‘Blue, of a colour intermediate between green and violet, as of the sky or sea on a sunny day.’

It was the same dull grey as it had been for twenty years, just black and white, I watched friends gush about how wonderful the world looked in colour, how they would stare into their soulmate’s eyes endlessly as they were something that granted them the ability to see the world in all of its beauty.

Not for me, colours were only something I’d heard about, I had hoped for so long that I’d also see the colours that everyone fell in love with, especially the colour of my soulmate’s eyes. Wherever they might be and whenever we might meet. I lost hope as the years passed and I watched people I’d known for so long fall in love with something that I couldn’t see, leaving my colourless world behind to live in their own filled with love and light.

When your skin meets your soulmate’s you can see all of the beauty that was once hidden from you, so they say. It’s only words that have passed by everyone’s ears, soon to be revealed as truth. I knew it might happen to me eventually as I saw amazement in the eyes of my friends after they’d held hands on a date. The colours, although unknown to my eyes must be beautiful.

I only want my soulmate to see the beauty.

‘Pink, a colour resting between red and white, as of coral or salmon.’

Apparently sunlight was a warm colour, that when people’s cheeks grow darker it’s a soft and sweet colour that matches beautiful flavours. That the palest colour is pure and subtle, accompanying simple yet delightful scents. Maybe I was selfish, maybe I wanted to see the colours too, maybe I only wanted to see what everyone else saw, that the boring shades of grey would come to an end and I’d see the beauty.

But maybe I’d never see it.

I watched the swarms of people as they passed, it was the busy hour, people rushing to get to destinations, to see friends, lovers, soulmates. Some were rushing to their job so that they could survive each day. Some, hopelessly dragged along in the crowd. I was the one dragged along.

I had no destination in mind, nowhere I needed to be, I just wanted to be free. Maybe I was growing more desperate to see the colours, it was pathetic in my eyes. My own selfish desire to see.

‘White, of the colour of milk or fresh snow, due to the reflection of all visible rays of light.’

The crowd decided to split, everyone nearing their destinations, I pulled my phone from my pocket as a way of distracting myself from the overwhelming thoughts, to keep me from imagining what it would be like to finally see everything in colour. To see the colours that brought with them happiness, the colours used to express sadness or anger, the colour that was deemed the descriptor of emptiness.

I didn’t notice how loose my grip on my phone was until the object fell from my hands, clattering to the ground noisily. I reached for it but another hand beat me to it. Standing upright again the owner of the hand handed the phone to me, grin on his face as he noticed the embarrassed look that was obviously plastered on my face. As I grasped for the phone a “thank you” passing from between my lips, fingers brushed fingers, leaving behind a warmth on my skin as everything I saw changed, the screen was dark but reflected my face in soft, warm colours, my hair the colour that bubblegum tasted.

 I looked up at the boy I’d just encountered a few seconds ago, he was alit in colours, a cool colour tipping the ends of pale hair, eyes dark but beautiful, cheeks lightly dusted the same shade as my hair. Everything was bright and I’d never seen the world this beautiful before, the windows of shops revealing beauty I’d never have been able to recognize before, It looked like everything was alive. I didn’t realise how dizzying it was until a voice brought my mind back to the situation at hand. Soulmate.

“Are you alright? You look as if you’re about to faint.” The boy standing before me mentioned as I looked at him curiously, eyes drinking in the colours he was composed of, ones I could not yet name but knew that I loved.

Two strong hands grabbed at me when my legs gave up on holding me. I just stared into those dark eyes with what was most likely a bewildered expression, those eyes must’ve held all of the secrets of the universe as they were young but wise, eyes that had yet to see it all but also had seen too much. The look I was returned was only growing concern.

“Are you okay? Do I need to call an ambulance?” he asked, voice laced with panic. There was only one thing I could think of to say, the only question I wanted answers to.

“Do you see it to?” I asked, voice shaking as my lips formed the words.

“See what?” he only asked, panic increasing as I seemed to say words that didn’t make any sense to him.

I realized then, that I shouldn’t have hoped for anything, no matter how beautiful the world finally was in all of its colour. This man before me was my soulmate, but I wasn’t his, the colours had either already been revealed to him or were still hiding and waiting. He unlocked the beauty to me, but I didn’t for him.

Could this new feeling be described with a colour? I don’t know as I have yet to see them all, but, I knew I hated this feeling, the emptiness, the numbness, the pain.

Then I realized it was easily described with the only colour I had ever known.

‘Grey, of a colour intermediate between black and white, as of ashes or lead.’