It was a whole week of feeling that guilt that had brought him here now – waiting back in class till everyone else had left, then… going up to Sehun…

Suddenly, somehow – even though he’d decided last night that he would definitely do it today

Even though he really had no need to worry in the least, it wasn’t like he really liked him or anything, this was purely about manners and being polite

Somehow…

By the time he had worked up to actually speaking, his heart was beating so hard, he felt almost dizzy; making the words, when he managed to get them out, burst out in a flood.

“If Sehun still wants to give me that letter, I’ll – I’ll take it!!”

------

“….ehhhh? Wha-  HA! Hahahaha, now you regret it, don’t you! Ha! Stupid dumbhead, it’s too late now!”

“…ah….. Ah, I… erm… that is, I know obviously, I mean, I just...” Shaking his head firmly at himself, Tao suddenly bowed down, jerking his torso in apology. “I’m sorry – I’m really sorry, even though… I mean… despite how shocked or whatever I was, I shouldn’t have reacted like that… ah! I mean, I should have at least taken the letter…and like…read it or… whatever...” As his voice trailed away, and he straightened, Sehun slowly crossed his arms in front of his chest, mollified, his expression softening. “Well….well, you really should have!”

“…….” Wow, he is so super confident!! And…ehehe… kinda cute how he’s so sure of himself…

Not even aware of the waywardness of his thought, Tao straightened fully, smirking down at him in an unconsciously y manner – making Sehun’s eyes widen involuntarily, making him blush and quickly look away.

“I know, I’m sorry… so may I have it?”

His voice was gravely too – quiet and low and rough, somehow making the simple sentence seem more intimate than it was – even to Sehun, who was… just…only  thinking “maybe he wasn’t so bad after all”…. and nothing else. At all.

Ah… but still….. even after that I’m still not totally convinced he’s good enough for Mai.

That’s right, just apologising to me is not gonna give you a free pass!!

“Hmph. Well, like I told you, it’s too late, I already gave it back to her.” Turning away, he started pulling his note books out from under his desk, stuffing them into his bag. It was almost time he had to go to the Guidance Office, and ugghrh face the music… -

“…eh?”

“………..huh?”

“You did what?”

“………… ……………. ………..I gave it to Mai!! What, why would I keep a’hold of it~~” Turning around as he pulled his bag onto his back, Sehun reached out to pat Tao’s shoulder firmly. “So if you really feel sorry, go apologise and ask her, okay?”

“……….. …………… …………… wait…what? You gave the letter for me…to Mai?? Why?”

“….I dunno…coz I thought she might want it back?? Oh, right, you thought I should’ve just thrown it away….? Ah, bu-”

“- no, wait, back?? Whaddya mean…. Like…it was with her in the beginning?? ……..wait, she…didn’t write it??”

“……….. ……………… well, duh!! Lol!!”

“………… ……………… ………………… Oh, I gettit, you got her to write it for you~~”

“…..well…. ermm…what’re you – oh, yeah, that’s right, it was my idea, ehehe, coz she was nervous about confessing to your face, ya know, so I thought a letter…..

would work just…

as….

well…..”

His voice trailed away as he watched the look of total utter flabbergasted realisation dawn on Tao’s face…..

And suddenly, the confusion of the conversation clicked into understanding…. An understanding he totally did not want, though.

“For me….

Write for me…..”

“………………………..”

“…………………………………………”

“…………… ……………………”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?????????????!!!!!!!!! For For – ahsjspa – FOR ME????? YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS FROM ME!!!?????” Stumbling backwards far enough to knock over Jongin’s chair, Sehun gawped up at Tao

“…………………………………………………..

……………………………HAAAAA???? OF COURSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FROM YOU!!!!! WHAT THE BLOODY WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK!!!????”

“Erm, I don’t know, how about that it was from the GIRL who wanted to give it to you!!????”

“How the was I supposed to know that – , aahhhh ….” The realisation crystallising, Tao suddenly stopped – backing away, his hand rising to his chest.

“Aajhhh… ah… oh my god… oh my god, it wasn’t even from you…. Ah….” Relief spreading across his face, he suddenly looked up, to start laughing. “You total idiot, how the was I supposed to know that, what’m I, an ESPer?!”

“…….. ………..ermmm, coz I told you!?”

“No you didn’t!!” still laughing, Tao broke off to stab a finger at him. “You did not, all you did was come up to me, bow down really deep, shove the letter at me, and say, ‘please accept this’!! Oh my god….Ah!!! So that’s why you started chasing me…oh my god…..”

“I…I didn’t….?”

“Nope!! You did NOT!”

“…….oh….. Oh..oh right, that’s why you wouldn’t take it – oh my god, you , what did you think, THAT I WAS A HOMO????!!!!!”

“…………… …………………… well, what was I supposed to think! You tota-”

“AAHHH!!!!! Wait – what the !!!”

“…huh??”-

“Right now!!! Oh my god…..eeewwwwwww!!” His face suddenly screwing up in disgust, Sehun stepped back further. “Right now!! You said…. You said you’d take it!?!? When you thought it was from me!!??? Oh my god….. aren’t you the homo!!?????”

“………. …….What!!!! NO!!! No, it wasn’t like that, I- “

“Eewww!!! Don’t come near me, you freak!!! Ughh ughh ughh, that ‘you’ll take it’…. Ugghhh a homo likes me, oh my god, that’s disgusting!!”

“What the bloody are you talking about, I just meant that I’ll be polite enough to take it and then turn you down properly!!”

“HA!!! AS IF!!!! You freak, you were all-”

------

Two weeks and 2 days later

Stupid damn sick homo freak!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugghhhhh

Ughhhh!!!! How dare he …. Ugh ugh ugh just thinking that a GUY likes me - I feel …sick and.. ing dirty all over!

And Ughh!!! Just look at him, draping himself so shamelessly all over that YiFan – Ah aha ah, it’s that ne, I bet they’re like, both like THAT, ne~~

Ugghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Stupid stupid stupid damn stupid disgusting –

“EARTH TO OH SEHUN!!”

“gru- eh – wrat!!”

“……….. ……………. ………… oyy, whats with the attitude~~ just when I’m being so kind~~” Hitching his lip up dramatically at Sehun, Chanyeol flipped him off.

“……eh?”

“……….. ……….bwahahhaaaaaaaa! You didn’t hear a word did you!!” Baekhyun laughed

“…erm- “

“!!! Sehun!!After I – “

“Muahahaaaa, after all the “I bet Sehun will be so grateful he’ll give me his limite”-”

“Aaahh aaaaaaa aaa!” Shooting up out of his seat, Chanyeol clamped his hand over Beak’s mouth. “Don’t tell him that!”

“….what are you guys going on about!?”

“Tcheh~~ there’s no helping it, huh~~ okay, listen up and listen well, fool, coz I’m only gonna repeat it this one time, I-”

“Phhewwwww~~~” With a thump, Minseok flopped down into Jongin’s chair, while simultaneously, Jongin collapsed bonelessly over the table, stomach first.

“Ah~~you two’re back, how’d it go?”

“How do you expect” Minseok, who was rolling his head about to work out the kinks in his neck narrowed his eyes. “He made us carry like, 50,000 forms from the ground floor to the third floor teachers’ room, sort out all the crap in that old photography club room, go hand out all the first year revision schedules…”

Nodding vigorously, Jongin joined in. “And, when Mandoo said “crap” in the photography club room right now, he actually meant “crap”, I don’t think anyone had gone in since they disbanded, there was actual rat poop in there!!!!”

“………………… ………………………. ……….”

“Bwahhaahhahaahaaaaaa!!!!”

“Hahhhhahahahaa haha hahaha ha-”

“Omg haaaaa hahahahahahhahhahhhaaaa”

………………………………

………………….

…………………

……….. Finally, their laughter subsiding, Sehun wiped his eyes and reached to pat Jongin’s head comfortingly. “It’s okay… don’ worry, for Jongdae Sensei, that was pretty good~~”

“Yeah!! At least he didn’t have you clearing up the entirety of every playing field!!” Baekhyun (who’s last punishment, for using the first-string grounds after school and leaving behind a rather rude sign in chalk smack in the centre, had involved being the sole member of the clean-up crew for a month after) added vehemently.

“Yeah, yea, and remember the time he-”

“OY!!” Chanyeol slammed his fist into the table, cutting off Sehun. “I was talking!”

“………………oh………… yeah, you were saying?”

“………humph!”

“…ehehehe, awwww, c’mon Yeolie, I’m sorry, so give up, spill~~”

“Nope.”

“C’mon c’mon c’mon~~~” Sehun, reaching into Chanyeol’s pockets to get better access, started tickling him – making him hoot and laugh, and destroy the careful ‘offended’ face he’d been making.

“Alrugtu- haha hahah ha- alrdighttt – okay- “

“Tell me tell me tell me~~” Not stopping, Sehun tickled harder, laughing just as much – when, just then, Chanyeol bent low, his forehead touching his knees in a paroxysm of giggles –

And behind him….

Behind him, to the back of the class, where another group of boys were hanging out….

“Ah!”

 Abruptly letting go, and moving away, Sehun grinned weakly at Chanyeol, struggling to keep his voice casual. “So, what is it?” “Ehehe, okay, so, yesterday Baek and I were staying over at Suga Senpai’s right? So around like, 10, we ran out of snacks, and I, being so kinda and generous n all, went to get some-”

“HA!! You mean, lost miserably at Janken, then made a big fuss till Jonghyuk Senpai sat on your head-”

As Chanyeol blew a loud raspberry cutting of Baekhyun, and went back to his story though, Sehun was only barely listening –

Right then..

When Chanyeol had bent down, he’d seen him – that freak, that damn homo freak Tao or whatever,  had been looking at him right when he looked up and –

Huuhhhhh??! What the ’s that face for, all I did was tickle Chanyeol, it wasn’t even like I –

BESIDES, who was the one who was jus’ climbing all over YiFan just a moment ago, what the hell, if anything I should be the one who’s mad, you stu –

………………………….

………..

………………………………..

……………..

Eh?

Ehhhh??

Mad….

??

What….

What did i…

WHAT the bloody effing blessed did I think just now!!!!??

 MAD??!  Who – Why –!!!!!!! -  first of all, he just - he wasn’t even  - I mean, yeah, he looked kinda odd, but not – why, I mean, what - SO WHAT, EVEN IF HE WAS LOOKING – which he wasn’t anyway, but even if he WAS, I mean, like, what – what face, it wasn’t – but EVEN SO, why would I even need to justify myself??!!! It’s sooooooo got nothing to do with him – I mean, anything, nothing in my life has anything to do with HIM, stupid damn freak, so WHAT if I was even playing around with Chanyeol, first of all, it wasn’t even like, too-skinshippy or anything, like, we were just being normal, and BESIDES, nothing I do is even close to you, , all throwing yourself all over random people and acting all.. baby-ish, like Huuuuhhhhhh ugghh, it’s so disgusting, just coz he knows it’s kinda cute, he’s just always -

“So??? What do you think???”

“……………..” Sehun quickly snapped up from the intractable mess his thoughts had become, only to see all of them ogling at him – Chanyeol looking pleased to burst, n even the others looking all…. Happy? Expectant?

“….ermm……….”

“…Ah! You don’t have to make a decision right away, if you wanted to think about it-”

“Huhhhh???” Baekhyun cut in, shoving Jongin back down onto the desk. “What’s there to think about! Sehun’s obviously gonna go for it, right?”

“Ohhh, don’t be so insensitive, obviously he’s not gonna just jump on- “

“Ehehe~~jump on~~~”

“….Ughh, what are you, 12!?”

“But Sehun, you’ve got to be totally excited, right?? Right right riighhhtt???~~ Man, I even surprise myself sometimes with how awesome I am~~”

“Pfffttt~~~ Awesome at being stupid~~”

“Huuuhhhh?!!! Didn’t I just-”

“…….erm…guys?”

“Ye~~AHHH??!! Yeah yeah yeah, Whaddya think?”

“………………….. about what???”

“……………………….. ……………………………………… ……………………………………”

“YOU DIDN’T LISTEN?????? AGAIN!!!?????”

“……..urmm..sorry I…”

“Sehun!! Chanyeol ran into Rina and had a long involved stupid talk, and basically she kinda regrets everything and said to call her if you’re interested, what do you saaaaayyyy????”

“………………………huh?”

“BAEKHYUN!!!!! IT WAS MY STORY, I WANTED TO TELL-”

“Yeah yeah, shuttup~~”

“Sehun! So? What do you think, you were really into her and stuff right??”

“Yeah!! N you were kinda upset when she brok-”

“HEY!! It was MUTUAL!!” Sehun cut in, in reflex, making the others laugh – but he didn’t care, his mind in a swirl.

Rina…wanted to get back together???

This timing…

This was perfect, right!!!????? Ha!! All I have to do was go out with Rina, and no one can say I’m a homo or whatever!!! [Sehun had long lost sight of the fact that no one had said anything of the sort]  And this whole sick disgusting mess would sooo be over, honestly, it’s been like more than 2 weeks since then – since that stupid sick idiot went and totally… uggghhhh…

Everything’s been so messed up since then, since he’d come and…and..like, basically hit on me, and it’s ALL HIS FAULT!!!!

Catching each other’s eye for no reason across the room and getting all flustered for no reason like right now for no reason – right now, and a bit ago during math class, right before that when the wind had blown in and the window had crashed shut..and before that when he’d dropped his eraser and bent down to get it.. and before that when someone had forwarded him some stupid joke about “Summer Heartthrobs” and he’d involuntarily FOR NO REASON, totally coincidentally by accident, glanced back towards that desk diagonally behind him, beside the window… and before that when Xing Sensei had come in and they’d stood up and – AAAAAAAAAARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

That moment day before yesterday that did not happen - he’d been sitting beside the window in their first floor Dance Club room while Minseok and Suga senpai argued over some choreo, when … the Wushu club had come out to do some laps around the grounds, and they’d run by, and that…stupid idiot had been in his that-uniform, the traditional martial arts outfit, and he’d been doing drills as he ran, and for one awful moment in time  - that never happened by the way, it did NOT, ha, who said it did, show me your receipts!!! – Sehun’s insides had totally gone “Kyaaaahhhhhh”

Last week when Yixing Sensei had found his manga (it was just a normal, shounen action one, but their school had a strict no-comics at all policy) that he’d hid behind the blackboard when they’d heard there was gonna be a “surprise” inspection, and the idiot had jumped in and said it was his - and not even said anything to Sehun after, even though he’d had to write out 500 lines of “I will not bring comics to school”!

The day before yesterday in the Lunch Store, when they’d run out of the deluxe choco cream-and-swirl tart right as he was gonna buy one, and that idiot who’d gotten the last piece had wordlessly pushed it into his hands and left and his heart had beat really fast – ha!!! That was nothing, that time didn’t mean anything, he…. He probably POISONED it or something, ha, that’s all, it’s lucky I didn’t actually get a serious heart condition from whatever he POISONED that tart with

The day before that, when he’d accidentally, totally not on purpose entirely without meaning to totally mistakenly had found that idiot’s SNS page…. And even if he checked it like, once or twice…or thrice… per hour…. It was totally not on purpose, okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Urrghh that’s right… my mind is just messed up, I’ve – ugghh bleergh - probably been infected with HOMO COOTIES ahhah ha ha, all I have to do is go out with Rina again, and I’ll be fine!!

------

Later that afternoon

Urrghh, just coz I said I’d do it, doesn’t mean they had to all go and actually leave me to do the clean-up. Alone! Stupid useless little s, call themselves my “friends”, ha! As if, they’re just stupi…

Grumbling resoundingly to himself, Sehun heaved the basket higher, leveraging it against his waist. Just coz they’d lost the match against the kids from the other class (it was after school, and a bunch of them from both classes of their year had ditched their various clubs to play a BBall match), they’d all gotten grumpy..and ‘stead of blaming each other, who were actually the ones who played and lost, they’d been all, “oh, it’s coz Sehun didn’t do anything”, just coz he’d been sitting out – honestly, who the hell wanted to run around in this heat when they didn’t have to, just to prove a point made by someone sometime somewhere about which class was better

Honestly, they’re all just idiotic KIDS!!!

With that protest ringing in his head, Sehun shoved open the door to the storage room with a foot –

And froze

The mattresses for the gymnastics were piled up neatly in the corner exactly opposite the door..

Opposite him.

The light escaping through the narrow windows was dim, but perfectly illuminated the room… where……..

Facing him…

The girl had her back to him, so Sehun couldn’t see who it was, just long hair, falling midway down her back…her bare, gleaming back… then whipping up into the air - bouncing energetically..rhythmically into the air as she ….

Rode…

The guy under her…

Sounds –

moans..

pant…

grunt –

 his voice, like that, like THAT, guttural, I –

He couldn’t see everything, not his whole body, coz the girl was in the way, but…

Couldn’t see coz of… the girl …on his lap, but the way he was sitting on the mattress and leaning forward…. ………….. ……….  -

- his eyes perfectly met Sehun’s over her shoulder.

Bare skin…

His knees pushed up, bracing that girl as she bounced up and down..

That expression on Tao’s face as their eyes locked snapped Sehun out of it, the strangely dissociated frozen void he’d fallen into, and in a flash, he slammed the door shut, spinning around –

The basket dropping to the ground, the balls spilling and rolling every which way –

But he didn’t care, didn’t even see, coz he was already running.

THUMP

His footsteps crashed down the empty hall

THUMP

THUMP

With a bang, Sehun slammed against the wall under the stairwell, panting, slowly letting his body slide down to the ground

He pressed the back of his left hand to his lips, biting down as hard as he could – it was like it was burned into his retinas, that… that look… on Tao’s face, his lips parted, his eyes.. the.. oh god

His voice!!!!!!!!!

Oh god oh god

His skin…

His thighs…….. the clenched muscles, it -

The way his arms were wound about her, his hands – they’d looked so big…somehow, it just, seemed…somehow… - his hands masterfully holding her sides, propelling her up and down, like…

And yet..

with.. her….

it…… I can’t breathe

Why

Why was he…

Didn’t he like me?? He liked me, right? He wanted to… to…

With me…

Then why….?? It’s just been a little over two weeks, and he’s already….

UGGHHHHH how can he!!!!  What, I just.. and he’s already …. With some random chick, doing THAT…

With that face….

…………………………….

…..

In a daze, Sehun finally made his way back to class, where the others had been waiting for him after all.  

Talked and joked and laughed with them like normal, cribbing at them for making him do all the work, letting himself be comforted [for something he actually totally did not care about any longer, not in the slightest].

Perfectly normally….

Walked home, waving goodbye to Chanyeol and Baekhyun who were going towards the train station, and three blocks later, to Jongin. Five doors from his house cheerfully told Minseok it was no use waiting for him next morning coz he’ll probably be late, making him scold indulgently (their daily routine), before finally, reaching his own home. Grunted a greeting to his mom as he let himself in, crashed his way upstairs and dropped down into his bed.