001 ;
When It Rains
When It Rains
1st January, 2015
Solar shifted around nervously in her seat, adjusting the pleats in her skirt. She opted to pick a seat right next to the windows, because she knew that she would get bored during classes, and staring out of the window was the next best option other than skipping class and ruining her attendance. The rain was beating down onto the panes, producing the lovely 'pitter-patter' against the glass that was music to Solar's ears. She furrowed her brows and adjusted her skirt once again — it was slightly too tight for her, and she was annoyed by that fact.
It was her first day at her final year of highschool, and she wanted to make a good impression of herself towards her new classmates. "Ugh, maybe I shouldn't have came too early," she noted, looking down at her watch. Glancing around, she mentally counted the number of people in the classroom. One, two, three, four, five, six. Six! Thirty-four out of forty students would be late for class if they didn't show up in the next five minutes. She turned towards the window with her chin resting on her palm, observing the tiny droplets of rain hit and slide down the glass. "I guess everyone's late 'cause of the rain," she shrugged, leaning forward and placing her head on the table, allowing her eyelids to shut.
"Excuse me," Solar jolted up, with her eyes as wide as saucers. She panned towards her right towards the voice, and her jaw practically dropped to the floor. "She's gorgeous," Solar noted. Her cheeks were coloured a shade of strawberry pink, and the edges of her lips were curved up ever so slightly. Solar's eyes traced the perfect outline of her nose, down to her tiny rosebud lips, and towards the gentle curve of her jaw. And after what seemed like eternity, Solar dared to look up into the girl's eyes. They twinkled with a cloud of mystery, along with intelligence. And for some reason, Solar's chest began to thump with excitement.
"Excuse me?" The same voice cut off Solar's gaze, and her cheeks began to colour a cherry-blossom pink.
"Uh, yes?" Solar took in a sharp breath, hoping to calm herself down and hopefully, act like a sane person in front of her new classmate.
"Is this seat taken?" The girl's lips curved upwards, forming a lop-sided grin. She slung her jacket onto her left shoulder and pointed towards the chair.
"Oh , is she gonna sit beside me? Someone as pretty as her? Heck, I didn't sign up for this." Solar mumbled under her breath, her eyes shifting towards the floor.
"Sorry?"
"Uh- Sure, you can sit beside me if you want to- I mean, I-I wouldn't mind if you don't mind- I-I mean... What am I saying? Sorry, I'll shut up now. And uh, It's not taken." Solar made a mental note to never ever talk to pretty girls ever again, because all she'll do is stammer and look like a freak and/or idiot in front of said girls. "Goddamnit, Solar. You're an idiot. An idiot sandwich," She huffed.
The girl chuckled and slid her books onto the table. "Okay, I'll sit here then. You said you wouldn't mind, right?" She placed her jacket over the back of the chair and plopped herself onto the seat, opening one of her books.
Solar mentally cussed herself yet again for acting like an idiot. After a few seconds, her gaze traveled towards the book in the girl's hands. A biology textbook. What the heck? Who in their right mind would read a textbook in their free time? Clearing , she mustered up the courage to open and try making friends with this pretty new classmate. "So, uh, you like biology?"
"Not really."
"Oh. Okay."
Solar shifted uncomfortably in her seat and stared out of the window. Well, that was all she had for conversation. She was never a good talker to begin with. But this was a new class, and she had to try to make new friends. Attempting to make a new friend wouldn't hurt, would it? What did she have to lose, anyway?
"So, what's your name?" Solar huffed and raised one of her eyebrows, turning her attention back to the girl on her right.
"Moonbyul. What's yours?"
"Solar. It's nice to meet y-"
"Byul! Come sit with me!" Solar's attention was grabbed from Moonbyul, and both of them turned towards the voice at the other end of the classroom. Another pretty girl with a bob cut was waving aggressively to Moonbyul, and pointing towards an empty seat in front of her.
Moonbyul huffed and laughed for a moment, before turning back to face Solar. "Sorry, that's my best friend. I guess I'll have to move, or else she's gonna bother me forever about it. It was nice meeting you too! Hopefully we'll have a chance to talk more soon, yeah?" She quickly shut her biology textbook and stood up, slinging her jacket over her shoulder and gathering up the rest of her books. "See you around!" She turned and briskly made her way over to the other end of the classroom, where the other girl with the bob cut was.
"Well, that was short-lived," Solar shrugged, folding her arms and resting her head on the table.
But for the rest of the day, she couldn't shake the thought of Moonbyul out of her head.
7th February, 2015
"Wheein," Solar tapped her pen against her notebook, pausing before writing down the answer to the math equation in her textbook. "I think I have a crush?" Her eyes wandered off lazily, landing on Moonbyul's back view. She and Wheein were studying in the school cafeteria, to prepare for a couple of tests taking place next week.
Wheein chewed on the tip of her pen, her brows furrowed in concentration as she tapped her fingers against the edge of the table.
"Wheein?"
"Did you say something?"
"I said that I think I have a crush."
"Oh. Yeah, I know."
"Know what?"
Wheein huffed and put her pen down before closing her book and placing it back into her bag. "You've been all over her for the past month. You're like a lovesick little puppy. As your best friend, it's kind of weird but funny to see you this way. It's like a new side of you that I've never seen," she grabbed another textbook out from her bag, and slid it onto the table before looking up at Solar. "You obviously have a crush on her."
Solar squinted at Wheein for a moment. "But I don't like girls,"
"What? You literally just told me you have a crush on Moon Byulyi. Does she look like a guy to you?"
"No."
"Exactly. It's okay to embrace the gay."
"That rhymed-"
"That isn't the point. The point is that you like girls, and I'm perfectly fine with that. And I'm sure majority of others would be, too."
"But I don't think I like her?
"You know that I'm pretty gay myself, and I would know the signs of a blossoming infatuation. You've pretty much checked all the boxes for both."
"But I'm not gay — maybe I simply admire her?"
"God, Solar. I don't think what you're feeling is admiration."
"It could be."
"Whatever you say."
Solar simply couldn't get rid of the fact that a girl was constantly on her mind, and this irked her to the very core.
Sometimes, her eyes would unknowingly trail over to the other side of the classroom, and settle on a certain ash-blonde girl. She would observe how Moonbyul's nose would scrunch slightly, and her lips would turn up at the tips to form the most brilliant smile when she laughed. And for some reason, she wanted to be the reason for that smile.
Sometimes, she would unconsciously doodle Moonbyul's name on the side of her notebook. This resulted in some pretty embarrassing screaming from her best friend, Jung Wheein, who flipped through Solar's notebook when she had accidentally left it in Wheein's house. From then on, Solar had always thrown her doodled notebook pages into the trash.
Sometimes, she would even daydream about going on a date with-
The brunette sighed and gritted her teeth. What was going on with her? Wheein had told her that it was simply a tiny crush, but Solar refused to accept that. Refused to accept that she may or may not actually like girls. Not because she was against it or anything, but simply afraid of what her peers, her friends, and her family might say and think. Twirling her pen in mid-air, she stared back down at her notebook. Moonbyul, all in cursive. All over the page. There were even some hearts splattered here and there. Grumbling in her head, she tore off the page and threw it across her room and into the bin, which was already filled to the brim with other similarly torn and crushed notebook pages.
3rd March, 2015
Solar was eventually daring enough to steal quick glances at the girl whenever she was near. Needless to say, she would blush and turn away whenever Moonbyul looked in her direction. It had been two months since their encounter, and Solar could still never get Moonbyul out of her head. She tried desperately, even accepting a date from a senior in an attempt to perhaps, keep that ash-blonde out of her head. But nothing worked.
And she still refused to accept it.
She wasn't gay.
At least she didn't think she was.
But a girl lingering in her mind 24/7 was really making her doubt her uality. And it has been going on for two months. She was afraid. Afraid of what chaos it would bring into her family. Or perhaps they might be okay with it. Her parents had never discussed homouality in her household, thus she assumed that they were against it. In this uptight society, she respected each and every one of those that had decided to come out to the world.
However, Moonbyul was out of her reach. She didn't have the guts to approach her, she didn't even dare to look at her for more than nine seconds. Moon Byulyi was one of the smartest people in the school, and she was loved by both seniors and freshmen alike. She participated actively in clubs, and many teachers even praised her for being humble and polite. Just like her, there were many people crushing on-
"Wait," Solar paused, plopping herself down on her bed and opening up her laptop. "What am I saying? I don't like Moonbyul. At least, not in that way."
But deep down, her heart protested.
And she could hear it.
"How pathetic," she muttered to herself.
11th April, 2015
Solar absentmindedly chewed on her rice, her eyes traveling towards the taller girl at the other end of the cafeteria. "Isn't she pretty?"
"I know she's pretty, Solar. You've been harping on about her since like, the second day of school," Wheein giggled and rolled her eyes. Switching her pitch up a notch and flitting her eyelashes, she added, "Oh, she's so pretty, and smart, and I've kinda had a crush on her the moment I saw her, but I'm totally not gay!"
Solar snorted and flicked an extra grain of rice towards her best friend. "I do not speak like that, Jung Wheein," she huffed and puffed her cheeks for a moment, before replying, "Fine. I am kinda gay, I guess."
"You guess? You've never had a boyfriend, you've never had a crush on a guy. For god's sake, you've never even liked a boy group. I've known you were gay since like, forever, Kim Yongsun."
"I'm not gay."
"There you go again. Ah, well. It's okay. You can continue denying it. But one day, I'll be right here to tell you 'I told you so'. Trust me, it'll happen. How else will you explain that heart-fluttering feeling in your stomach when you see her? You practically turn into a tomato whenever she's in a ten-metre radius from you."
"She's just so- wait, she's coming this way! Do you think she's coming over to speak to m-"
"God's sake, Solar. She's just coming to return her tray. Don't be delusional. She doesn't even know you exist."
"Hey, that was rude. Take that back. And she does know I exist! She does!"
Wheein snorted and flicked her wrist, eyeing the spoon in her hand. "Fine, I'm sorry. But she has barely talked to you. And she's like, way out of our league. She's one of the top scorers in the school, destined to go to one of the top universities in Korea or something, and we're here, discussing about when is 'Moonbyul-senpai' gonna notice you."
"She's talked to me once, Wheein. I'm pretty sure she remembers," Solar huffed, playing with the food on her tray with her spoon. "I don't think I'm that unforgettable, considering I acted like an idiot around her the first time we met."
"Who knows?"
"I do."
"It was a rhetorical question, ."
1st May, 2015
"Wheein," Solar muttered, shoving her head into her tray. "She's making her way over to our table- why is she- oh god I swear I didn't sign up for thi- stop nudging me!" Solar half-yelled at Wheein, managing to scare off the younger girl for the time being.
Solar shoved her tray to the side and slid her arms over the table, burying her face into her sleeves, causing Wheein to explode into peals of giggles. "I swear, I'll kill you one day. Painfully. It'll be all gory and stuff, like in a horror movie."
"I'll look forward to it," Wheein snorted.
As the girls sat in silence, only the sound of tableware scraping against metal trays and soft chatter between the students could be heard.
"So why do you like her exactly? You've never told me." Wheein broke the silence and studied the look on Solar's face and turned to look in the direction that Solar was facing. Moonbyul. Of course.
"She's really nice to the people around her, and doesn't treat anyone unfairly. And she makes my tummy explode with butterflies whenever she walks past me. I don't know? I just know that I do."
"So, you're finally admitting that you like her?"
"I..." Solar couldn't think of anything to say. But whatever, being denial was never going to help her get over this dumb crush of hers. Who even ends up liking someone they've never talked to properly? "I do like her."
"Ugh, finally. It's been four months late."
"I hate it, to be honest."
"Why? What do you hate?"
"I hate the fact that I like her. Like you always say, I don't even know her. I've talked to her once, and she hasn't left my mind since then. How weird is that? All I can do is observe her from a distance, and hope that someway, somehow, she'll be able to figure out that I like her without me telling her. But she's not a mind reader, and she will never know."
"You could always try."
"Try what?"
"I don't know, talking to her? All it takes is just ten seconds of insane courage. You could go up to her, say hi, and I'm sure you could continue a conversation from there."
"Wheein, we've been over this. Even you said I turn into a tomato whenever I come close to her. She'll know."
"Isn't that the point?"
"No! It's weird, I barely know her! She'll think I'm freaky or something!"
"I think she's a better person than that, Solar. She won't! You said that she's one of the nicest people around. It to see you in a slump like this. Just, please, try."
"Maybe next time."
5th June, 2015
Solar never wanted to like her. She had finally come to terms with her feelings, yes, but the fact that she liked someone whom she barely knew with such blazing intensity simply made her feel really crappy.
She sighed and unlocked her phone before tapping on Instagram. Scrolling through the pictures on her feed and double-tapping on most of them, she paused after seeing a certain face on one of the pictures.
It was a picture of Moonbyul with her friends at a barbecue place. A few days ago, Solar decided to follow several of Moonbyul's social media accounts, and to her surprise, Moonbyul followed her back on all of them. Wheein had to literally drag her out of the library because she wouldn't stop giggling. "Should I like it?" Solar pondered for a moment before unconsciously tapping on the picture.
"AH! , I liked it," Solar's fingers fumbled, losing grip of her phone and causing it to land smack in the middle of her face. "Ouch," she whined and rubbed her nose, picking up her phone.
Deciding that she would rather study and pull up her grades than laze around thinking about Moonbyul all day, she stood up, shuffling towards her desk and sliding her phone onto the table before bending down to grab her textbook.
Buzz buzz.
Solar dragged the chair out and plopped herself onto the seat. Puffing her cheeks and resting her chin on her palm, she picked up her phone, expecting a notification from Wheein or a game. Instead, she was greeted with a surprise.
moonbyulyi92 has liked your photo.
"OH MY GOD," Solar yelped and bounced up in her chair, knocking her thigh against the edge of the wooden desk. "AH- Ouch..." Ruffling her dark brown locks, she sighed dreamily and grinned to herself. Swiping the notification to the right to make sure she wasn't simply being delusional, she was directed to her week-old Instagram post, which was a picture of the neighborhood cat. "I guess she likes cats?"
"I swear Wheein, I didn't expect her to like my post at all. I don't even think she knew that she liked my photo. She probably just thought it was some cute animal instagram page or something," Solar shrugged, opening her chemistry textbook and setting it on the table in front of her. "And I swear, I almost broke my nose when I tripped over the stairs thinking about her actually knowing I exist."
"But from a week ago? C'mon. You said that you liked one of her photos, right? Maybe she, like, I don't know, saw your notification, clicked on it, and went to stalk your profile? Who knows?"
"Maybe. It's not like I'm complaining though."
Wheein clasped her hands together and held them against her chest, sighing dramatically. "Finally, my baby Solar has managed to grasp the attention of the one and only Moon Byuly-"
Solar rolled her eyes as she decided to shut out her giggling best friend, deciding to concentrate on the material in the textbook in front of her instead.
But of course, what good would a best friend be for if they didn't tease you to death, right?
"God, shut up," Solar struck the back of Wheein's head with her hand, earning a loud yelp from the smaller girl and a glare from the nearby librarian.
"Sorry," both of them nodded apologetically towards the librarian, who shook her head and continued on with her business.
"You're mean," Wheein pouted, shoving the remaining of her textbooks into her bag. "I'm leaving."
"What? No! I couldn't get you to keep quiet about it without hitting you at least once," Solar whined, clinging onto her best friend. "Wheeeeeeein, don't leaaaaave meeee." she grabbed onto the smaller girl's sleeve, refusing to let her go.
Wheein snorted, zipping up her bag. "I was just kidding, I gotta go early today, anyway. My chemistry tutor's coming early today, and he just told me about it today. Sorry, babe. You'll have to study at the library yourself today. I can walk home with you right now if you want to, though!"
"Oh," Solar answered, releasing Wheein's sleeve. "That's okay! I'll stay here, no need to walk home with me. I have some homework that's due by today, anyway. I'll finish them up before I go home."
"Okay! See you tomorrow, then!"
"Yeah. See you!"
Feeling slightly lethargic and extremely bored, Solar decided to take a little walk around the school library. There was an abundance of books, and she thought that it might be a good idea to try picking some up and bringing them home for a read. Walking along several shelves, a certain book piqued her interest. "Why in the world would this be here?" Solar giggled, picking out Donald Trump's autobiography. Tucking it under her arm, she made her way towards the non-fiction section, when a certain someone caught her eye.
Peeking out from the safety of the shelves, her eyes lit up when she Moonbyul, sitting on one of the tables by herself, quietly humming to whatever she was listening to on her earphones.
She wanted to go up to her and maybe try to make conversation, but her legs felt like concrete. Her heart hammered against her chest, and Solar chewed on her bottom lip, trying to contain her excitement. Shuffling backwards, she turned and took a few steps towards where she originally came from, intending to never attempt to converse with her crush.
But.
This was her only chance, wasn't it?
Solar stopped dead in her tracks.
"Remember what Wheein said?" Solar twiddled with her fingers, and took a sharp breath. "Ten seconds of insane courage. Just ten seconds."
She brisk-walked at lighting speed back towards her seat, and scooped up her belongings, shoving her books into her bag and slinging it over her shoulders. "If Korea had sent me for the Olympics for racewalking, I'd probably win the gold medal," Solar snorted, shaking her head.
Shuffling back towards where she last saw Moonbyul, she took in a deep breath.
"You can do this, Kim Yongsun," Solar clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, attempting to calm herself down before her heart could explode and leave a mess on the library floor.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Ten seconds of insane courage.
What do you have to lose?
My pride. My dignity. My crush's opinion of me.
But an opportunity like this will never come again.
Perhaps it will.
Maybe, but what are the chances, right?
Right. Ten seconds. Just ten.
Good. You got this.
Ten.
She shuffled towards Moonbyul's table, preparing for the worst. "WAIT. I don't even know what I'm going to say. Oh god, I should've planned this beforehand. Now you're going to screw up."
Six.
As the ash-blonde turned up to look at her, Solar swore her heart stopped for a second. Her eyelashes framed her twinkling, intelligent brown eyes. Her locks flowed endlessly to her waist. Her cheeks slightly rosy, and her skin looked as if it was as soft as a baby's. She was the picture of perfection to Solar, and all she wanted was to somehow stop time and stare into her eyes for the rest of eternity. Feeling her heart starting to hammer against her chest again, butterflies began to bloom in her stomach, and her mind started to grow blank, her hands deciding to turn clammy.
Four.
"Excuse me?" Solar tried giving her best smile to Moonbyul, knowing that it probably looked like the Joker's grin himself.
Two.
"Uh, yes?" Removing her earphones, Moonbyul smiled back, not knowing that her smile had probably made Solar's whole year, and Wheein would probably never shut up about it if Solar told her.
One.
"Is this seat taken?" Solar gestured at the seat in front of Moonbyul, with raised eyebrows.
Ten seconds. You did it.
Yes, I did. I did it.
"No, it isn't," the taller of the two grinned politely, pushing her books nearer towards her to allow Solar to have more space for her own books. "You can sit there, if you want to, Solar."
"Y-You know my name?" Solar nearly choked, taking off her bag and placing several books on the table before sitting down in front of Moonbyul.
"Of course I do!" Moonbyul furrowed her brows, shooting Solar a confused look. "You're my classmate. Why wouldn't I?"
"Oh, I just thought I don't really stand out."
"Well, you did introduce yourself on the first day of school."
"You remember that? Really?"
"Again, why wouldn't I? Does my memory seem that bad to you?" Moonbyul chuckled, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. "I really wanted to make better friends with you, but I've never had the opportunity to. I suppose it's fate this time." she added, resting her chin on her palm and tapping her pen on the table a few times before writing down several math equations.
"N-No it doesn't, I just thought... Nevermind. The feeling's mutual. As you said, since fate has decided upon it, let's get to know each other better."
"I don't mind. Anyway, sorry for asking, but... Why are you holding on to Donald Trump's autobiography?"
"Wha- Oh, this?" Solar giggled, waving the book. "I found it, and I wanted to put it in the humour section, where it belongs."
Moonbyul snickered loudly, and bit on her bottom lip to control her laughter when she realised the librarian was staring straight into her soul. "That's great. I would do that, too." Eyeing Solar's math practice paper, she pointed towards the circled questions. "Do you not know how to do those? I don't mind teaching you if you don't."
"I have to hand them up by today, and even though I've been working on them since yesterday night, I can't seem to get the right answer," Solar replied, shifting the book closer to Moonbyul.
"These are fairly easy. Look, all you have to do is-" Moonbyul dragged her chair closer to Solar, not knowing that Solar felt as if her chest would burst any moment now. She glanced towards Moonbyul, wanting to envelope her in a hug. The urge was so strong, yet she knew she couldn't do it.
Time should stop.
Stop right now.
Let us stay like this forever.
Even if she only views you as a friend?
Even if she only views me as a friend.
You know you want to be more than that.
If this is the most I can be, I don't mind. As long as she's within my sight. I'll admire her from afar. It's okay.
Right?
To Solar's delight, they clicked immediately, and Moonbyul taught her math till the end of the day.
Raindrops splattered against the window, with the tiny droplets of water racing each other down the window. It made the oh-so-delightful sound of water against glass that made rain feel so comforting for Solar.
"Uh, it's been really nice talking to you today," Solar nodded, closing her textbooks and placing them neatly into her bag. "Thanks for teaching me these, Teacher Moonbyul."
"Ah, don't mention it," Moonbyul chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck. "Are you going home?"
"Yeah, my curfew's before dinner."
"If you're not in a hurry, wait for me a couple of minutes and we could go home together?"
"I don't mind, take your time."
After a few minutes, Moonbyul had finished packing her stuff, and the two walked out of the library together. Of course, Solar's little heart wouldn't stop going crazy in its cage. They walked in silence, since both of them were exhausted from studying. It wasn't an awkward kind of silence, but instead, it was one of which both felt comfortable in.
The school was hush, and only the sound of rain could be heard.
"Do you like the rain?" the shorter of the two turned to face the taller, breaking the silence as they walked through the school's hallway.
Moonbyul looked up and pondered for a moment before answering, "I love it," she smiled back at the girl, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"Really? It's just so calming to your senses, isn't it? I love walking in the rain without an umbrella when it's drizzling. People might call me crazy, but I enjoy it for some reason."
"You do?"
"Yeah! Do you think I'm weird for it?"
"No, I don't. In fact, I love rain as much as you do."
"Really?"
"Yup!" As they reached the entrance of the school, Moonbyul turned towards Solar, with a slight smile on her face. The one that bedazzled Solar whenever she saw it. "Ah, we're here. I'm going to the street on the left, what about you?"
"Oh, my house is on the right," Solar felt a tinge of disappointment stab her chest, but she tried her best to smile back. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" she raised her eyebrows, hoping to get the answer she wanted.
"I'll be at the library again, if you ever want a math tutor," Moonbyul replied as she ped her bag, taking out her umbrella. "See you tomorrow!" she stepped forward before pausing to open up her umbrella, before waving off to Solar and walking towards the left, out of Solar's sight.
Solar smiled to herself, feeling a sense of pride well up in her chest.
She finally did it.
The sound of rain helped to bring her back to her senses.
Looking up into the sky, Solar paused for a moment as a raindrop landed on the tip of her nose.
It was drizzling. And even though Moonbyul said she loved the rain, she opened up her umbrella — and Solar couldn't understand why.
8th July, 2015
Solar had been going to the library almost daily to meet Moonbyul, and although Wheein understood that she was spending precious time with her crush, she was upset that Solar had not spent time with her ever since that eventful day, except at lunch. Even then, most or all of that time was spent with Solar staring at Moonbyul like a lost puppy. She was happy that her best friend had finally talked and progressed with Moonbyul, yes, but that didn't mean that Solar couldn't make time to spend with her, too.
"Hey, so I was planning to go get some icecream after school tomorrow, do you want to come along?" Wheein jabbed her best friend in the ribs, earning a yelp from Solar.
"I can't, I'm studying with Moonbyul today," Solar winced, massaging her ribs with her left hand. "Maybe next time."
"You," Wheein slammed her spoon down onto her tray, causing Solar to flinch in surprise. "Do you care about her more than me now?"
"What?"
"We barely even hang out now ever since you started talking to her. We used to go home together every day, and we would go for snacks after school. But now that she wants to hang out with you, I feel as if I'm become someone who just eats lunch with you, much less your best friend. I know that you like her and stuff, and you've admired her for months, and I'm really happy for you — I really am, it's just that- Is she more important than me now? If you can't give me an answer for when you can ever hang out with me, can you at least give me an answer for that?"
"Wheein, I'm sorry..."
"Sorry? Is that all you're gonna say? Do you really prefer her over me? Some girl you barely knew over your best friend of three years?"
"No, I don't. I'm sorry."
"Don't what?"
"She isn't more important than you. I promise."
"I don't believe you."
"Then don't," Solar spat, anger seething out of her body. "Believe what you want. If getting angry over petty things like these is what you would rather waste your time doing instead of something useful, I can understand why you're coming in last in your classes these days." Solar snapped before realising what she said, watching Wheein's eyes start to fill with hurt.
"What the hell did you just say? You know what, nevermind. Screw it, I'm done. Have fun with Moonbyul," Wheein snarled, and Solar could see the anger basically seep out of her eyes. Without a word, Wheein picked up her tray and stormed off towards the tray return area, leaving Solar alone at the lunch table.
Solar huffed and picked up her spoon, feeling guilt slowly take over her infuriation. She was mad, but didn't intend to hurt Wheein in any way. She slumped back into her seat, sighing and shoving rice into . What a crappy way to end the day. At least she'll be able to see Moonbyul later.
Solar strolled into the library and unconciously shuffled towards the windows, observing the droplets of water sliding down the glass panes of the window. She paused for a moment to admire the mysterious grey clouds that were muting the Sun's golden rays. She always enjoyed looking at the clouds. How would rain come, if not for the clouds?
"Hey," Solar smiled to herself as she heard the familiar voice emerge behind her, breaking her attention away from the window. Such a soothing voice, the one and only that Solar didn't mind listening to for hours. The word 'hey' was so simple, yet for some reason, endearing.
"Hey." she replied.
Moonbyul gave her a lopsided grin, pulling the shorter girl by the wrist to their usual library table. Looking down at her shoes, she whispered, "I kinda missed you today." so softly that Solar almost couldn't hear it.
Surprised by Moonbyul's sudden affection, Solar felt a comforting sense of warmth wrap around her chest, and her cheeks started to colour a light shade of strawberry pink. "You did?"
Moonbyul nodded, and put a finger to Solar's lips. "You aren't allowed to say you didn't miss me."
"I mithed ouh," Solar mumbled, attempting to make her words as clear as possible.
"I understood that," Moonbyul snickered, shifting away her finger and taking a seat on the chair, making herself comfortable in the process. She patted the seat next to her and faced Solar, but furrowed her brows in confusion when all she saw was a blank look on Solar's face. "Are you okay? You seem a little off today."
"I'm fine," Solar huffed and scowled, sitting down beside Moonbyul.
"Are you really?"
"I just had an argument with Wheein."
"Oh? What happened? You can talk about it, if it makes you feel better. I don't mind at all."
"Really?"
"Yup!"
"Okay. You know how we always eat together in the cafeteria, right?"
Moonbyul mused for a moment, nodding before putting down her pen.
"Well, today she asked me if I wanted to go on an icecream date tomorrow after school, but I told her that I had plans to study with you. And I'm guessing that since I haven't been spending much time with her, she exploded. We both said hurtful things to each other, and I made her really upset with what I said. So I'm kinda feeling pretty ty in general right now." Solar breathed, feeling the burning sensation of guilt attack her chest once again. "Also... She asked me if I've decided that you're more important than her. I can't believe she actually said that!"
"Am I?"
"Sorry, what?"
"Am I more important to you than her?"
"I-"
"I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have asked that. It was just a moment of curiousity," Moonbyul interrupted, swatting the air in front of her and giving Solar an awkward smile. "I honestly think that you should apologise to her," she flipped open her textbook and started to chew on her pen, before looking back up into Solar's eyes. "Tell her that she's more important than me, stuff like that. Don't come to the library tomorrow, go on that icecream date with her. Don't lose a good friend just 'cause of a simple misunderstanding like that. You both said things, I get it. But I think that you should both give and take, y'know?"
"I will. I was planning to say sorry to her later in the evening, anyway."
"That's good. Go get some icecream. Get your favourite chocolate icecream, or something."
"My favourite's vanilla, though."
"Vanilla, then."
"Moonbyul," Solar jerked up and stared into Moonbyul's eyes, resting her cheek on her palm. "Do you want me to go?"
"Go?"
"Not come to the library tomorrow?"
"What?" Moonbyul sat back against her chair and stretched out lazily. "Of course I want to spend time with you," she coughed and stared down at her shoes. "But I don't want you to lose her because of me."
"Say that again."
"Say what?"
"I don't want you to lose her because of me?"
"No, before that."
"I want to spend time with you."
"You do?"
"I do."
"Really?"
"Really," Moonbyul took in a deep breath, and turned a slight shade of pink, which went unnoticed by Solar, who was busy staring at her chemistry textbook, trying to process information.
For the rest of the day, as rain poured from the skies, both girls sat in comfortable silence, unable to concentrate on whatever textbook they had in front of them.
The rain didn't look like it would stop, but Solar wasn't complaining.
"It's cold," the shorter girl whined, blowing hot air into her hands in an attempt to warm them up.
Hearing this, Moonbyul chuckled, and playfully threw her jacket over Solar's head. "You can wear that," she replied.
Solar peeked out from under the jacket, pulling it off of her head before patting her hair back into place. She put it on and had to admit it fit on snugly, and smelt like Moonbyul's shampoo. Feeling grateful, she nodded in thanks and began walking forward before feeling a hand grab onto her wrist.
"Solar," Moonbyul lifted up her other hand to tuck several loose strands of hair behind Solar's ear, grazing her fingertips upon her soft cheeks, which were now a shade of light pink. A simple touch made electricity fly through Solar's body, and she shuddered in response.
The shorter girl's breathing hitched, and her pitch changed ever so slightly. "Yes?"
"I like you."
Huffing and preparing herself for whatever Wheein might throw her way, Solar picked up her phone multiple times, intending to construct the perfect apology message to send to her best friend. "Maybe I should buy her favourite chocolate and surprise her tomorrow?" She jumped onto her soft bed, stretching her arms before leaning back into her pillow. Shaking her head, she mentally disagreed with herself. "Nah, chocolate wouldn't work on her. Perhaps a poster of her favourite girl group?" Snapping her fingers and shaking her head once again, she decided to skip the bribes and messages, and instead decided to call her and give her a sincere apology. Dialling Wheein's number into her phone, she brought it up to her ear and waited.
"What do you want?"
"I'm just calling to say that I know I said something that really hurt your feelings today, and I really wanted to say sorry for that. No, she's not more important than you. No I don't prefer her over you. No, she's not going to be replacing my best friend of three years any time soon. I was just really angry and I felt misunderstood, and I don't want to lose you over something like this. So, yeah. I'm just calling to say that I'm really sorry, and we can go on that icecream date tomorrow if you're still up for it — I'll even pay for it this time. I'll make more time for you and stuff. We can go out every other day like we used to. I just- I'm sorry. I really am, Wheein."
"So you're saying you'll pay for my icecream?"
Solar felt a load lift off her shoulders, and she let out a sigh of relief. "Yeah. I promise," she replied.
"Okay then. I'll forgive you. But I swear if you ever start leaving me alone again I'll hit you with a frying pan-"
"I get it, I get it! No worries, I won't. How could I lose my one and only best friend?"
"Good that you know. Anyway, what about Moonbyul? Didn't you say that you had a study date with her planned for tomorrow?"
"Uh, we canceled that. Also, speaking of Moonbyul..."
"What did you do this time? Did you stammer or something or accidentally blurt out weird stuff?"
"She told me she liked me."
"WHAT?"
"I said, she told me she liked me."
"I heard that, you idiot. So are you two dating now?"
"I guess so. She asked me to be her-" Solar giggled nervously for a moment before continuing, "-girlfriend! Of course I said yes."
"OH. MY. GOD. You're dating Moon Byulyi. You. You're finally dating Moon freaking Byulyi."
"Yes I am!"
"Oh my god. I'm so happy for you! Now, I would stay up and giggle about your new girlfriend with you, but I really gotta sleep. It's late, and you should too. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Goodnight!"
"Goodnight!" Solar heard the dial tone end, and feeling satisfied, she placed her phone down before putting her arms behind her head.
Turning to the left, she smiled to herself and stared out of the window.
It was still raining.
19th August, 2015
A month had passed, and already so much had changed. Yet the sun still shone, and the rain still poured from the grey skies on a cloudy day.
Solar was happy. So happy, that she felt as if there were no words to explain the euphoria behind being together with Moonbyul.
She craved for her presence. She missed her even when they were in each other's arms. She couldn't ask for more, in fact.
The surge of electricity that would rapidly fly up her body whenever they touched. The way Moonbyul made her heart thump so hard that it felt like it would jump out of her chest even when she wasn't doing anything. The way her stomach would feel as if it was on a rollercoaster — it would tumble and turn, and go round in loops, then finally, explode in butterflies. The way her breathing would hitch and her pitch would jump just a tiny bit higher whenever Moonbyul was beside her.
The ash-blonde locked her arm around Solar's, and shifted her hand down to entangle their fingers together. The two were in Moonbyul's room, and were sitting in silence, simply enjoying each other's presence. They didn't need words. All they needed was each other, and deep down in both of their hearts, both knew that. Resting her head on Moonbyul's shoulder, Solar slowly allowed her eyelids to shut, and the last thing she heard was Moonbyul's heartbeat.
"Solar?" Upon hearing her name being called, Solar slowly opened her eyes, noticing the sun's golden rays flittering through the blinds of her girlfriend's room.
"Yes?" Solar answered, blinking and laying her eyes onto Moonbyul's back view. Propping herself up and getting up from the couch, she walked over to Moonbyul and peeked over her, successfully managing to block Moonbyul's view with her hair.
"Hey," Moonbyul turned up to face Solar, bumping the tips of their noses in the process. "We're here to study, remember?" she whispered, lightly flicking Solar's forehead. "Silly girl."
"I can't concentrate when I'm around you," Solar stood up straight and propped her arms against the taller girl's chair. Shifting her fingertips down to trace the outline of Moonbyul's jaw, she took in a sharp breath, and whispered, "Why do you like me?"
"Hmm. I don't know. I just do, I guess. I like the sun, and I like the rain, but I've no idea why. I just do."
"Oh."
"Why?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to know."
"Okay."
A moment of silence ensued, and only the sound of pen scribbling against paper could be heard. Solar decided to break it.
"Moonbyul?"
"Yes?"
"Did you think I was weird before we started hanging out?"
"Do you mean the first time we met?"
"Yeah."
"I thought you were cute."
"Really?"
"Yeah, but I didn't expect us to end up dating," Moonbyul chuckled, tapping the edge of the table with her pen. "Life never really goes the way you want it to. You might've planned out the journey, but you'll never know what obstacles or people might pop up."
"It doesn't, does it?"
"Yup. Come over here for a moment, silly," Moonbyul stood up and walked over to the couch and sat down, folding her legs before gesturing towards Solar, who complied and plopped herself beside her. "I have a song that I want you to listen to. But before that, let's take a picture."
"What for?"
"My lockscreen, duh."
"Sure!" Solar snuggled up into Moonbyul's chest and made herself comfortable, making a peace sign towards the camera at the end of Moonbyul's arm.
Her cheeks flared up when she realised that the younger girl sneaked a peck against her cheek, and she bit down on her bottom lip, trying to contain her excitement.
Click.
"There we go!" Moonbyul snickered, ruffling Solar's hair. "Now I can show you what I wanted you to listen to."
Untangling her earphones, Moonbyul handed Solar one side of the earbuds, and waited for her to put it on before pressing the 'play' button on her phone.
A smile started creeping up Solar's face when she realised it was the starting to Crush's "Don't Forget Me".
"If you and me become estranged someday
If we could never meet each other
Don’t forget
Don’t lose
Even if you are holding other’s hand
If you are at somewhere I cannot go
Don’t forget
Don’t lose
If we could never meet each other
Don’t forget
Don’t lose
Even if you are holding other’s hand
If you are at somewhere I cannot go
Don’t forget
Don’t lose
When warm cheeks meet each other
When holding my frozen hands gently
Hugging my heart worn out by the cold world with your warmth
Your face in my eyes
You sleeping in my arms
Hope everything stops like this
Don’t let go the hands holding together
When holding my frozen hands gently
Hugging my heart worn out by the cold world with your warmth
Your face in my eyes
You sleeping in my arms
Hope everything stops like this
Don’t let go the hands holding together
Hope the moment sitting face-to-face and looking each other would last forever
Actually I’m worried time would envy us
Don’t change always by my side
Together forever my love
Actually I’m worried time would envy us
Don’t change always by my side
Together forever my love
Please remember me someday
Please look back for once
Please don’t let go
Please look us forever
Oh my love as time goes by baby
If you and me become estranged someday
Don’t forget me
Don’t forget me
Please look back for once
Please don’t let go
Please look us forever
Oh my love as time goes by baby
If you and me become estranged someday
Don’t forget me
Don’t forget me
Don’t forget this song"
"You're so cheesy," Solar giggled, playfully punching Moonbyul in the shoulder multiple times, earning a pout from the younger girl.
"I meant it, though."
"Meant it?"
"The song. Don't forget me."
"I won't."
"It's our song. Pinky promise me."
Solar chuckled, and held up her pinky, which Moonbyul clasped around hers.
"Deal."
Solar paused to turn and stare into Moonbyul's eyes for a moment, before her gaze unconciously wandered over to lightly trace the outline of her girlfriend's jaw, and back up to the slight curve of her lips. The older girl blinked, before noting that their faces were dangerously close, mere inches away from each other.
Wait. What?
Flailing and scooting away to the other side of the couch, Solar cupped her burning cheeks and turned away, too flustered to speak. She could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks, and she swore she looked like a tomato.
"You're really cute when you blush, you know that?"
"Don't tease me!"
"I mean it. Guess what? My girlfriend is cute. Guess who's my girlfriend? You."
"I-I said don't tease m-"
Furrowing her brows before propping herself up and leaning over towards Solar, she gave the surprised brunette no chance to react before reaching over and quickly pulling the girl's wrist towards her, allowing Solar's body to collapse on top of hers. Cupping the older girl's cheeks with her hands, the ash-blonde crashed her lips against Solar's.
Solar allowed her eyes to shut. "There it goes," she smiled against the kiss, feeling as if her chest was about to explode with the rate that her heart was beating at. "My first kiss, to Moon Byulyi." It felt so... right. It felt like someone just put a bunch of fireworks and set them off inside of her stomach. It felt as if nothing else mattered, and that it was just both of them against the world. It was like a bunch of emotions just swirled together and combined to form something beautiful, and all she wanted to do was to escape into that world. A world with nothing except the two of them.
As they broke apart from the kiss to take a breather, Solar lifted up her hand to press against her lips. She still couldn't believe that just happened. Moonbyul's were so soft, and tasted like strawberry.
"Did you feel fireworks too?" Solar mumbled, looking down at Moonbyul.
"Fireworks?"
"You know, the burst of-"
"Just shut up and kiss me, idiot," Moonbyul interrupted, wrapping her arms around Solar's waist and pulling their bodies closer together. "I love you."
Nodding, Solar slid her arms around Moonbyul's neck and complied. "I love you too."
1st September, 2015
School break was over, and national exams were due in a few months, which meant less hanging out and more studying for all the seniors. But that really didn't stop Solar from knocking on her girlfriend's door every alternate day of the week.
Solar and Moonbyul's relationship was undoubtedly still going pretty strong, despite the two of them having their occasional fights and misunderstandings. However, how was a relationship supposed to grow without experiencing obstacles, right?
Twirling a strand of hair around with her pen, Solar puffed her cheeks and sighed, staring down at the textbook in front of her. She wasn't one to study every single day like her girlfriend. Speaking of her girlfriend, where was she?
"Yo. I'm back," Moonbyul beamed, yet again enchanting the brunette with her smile. Placing a can of Coke on the desk that Solar was studying on, she turned away to take a sip from her can of Sprite. "Studying going okay?"
"I'm not really one to enjoy studying a lot, unlike you. Miss Smartypants."
"Who said I liked studying? Contrary to popular belief, I actually hate textbooks. The only thing I enjoy studying is-" Moonbyul raised an eyebrow, flopping onto her bed before turning towards Solar. "-you."
"Smooth."
"I agree. Now, study. You promised me you'd get into the top fifteen in your class."
"About that, can we lower it down to top twenty?" Solar rubbed the back of her neck and shot her girlfriend a sheepish grin.
"No."
"Ugh, fine."
Solar shifted her chair further towards the desk, glancing over to Moonbyul, who was trying to draw the blinds.
"I thought you said you liked the sun," Solar questioned, tilting her head.
"I do."
"But you're drawing the blinds."
"You're weird," Moonbyul simply chuckled.
And for some reason, the tinge of fear that Solar kept locked away in a faraway part of her heart began to grow, ever so slightly.
"I love you," Solar mumbled. She just wanted assurance. Please, give her assurance.
"I love you too."
Her heart dropped for some reason.
It was as if Moonbyul was reciting from a textbook.
12th October, 2015
Solar was afraid.
She was afraid, and she didn't know why.
But Solar being Solar, she simply decided to brush it all off.
Brush it all off and believe in her girlfriend.
Believe in their love.
Who else would, if not for themselves?
Yet, she was so, so afraid.
Of what?
Who knew?
And this terrified her to no end.
After gently pressing her lips onto Moonbyul's cheek, Solar pulled back and ran her fingers through the girl's hair. "You're so beautiful even when you're sleeping," Solar smiled to herself, pulling the sheets over the sleeping blonde.
Buzz buzz.
Her girlfriend's phone vibrated, and even though Solar knew she shouldn't, she couldn't help but reach over and pick it up, curiousity overpowering her the rest of her senses. The lockscreen lighted up, and her stomach dropped.
The picture that they had taken together was replaced with a shot of scenery.
"Hey, I got your favourite icecream," Moonbyul grinned, taking a seat at the booth across from Solar and sliding one of the cups over to her. They were at Solar's favourite icecream parlour, and she had decided to bring Moonbyul along during their date.
Solar stared down at it, and even though this was nothing to make a fuss out of, she couldn't control the fear that was taking over her heart.
It was chocolate icecream.
Solar turned back up to face a very happy Moonbyul, who looked adorable as she began devouring her own cup of chocolate icecream.
You're just overreacting, Solar.
What if I'm not?
"I love you," Solar gripped the edge of the table, which went unnoticed by Moonbyul.
"I know."
10th November, 2015
It was only seven days till the beginning of their national exams, and yet, that wasn't exactly what was on Solar's mind.
Instead, it was Moonbyul. When was it not? However, it wasn't in the way that Solar thought it would be.
She was afraid.
That was the main emotion she felt whenever she thought about Moonbyul, and every single time she did, the fear that was constricting around her heart like a snake simply wrapped around it even tighter.
The more she thought about the past few months, the scarier reality seemed to become.
She forgot the little details about Solar, yet Solar remembered everything she said.
She said she loved the rain, yet opened up her umbrella whenever it started to pour.
She said she loved the sun, yet refused to let its golden rays kiss her skin.
That was why she was afraid whenever Moonbyul had said she loved her.
When Solar had come to visit Moonbyul with flowers as a surprise, her eyes no longer lit up, and no longer twinkled when they saw her. Even when they kissed, Solar could feel that it was no longer the same. Her own heart still thumped with every kiss, yes, but what about Moonbyul's?
Did Moonbyul really mean it?
On the lovely afternoon that they first kissed, the song that was played. Did she mean it?
It was their song. They even pinky promised.
Childish, she knew. But to Solar, it was something.
It was their song, and Moonbyul told her not to forget.
She didn't.
But Moonbyul did.
And she knew.
But she had to believe.
Because if not, no one else would.
22nd December, 2015
The only time they met after their final exam was when Solar practically had to drag Moonbyul out of her house by appearing outside her door with flowers and a box of chocolate.
She brought Moonbyul's favourite icecream right to her doorstep. She brought chicken soup over when Moonbyul was sick, patiently feeding it to her in spoonfuls. She made porridge for her, even accidentally burning herself in the process, but simply received a nod from Moonbyul. It even came to the point where she realised that Moonbyul wasn't even listening to her at times when she was talking.
Yet, she wanted to try.
As long as there was a tiny string of hope, she would cling onto it. She promised her.
She didn't want to let Moonbyul go.
Folding her last handwritten message and carefully placing it into the jar containing another hundred and sixty-six messages, she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.
One hundred and sixty-seven messages for every single day they had been together since the 8th of July, until today.
They were meeting up today at the park near Moonbyul's home, upon her request, and Solar had planned Moonbyul's present two months in advance. She scrimped and tried to save wherever she could, and even stopped drinking her favourite coffee for one whole month. Opening the tiny box, she admired the silver necklace she tried to hard to save for. It had tiny little diamonds encrusted onto the moon and sun charms she had so carefully handpicked out. One representing each of them. She closed the box and chuckled, placing the main gift on top of the paper messages. "She will love it, won't she?"
Squeezing the lid of the jar shut, she smiled to herself, albeit rather sadly, and placed the jar into her bag. Looking up at the clock, she grabbed her bag, along with the jar in it. It was almost time to see the birthday girl.
"Moonbyul! Over here," Solar stood up and waved at the approaching ash-blonde. Patting the empty space beside her on the bench, she shifted slightly to her right, allowing Moonbyul to have more space. "I have something to gi-"
"I need to tell you something."
"What is it, sweetheart?" Solar lifted up her hand, intending to tuck the loose strands of Moonbyul's hair behind her ear, but quickly retreated when she realised Moonbyul flinched away from her touch.
"Let's break up."
"...What?"
"I'm sorry."
"Why? What did I do wrong? Tell me, did I do something wrong? Just tell me, and I'll fix it. I'll be better for you, Moonbyul. Just please, tell me why. I can't read your mind, Moonbyul. You need to tell me what's on your mind. I-I'm sorry if I was a bad girlfriend, I'm sorry if I ever got on your nerves, I'm sorry if I ever annoyed you, I'm sorry if I ever became too clingy-"
"That's enough."
"Just please, don't leave me. I love you, Moonby-"
"I don't love you anymore."
Solar's world shattered. It crashed down onto her, and all she felt was darkness encapsulating her entire soul.
"Please don't leave me."
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
She called out to the slowly fading silhouette, as raindrops started to fall.
It was as if the skies were crying together with her, masking her tears with every gentle caress against her face.
Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but are never meant to be together.
Just like the sun and the moon.
And for the first time, Solar hated the rain.
author's note: my heart hurt after writing this story. even though this was pretty ty, i hope everyone who read it enjoyed it as much as i did! (although my poor heart is broken) give it an upvote and tell me about your feelings in the comments, the longer the better! p.s.: i included many tiny details during the story. perhaps if you re-read it, you'll spot them! thank you for reading!
side note: some of you have asked me to write in byul's pov, and sadly, i don't think i'm able to do that. also, byul does not have a disease or an illness that causes her to lose her memory. her feelings simply faded, as do most teenage relationships. that's all there is to it. hope i managed to clear some things up! again, thank you for reading!
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