Story Review by dubumints

Review Request!

Requested by: littlejinki

Twoshot: The Emotionless Princess [Twoshot]

Title : ★★★★★
For obvious reasons. The title is mysterious yet catchy. An emotionless princess? The title itself invites the reader to check out the story. Good job on this.

Description/Foreword: ★★★★★
Your foreword was simple yet briefly explains what the story is about. It effectively gives an overview of the story. Still, I think you could've added something to make it more interesting.

Characterization: ★★★★
The characters were beautifully portrayed. In my opinion, Hyo is perfect as the emotionless princess out of all the nine girls. I kinda find it funny that the other SNSD girls were her maids. Lol, but that worked pretty well too. :) Although, I think you could have worked something out for them. Maybe created a side story, even just a little, for the remaining eight.

The King and Queen were fine, but I think they lacked the proper reaction when Hyo came back after missing for a long while. You could have made them more concerned, more worried, more parent-ish.

As for the SHINee babies boys, you have portrayed them perfectly in your story too. It was great that you experimented with them, making them not just commoners but as *gasp* robbers! JongKey is an unbeatable duo, Jjong being adventurous and Key balancing it with his calm, logical exterior.
Taem was adorable, as usual. Minho didn't do much but just ultimately became Taem's partner. Maybe you could have given him a little bit more character? Onew, on the other hand, is perfect. Being the gentle leader that he is, being everyone's conscience, and being the bright, cheerful guy that was perfect for our emotionless princess, I mean really, who else would teach her to move her lips in an upward curve better than the one who was a master of it? :) His shyness was charming too.

Sod it, all of them are charming!

Plot: ★★★★★
I love the setting! You created a fairytale-like mood with a touch of the olden times. It was really good! The plot itself is interesting. Although there were times when the story drifted off, and those were the moments you could've inserted more interesting stuffs. Overall though, the plot is unique, adorable, and intriguing.

Organization: ★★★★★
Organized! The foreword was very clean to look at. The colors, gray for Hyo and black for Onew, worked very well because for me, those two colors definitely lacked emotions, which was just perfect for your story's theme! Chapter one was pretty organized too, the paragraphs were properly structured, the wording is good, and the POV switching was easy to follow. Final chapter was just as good but I kinda got confused at the end, the one with the birthday surprise, with all the color switching and stuff. D:

Spelling and Grammar: ★★★★
Few mistakes, almost not noticeable unless you're really reviewing it. Some of the wordings were kind of confusing but the thought can still be understood.
Otherwise, your English writing skills are great!

Aesthetics && Entertainment Value: ★★★★★
Poster is very appropriate! :) Quotations were right on target.
Onew Ending line captured my heart <33

VERDICT: ★★★★★/★★★★★
I love this twoshot, bb~ good luck on the contest! :)