PHONECALL

 

Today, she placed her phone beside her ears as usual, hoping that he will pick up her call.

Rrrr…

His phone screen brightened up but he’d done nothing, except looking at it with a vacuous expression.

 

“Your call was not reachable to another party...” she chuckled, unexpectedly. ‘you bastard...’ It became her practice to call him every day at 8 already, even knowing that he won’t pick up her call.

 

He opened his phone book, and the whole page was filled by the miss calls from “SHE”. He scrowed down the page, being in a funk to see all the red remarks from the missed calls. He put away his phone and laid back on the hospital bed. He carefully caressed his bald head and gave a sigh. His once black and thick hair was gone.

 

Holding a mug of hot chocolate, she walked out to her balcony and looked up to the sky. The dim lights from the stars were reflecting her melancholy hope. You are always beautiful when you laugh. His voice sneak into her thoughts. She grinned and bear the sorrow dripping in her heart. She sighed and mumbled, “How am I going to pretend nothing’s happened... “

 

At night, she buried her head in a blanket and connived herself into a silent cry. He closed his eyes and went for sleep. “Good night love…” he whispered in the air. She fell asleep with tears.

 

They opened their eyes.

 

Sunlight streamed through their windows, bathing their room in gentle golden glow. For a moment, they sat sleepily on their beds, but the next moment, they started yearning about having a partner kissing each other morning to start their fresh new day. He tumbled in the bathroom to wash his face and start having his breakfast which his mother brought him earlier.

 

“Son, are you really not gonna tell her? I saw her on the street another day and she looked desperate.” Her mother asked and choked him from the breakfast. He clamped up and looked at her. “Desperate...?” he asked. His mother nodded and he thought for a while. “It’s for her good. I’ll manage it after my surgery.” He said shortly and put his concentration back onto his breakfast. His mother looked at him worriedly and in a grieve. “Son, make an all-out effort in your terminal cancer surgery later. I will be always supporting you outside the room.” Her tears dropped on her cheeks followed by her shivering voice. He looked up to her and helped her whip out her tears. “I’ll be fine, my dear mother. Don’t worry.” He gave a gentle kiss on her forehead and showed his childish smile.

 

Without any acknowledgment about his surgery, she was burying herself in work. She glimpsed at her watch –which strike 9—and hurried out from her office with her briefcase. “Time for meeting! Straighten your clothes and put succulent smiles on your faces. There will be 3 famous fashionistas joining our meeting! Don’t be late! Fast, fast, fast!” she cried in an astounding sound and hurried into the lift.

 

The meeting room was grand with a long wooden desk placed in the middle of the room. She looked at the rostrum where she will be giving a presentation later and gasped. It was much bigger than she had thought and there were spotlights shining onto it. She took a deep breath and prepared all the fashion samples she’d prepared on the long table. When she turned her laptop on, the wallpaper of she and him sitting on a bench feeding each other with sweet smiled leapt out at her. Her attached feeling rushed into her again. I miss you. She thought to herself. The door opened and the fashionistas: Giorgio Armani, Marc Jacobs and Donna Karan came in with the senior levels. She immediately got over her feelings and put up a smile. She greeted them politely and started her speech nervously.

 

Sitting on the bed with nothing to do, he surfed his phonebook and noticed all his family and friends about his surgery. At last, he came to her page. He gazed at her contact photo with relish. Her smile always make his day. He stopped at this page for a long, long time, deciding whether he should contact her or not. It would be his last call before he goes for the surgery. It was 11 now, one hour left till he will risk his life on the table.

 

He pressed the call button.

 

Her presentation was going well and all the listeners held a satisfied look on their faces. Not until when her phone screen lit up suddenly. ‘HE’ was making a call to her. She gaped, hardly believing her eyes. His call had thrown her presentation into disarray. She stopped presenting and stood there like a dumb. Mumbling started across the room. Job or him… choose faster! She struggled in her thoughts. Just before a second he decided to hang up, she excused herself from the meeting room and picked up the call.

 

‘H-He- hello.’ she kept herself as calm as possible.

‘Hi! How are you doing?’ he was speaking so leisurely, in her opinion.

‘g-goo-‘she stopped. ‘I- I’m, just fine…’ she changed the answer. He chuckled.

She knew she couldn’t hold any further if he speaks one more single syllable.

‘Um… I just going say that...’

‘Enough!’ she unleashed her anger and sorrow. ‘Please! enough!’

She burst into tears and fell sat on the floor. He wasn’t surprised that she would shout at him, he knew this would happen, so stayed quiet and listened to her every word patiently.

 

‘Why are you calling now!? Do you know how many times I’ve called you? I just want to apologise for always concentrating on work and left you behind, but you just won’t pick up the call. You bastard! Why did you leave so suddenly without any reasons…? Do you think a tiny note with ‘Please forget me’ will solve everything? For nights, I stayed up awake because of you. I kept thinking it was my fault for our break up, but recently… I felt really lost, I can’t think of any reason that I made you left me… I tried so hard to sound alright these days, but I can’t stand the pressure anymore…’

 

He sat on the bed and smiled. At least she will still shout at me. After a long period of emptiness, he finally felt plenitude. His thought of telling her about his surgery died down at the tip of his tongue. He took a glimpse at the clock, 45 minutes left. He wished so much that he could spend the rest of his time talking with her. He knew crystal clearly that his life was put at a high risk in the surgery and he probably can’t make it out from the desk. She continued to express her feelings in her shivering tone.

 

‘Memories of you I’ve once erased start growing on me… I can’t stand not to have you beside me. I need you back, please… You’ve been with me through all the hard times, though the times I felt like dying and you are the only one there, assuring me that I was fine. I felt like dying now, right now, in this second… please come back, I need you. If you leave, what am I supposed to do. Am I supposed to laugh and let days pass as if nothing’s wrong!?’

 

His smiled warmly, in which way she couldn’t see.

 

‘Don’t cry, you’re still my smiling angel, right?’

‘Then why did you go!’

‘-’ he stopped and faded his smile away.

‘Please, I need you to come back, I can’t live without you.’

‘You can sweetheart, you will. You will be used to it. It just need a bit of time.’ He said, this time firmly.

‘No! No I ca-‘

‘Can you promise me one thing?’

‘… What?’

‘To live hard when I’m gone and always smile, don’t cry.’

‘Why are you saying that! I can’t...’

‘Please! Please just promise me and never let go of this promise’ he knew once she promised, she won’t let go of it. It’s for your good, don’t make me be a burden of your future relationships.

 

She took a deep breath and calmed down herself. She whipped her tears off and finally said. ‘I promise...’

 

‘That’s my good girl.’ He smiled in relieve. ‘... please don’t blame me for leaving without reason, I have my own reasons. And I think this would be the last time I’m calling you, please live well by your own. Find a better partner who can do better than I can; a partner who can be with you forever, loving you and to protect you from all the dangers…’ he let the tears spill down freely, now it would be the last time talking to her again. ‘My smiling angel... Please let me say for the last time: …I love you.’

 

 

He cut the line before she could hear his sobbing sound. She too, burst out in tears. She glanced at her watch, it’s half past 11. She would probably lose her job if she doesn’t go back into the meeting room now.

 

She tumbled to the washroom to cleaned her face. ‘You can do this. Call him after this.’ She mumbled to herself and went back to the room. That fashionistas seemed to have lost their patience with their brows furrowed. She bowed to them, apologized and continued her presentation.

 

But not for 5 minutes, her phone screen lit up again. This time, it’s not “HE”, but “HE’s MUM” was shown to be calling her. She looked at the fashionistas. They noticed the call. One of them shocked his head in disappointment and sighed. She bowed to apologized and ordered her assistance to arrange a new date with them for another presentation. After that, she ran out and accepted the call.

 

‘Auntie? Why did you call me?’

‘Have my son call you?’

‘Yes, yea… he did.’ She lowered her voice.

‘Where are you now?’ He’s mum whispered as she was secretly calling her outside his sick room.

‘I’m in my office now. Auntie are you alright?’ she asked with suspicious.

 

She headed back to her office and packed her things, just in case something emergency has happened.

 

‘Oh my! I can’t believe he’s still hiding the truth from you… Come the SHN Hospital now! Quick!’

 

Hearing how desperate her tone was, she ran to the carpark anxiously, with her head full of him.

‘Auntie, calm down and tell me clearly what has happened. I’m rushing there now!’

 

He’s mum started crying at the hospital corridor.

‘He got a terminal cancer and had a big lump inside between his brain nerves...! He’s going to do an operation 25 minutes later. The doctor... the doctor told me that he will be risking his life big if he does this surgery... What can I do... I’m afraid of losing my son...’

 

The devastating news whipped her in a whirl. She stopped her car in the middle of the road suddenly. Her astonishment was beyond expression. She laid her head on the steering wheel and tidied up her thoughts and emotions.

 

‘Okay auntie, I- I got it. Thank you...’

 

She sobbed in a funk and drove at the top speed that her car could afford.

 

In the hospital, he was holding a picture of him and her smiling happily in a park. It was the last date he went out with her. He looked out of the window hoping to see her again, to hug her again, and to kiss her again. But her knew he couldn’t do that to her. It will be too cruel to pull her into this sadness. I will tell her everything if I can make it through the operation.

 

But if he could not make it, she will just think that he had left her and their relationship has ended. He turned to the drawer beside him and took some square papers and an envelope. Then he started to fold the papers into heart shapes and put them into the envelope which “SHE” was written on the top.

 

At this moment, she was driving madly. 10 minutes to go before his operation time. She dismissed her thoughts of safety regulations. She crossed many red traffic lights illegally and nearly had accidents on her way. She was insane right now. Insane to see him again after their 6 months of parting. She dialed him with tears across her face. ‘Please! I beg you to pick up your phone you bastard!’

 

A doctor was helping him to change into his operation clothes. He missed call.

 

‘Pick up the phone! Please! I beg you! Please! Don’t let me lose you again!’

She kept redialing but no one picks up. 5 minutes left! Faster! She dialed one more time and finally, she made it. But the one who listened was not him, it’s he’s mother.

 

‘auntie…?’

‘where are you now! He’s going to the operation room!’

 

She parked the car in front of the hospital and rushed into the lobby.

 

‘Auntie! Which floor should I go?!’

‘Um… 67!’

 

Hopefully, a lift arrived and she pushed the floor button and the lift went up. She kneeled, praying to be on time. Meanwhile, he was lying on the bed, watching the ceiling lights go on one by one when the doctors were pushing him into the operation room. Then, they stopped. The doctors are inserting the password of the door to let them through.

 

They went in.

 

He looked at the ceiling, smiling with a tear sliding down his cheek. ‘Wait! Wait!’ she ran like a frenetic desperado to the operation door at her fastest speed, screaming at the top of her voice. ‘wait!’

 

He heard a distant cry and immediately, he recognized her voice. He sat up from his bed and saw her. But it’s too late, the door was closing. He saw her running to him, beautiful as usual; she saw him sitting on the bed, thin and whacked. They looked at each other’s eyes.

 

Please, come out healthy from the operation room… she prayed silently.

 

He was being carried away. They lost sight of each other. Bang! The tiny sound of the door bang into her ears. ‘No!’ she screeched hopelessly. She was almost there. She slowed down and tripped over and hit her head onto a wall. She fell sat and cried in a grief. ‘I’m sorry, I’m late… I’m sorry…’ she covered her face and tears wet her hands like an opened water tap. He’s mother came to her and helped her up on a chair. She hugged her and cried together.

 

A warm, soft colour of white shone through the white cloth into his eyes. Her image kept flashing in his mind. Beautiful as an angel. He thought with a smile etched on his face. The only difference was that her smile has turned into tears. But he showed no worry because she had promised him to live well and to smile brightly like before. ‘Doctor, can you please kindly help me to tell the girl outside that I love her if I can’t make it through? And my mother too. Please ask her to take care of herself.’ The surgeon promised.

 

He lost his conscious when a nurse injected anesthetic into him.

The operation began.

 

Outside the door, she fell asleep on the bench after a long cry. His mother decided to get her a blanket and went back to the patient’s room. An envelope grabbed her attention and she opened it. The only thing she saw was folded heart papers and a little memo. She got the memo out and saw:

 

“remember your out promise. Smiling angel.”

 

‘Aigoo… they could be married by this time if my son… hadn’t got his brain cancer…’ His mother brought both the blanket and the envelope back to her. At that time, she has woken up, sitting blankly and was dazing at the floor. His mum handed the envelope to her and covered her legs with the blanket. she sat by her side when she opened the envelope.

 

She covered with a gasp and tears started dropping down. Her first present from him was too a jar of folded heart papers and a memo saying “I love you”. she went into his mother’s embrace and burst into tears. ‘I miss him… I miss him so much auntie…’ she said with tears.

 

Memories of them together grew her mind. She missed their first conversation, his first love confession, their first date, their first hug, their first kiss, their first movie. Everything about him grew in her. She prayed and prayed that he could come out healthily and say ‘I love you’ in face to face.

 

23 hours passed, his mother has gone for a rest in a resting room, she was the only one to stay awake and waited nervously in front of the operation room. Her watch one in the mid night. One day had passed since she left the meeting room without reasons. She received calls from her senior levels giving warning letters to her. She sat at the bench and rested her heavy head on the wall. It’s been a tiring day. She sighed and suddenly, the operation door opened. She rushed to meet the surgeon with hope sparkling in her eyes.

 

The doctor bowed sincerely to her and said, ‘I’m sorry. We’ve done all our best to save him, but he couldn’t make it out from the desk. To my condolences, I’m really sorry. And... he wants you to know that he loves you. Please don’t be too depressed.’

 

The doctor went, leaving her behind, crying like in hell in front of the door. Loneness trespassed her whole body. When nurses pushed his body out, she ran to the body and kneeled beside it. She opened the white cloth that covered his face carefully. She connived her tears to fall like rain onto her cheeks. His face stayed handsome even there were no more blood circulating around it. His face was as pale as a vampire. She couldn’t look at him straightly. She yielded her head and touched his face, his chest, and finally she held her hands tightly. She cried and cried until she ran out of energy. Tears made her eyes soar and painful.

 

When it’s almost time, she stood up and looked at him for the last minute. His face would be etched in her memory forever. She finally realized why he left her without reasons and to make her forget him. He doesn’t want to put her in a grieve if his surgery went bad. She bowed down and whispered beside his ear, ‘I love you’ and kissed him on his cold lips, which were once warm and friendly.

 

We normal people probably won’t see it, or feel it, but his lips raised into a smiling shape. She let go of his hands and watched him being carried into the freezing room. She kneeled on the floor and cried on her own, but when she left the hospital, she tried to put up a smile and continued to live hard.

 

 

Being one of her practice, she dialed him again. She kept his phone number paid so she could make a call to him as usual. RRRRRRR, “your call was not reachable to the other party...” she held up a smile and left a voice message, ‘I’ve kept my promise, bastard. I kept my promise.’