If you’ve ever had a crush then you probably could understand how Jungkook was feeling right now. Was it even possible to keep your knees from shaking when you were sitting less than an inch away from the person who made your heart race and stomach flip? Ugh, and this sweat? It wasn’t attractive in the slightest but he couldn’t get his palms to stop. This wasn’t the only occasion these reactions had occurred. In fact it had been growing worse with each interaction with the shorter yet older male that he respected more than he could ever put into words. Honestly, the twenty year old still wondered when his feelings had shifted. It wasn’t something that had happened over night though sometimes it felt like that. He had crushes  before but none of the previous ones had ever managed to make him as nervous as,

“Yoongi hyung,” made him.

Especially not when the older man didn’t even do anything out of the ordinary. Things were getting out of hand. Now, he was smiling into the air, seemingly nothing but it was because just hearing his hyung laugh from the other room made him happy. Anything that made the elder smile made Jungkook smile too. Others were beginning to notice his unusual actions and even some awkwardness from time to time. Jimin had totally caught him moving away at the flash of light when Yoongi had walked up to him and stopped so close that their arms brushed. This wasn’t something he should back away from, they had been together for the last four years. They had been living in the same dorm, even when Jungkook was still just an immature teenager and needed some direction. If anything the man who was causing the air to grow thin around him should feel more like a brother. He did. Well, he did previously, like two years ago. Things had slowly progressed from strangers, to friends, to brothers, all the while the awe and respect was just snowballing into a mass he couldn’t even see anymore. Yoongi hyung was amazing in so many ways. Sure he was annoying at times but wasn’t he annoying sometimes too? All the boys were. It was natural. Unlike the other boys though, Yoongi hyung shined. He shined so bright that he was hard to look at and sometimes it even hurt. Yes, things had truly grown out of control.

“Hmm?” Yoongi barely gave Jungkook a response and it was more of a grunt but it was a response. The younger wasn’t put off by it, this was normal and his hyung was reviewing lyrics on his phone that he had written the day before. Jungkook rubbed his hands on his Pokémon pajama pants and contemplated on how to tell Yoongi to move away without sounding rude. He needed some space because right now he had an overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around his hyung’s waist and nuzzle his neck. Yeah, nope, that would not do. He mentally gave himself a slap. This was not the type of things he should be thinking but in his defense it had been a long day. Okay, that wasn’t really much of a defense at all but it was all he had. Rationalization made him feel better… Sometimes.

Just as Jungkook got the courage to open his mouth and ask a large, veiny warm hand gripped his own hand that rested on his knee. His eyes darted down as soon as he felt it. If he felt like he was sweating before then it was even hotter now. He knew, knew, 100% knew that his ears turned red. Hopefully his cheeks hadn’t turned pink as well. Pursing his lips, Jungkook became really frustrated with himself. This was not the reaction he was supposed to be having. Yoongi didn’t mean anything by what he did, it was a normal, casual act that all the members and managers would do amongst each other.

“Kook, look this over for me, huh?” That smooth deep voice washed over his ears and it was so soothing that Jungkook’s thoughts flew right out of his mind. So much so that he didn’t even respond to his hyung. The phone being put in front of him also went unnoticed since his eyes were still on his hyung’s hand covering his own.

“Jungkook-ah?”

Hearing the question, Jungkook snapped his head up, brown hair flying about since he moved so fast. A second later he turned his head towards Yoongi and met a questioning expression that for some reason made his stomach fill with warmth. Biting his lip, the brunette made a snap decision, he needed to leave and he needed to leave now. If he didn’t then he might make a huge mess of things. The surge of adoration that he was feeling for Yoongi came on as sudden as a typhoon and it was dangerous. Standing up he stepped away from the couch and didn’t look back.

“I’m tired. Goodnight hyung.”

Those clipped words were all he said, as his nails pressed into the palms of his hands and the younger made his way into his room, hurriedly shutting the door and diving under the safety of his covers. It was better this way, he needed to get those feelings under control. Under lock and key. A niggling of guilt made it’s way through and Jungkook wanted to shove his covers aside, go right back to his hyung and apologize for his behavior. Explain. However, he knew that he would cave if he met Yoongi’s dark orbs right now. He shined, Min Yoongi always shined so brightly to Jungkook it was a struggle every day to not just reach out and touch.

Touch what wasn’t his.

Touch what he couldn’t have.

Touch what he didn’t deserve.

Days past since their last encounter and neither one mentioned how odd the younger had been acting. Jungkook had felt a couple of gazes that he knew were from one certain person. He ignored them, and ignored and ignored. Maybe so hard that it was obvious. No, it was obvious. However, Yoongi left him alone. It was just like his hyung too. He was always sensitive to his other members needs and wants. Yoongi knew when to give space and when to pry though it was almost never that the elder would pry. Just another reason that Jungkook lov-

Wait. What? Liked him. Yes, just another reason that Jungkook liked and admired his hyung.

Just another lie he was telling himself. Who was he to kid, Jungkook knew very well where that thought was heading and it was just wishful thinking that he changed the direction asap. Letting himself actively admit to anything made it just that much harder. That much more real and that much more of a problem. In his heart of hearts he knew the truth though. He has for a while now. It wasn’t like he didn’t love his hyung, he had since they established a friendship while still trainees. Love was ever flowing and ever-changing but that didn’t mean he had to acknowledge what form his love was taking currently. No, not just yet.

The door creaked open to the practice room. A figure made its way into the doorway but remained there watching Jungkook continue to lie with his eyes closed, sweat dripping down his forehead on the floor, arms out wide. The silence stretched between the two as one didn’t bother to make his presence known and the other didn’t acknowledge the presence he knew was in the room. After a few more moments, a cough echoed in the room as the figure cleared his throat breaking the silence specifically to get the younger to look towards him. Slowly, Jungkook opened his eyes and craned his head towards the figure. From the light in the room black hair with flecks of lingering blue could be seen. It was Yoongi hyung, who still didn’t say a word. The brunette lying on the floor didn’t either.

A moment late of silent communication, Jungkook reached for his towel and wiped off his sweat. Getting up he tossed the towel on his bag and then pulled his timberlands back on and followed his hyung out the door. No questions were asked, just the quiet footsteps of the two could be heard as they made their way through the almost empty building, up the stairs and to the roof. This wasn’t a place they frequented often but every now and then the fresh air was nice. Yoongi took a seat on the thick wall of the building and nodded for the younger to do the same. Jungkook did just that but made sure to put some space between them, not too much to make his hyung suspicious that something was going on with him but not too close so that his heart would be in danger of leaping out of his chest.

Sitting in silence wasn’t unusual when it was with Yoongi hyung. They had done this a number of times and oddly enough Jungkook never got bored. He especially enjoyed it when he were sitting in a position where he could see his hyung. That was never tiring, there was always some fleck of emotion passing through the elders face, whether it was just in his eyes or he scrunched up his nose in annoyance of something not going right or an eyebrow raise when a new idea came that he hadn’t contemplated before. It was almost a mission of the youngers to memorize them all. Tonight though, it would be too difficult unless he made it completely obvious that he was staring.

He let out a soft sigh and almost immediately after he felt the air shift. Yoongi’s hand was covering his own and their thighs were pressed together. Yoongi gave his hand a gently squeeze as he began to speak.

“You okay, Kookie?”

It had been a long time since his hyung had called him that. He wasn’t sure if anyone noticed but every time Yoongi began calling him by a name it became the name he gave on interviews that he liked to be referred as. It made him wonder if Yoongi would go back to Kookie now. He didn’t mind, he’d accept any name that the rapper  gave him. The brunette mulled over the question he had been asked. He wasn’t entirely sure how he wanted to answer that. Currently he was okay, well except for that he was feeling tingles going up and down his limbs, his back was stiff and his stomach had done another flip but that wasn’t what was being asked of him. He had been dancing because he wanted to perfect the next choreography to the song they’d be performing on the music shows soon. Nothing much had really changed for him. He was stuck in the same position he had been for over a year now. Some days were just harder than others.

“Yeah.” Keeping his head down the word came out just above a whisper but with their close proximity he really didn’t need to talk any louder than that. Yoongi began nodding his head as if Jungkook could see him but he didn’t need to. More silence stretched between the two and Yoongi’s hand didn’t leave the younger’s. It took a moment but after he stopped focusing so much on the effects that Yoongi was making him feel, that it wasn’t him feeling those things. His stomach was still fluttering and his hands were still clammy but he wasn’t shaking. Lifting his head up slightly, he looked over at Yoongi, glanced at their hands then back at his hyung.

“Hyung…” the shorter male just grunted in reply.

“Is there a reason your knees are shaking and your hand is squeezing like there’s no tomorrow?”

Yoongi refused to turn his head towards Jungkook and meet his gaze. If it hadn’t been for the fact that it was really dark outside even with all the lights of the city, Jungkook could have seen his hyung blush. Sadly that was not in the cards for him to night. The two could see each other just fine but it wasn’t quite bright enough to see any dustings of pink on either of their faces.

A gruff, “No,” was the reply he got as well as a forced relaxation in the grip that the elder had on his hand but it still never moved. The knees however, well they got a little worse before they got better. A short hushed string of curses could barely be heard but the tone was enough for Jungkook. He wasn’t really sure how to feel at the moment mainly because he didn’t know what to make out of this situation. His crazy mind wanted him to believe that it was a sign, a sign that he had never let himself even dream about receiving. The smarter part of him hushed the fantasy and denied that it could be a possibility. Regardless Jungkook was having a struggle within himself. He didn’t want to hope but his heart had already skipped a beat at the mere inkling that this could be a sign. It felt like one and oh how badly Jungkook wanted it to be one.

“Um…hyung, you’re uh, still ho-“

“I know. Am I not allowed to?” The deep timbre of his voice sent chills down Jungkook’s spine and his eyes widened in surprise. He really didn’t know what to do so his teeth found his bottom lip, biting and tearing at the skin there. It was a bad habit but he couldn’t seem to break it.

“Oh, uh, n-no. You c-can.” Oh for god’s sake, he was stuttering now?! If he could smack himself in the face right now Jungkook would but he didn’t want to do anything more ridiculous than he just made himself feel.

Yoongi’s voice softened and concern set in, “Sorry, Jungkook-ah. If it makes you uncomfortable…” he trailed off and began to lift his hand off of the youngers but it still hovered for a moment. In the end Yoongi ran his hand through his hair and stood up walking further away from the other. Jungkook followed his hyung with his eyes and was baffled by what he was seeing. Maybe it should be him asking the other if he was okay. This was the first time he had ever seen his hyung act so odd and… well, awkward.

“It shouldn’t uh, doesn’t, doesn’t make me uncomfortable.” Aish, that did not come out right. Jungkook didn’t know what was worse, telling the truth or covering it up with a lie. No answer was a good answer because neither came out sounding the way that he meant it. He swung his legs back and forth letting his heels hit against the concrete wall he was sitting on. Yoongi let out a dry laugh and tapped the tip of his shoe into the ground a few times.

“Shouldn’t… so it does.” He spoke with words softly but in the quiet of the night, Jungkook could still hear them. Letting out a sigh, the rapper turned around eyes flitting towards Jungkook’s for the briefest of moments before dropping down once more.

“You should get home, it’s late. I still need to work on some things.” It was the quickest that Jungkook had ever seen the elder put up a wall. They looked at each other and all the brunette could see was… nothing. There was no emotion, nothing, just a blank slab, a dead stare. Exactly what he never wanted to see but he was really confused about the short burst of events that had just transpired. He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing.

Yoongi walked towards the rooftop door and let himself back into the warmth of BigHit Entertainment. Back into the walls he knew they shouldn’t be breaking. Back to the safety of doing what idols do best, pretending that everything is okay even when it’s not.

Sliding down the wall Jungkook trudged his way to the door. For some reason his feet felt really heavy, just like his heart. He didn’t even know why but he felt like he had just messed everything up. Should he go after Yoongi? Should he just leave him be? Yoongi was so much better at this than he was. The singer made his way through the familiar hallways full of too many questions and not enough answers. The one thing he did know was that he didn’t want to leave things like this. He wanted Yoongi to smile. Oh, how he wanted the elder to smile. Truly, that was all he ever wanted regardless of his feelings if the elder was smiling then Jungkook could breathe. He could smile too.

As he passed by the studio that he knew Yoongi was occupying he hesitated. Standing outside the door, he peered into it. It was almost like he could see the other male in the room and in a way. Jungkook knew what Yoongi was doing and he n