note: not really edited

Sejeong regrets holding onto something so tight. She also regrets not being able to learn to let go.

Sejeong regrets remembering the things that she shouldn’t remember, like how good Chungha’s hips felt against hers, how Chungha’s hands intertwined with hers. In general, she regrets remembering Chungha.

Sejeong remembers the numbness she felt when Chungha suggested for them to break up. She remembers the heartbreak that came along when she left their her apartment. She remembers the memories that they shared in their her apartment. She moved out, she reminds herself.

What she doesn’t remember, though, is how she ended up drinking every single type of alcoholic drink she has in her fridge that night. One drink became two, two became three, till she ended up going to the bar nearby to drink her heart out. But she remembers attempting to down all of her feelings, wishing that it would go down the drain like the alcohol that she shoves down .

But that doesn’t work, obviously, as she ends up remembering Chungha herself. So one night of drinking soon became two, which became a week, then a month.

It became a vicious cycle that Sejeong slowly begins to enjoy, apart from the hangovers, of course.

As usual, Sejeong goes to her class with a hangover, earning a few curious glances from her classmates as she looks even more ty than usual. But she doesn’t care, she’s simply not bothered to care.

Especially when there’s no Chungha there to care for her. She doesn’t think that there’s a reason for her to care about anything.

Especially when the one she cares about is at the other side of the classroom, not even sparing her a glance.

All it takes is for Chungha not to care about Sejeong, and she loses the purpose to care again.

Sejeong finds herself drinking and partying again, this time with her friends.

“Stop drinking,” warns Chaeyeon.

But she ignores it.

She doesn’t remember much, but soon enough she’s kissing a girl with passion, pining her against the wall, harshly and nipping at her neck. But then she remembers- how this girl doesn’t fit properly with her body, how her kisses are sloppy instead of gentle, how this girl simply isn’t Chungha.

And so she pushes her away and mutters an apology, dragging Chaeyeon with her and leaving the club.

She goes to school with a hangover (again), looking like complete and utter (again), but then again, she doesn’t care. She slumps in her seat and Chaeyeon shoots her a worried look. But then again, she honestly doesn’t care.

And the day starts like any other, and Sejeong leaves the classroom heartbroken once again, as the girl she cares for doesn’t do the same for her.

And once again, she loses the purpose to care.

Sejeong goes to school with another hangover, and her professor has had enough of it. And so he forces some poor girl to tutor Sejeong, who’s currently failing miserably in the subject. If she doesn’t care, the professor thinks, hopefully that girl would knock some sense into her. Sejeong, who’s too annoyed to care, agrees in an attempt to shut the professor up.

The girl knows that Sejeong doesn’t care, but she refuses to see someone who was once so bright and friendly lose everything in one go. So she decides to become persistent and insists on tutoring her. And Sejeong, who’s too tired to care, agrees.

The poor girl didn’t last for half of the session and she leaves in tears. Sejeong merely smirks at her, chuckling at the girl’s stained dress, courtesy of Sejeong’s coffee. Sejeong casually tosses her drink aside and continues to flirt with other girls.

She tries everything to catch the attention of her ex who was at the corner of the coffee shop. But then, she never spares her a glance.

And Sejeong decides to give up on caring.

The poor girl tells the professor that she is not willing to tutor Sejeong anymore, and he nods with a sigh. And so he assigns the near impossible job to Somi.

Somi doesn’t know why the professor ended up choosing her. Out of all people, she figured she would be the last one he would choose, really. Although she’s smart, she’s also loud, talkative, with the lack of discipline and terrible conduct, the list goes on. But it’s maybe because Somi is so similar to Sejeong herself in a way that he chose her. Somi doesn’t know, plus, she needs that extra credit anyways, so she didn’t think much about it and accepted the request.

“Sejeong, Somi will be your new tutor. Please don’t give her a hard time,” the professor warns when he told both Somi and Sejeong to stay back. Sejeong nods half-heartedly, but her eyes are focused on Somi, who squirms under her gaze.

This time, however, Sejeong’s eyes don’t contain annoyance or dislike.

Her gaze is strong but warm, full of curiosity and a twinge of admiration.

Sejeong doesn’t know why she’s making out furiously with those girls. It’s to forget Chungha, she convinces herself. It’s to kiss away the pain, she convinces herself. But one look at Somi and she knows that it’s not the reason.

She knows the feeling of slowly falling for someone too well.

Somi scoffs, what did she do to deserve this. Her blood boils as Sejeong all but ignores her, having multiple make out sessions in the library. She rolls her eyes in distaste and annoyance.  The tutorial ends with Somi throwing Sejeong’s textbook at her face and walking out of the library.

Somi expects an apology, but all she gets is a curse thrown at her direction.

Somi scoffs again. Whatever, she doesn’t care anyways.

But who is she kidding. Of course she does. Somi ends up calling her to apologise. And Sejeong doesn’t bother picking up, probably partying and drinking to drown her painful memories.

And so Somi gives up calling her, and pretends not to care.

Sejeong goes to their next tutorial lesson without a hangover (at least it’s not obvious), and Somi struggles to ignore the glare Sejeong is giving her. And so she looks down at her own textbook and mumbles a weak “ask me if you don’t understand”. Sejeong doesn’t do anything but glare at her for the rest of the hour, and Somi decides that the tension is too much. She promises herself to leave as soon as the tutorial session ends.

Somi left because it got too suffocating. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles.

She leaves Sejeong all alone in the library with Sejeong’s untouched textbook right in front of her, Somi’s head hung in shame and guilt.

But little does she know that Sejeong picked up the textbook she’s thrown at her the week before and silently read through it for the rest of the afternoon with a pen in her hand.

“Hey Somi,” Sejeong greets her the next day she sees her in the hallways.

Somi gives her a small wave, her cheeks slightly flushed red, pupils widening in nervousness and shock. Wasn’t she mad at me, Somi wonders. But it’s still enough to make Somi’s day, as she walks with a light bounce her in steps. It’s also enough for her small group of friends to give her smirks.

“Spill,” says Yoojung.

“Nothing,” Somi chirps, and Yoojung drops the subject.

But Yoojung knows better. Something obviously happened for her to be this happy.

The next week Sejeong bombards Somi with questions regarding the textbook, and a surprised Somi finds Sejeong’s textbook (which was once clean as may she add) full of underlined definitions and highlighted paragraphs.

The still flustered (and slightly touched) Somi explains and answers her questions slowly and clearly, but her eyes refuse to meet Sejeong’s. Once she’s done, she assigns some questions for Sejeong so that she can “get familiar with the subject”. Then Somi starts to get started on her assignments.

Sejeong looks at her with a curious and slightly warm gaze. She finds the textbook interesting, Somi thinks. She’s studying the content and doing the work that I assigned her, she thinks. She probably finds those girls she randomly hooks up with in the back of the library interesting, definitely not you, Somi thinks. So focus on your damn book and don’t pay attention to Kim Sejeong, she concludes.

But the obvious look that’s been thrown at her for the past hour had pushed away all of Somi’s thoughts (insecurities).

Somi leaves the library with a small smile on her face.

The next week Sejeong and Somi are at the library again, occasionally engaged in silent conversation. Sejeong goes through another chapter since the last time they’ve seen each other. Needless to say, Somi is extremely impressed. And so she assigns more work for Sejeong to do, for her to (once again) “get familiar with the subject”.

The tutorial ends with Sejeong softly patting her shoulder to show her gratitude.

It also ends with a red faced Somi smiling widely.

This goes on for the next few weeks, which turns into a few months, and semester. Sejeong’s act of gratitude becomes bolder as time goes by. A pat on the back became a small promise to work hard and stop drinking, which then became a hug, then finally, a small kiss on the cheek.

A small crush on each other also, slowly but surely, became a love between really really good friends, and became a love between lovers.

But they never admit their love, they’re content enough with just being friends.

To be honest, Somi has no clue on why she’s attracted to Sejeong. Maybe it’s her beautiful eye smile (although the sole purpose of it is to get into someone’s pants), maybe it’s because she’s extremely attract- no, scratch that- hot. But something is pulling Somi towards her like a magnet, and there’s no way for her to avoid that.

Sure, Somi may like Sejeong more than just a friend, but at the same time, Somi hates her. At least she’s trying to hate her, because she makes Somi feel the way that she never wants to feel.

Sejeong makes her feel love.

Sejeong doesn’t know why on earth is she attracted to Somi either. That girl may be a delinquent in a teacher’s mind, but Sejeong knows better. Somi’s not the type to hook up with anyone, she’s not the type to be so reckless when it comes to love. Somi’s the type to avoid all types of relationships, from the “no strings attached” type to the “I love you so much I see myself marrying you in five years” type. Somi’s the type of person who’s afraid of attraction, afraid of love.

Somi is definitely not a delinquent. Somi is nothing but innocent. She’s a pure girl who Sejeong doesn’t want to taint.

And Sejeong makes sure that she will never do that.

And so Sejeong returns to her old self.

But this time, not to forget Chungha (who is the last person she’d care for on her list at the moment), but to forget Somi.

She once again forms the habit of pulling random girls into the back of the library and kissing them to forget the pain. She once again greets alcohol like an old friend to try and change her feelings.

The tutorials, which were once too enjoyable for it to be a tutorial session, became gloomy. Everything begins to fade- from the small kisses on the cheek, to “I hope you’re happy with those…girls”, to “you know what? Do what you want.”

Slowly but surely, their friendship fades.

But their feelings refuse to leave them.

“Just confess,” says Chaeyeon.

“No.”

“You’re missing out. Somi’s being courted by a ton of people so you better make your move. I’m not kidding.”

“She doesn’t want a relationship,” Sejeong argues.

“She’s never been in one. She’s just scared,” Chaeyeon corrects her.

Sejeong huffs and silence takes over them.

It’s another five minutes when Sejeong says something incoherent.

“What?”

“I said, I’ll do it tomorrow,” Sejeong promises her.

And that’s enough for Chaeyeon to pump her fist in the air to celebrate.

“Just go out with one of them as a distraction,” Yoojung says.

Somi shakes her head. “I won’t. I don’t want to.”

Yoojung groans in frustration. “Then date her, for god’s sake!”

“I’m scared,” Somi whispers.

And that’s enough for Yoojung to stop pestering her. Yoojung shakes her head. That girl will never give in to love.

Even if love is the one who kills her.

“Somi!” Sejeong calls as she spots her walking down the empty corridor after school.

Somi’s heart warms up, her heart picking up its pace.

Sejeong notices the slight falter in her steps and smiles. But her smile is immediately replaced with a frown as Somi picks up her pace and starts running.

Sejeong’s heart clenches as Somi runs away from her.

She ran, tears streaming down her face as she ran away from the one she loves. Somi screams once she arrives at the park near her home. She shakily calls Yoojung who gets there in no time. She cries as Yoojung attempts to soothe her, to make her feel better.

But deep down, Somi knew that there is only one person who she can rely on when it comes to feeling better.

And that one person is the one who she ran away from twenty minutes ago.

Sejeong sighs for the umpteenth time and Chaeyeon gives her a look of pity. Chaeyeon, who has just come to stop by, decides to give Sejeong some advice.

“Are you going to give up?” She asks, and Chaeyeon swears that she will never talk to Sejeong again should she say yes.

A firm “no” is Sejeong’s answer and she lets out a sigh of relief.

“Just give her time,” Chaeyeon says softly.

Sejeong hums in both determination and agreement.

She’s not going to give up now. She’s not planning on giving up any time soon.

Sejeong calls for Somi every day, and Somi runs away, cries and calls Yoojung every time Sejeong does so.

But she’s not willing to give up on Somi.

And deep inside, a part of Somi wants Sejeong to never give up on her.

One week of trying to confess to Somi became a month, which became another semester. And to be honest, Sejeong’s getting tired.

But she stays persistent and hopes that one day, Somi will turn towards her instead of running away from her.

Somi finds herself wanting to stay whenever Sejeong calls her, hoping to look at her instead of running. She’s tired of running.

And so one day she decides to look back at Sejeong and let go of all her fears of being in a relationship.

“Somi!” The all too familiar call echoes down the hallway once again. Somi slowly turns towards the owner of that voice, hands clammy with sweat, heart racing due to anxiety and hope. And her fear is immediately replaced with happiness and relief as she sees Sejeong’s eyes that light up with joy.

This time, Somi doesn’t run away from her. She does the opposite.

She runs into Sejeong’s outstretched arms.

One week of dating became a month, another semester, a year. And finally, Sejeong chooses to gather all of her courage to propose to Somi.

“Somi?” Sejeong asks as they have a walk in the nearby park.

“Hm?”

“Close your eyes for a quick sec? I have a present for you,” Sejeong attempts to conceal the shaky tone and Somi chooses to ignore it (it’s a poor attempt of concealing it, if anything she just made it more obvious). But she still closes her eyes.

Somi hears the rustling as Sejeong fumbles for the ring that is (a bit too) well placed in her hidden pocket. Somi chuckles as she hears Sejeong swear, but keeps her eyes shut.

“Finally,” whispers Sejeong.

Not wanting to make Somi wait, Sejeong gets down on one knee. Only to kneel down on a sharp piece of rock.

“Ow ! That hurts!” Sejeong grimaces.

“Hon?” Somi reminds her, and Sejeong blinks before quickly responding.

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Uh, Somi, you can open your eyes now.”

Somi opens them and she starts tearing up as a kneeling Sejeong looks at her with a ring which is clasped with her fingers.

“Marry me?”

“Yes.”

The story's not really well edited/written I'm sorry :((