New Year’s Eve is about new beginnings. It’s also the time when people reflect on their past. You had a fair share of profound memories about that night, most of them led back to him; Nam Woohyun. Tonight you were feeling nostalgic. Memories weighed heavily on your chest suffocating you. Staying at home alone with your thoughts wasn’t helping, so you decided to go for a walk hoping that it would get him out of your mind. Plugging in your headphones and setting the playlist on shuffle, you strolled aimlessly through the crowded streets. Half an hour passed peacefully as you watched families laughing, kids playing, and couples kissing. Everyone seemed so happy and it made you wonder if they were really as happy as they looked. You know that each one has a story of their own. You found yourself wondering about the couples you see. Are they going to last? You sighed and tried to push the negative thoughts away. But then his song came and you mindlessly hummed along. You didn’t realize you were crying until a kid nudged you and gave you a tissue. You wiped your tears but they don’t seem to stop. You promised yourself that you won’t cry over him again. You scoffed at how many times you have broken this promise. You swallowed the lump in your throat but your tears wouldn’t stop falling. He wasn’t anyone, he isn’t anyone. You can’t just simply get over him. He still holds the throne of your heart even after two years of separation. The wounds of your break up are still aching as if they happened yesterday. Still after all this time you still wonder how he is doing. You sighed in frustration. “Why can’t you I just get over him?”

Maybe it’s the fact that you didn’t actually breakup. You never said it or talked about it. You just stopped talking- for years. You both are stubborn people with so much ego, none of you would give in and call first. But here you are two years without him and you still cry yourself to sleep or drown yourself in work attempting to keep him out of your mind when he seems to be doing just fine. Last year you heard he had a rough time. God knows how hard it was resisting the urge to call him or even get on the first flight to wherever he was. God knows how many nights you cried when you saw him crying on stage and God knows how you still cry every time you listen to his solo album. “Why is he writing such sad songs?” Again his voice flowed through your headphones. The world wasn’t sparing your fragile heart tonight. Again you placed you hand over your heart and clenched it trying to dull the aching pain. You changed the song before you cry again. Thankfully your buzzing phone snapped you out of your depressing thoughts.

You cleared your throat and answered “Sunggyu oppa” “Happy new year, darling.” He said “Happy new year to you too, oppa.” You said smiling “You should smile more. It’s new year’s eve.” “I am smiling” “Your voice doesn’t say so. What are doing?” “Walking, it’s a crowded and a bit cold but it’s better than being alone.” “It’s a good thing you’re not home alone. Oh, did you get my present?” “Yeah, thanks oppa. It’s really cool. How is Japan?” “Cold and I’m too tired to leave the dorm. What did you get me?” “You’ll see when you get back oppa. I promise you’ll like it.” “I have to go now. The boys are making fighting again. Don’t dwell on the past to much, darling. Treat yourself to a warm meal.” He said then he hung up. You sighed heavily “why does everything lead back to him?” If you were home you would kick the couch or curse yourself at the top of your lungs. Curse the fact that you were never good at making friends. Curse the fact that you are utterly alone on New Year’s Eve since your few friends were busy with their lives. Your thoughts shifted to how ironic it is that the only people that considered calling you were his friends. You had received both cal