What sounded like ten elephants being dropped onto a mine field resonated throughout the rink as the puck shot our winning point into the goal. There were no cheers. There were no applauds. The only sounds came from the alarm indicating the end of the game, and the clash of a helmet hitting the ice. Nobody moved. Nobody breathed.

Everybody waited.

Everybody waited for any sound, movement, anything coming from the body on the floor of the ice. But nothing happened. No. Everybody waited for the helmet to come off with a loud groan. But nothing happened. No, no no no! I was the first to move out of trance and rush to Minsoo's side, pulling his helmet off for him.

"No." I shook his shoulders, tears on the brink of falling, hoping for him to smile and claim it all a prank. But nothing happened. "No, Minsoo wake up! Wake up!" His eyes stayed closed and my tears began to fall. And at that moment and time, I didn't know what else to feel but anger. I spun my head around and shot my eyes at the retreating figure of Hwanhee, his sorry eyes glancing back at me as he skated away. The others pulled me off Minsoo as I thrashed and scream, in a mix of anger and sorrow. "LEE HWANHEE!" I screamed out with the remaining air in my lungs, violently throwing my helmet off, pushing everyone off me and skating off the ice to our changing room. I didn't hesitate to throw myself onto the slump figure sitting on the bench and shove him across the room into the wall. "It's your fault." I threw a punch at him. "You murderer!" I continued to throw punch after punch at him as I screamed in a high voice. "He should be celebrating with us! He should be here with us! He should be alive!" Hwanhee looked up at me with a blank face. "Think about Somi." I swung my arm to throw another punch until I felt myself being pulled back by the others.

"Shh, Wooseok! Calm down! Let's get you out of here to get some fresh air." I glared at Hwanhee and the rest of our team members who decided to stay with him while I was being dragged out. He looked back at me, and I gritted my teeth.

"It should've been you." And I spit on the floor before pulling myself off Sungjun and walking out of the room with my hockey bag, with four others following. It should've been him. As I roughly untied my boots, my anger towards Hwanhee only grew. As I wiped my blades, irrational thoughts kept on swirling around in my mind. As I threw my boots into my bag, I could only come up with one conclusion. Somi needs to be protected from Hwanhee. "Yein."

"Are you calm now?" He looked at me in worry.

"Yes." I lied. "Does Somi know?"

"Jinwook hyung called her already." Dongyeol responded instead.

"Is she ok?" I need to know.

"She's no better than you. Well, switch your violence into grief and that's Somi right now." I shot my glare at Gyujin, then sighed.

"You're not wrong. But he deserved it. He deserves more than just that small beating." I made a low growl as I bit down on my own jaws.  It should've been him. I stood up carrying my bag and walked out of the building. Fast footsteps following behind were heard.

"Where are you going?" Though they didn't verbally say it, I understood their hidden question. What are you going to do now? 

"I'm just going to see how Somi's doing." I paused. "Do you know where she is?"

"Jinwook hyung called her when she was in the middle working her part time." Right. How could I forget.

"Alright. Thanks." I turned around and set my eyes on the four faces following me. "And I'd like to talk to her alone." Nods were given as a response and I turned around to continue walking towards the bus stop. I got on the bus, but just as the bus began to start driving away it gave an abrupt stop, causing me to lurch forward from the momentum. 

"Stupid motorcyclists. Is everyone alright?" The bus driver turned around in worry and most passengers, including me, gave him a thumbs up. 

As soon as I got off the bus, I ran into the nearly empty cafe, witnessing Somi dropping a few boxes as I entered. I quickly went to help her, picking up the boxes from the floor and volunteering to hold some.

"Wooseok? What are you doing here?" I glanced down at her petite face and smiled. 

"Helping you. Are you alright?" She nodded in response.

"My shift ends in about half an hour...if you want, you can wait I guess." We put the boxes away in a supply room and walked together back to sit at a table with a box of the Jenga game set upon it.

"Are you sure you want to stay?" Just as my teammates have done with me, I asked Somi a hidden question within my verbal question. Are you ok?

"Well...with what's happened today I feel like complete trash. I'm not sure."

"Stay here. I'll talk with your manager." She nodded and I went to the back of the cafe to talk to the manager. While I was informing Somi's boss of her situation, I heard a clatter of blocks and the friction of a chair being pushed back against the floor. My head swung back and it took me barely a second to find Hwanhee hidden in the corner of the cafe, gazing upon Somi, who just dropped her Jenga blocks. What is he doing here? What right does he think he has to be here?Without another word, I stormed over to Somi, took her wrist, and walked out, not sparing Hwanhee the death glare. 

"Wooseok, where are we going?" Somi's words woke me out of my anger. Good question. I cleared my throat.

"Why don't we go to the park to cool off? Get our minds off of..." I couldn't bear to finish my sentence. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to believe it. But I knew it happened and there's nothing that could change that day's events. I cautiously looked over at Somi. For a split second, I saw the depression in her eyes.

"Yeah, ok. That sounds like a good idea."

For the rest of that day, we hung around in the park, playing in the leaves, walking amongst the trees. During those few hours we spent together at the park, I felt like nothing was wrong, Minsoo was still with us, Hwanhee wasn't a murderer, and we were all still friends. When I walked into the rink the following day was when reality hit me and I remembered the events of the day before. That was also when I realized I had lost my hockey bag. I braced myself, slowly walking into our changing room, getting ready to tell my teammates that I was being an irresponsible depressed lunatic and I must've left my bag on the bus. However, when I walked in, all I saw was my bag sitting on a bench, with a little post-it note on it. You left this on the bus. I looked the note front and back, and carefully analyzed the handwritten note. I screamed. This is Hwanhee's handwriting. I crumpled up the note and threw it angrily at the wall. Glaring at the wall, I breathed heavily, tears on the brink of falling. In the flurry of anger, I threw my fist at the wall, screaming.

"Are you finished with your tantrum?" I turned my head at the voice.

"Jinwook...hyung?"

"We have practice. Hurry up." With that he turned and left me alone in the room again. Is he not affected at all about Minsoo? Does he not care that his own teammate is a murderer? Anger continued to raise from my feet up to my brain. I didn't want to listen to Jinwook, but I did want to stay in the team so I put my skates on and got on the ice, only to see 7 other bodies. I skated up with Yein and Sungjun.

"Where's-"

"Hwanhee's taking a bit of a break." Yein answered my question before I could finish asking. I frowned.

"Why?" Why does that murderer need a break? He doesn't deserve it.

"Several reasons." What are they?

"One being the chance of you brutally beating him again. Two, he's in great depression because of what happened, especially because he thinks it's his fault." I looked at Yein and Sungjun in disbelief.

"He deserves the beatings. He deserves the beatings and much more. And it is his fault. If it weren't for him, Minsoo would still be with us. If it weren't for him, we'd be celebrating our win instead of mourning a loss." I breathed in, trying not to get emotional. "If it weren't for him..." I couldn't finish my sentence; Jinwook has skated up to me.

"As captain of this team, I say you should take a break as well. I don't think you're mentally ok to continue coming to practice. And during your break, maybe you can rethink your actions." He shot a stern message through is eyes. You're not the only one in grief. I took off my gloves and threw them onto the ice.

"Fine." I packed up and stormed out of the rink, leaving my bag in the changing room this time. The chilly fall wind hit my face as I stepped out, cooling my boiling blood. Today is Minsoo's funeral. I bought a small bouquet of flowers for Minsoo, then called up Somi.

"I'm with Hwanhee." That's all it took for me to run to the one place I could think of. The alley by Somi's cafe. As soon as I looked between the two buildings into the alley, I saw nothing but a murderer talking with Somi. My barely pent up anger burst as I threw my broken flowers at Hwanhee, grabbing his collar and throwing him onto the ground. 

"What right do you think you have to talk with Somi? You murderer! Don't you remember you're the one who killed her lover? Don't you remember you're the one who killed my best friend?" I examined him for a moment before proceeding. "How funny you're wearing all black." I threw blow after blow at his face whilst screaming. I spit down onto the ground, barely missing his ear. "You're not allowed there, nor are you wanted there." I gave him one last kick in the stomach before getting off him. "You have no right."

"Wooseok, stop!" I turned to a sobbing Somi holding two things in her arms. Minsoo's helmet and puck.

"He came to apologize. He came to repent. He came to me to give me Minsoo's stuff."

"Somi, he's a murderer." She slapped me.

"No, he's not. He's a boy who made a mistake. It wasn't his fault, Wooseok. It was an accident. It's as much Minsoo's fault as it is Hwanhee's. He already believes he's a murderer and that it's his fault for what's happened, and you reminding him every single time you encounter him doesn't help anyone. The beatings you give him? Haven't you realized at this point that Hwanhee hasn't, not a single time, fought back, resisted, but only accepted your hits? Do you even know why? He thinks he deserves it. Just as much as you think he does. He thinks he deserves your beatings and much more. The amount of times he thinks 'it should've been me, it should've been me' is way too many. Right now what this boy needs is not your beatings, not your screams confirming his thoughts, but just a simple hug telling him it's not his fault, and that he shouldn't blame himself. Wooseok, you three were best friends. As best friends, you should've been the first person to dash to Hwanhee to comfort him. Instead, you betrayed him, and by betraying Hwanhee, you betrayed Minsoo." She pointed a finger at me. "If there's someone that doesn't deserve to go to Minsoo's funeral-"

"It's me." I whispered. I looked down at the unconscious Hwanhee and for the first time since the event I saw the vulnerable boy who's been looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but a murderer, wandering in the dark maze of depression trying to find the comforting light of the arms of a friend. I looked down, and for the first time I saw my best friend that I had betrayed. I screamed, dropping down to my knees and embracing the bloody figure on the ground that I had beaten. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I continued to whisper apologies into his ear. It should've been me.

It should've been me.

What sounded like ten elephants being dropped onto a mine field resonated throughout the rink as the puck shot our winning point into the goal. There were no cheers. There were no applauds. The only sounds came from the alarm indicating the end of the game, and the clash of a helmet hitting the ice. Wait, what? Nobody moved. Nobody breathed. 

Everybody waited. What's going on?

Everybody waited for any sound, movement, anything coming from the body on the floor of the ice. But nothing happened. Why am I back on the ice? Everybody waited for the helmet to come off with a loud groan. But nothing happened. Did I just imagine Minsoo's death?  I was the first to move out of trance and rush to Minsoo's side, pulling his helmet off for him.

"No." I shook his shoulders, tears on the brink of falling, hoping for him to smile and claim it all a prank. But nothing happened. "No, Minsoo wake up! Wake up!" His eyes stayed closed and my tears began to fall. And at that moment and time all I could think of was Hwanhee. So I skated to his stiff figure, wide eyes, and wet cheeks. I took our helmets off and engulfed him into a desperate hug, whispering in his ear. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. You're not a murderer. Everybody makes mistakes. This was just an accident, and I'm here for you." 

a/n

 I tried. :3

-K.o