She enjoys the thought of people feeling bad because of her death as if she would be able to see them crying from inside the casket. Jieqiong doesn’t know if it is either good or bad, but, for some strange reason, now that she’s transforming her sadness into words that decorates so many sheets of paper, she finally feels like she’s alive – and Jieqiong herself thinks that she shouldn’t feel this way at such a moment.

The melody of life steals the gloominess of death to continue its song, and so does Jieqiong’s soul. The pen in her hand dances crazily at the rhythm of her desperate and full of silence screams, leaving behind nothing but unanswered questions about this bitter earth.

“I must not think about the future.” Jieqiong decides. “Since that now, I don’t have one.”

The silence of the night and its air has always brought to Jieqiong a strange type of hope, a feeling that she could never ignore. As if life would get better, as if from tomorrow on it would no longer be grayish and empty. But the tomorrow is a liar, a liar that does anything just to see more of Jieqiong’s tears.

And so, even though her life would be considered easy by most people’s perspective, she can’t help but to feel like it is better if she ends it all as fast as possible.

.

It’s already 7am.

As she eats the delicious breakfast her mom prepared, Jieqiong feels strange for knowing that this is the last time she’ll get to see her family. But even now, she can’t really tell if that’s a sad thing, so she goes to school as soon as she can, thinking that seeing her mom’s face might make her stop.

Lots of people with robotic expressions walk on the streets, as always; and, somehow, it makes her feel like s***. The day by day life is so simple that it reminds her of the primitive way cats and dogs live.

We are supposedly the most intelligent animals on Earth, but we’re just as blind as the others; incapable of seeing how much things we could do, incapable of turning the feelings that we should talk about the most into words.

Jieqiong hates how people unconsciously suppose that thoughts are a consequence of being alive, when actually we’re alive because we think. Or at least, it should be.

Maybe we’re all dead.

.

Standing on top of a bridge, Jieqiong sees the world she hates so much from up above. The homogeneous heads of the ordinary people are now looking small, and the sky, house of clouds she used to envy, is shining its blue throughout the entire Seoul.

Jieqiong watches the lazy movements of the clouds and raises both her hands up to the sky, as if she could possibly receive an answer.

Nothing happens, and, well, that’s not surprising. Not when the planet seems to be a place where nothing ever happens.

But, the lack of events will no longer be a problem. Like truths turn out to be true just when we see them as that, problems only are a problem when we notice them. That’s why the world is so disgusting and boring, and that’s also why Jieqiong’s suffering will end with her life.

.

She can hear the loud gasps of the people who are watching her as she feels the cold breeze messing up her hair. Her body is falling.

The fall is a lot slower than she thought it would be, but that’s okay. That’s really good, actually. Because the of life is death, and this way she can appreciate the feeling a little bit more.

It feels awesome to be the center of attention. At least she can die feeling like someone cares, even if no one does, which probably is the case. As Jieqiong falls, she remembers how she used to hate the idea of dying on the middle of a street or any other public or disgusting place. She had really wanted her body to be burned, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen.

Jieqiong is coming near the ground, so near that she can almost feel her head battling the pain.

It hurts. It hurts so much that...

She’s no longer able to see a thing. Everything is black, everything is dark. But she thinks black is better than gray.

.

“What’s your name?” Jieqiong hears, and…

Wait. I’m not dead?

“What happened?” She asks, in a weak voice. Her head hurts.

“You know,” The unknown girl’s voice says. “You can die, but you also can revive. It depends on you.”

What is this?

Jieqiong opens her eyes slowly. Right in front of her is an absolutely stunning human being, by far the most beautiful she has ever seen.

“What’s your name?”

“I’m Zhou… Jieqiong”

“Oh, so you’re a foreigner.” The girl says; a subtle but sweet smile on her face. “My name is Im Nayoung. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah…”

“So you’re dead?”

Wow. It’s quite surprising to hear someone say such a thing.

“Am I?”

“I think so.” Nayoung replies, caressing Jieqiong’s hair. “I mean, it’s not because you’re alive that you’re not dead.”

“Yes. Unfortunately,” Jieqiong says as she looks around the place. “I know that.”

“Did you try to use any ingredients?”

Jieqiong responds with a confused look.

“Happiness is like a meal,” Nayoung says. “And meals aren’t put on the table by itselves.”

“Are you saying that I didn’t try?”

“I’m saying that I want to teach you how to cook.”

Things might be interesting if continue living means that she will get to spend time with this Nayoung girl.

“Wow, really?” Jieqiong asks.

“Yes!” Nayoung responds as she leans on and kisses Jieqiong’s forehead.

The foreigner blushes madly. On her face, the first genuine smile she displays in a very long time.

.

And this bitter earth
may not
be so bitter after all

.

“May I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Can you please hug me?” Jieqiong asks as she thinks that receiving a hug after such a long time would be really amazing.

Without giving a verbal answer, Nayoung lies down on the bed and hugs Jieqiong from behind.

“Yes, I can.”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

Nayoung simply nods her head yes.

“Why did you save me?”

...

“Death may be as senseless as life, and…”

“And…” Jieqiong repeats as she wants to hear the entire sentence.

“And you’re so beautiful that I felt like I should try to make you my girlfriend.”

The entire scene is just too strange – strangely good – to Jieqiong to be able to trust her eyes and ears, but she guesses that enjoying it as much as she can won’t make any bad. At this very moment, the foreigner just wishes that her mom didn’t find the suicide note she wrote in the morning.

.

Shyly and slowly, Jieqiong turns around to face Nayoung’s beautiful features.

“Hold me tighter." She requests while hiding part of her face behind the blanket.

.

Yes
I guess it can be not so bitter

.

"For sure I will!"