Cold. That was all he felt when he saw his reflection. His hands, his lips, his body... Even his heart was cold.
It felt wrong, so wrong. Living alone, without sunshine, without the feeling of warmth, but he used to it. Being a vampire for two years now, he had to use to it. But it was hard. It was damn hard to leave all those good things behind him. It was hard to leave from his home, his family, his friends... And it was hard to leave from him...
"Sehun stop staring at yourself."
He didn't. Looking what he became was made him not to forget his anger, and his pain.
"Oh god! Can you move your , and come with us this time please? It's gonna be fun!"
It was Jongin. The tall, chocolate tanned boy, with all his glorious presence. He rolled his eyes, as he always did when he didn't get an answer from Sehun.
"Sehun, I promise it's not gonna be like the last time. I'm with you."
The last, and the first time, Sehun thought. How could he even forget? He had locked himself to the mansion where he has been living for years, and it was the first time he went out in public. His breath hitched.
"I can't. You know what happens when I do. I ca-" Then he stopped, he couldn't find the power to speak.
Jongin took a step toward him, and rest his hands over his shoulders.
"It was a year ago Sehun."
A year ago? No. It was his yesterday, today, and tomorrows. It was a nightmare that he could wake up.
"Just go without me."
He closed his eyes, trying to calm down. But he couldn't manage. Then he laughed hysterically... When he could?
"Staying at mansion doesn't help you at all. You know that too."
Sehun stood up from where he was sitting, to facing with Jongin.
"At least it helps to the people who are outside right now."
Jongin sighed. "Don't be a drama queen Sehun."
With that Sehun lost it. He kicked the mirror that he was looking a few minutes ago, it crashed loudly.
"You know I can't control myself!"
Control. Things were always out of control.  Even his life.
"It wasn't your fault! How may times should I say that?"
Sehun laughed again, but this time he didn't hide his fangs.
"It wasn't? Are you ing kidding me? I killed a person Jongin. I took someone's life away. I couldn't stop myself."
Sensing the smell of human blood was hard to manage, and Sehun couldn't make it.
The mansion was a little bit far away from city, since they don't want to face with people so much, because it was always hard to stay away from people once they sense the smell of their blood, at least for new vampires.
Jongin was always okay with it. He even had human friends. It made Sehun think that he could do it too. For him. But it was too dangerous for Sehun to try. And he was afraid. Afraid of hurt somebody.
When Kris offered him to hang out, he somehow couldn't say no. How he wished he could have. He should have not trust Kris, he knew that, but something inside him told him to do that. So, he did.
It was hard to breathe at first, too many people were around, and Sehun couldn't know what to do. His eyes were looking for Kris to ask for some help, but he wasn't there. So, he decided to run away from there, but again that wasn't a good idea.
When he reached a small bank near a coffeshop, he hoped caffeine would mask blood smell, until he saw a young lady with long brown hair. Not that he liked girls, but he found him beautiful. So beautiful to let her go.He didn't think, he just couldn't, and it seemed like the universe was against him, because when the wind tenderly stired all around the girl, he didn't waste a second.
"Maybe that was better. Do you think if you stopped, she would be thankful to you? Are you thankful to Kris?"
Yes, Kris stopped two years ago, but why was he feeling like he was already dead? Yes, Kris didn't kill him, but why was he feeling like he wasn't breathing at all? And yes, he was still alive, but why did he hate Kris so much.
Was he thankful to Kris? He's never thought there was something to be thankful about being a vampire.
"So, please Sehun, give yourself a second chance, and come with us tonight. I promise that I'm not gonna leave you alone."
Sehun, just shook his head. "No, it's not possible Jongin. What if am I not ready for it? Wh-"
Jongin cut him of. "You're ready Sehun. You know you're."

*

He was ready.
Yes, the smell of blood hit him so bad, but Jongin was with him. He would be just okay. He even met a few of Jongin's human friends, afraid of frighten them, but they seemed like they liked Sehun.
"See? What did I say to you?" Jongin offered a smile to him while playing his boyfriend's fingers.
"There aren't a lot of people here, I guess that's why I'm fine for now." Sehun said, he was still hoping to go mansion soon, but Jongin didn't seem like he wanted to let Kyungsoo go.
"Sehun, you're doing just fine. Don't worry please."
Sehun smiled to Kyungsoo, of course Jongin found a perfect match for him. He could say why Jongin had fallen in love Kyungsoo. Who wouldn't?
"So, are you planning to go back to college? Jongin said that you had only one year to graduate."
Sehun didn't have an answer for it, thinking about his previous life always making him worse, so Jongin did for him.
"It's too early to him to think about it. Maybe later?"
Kyungsoo just nodded, and didn't ask for more. If he wanted to do his phone didn't let him to do it. Sehun was glad. After talking till midnight, they decided to walk a little bit. Sehun loved that idea.
"Oh, I want to eat ice cream." Kyungsoo said happply.
When Jongin looked at Sehun, he just nodded. He could just sit, and wait for them to buy some ice cream, so he found a bank, and took a deep breath. Remembered that time when he came here with him...
Him...
Him was the only thing he had. The light, the warmth, the love of his life.
Him was happiness.
And him wasn't with Sehun anymore.
Him was Byun Baekhyun.
After that night, Kris turned him into a vampire, he didn't go back home. He couldn't. He didn't want to put them in danger. He knew that his family, and Baekhyun were still waiting, and looking for him, but he couldn't just go back to them.
The only thing that scared Sehun was hurting Baekhyun. He thought maybe one day he would go and find Baekhyun, and say he was okay, but after that night happened, after he lost all his control, Sehun decided that he was the real danger for him.

*

Sehun started to went out often after that night. Most of the time with Jongin, sometimes alone. Sometimes he just sit a bank for hours, and thought about his life, sometimes just walked until the sun come out.
And one of those nights, Sehun went his favorite place near the river, and found a bank for himself. That day there were more people than yesterday. So he was a little bit nervous. There were a group of students, Sehun guessed, playing guitar and singing along. He couldn't help, and watched them. It reminded him old days. He remembered Baekhyun, his voice, his warmth... And, he forgot to breathe for a few minutes.
He was there.
Sehun turned his head, and stood up that moment he realized Baekhyun looking at him too. He started to walk with big steps, almost ran. He was afraid to look his back, because somehow he was sure that Baekhyun was following him. And he started to run toward to empty streets with the hope of finding a place to hide. Now, he could hear the voice of Baekhyun, yelling, and calling his name.
"Sehun? Oh Sehun? Is that you? Can you please stop?"
Sehun hated himself one more time for making Baekhyun run, he was out of breathe, Sehun could say that. Then Baekhyun fell, now Sehun also could say he was crying.
"I'm really losing my mind. God, help me!"
Baekhyun started to shake with his sobs, and Sehun hated himself thousands times more. He took a step toward Baekhyun, but he stopped immediately. He could feel the smell of Baekhyun's blood.
Baekhyun always used to smell perfect, and it's made Sehun feel relax, happy, and safe. His blood's smell was just perfect as his scents, and it hit Sehun so bad.
He couldn't dare to look at him, and turned his back to Baekhyun again.
"Sehun?"
He could hear Baekhyun's heartbeats, more clear than he used to hear when he rest his head on Baekhyun's chest before, but it hurt Sehun so much. He almost heard the braking sound of its. Then Baekhyun stood up, his legs still trembling from crying and running too much, his voice cracked when he was speaking.
"I'm sorry. I guess I just thought you were someone that I knew before."
Sehun nodded, started to walk again, but this time Baekhyun managed to catch his wrist, and made them to face eachother. Sehun wait for Baekhyun to speak, but he didn't. He just looked Sehun in the eye, and hugged him after that with crying his until he was out of breath.
Sehun couldn't hugged him back, he was too afraid of hurting him.
"Where were you bastard?" He sobbed again. "Everyone said you were probably dead, even the police, but I didn't believe them! I knew I would find you! I missed you so much." He tighten his hold around Sehun's waist, but Sehun had to push him, because the smell of his blood was too intense. Baekhyun looked so surprised, tried to hug him again, but he failed.
"Baekhyun." Calling his name after all those times felt so different, but Sehun continued. "We, uhm, I have to go. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
Baekhyun looked at him like he was saying the most nonsense thing in the world.
"What? Are you ing kidding me? Sehun! Oh Sehun!"
But this time Baekhyun couldn't catch him.

*

Next few months, everything has gone back to normal. Sehun stopped to went out after he came across with Baekhyun. It was killing him slowly, like he would be dead even more. He wanted to find him, and meet him again, but he decided staying away from him was the best for Baekhyun.
And he hated himself like he could more.

*

"Suho isn't here today?" Sehun asked as he took a seat across Jongin.
"He's not going to come today. But it's not the deal now."
Sehun rose and eyebrow, "Then what is is?"
Jongin took a deep breath, Sehun knew what was coming.
"It's Baekhyun."
Here it was.
"I thought we've stopped to talk about it. I'm not gonna meet him again. I don't want him to hurt."
Jongin nodded, and took a deep breath. Why Sehun had to be that stubborn?
"Sehun, you're hurting him by doing this. He's probably looking for you like crazy right now. I bet nobody believed him when he said he saw him."
Sehun was tired all of this. All he wanted to was hold Baekhyun, and never let him go. But he was afraid, afraid of himself to hurt him.
"I know, you don't want to leave him alone like that. Please, Sehun, at least just talk to him. He deserves to know why did you left."
Sehun looked so wasted, too tired to speak. He stood up, and left the room. He heard Jongin was coming after him. He took the stairs, and lead to the kitchen, but he stopped when he saw Baekhyun sitting on the couch with Kris. For a second, he thought what he saw was not real, so he closed his eyes, but when he opened them again, Baekhyun was still there. He ran and pulled Baekhyun by his wrist, the turned to Jongin.
"Are you carzy? How could you so that? How could you bring him here, a house full of va-"
Yixing cut him of. "Sehun, call down please. We were just talking."
Sehun could swear he saw the thirsty look on Yixing's eyes, so he couldn't wait more one second and took them out from mansion.
"Baekhyun you need to go." He couldn't dare to look at Baekhyun, because every part of him were begging Baekhyun to stay.
"No. I'm not going anywhere. Not when I finally found you."
Baekhyun was about to cry, and it made Sehun's heart to break into pieces.
"Look, Baekhyun. Everything has changed. I'm not the Sehun you know anymore."
Baekhyun shook his head, his hands were searching for Sehun's, but Sehun hid them on his back.
"What are you talking about? You're still the one I love, Sehun. Just come back, please, I'm begging. I missed you."
How Sehun wished to kiss him right now...
"Baekhyun, just go, please. There are things that you don't know."
Baekhyun smiled, "Then tell me, I'll listen them all."
Sehun took a step back, "I don't want to hurt you Baekhyun, please, just go."
Baekhyun closed to distance between them. "I don't understand what you're saying. You would never hurt me."
"I'm dangerous for you Baekhyun. You have to stay away from me."
This time Baekhyun laughed slightly, how Sehun missed that sound.
"Are you? How?"
The taller male couldn't find the right words to put in a sentence, he wasn't good with words like Baekhyun.
"Just go." Even Sehun couldn't hear himself, his voice was weak as his heart.
Baekhyun hugged him tightly, and the smell of his blood hit Sehun again.
"You're so cold, but it's okay. I promise I'll make hot chocolate to us whe you're back."
Sehun wanted to cry, how could he say they can't even share a meal together. He took a deep breath to only smell his blood. Then he pushed Baekhyun.
"I just told you to go! Are you deaf or something?" Baekhyun didn't care about the tone of his voice, but his face went blank.
"Sehun, yo-your teeth..."
Sehun didn't even realize his fangs were able to see until Baekhyun mentioned them.
"Fangs?" Baekhyun laughed nervously. "Why do you have fangs? It's not even Halloween Sehun."
Sehun didn't answer. Even though he has one to give. He just stayed and focused his eye elsewhere in the garden of mansion.
It's wasn't going to be a fun story to tell.

*

Baekhyun didn't come to the mansion next week, even though Sehun waited for him, but he couldn't blame Baekhyun, after all it wasn't easy to learn that your boyfriend was a vampire. Sehun laughed to himself. Boyfriend? No. It should be ex.
All he could do waiting for Baekhyun, but hoping him not to come at the same time, because he couldn't trust himself. 

Baekhyun did come after a week, with his dark circles under his eyes, but also with a big smile on his face. A smile that Sehun's favorite one ever.

They didn't speak, because they didn't need to. Baekhyun just hugged him, and this time Sehun hugged him back too. 

*

"You're an idiot Oh Sehun, for leaving me behind." Baekhyun said while playing with Sehun's cold fingers, but Sehun was too busy to enjoy the warmth of Baekhyun's hand, so he just smiled. 
"You're the idiot one Byun Baekhyun, for coming back to me, but I'm glad you did." 
Baekhyun chuckled, "I guess you're right." 
Sehun laughed slightly, and he pulled Baekhyun into a kiss. The kiss was soft, and sweet.
"I love you," Sehun whispered to Baekhyun's lips, he could feel Baekhyun was smiling.
"I love you too."
This time Baekhyun closed the distance between their lips, kissed Sehun deeply, and intensely.