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the unsaid wish
But tonight, he’d forget about it—escape the clutches of responsibility in the form of textbooks and paper works due next week. As a third-year college student, Seokmin learned that it’s fine to take a break too. To find that comfort and nostalgia once in a while. Seokmin is a walking sunshine, yes, but everybody has their own weaknesses, it’s just that he knows how to hide it well. He wouldn’t admit out loud that he feels like he’s losing his flame: too considerate towards his friends, and too worried to share his burdens.
He looked down from his apartment’s balcony, watching people walk towards the comfort of their own home. He smiled to himself.
Isn’t it amazing that each person out there has a story to tell?
Seokmin doesn’t feel special anymore, but when he looks up at the night sky once again, he thought that he can be.
“Thank you for always watching over me.” He whispers to no one in particular before heading inside to tuck himself to sleep. He didn’t see how one star brightly twinkled, hearing his whispered words loud and clear.
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“Do you think we’ll pass?”
“Of course, just believe in thyself.”
“Always the optimistic one, Seokmin-hyung.”
“Always the pessimistic one, Gyu.”
Mingyu pouts, “I’m not”
“Sure you are~” Seokmin sing-songed, Mingyu then turned towards their other friend
“Myungho, am I?”
“Don’t ask me now you giant, I’m busy.” Was Minghao’s snarky reply, clearly not in the mood for Mingyu’s childish antics, as he continues to write his last-minute essay.
“If only you finished that last night you wouldn’t be cramming today y’know?” Mingyu sniped back, just to get back at Minghao’s cranky mood. The latter glared back.
“Stop it you two, geez. You fight over petty things.”
“Nu-uh” the two replied in unison
Seokmin sighed, “but I guess that’s also one of the strengths of your friendship.”
They snorted.
He shrugged.
This is why I don’t want to tell them. They have their own problems to deal with already.
He was late.
Did he forget to set his alarm or is it because he’s too tired that he didn’t hear his alarm set off?
“How disappointing of you, Lee Seokmin” he scolds himself silently
He took a deep breath. Counting from one to ten. Seokmin stopped dwelling on it.
He’s late and that’s final.
He badly wants to find himself once again.
“Mind if I sit here?” a soft voice asked
Seokmin looked up to the owner of the voice, a sudden image of the night sky flashes in his mind. His eyes met starry ones, twinkling under the fluorescent light of the library.
“Pretty.” His mind supplied
The other man chuckled, Seokmin became confused
“Thank you” he replied softly, Seokmin realized that he must’ve said it out loud (for the man to hear).
He blushed. A pretty pink gracing his features.
The other man smiled sweetly, “it’s alright. Please don’t be embarrassed.”
“O-okay.” Seokmin looked down, a nervous habit of his. Internally screaming at himself while trying to calm his beating heart.
Seokmin failed one of his subjects. Trying so hard not to think about it. Telling himself over and over again that “it’s alright. It happens. Don’t give up.”
As he chants these words to himself, he slowly believed them.
“It gets better… it gets better.” And honestly, he believed those words too.
He met him once again, under the night sky that reminded him so much of his eyes. Or was it the other way around? Seokmin thought it’s okay to not think about it too much.
He was sitting at the park bench when the familiar sweet voice of a man interrupted his thoughts with the same line of “mind if I sit here?”
Seokmin thought that he doesn’t mind. Really.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“it’s pretty, isn’t it?” Seokmin suddenly asked, gaze directed at the sky
“Yes, it is.” The man agreed.
“I’m Seokmin, by the way.”
“Joshua.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too.” Finally.
Silence fell, but it wasn’t awkward. It was actually comforting even if they’re practically strangers.
“Do you love the stars?” Joshua broke the silence with his soothing voice, the question felt personal but not intrusive Seokmin thought
“Yes, I do.”
“Do you always watch them?” maybe it was a rhetorical question but Seokmin answered anyway,
“I used to.”
“But you’re doing it now.” Joshua pointed out,
“I do.” Seokmin tore his gaze away from the stars to look at the man beside him, “and it feels nice to be able to do so.”
“Then you should do it more often.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because of responsibilities.” I just ran away from them tonight, again.
“But it wouldn’t hurt to look at them just for a short while.”
“A short while is not enough. It’s better to not look at them altogether if I won’t be able to appreciate it, right?”
“But at least you won’t completely ignore them?”
Seokmin was silent. Feeling a bit bad for the stars he used to love so much.
He still does.
“It wouldn’t hurt to give them a single glance, it’ll make them feel better. Trust me.” Joshua sounded so sure that Seokmin couldn't help but ask
“How would you know?”
A pregnant pause, Joshua took a deep breath
“Because I am one of them.”
Seokmin laughed, it's been a long time since the last time he did that, wow, he missed that. His laughter slowly died down when the only thing that's resounding was his own voice in the quiet park. He then felt sheepish because of the serious look that Joshua's giving him.
“Really?” he croaked
“Yes.”
Seokmin felt guilty. Joshua shrugged.
“I always watch over you.” Joshua admitted “and I want you to know that will never change.”
Seokmin then noticed that the eyes that reminded him of what’s above was the ultimate hint after all. And wait, are those stardust? Seokmin looked closer, now that he mentioned it, I think he’s literally glowing.
“Ummm, thank you…?” well, that sounded like a question, how nice of you Seokmin.
“I know. I heard you.” Joshua doesn't seem to mind
And okay, now that he puts it that way, Seokmin’s pretty sure that he believes him now without a doubt
“But, what are you doing here?”
“I’m here to remind you of who you are, Seokmin.”
Seokmin stared, feeling tongue-tied because Joshua's looking at him with too much fondness.
“Seokmin, you are the sunshine among your peers, and the constant warmth of your family even if you’re physically away. You, the kind-hearted person who worries about other people more than yourself-- you deserve better. Do not be afraid of the future, do not let the past hinder your actions, and do not let the present defeat you. Continue to be yourself and you’ll be able to find your way out of this maze. And Seokmin, never forget that the stars are shining to remind you of who you are and that dreams will eventually become your reality. I am always with you, even if you don’t look at me the way you used to. I will never leave your side, I will be there to guide you and bring you comfort. Don’t be afraid to look at the sky just because you think you don’t give it much attention and appreciation. Seokmin, you deserve to be happy, even if it’s not always, even if it’s just once in a while, you still deserve it. Everybody deserves to be happy.”
A hand reached out to touch his cheeks, Seokmin didn’t know when he closed his eyes. The warmth of Joshua’s hand seeped through his skin, down to his bones and soul. He felt the flame inside of him reignite once again, and he felt special. Because his star—his Joshua, reminded him of who he is and that he deserves to be happy.
When Seokmin opened his eyes, Joshua was gone.
He still smiled because he knows he’s not, and will never be alone.
“Thank you.”
In the end, he was able to find himself.
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