The small tugs at the corners of her smile were never for meant for her, the eyes that radiate so bright though it disappears were never directed at her, the longing stares doesn’t linger on her.

And Momo knows.

…

Momo knows, ever since she fell for Mina, Momo knows that it’ll be impossible. The unspoken words that allow the distinct line drawn between the two of them were forbidden, Momo knows, if she ever wants the friendship to stay intact. But it doesn’t hurt any less, to see the girl she loves fall in love.

…

Momo has been observing. It was when a girl named Chaeyoung. Momo had never thought that girl would eventually be her competitor, scratch that, Momo wasn’t even part of the competition, she was out of the league to begin with. But Momo can observe.

Momo sees how Mina slowly falls in love with the small little girl and her antics. Momo sees how Mina becomes brighter as the days pass, the casual whispers shared between those two. Momo sees them all.

So while they began to shine brighter, Momo’s world starts to flicker and dim a little.

…

Momo senses an odd ball of energy radiating from the love of her life. And Momo knows at that moment, she was taken. The interlocked hands had given them away, but Momo lets them announce the much-anticipated news as deemed by their circle of friends. The squeals that follow forces a grin out of Momo, clapping the back of Chaeyoung, she wants to tell the no jam dongsaeng to make sure that the gummy smile never fades. But the clenching of the heart proves to be too overwhelming, and Momo doesn’t think she can handle it, so she excuses herself, and hopefully away from her pathetic one-sided love too.

That day, Momo realised, out of everything that she has had known, bruises aren’t too hard to heal, they can be kissed by soft gentle lips, and time.

Heartbreaks can’t.

…

Momo realises that heartbreak can wreck you too. When time doesn’t help to heal, when the scenery that sits in the frame of your window turns grey and nothing else seems to matter except for the intense pain felt at the left side of your chest, that’s when you’re truly wreaked.

When the tears have long dried up, and the blotchiness in the cheeks has faded, when the void left behind seems to be where it belongs, that’s when Momo realised that she can live with it.

Destructed but still, maybe, maybe just existing.

…

Momo decides, just because Mina wasn’t hers doesn’t mean she can’t take care of her. Surreptitiously, Momo plays cupid, except this time, she makes sure that her arrows are aimed to a pair and that pair only and prays to any deity out there that somewhere out there the girl’s smile is still out and bright.

Strings are taut, tension running high, Momo’s heart tells her not to let go, and to try once more.

Strings taut no more, only fatigue emits.

It’s time to move on.

…

Time, such a fragile matter that dissipate at first chance when latched onto so tightly. Somehow it reminds Momo of Mina. So Momo let goes of Mina, and allows Mina to dissipate from her life, no, Momo wants her to go, Momo wants Mina to release her, Momo wants Mina to treat her as someone no more than the dust particles that floats aimlessly in the atmosphere. Maybe then, the lack of acknowledgement can accompany the non-existence of Momo in Mina life and maybe let Momo lose all reasons to hold on.

…

Momo doesn’t mean to live the life of the dust particle, but maybe when you try hard enough, you can take on the characteristics of another. Call it a cry for help, but her friends don't try hard enough, and they don’t notice the gradual change in Momo, they don’t realise the change of the pabo of their group.

Or maybe because Momo was too stupid, too dense to realise that nobody really cares about her. And that her presence means nothing more than a machine to churn out jokes for them and maybe make their day a little better.

But at least it’s a little better right.

Better than nothing.

…

So Momo gets her wish.

Momo gets the wish whereby she’s scrapped from the memories of Mina.

It hurts less when she sees the (ex?)love of her life links arms with the love of her life across the street.

It hurts less when you’re the removed, not the forgotten.