there are three things that seunghwan hates. 

 

christmas season. 

sighing, he watches as his breath is carried away with a cloud of white steam in the biting wind. a shiver runs up his spine, even though he's wearing a cardigan and a coat. 

 

crowds. 

it was his mistake to come to dongdaemun on the 24th of december. 

with a slight frown, he stops walking and, to avoid the disgruntled words coming from the people around him, ends up in front of a stand selling men's coats. 

a sharp intake of breath. he turns around. 

it's as if the world stops. 

 

himself. 

he hates himself. 

 

 

nam sohyun. she's still the same. 

even in this weather, a short skirt, and a light cardigan barely covering her exposed, pale skin. 

seunghwan bites his lip, knowing there's pain evident in his eyes. 

she was his everything. 

 

he can't help himself; he shrugs off his coat and offers it to her. she stares at it in his outstretched hand for a moment, and hesitantly accepts it, avoiding his eyes. 

'thanks,' her voice transports him to the past, to dimly-lit karaoke rooms, spontaneous dates after school, fleeting kisses outside her house, 

blinking rapidly, he smiles weakly in response. 

 

after she leaves, he buys a new coat with his minimal funds and slowly walks on, only to find himself at the park in which they first met. 

disappointed at himself, he traces the carved letters on the central tree: 'jsh + nsh' 

 

 

'hello, my name is jung seunghwan and i'm 19 years old.' 

he is accepted into antenna music. backing out of the tent, thanking the judges profusely, he bumps into her. 'oh, sorry,' 

'you were really good,' and he knows he'll never forget this moment. 

'thank-' 

'next contestant, nam sohyun.' 

she smiles at him and walks into the tent. 

 

'nam sohyun? don't get associated with her. her reputation's really bad.' 

but he's too enamoured to listen to his friend. 

 

he sees her again at the antenna music welcoming party for new trainees. 

their eyes meet, and her eyes light up. 

that's the day he gets her number. 

 

and their mutual attraction develops into something bigger. 

taking small steps, making sure no one finds out, they start dating. 

 

something changes one day, and neither of them knows what it is. 

by christmas, they've broken up, and she's left antenna music. 

 

 

he's always wondered why they broke up. 

 

but he already knows the answer. 

 

they were young and happy, and he didn't want to lose her. he knows he ruined it for them. 

 

even if he's sorry and regrets it, he can't do anything about it.

however much he misses her, he can't do anything, because of himself. 

 

 

his phone buzzes, and he realises it's exactly 12am, christmas day. 

looking up at the night sky, he closes his eyes and leans back on the bench, drawing in a deep breath of the crisp winter air. 

 

she appears in his mind. 

he lets himself smile sadly. 'merry christmas,' 

'merry christmas.' 

sitting next to him, they watch their memories run through his head. 

'we called it love,' she says. bittersweet. 

silence ensues, in which they just stare at each other. 

'sohyun. i'm sorry. let's not meet again.' 

she smiles wistfully. 'let's not.' 

'someday, i'll find you,' 

'i'll wait.' 

 

he checks his unopened text. 

'someday...' 

 

and he knows he'll never forget her.