Hands Up Higher
Guilty Carnation~Chapter 4 – Hands Up Higher~
I.M smashes the buttons on the old handheld game system he found recently with more ferocity than necessary. His mind is busy running circles about ways he could help. Ways that he could be more useful than just sitting around and having to baby-sit a bunch of stuffed bears that hold the last of their elixirs and scraps of wilting delphiniums. It isn't fair. Just because he's the youngest doesn't mean he can't help.
The teddy bear character he's playing as in his game suddenly dies. I.M grits his teeth angrily at the 'Game Over' screen flashing at him. It feels like the game is taunting him too. He'd chuck the damn thing at the wall but what good will that do him. What good will it do anyone.
When Jooheon introduced them to this abandoned toy factory buried deep in their town's forest, I.M believed they were going to establish a plan together. A plan that adequately filled in their lacking attributes and be so concrete that it would reestablish the hope that just keeps escaping them all.
Maybe it was naïve thinking. With three of their members missing how could they possibly continue to work like a well oiled machine when they're barely getting by with chipped and rusted cogs, all individually spinning in opposite directions and jamming into each other.
Jooheon had the gall to say that he got the most important job. Because without the elixirs and last remnants of their delphinium stash they're nothing but a bunch of kids in deep . I.M couldn't argue back because they are kids in a messed up world, in a messed up situation, and without anyone or anything on their side except each other. It doesn't mean that made him feel better about taking this task, it doesn't.
Wonho reassures him. The oldest says with confidence he doesn't have that once he has the blueprints completed for the machines he's going to build with all the scrapped junk around the toy factory I.M will be upgraded to his personal helper. I.M knows deep down it's a bluff. Wonho has become overbearingly protective, he thinks he can carry all their burdens. But it's still something I.M holds on to in order to keep himself sane.
Kihyun doesn't say anything to him. And I.M doesn't know if that should irk him or make him feel appreciative because he wouldn't be able to stomach anything emotional. Neither of them are particularly good in that department. Kihyun just wants I.M safe because he's the youngest, because he's lived life the shortest and there's more to it than just war and pain that I.M needs to experience, and because I.M deserves to have the best chance to get out of this alive. I.M understands all this from the soft look Kihyun gives him when he thinks he doesn't notice despite all the tough fronts they show to everyone. It doesn't mean I.M likes it. What good is a life if he has to be alone to experience it? I.M hopes Kihyun can't see that question blatantly on his face whenever they make eye contact.
With a defeated sigh, I.M clicks the restart option on his game.
He just doesn’t want to be kept in the dark.
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Wonho steps into the abandoned toy factory with a desire for change.
When they finish settling what their plan was going to be and how they were going to go about it, Wonho points out the bleach and colored dye he found in one of the supply closets.
"Those dyes are for toys aren't they?" I.M asks as he reads the label on the back, "Won't they make you go bald?"
"In a worst case scenario maybe," says Wonho with a shrug, "I just think it's time to do something to mark the beginnings to this terrifying era. A reminder of sorts to ourselves that we're no longer the town kids yelling at the officials and flipping them off behind their backs. We're fighters now."
There's a breath of hesitation as I.M rolls one of the dye bottles in
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