mina’s hands worked their way around Jeongyeon’s head, feeling each crevasse, each line along her perfect jawline.

 

They pulled apart and opened their eyes. They stared at each other, deep into each other's eyes. Jeongyeon’s full of wonder and love, Mina’s full of serenity yet melancholy. No words were spoken but a story worthy of them was communicated.

 

“Thank you for coming to Korea,” Jeongyeon kissed Mina’s forehead with gentle before staring back at her eyes. Mina chuckled, sinking her face on Jeongyeon’s chest. “Thank you for being around,” Mina hugged Jeongyeon closer, her tears slowly dropping from her eyes, wetting her chest.

 

“I have no right to your heart, but am blessed to love you with my own. I have no right to your time, but am honoured to share moments. It is for me to do what is best for you, what is the greatest for you. It is for me to seek what would make you happy, what would be best for your soul. Just know that when you tell me of your hurt, I hurt too, how can I not?” Jeongyeon kissed her forehead.

 

“Thank you, Jeongyeon. I –” Jeongyeon pecked quick kiss on Mina’s lips. “I know. I love you too.” Jeongyeon pulled the blanket behind her and wrapped it on Mina. “Let’s sleep, Mina. You must be very tired.” She nodded gently. Mina turned her body, her back facing Jeongyeon. “Good night, Jeongyeon.” Jeongyeon pulled Mina closer and hugged her from behind, kissing her head goodnight. “Good night, Mina.”

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down Mina’s face. She felt the muscles of her chin trembled like a small child. She looked toward the window, as if the dimmed light of the moon could soothe her. She heard her own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside.

 

A soft hiccup escaped from . Mina covered with the blanket, she does not want Jeongyeon knew that she was crying. Jeongyeon wrapped her arm around Mina tightly, their body were closely attached to each other. Mina flinched as she saw the injury on Jeongyeon's back palm. The bruises were a multitude of hues, colours that normally should not be on someones skin. The blood has concentrated in the folds of her knuckles making the usually pale creases dark. There were great purple welts that will only deepen over the coming week. And they were all over her. 

 

I'm so sorry, Jeongyeon. Mina kissed Jeongyeon's bruised back palm tenderly, caressing her hand with gentle. Thank you, Jeongyeon. Thank you for being by my side. She placed Jeongyeon’s palm on her cheek and pulled the blanket up over her shoulder. It was about time when Mina closed her eyes and fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.

 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Jeongyeon knew Mina was still awake. Jeongyeon knew Mina was pretending to be okay. Jeongyeon pretended that she already fall asleep – slow, shallow breaths, lay as still as a brick.

 

A soft hiccup was heard, reflecting in the room. Jeongyeon was right. Mina was crying. Jeongyeon carefully pulled Mina to her chest, tightening her hug from behind and curled up into the curve of her body. She felt the touch, the kiss, and the tears on her arm.

 

Jeongyeon could not resist it anymore. Her eyes dripped with tears. The wall inside her, the walls that hold her up, the walls that made her looks strong in front of Mina just... collapse. Moment by moment, they fell. Salty drop fell from her temple, drenching the pillow. As much as she tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from in the form of a silent scream.

 

Mina is anything but innocent. I'm trembling. I can't-can't stop. Even as I press my hand against the wall it shakes, it trembles. It's raw, everything, raw tears, raw emotions. I can't stop... I can't stop. Why can I not stop crying?

 

It's like a theft of the spirit, an injury no other person can see. Jeongyeon never learnt to cry with style, silently, the pearl-shaped tears rolling down her eyes from wide luminous eyes. But this time she had to. She knew she need to be strong – mentally and emotionally, especially when she was around Mina.

 

For Mina, I will.

 

Sleep baby sleep

What are you waiting for?

The morning's on its way

You know it's only just a dream

 

Sleep baby sleep

I lie next to you

The beauty of this mess

is that it brings me close to you

 

I could be the one to give you all that I am

With a gentle touch and a foolish love

You could be the one to carry all my troubles away

With the words you say, all I need to hear

 

 

 

 

 

-The End-