“You were watching me.”

Seungkwan pulled his sassy expression. The one he used when in defense. “Yes, I was looking at you wondering how your face got that ugly while you’re eating. Shouldn’t you have a better face? How did you become the so-called most handsome member? Eat normally with a normal face.”

Vernon smiled at his boyfriend, eyes shrinking slightly. “I’m sorry,” he grinned. “I’ll do my best to be more handsome for your eyes.”

“What are you even saying? This guy…”

Vernon leaned in a little more. “You don’t have to act this way you know. We’re home alone. You don’t have to impress anybody.”

Seungkwan sniffed, holding his head up high. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Hey.” Vernon put his forefinger on Seungkwan’s chin, holding his face and pulling it back down again as he leaned in even more. “Why are you like this?” he said softly, looking the young man right in the eye. “You don’t have to play hard-to-get, or have you already forgotten I’m your boyfriend?”

At the subtle reminder, Seungkwan’s expression seemed to melt a little to chagrin and guilt. “I didn’t forget…”

Vernon leaned in a little more, placing his free hand on Seungkwan’s knee. “Then why do you still act like you don’t like me?”

“I don’t act like that!” Seungkwan was getting upset, his expression vaguely distraught that Vernon would think so badly of him. “Why would you say something like that?!”

“Well.” It was Vernon’s turn to look embarrassed, blushing a little sheepishly. “It’s been two months already and we haven’t kissed yet.”

Seungkwan sat there for a few moments in shock, letting the words absorb. By the time he understood what Vernon was implicating, his face was the shade of red usually only created by lipstick manufacturers. “Wh-what?!” He jumped up off the couch, away from Vernon’s hands and honest expression. “Why would we do that?”

“Well because we-”

“You’re a ert!” Seungkwan stuck an accusing finger out at his boyfriend. “W-who would do that stuff with you?!”

Vernon sat there in shock, palms up. “N-no, I-”

“ert! ert-ert!” Seungkwan gripped a cushion from a near-by chair to fling in Hansol’s general direction and proceeded to go an even brighter shade of red, stomping towards the front door. The bang of it made Vernon flinch.

It took a few seconds for his racing heart to slow down and break a little. “…I just wanted a kiss,” he whispered to himself, pulling his legs up to his chest. “Just a kiss…”

Vernon: Seungkwan, I’m sorry. I don’t know what just happened. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want to make you upset. Please come home? Please? I’ll buy you pizza.
Seungkwan: I’m on a diet.
Vernon: I’ll buy you anything you like. Please?
Seungkwan: Are you done being a ert?
Vernon: I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened. I won’t try it again. I won’t be like that again. I’m worried. You left without your coat. Are you cold? Please come home safely.
Seungkwan: Fine. You better really be sorry though.
Vernon: I am! 
Seungkwan: …cheese pizza. With all the meat. 

Joshua pursed his lips, finally getting Hansol alone. “Yo, Vernon. What’s up?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been depressed for months. You haven’t even gone on any dates with Seungkwan for the last five weeks and he’s making everybody’s life a living hell because you’re neglecting him so much.”

Vernon’s expression displayed shock and outrage immediately. “I haven’t been neglecting him! I make him food and I bring him blankets at night and make sure he has water by his bed, and I always clean his-”

Joshua gave him a look.

Vernon deflated a little, curling into a little ball and looking away. “He won’t let me kiss him.”

“…what?”

“I tried to kiss him months ago. Well, no. I just kind of pointed it out that we hadn’t yet.” He took a deep breath. “He called me a ert. I… I just wanted a kiss.”

Joshua bit his lip for a moment. “Dude. He wants you to kiss himso badly.”

“What?”

“Trust me.” Joshua shook his head slightly. “Seungkwan wants to be kissed, he just doesn’t want to admit it. You know what he’s like.”

Vernon thought about it. “But… what if… I don’t want to hurt his feelings again. I don’t want him to think I’m a ert. What if… what if I kiss him and he gets angry? Or he thinks I’m too handsy? What if he decides that he doesn’t want a boyfriend that manhandles him all the time? I don’t…”

Joshua waited patiently.

The whisper Vernon let out was riddled with fear, haunted by what may come. “I don’t want to lose him.”

As per usual on movie night, they were sitting beside each other (carefully not touching, as Vernon didn’t want to come off ashandsy) watching whatever DVD Seungkwan had selected tonight. Vernon couldn’t focus on it. He could only think of how close he was to Seungkwan. How pretty his face was in profile. How Vernon could reach out and touch his arm. 

They had never even held hands before.

It took him a long time, but after about forty minutes, Vernon finally plucked up the courage to lean over and press his lips against Seungkwan’s cheek as briefly as possible before he scrambled away to sit on the other side of the couch. He held up both palms when Seungkwan turned in surprise. “Joshua told me to do it!”

Seungkwan looked at him for a moment then turned back to the movie. Vernon waited for a reaction, but after a short while it seemed none would come.

“…did you only do that because Joshua told you to?”

Vernon looked up in surprise: Seungkwan wasn’t watching the movie anymore, just looking at the floor, curled up with his arms around his legs. “…what?”

Seungkwan’s words were murmured into his knees. “Did you only do it because Joshua said to?” He slowly turned to glance at Vernon. “You didn’t want to do it yourself?”

Vernon thought about it for a moment, making his voice very soft. “…if I say I wanted to do it myself, will you yell at me?” When no answer came - not even a twitch - he sighed, putting his hands in front of his eyes. “Y-yes, I wanted to do it. Please don’t be mad?” When he looked up, his eyes were wet. “I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I just… wanted to do it just once.”

Seungkwan looked up in shock, straightening out. “Y-ya, why are you crying?”

Vernon had started to breathe heavily without him even knowing about it. He could feel it coming any moment now. Any second Seungkwan would explode and call him a ert and dump his , and then he’d be gone. Vernon wouldn’t be allowed to look at him from across a room and sigh. Vernon wouldn’t be allowed to look at Seungkwan’s eyes and wish they would look back at him. He wouldn’t be allowed to fantasize about holding his hand or playing with his hair or hugging him. All privileges retracted.Gone. 

“Don’t leave me,” he begged breathlessly, chest heaving. He knew it was useless to beg, but he had to try. He had to try. “Please, God, don’t leave me. I won’t touch you ever again. I promise. I won’t be a ert anymore, I’ll be happy with just that. Please don’t leave me, God, Seungkwan, don’t leave me.”

Slowly, Seungkwan crawled over the broad couch until he was sitting just in front of Vernon, blubbering, curled up in the corner. Slowly he reached a hand out to wipe the boy’s tears away, and then he leaned in to drop a similar peck on Vernon’s cheek.

Vernon froze where he was seated. 

Seungkwan went pink in the darkness, looking away. “W-who said anything about leaving you… I-I don’t want to leave you, you idiot… what are you crying for… who is leaving you… stupid Vernon.”

Vernon could only stare at him, wide-eyed. “B-but… but! I kissed you!”

“You pecked me, that’s different,” Seungkwan pouted. “B-besides, I was worried… because you wouldn’t even hold my hand… every time I tried to get close you pulled your hand away quickly… you won’t even touch me sitting beside me…”

“Y-you said I was a ert,” Vernon whispered, struggling to comprehend the new information. “I - I didn’t want to fo-force you or… or!” He had to close his eyes a moment to regain control over his mouth. “I just wanted you to feel safe and happy, cause if you thought I was a ert then… you might have left me…”

“Th-that was months ago!” Seungkwan whined. “B-because you said it so suddenly like that! I expected you to just kiss me if you wanted to, n-not just say it like that! …you thought I would leave you if you did so much as hold my hand?”

Vernon just slowly nodded. 

“…do you know what I would do if you kissed me on the lips right now?”

Vernon shook his head quietly.

Seungkwan smiled, blushing. “I would kiss you back.” A few moments of silence passed. “Well? Aren’t you going to kiss me then?” 

Vernon just stared, still wide-eyed, for a few minutes before gulping. “I can… touch you?” He held his hand up experimentally, gently pressing his fingertips against Seungkwan’s cheek. “Caress you?” He slid his hand forward to cup Seungkwan’s face, fingers through his hair. His heart seemed to be going a thousand miles an hour. “You would allow me to do that?”

“O-of course,” Seungkwan mumbled, looking away from Vernon’s intense gaze. “You’re my boyfriend aren’t you…”

Vernon leaned in and very, very gently, pressed his lips against Seungkwan’s.

His lips are so soft. I can’t believe I’m kissing him. I love you, Seungkwan. I love you. I love you.

Seungkwan smiled, gently pulling away. “Y-you know, it’s the first time you said that?”

Vernon slapped a hand over his mouth. “I said it out loud?”

Seungkwan blushed, glowing with pride, and nodded a little. He leaned in until his forehead was pressed against Hansol’s. “…I love you too, ert.”