Lying down on his bed, Jongin was rubbing his eyes to clear his vision after the 2 hours of sleep he got that day. A miracle has happened, and after injuring his ankle again he was given some time off. The concerts have been over, and he had nothing to do but whatever he wanted. In theory, it sure sounded good, but in fact, it was everything but.

He wasn’t even sure if he appreciated this little break he was allowed to take, as it left him alone with his thoughts with no one or nothing to distract him from them. They were unpleasant, they were annoying, and they made him unable to sleep when it was what he needed the most. With his body being tired to the point where he doesn’t even feel like getting up to get some water when he feels thirsty, lack of sleep was affecting him even more than it normally did.

He tried really hard to shove those thoughts out of his mind and just switch his brain off so he could get a full night’s or day’s sleep. All he could get were short naps every now and then, or a few hours long “sleep” filled with nightmares. When the doctor told him he might have been traumatized because of the injury, it hadn’t been a surprise for him. After all, how could he not be? Dancing was all he had, how could he just shrug it off when his body is being broken bit by bit, and when there’s a possibility of him never being able to dance again?

He had thought things would be fine. After battling with the consequences of the stupid marketing scheme SM set up for months, he had thought maybe things would finally be getting better with this upcoming tour. Concerts would take his mind off many things; like the fact that there were hundreds maybe thousands of “fans” that hated him now or that from netizens to press, basically everyone’s eyes were on him to catch something, anything to tear him down, to fabricate ridiculous rumors about him because why not? His career has already been pushed aside, it wasn’t important anymore. Who the hell was worried if half of his fanbase have turned their backs on him, who the hell gave a if he was being spoken about only because he got in a dating scandal, who would care if he never got to show his full potential, but stayed as only the “golden boy of exo”?

No one. No one but him.

So he’d thought with the distraction the concerts would bring, he’d feel a bit better and maybe push all these things out of his mind. However, right at the beginning, during only the second show he injured his foot again. You know those moments when you don’t realize how much you’ve hurt yourself in the heat of the moment? It’s been one of those for him, until he started to walk, that is. All those past memories came rushing back to him when he first injured the exact same spot, he could hear his heart beat in his ears from nervousness. Hopping off the stage in fear of what could have happened to his ankle, he didn’t actually think he would have to go through the same pain he did just a few months ago. But he was wrong.

Proper doctors weren’t a thing if you were an idol, they patched you up for the time being, just enough for you to go through your schedules and earn your company money without a problem, but then you’re alone. He should have known the previous “treatment” he got for his ankle back then wasn’t enough, he needed more rest. But what could he do, honestly? It’s not like he had a saying in it.

So just like that, that horrible nightmare came back to haunt him again. He hated not being able to give his all in performances, he hated the fact that his parts in their songs were given to others because he ing couldn’t make it to the stage. He hated sitting there, or having to be supported if he wanted to move around while all the other members were walking and dancing freely. But what he hated the most was the guilt he felt. That one nagging thought in his brain that told him this was all his fault, and he was disappointing everyone; the fans, the members… When he was singing with others or putting a smile on his face for the fans’ sake, all he thought about was how much he wanted to run off the stage and hide some place where no one could see him.

Interesting how whatever he thought would be the best for him during those concerts turned out to be not so helpful. He was in a place where no one could see him now, having chosen the separate house he bought instead of staying with his mom and worrying her, he had no one else but him in this place. But he wasn’t feeling better. He thought maybe sleeping in a silent room would make most of the pain go away, but he wasn’t able to do that too.

He turned right and grabbed his phone from the nightstand, the bright light of it making his puffy eyes hurt even though it wasn’t dark in the room. It was only 4 in the afternoon. He guessed crying made his eyes more sensitive, as they stung not only at his phone but at the small, not-so-bright afternoon sunlight seeping through the curtains.

He checked his phone; no messages. He had been talking to Taemin earlier in the night, having texted him because he couldn’t sleep and he didn’t want to be miserably crying on his own. Well, he did end up miserably crying when he heard his boyfriend’s soft voice over the phone, but at least he wasn’t entirely alone. Still, he wished Taemin were here with him but he wasn’t going to beg him to come. He had already been embarrassed for crying the way he did, and spent about 15 minutes trying to convince his boyfriend that he was okay, that he missed him and that’s why he was crying. He wasn’t even sure if the other boy had any free time anyway, and even if he did, Jongin guessed it would be better for him not to spend his rare time offs with a miserable guy like him. It would only worsen his boyfriend’s mood to be around Jongin when he was in a state like this.

Rubbing his stinging eyes again, he turned around and dropped his phone on the bedside table, burying his face in his pillow in hopes that maybe it could make him fall asleep. But thoughts… they didn’t allow it, they wouldn’t allow it for a long time too. Jongin knew. He took a deep shaky breath and gulped a few times in order to swallow the lump in his throat. He hated that these days, it was so easy for him to cry. That was all he did basically, apart from breathing and writhing in his bed trying to fall asleep. He pressed his palms against his eyes and bit his lip, he wasn’t going to let the tears win again.

A few minutes later, just as he was taking deep breaths to calm down he heard his door bell ring. Uncovering his eyes immediately, he looked up in confusion; who could it be? His mom dropped by just yesterday, so it wouldn’t be her. The members all had separate schedules to attend if he remembered correctly… and Taemin, well… he didn’t sound like he could be visiting him any time soon when they were talking yesterday.

Jongin slowly got up when he heard a few knocks on the door this time, it must be his bad memory. Maybe some of the members were free and wanted to check up on him. He reached for his crutches and stood up from his bed carefully, trying not to bump his injured foot anywhere. Even though there was a cast on it, he was too terrified to move it around because who knows, what if it got even worse? He started walking slowly and cautiously towards his front door. When he finally got there, he stopped at a certain distance from it to be able to open it properly and reached for the door knob.

“Hey there grandpa! Could you be any slower?”

The chuckle that he always missed when he was away, the very sound that could brighten up his days effortlessly in seconds reached his ears and he looked down to see what was maybe the most adorable thing he’d ever seen in his life. Sitting down in front of his front door, Taemin was looking up at him with the brightest smile on his face with his two dogs sitting beside him. He also had a cute, red bow on top of his head.

“Aren’t you gonna pick up your get well soon present?” The boy asked playfully, his gaze locked with Jongin’s.

Still in shock, Jongin worriedly look down at his foot, seriously considering picking Taemin up. Another adorable chuckle reached his ears as Taemin jumped up from the ground and smacked a kiss against his cheek.

“I’m joking you dummy! Of course you can’t pick me up now. Just move so we can come in.”

Dumbfounded, Jongin nodded and awkwardly moved aside, still not having uttered a single word. It was only when Taemin shooed the dogs inside that he noticed the many plastic bags sitting outside his door. When he instinctively made a move to grab some of them, he was immediately straightened up by his boyfriend.

“No sir! Those aren’t for you to carry, you just go and sit down, I’ll bring them inside.”

He nodded dumbly and made his way towards his living room, plopping himself down on top of his couch. Taemin’s dogs immediately ran towards him and jumped up to sit next to him and rub their excited bodies against Jongin’s thighs. And just like that, for the first time in maybe months, Jongin felt himself smiling. Not a fake, for-cameras-smile but a genuine one. He started rubbing Eve’s belly while the brown poodle his sweatpants, and Adam, the maltese jumped on his stomach.

“Wow this kitchen looks like no one’s been in it for years. There even might be some spider webs here and there, have you not been eating Jongin-ah?” He heard Taemin’s voice from the kitchen but right after the question was uttered, he could hear his boyfriend hum a song loud enough for him to hear so he guessed Taemin wasn’t expecting an answer.

While still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Taemin had been able to visit him in the middle of his crazy schedules, he heard the fridge door open and close and seconds later, Taemin was plopped down next to him with a bottle of soda in his hand.

“Umma came recently huh? I saw the food in the fridge.”

Jongin nodded at him and put his hand on top of Adam’s head to pet him without moving his gaze from Taemin’s face.

“What’s happened to you Jongin? Cat got your tongue? Why aren’t you speaking?”

“I- ah…” Jongin winced at how coarse his voice sounded and coughed twice painfully. It had to be from all the crying. He saw the smile on his boyfriend’s face falter as he reached towards the coffee table to put down his soda bottle.

“I am just surprised. Wasn’t expecting you.” Jongin said, feeling guilty that he made that gorgeous smile disappear. He had been right, Taemin shouldn’t have come here. All Jongin is gonna do is be a bother and worsen his mood. Just because he was a miserable mess right now, doesn’t mean Taemin had to be one as well.

“Well, that’s what a surprise gift is supposed to be like, right? Unexpected! But I’m mad now, you haven’t even unwrapped your present!” Taemin pouted, going back to his playful self a second later.

Jongin frowned in confusion as he looked at Taemin’s clothes. If he meant what Jongin thought he did… he really wasn’t in the mood.

“Not my clothes you !” Taemin chuckled and pointed at the cute red bow that was sitting on top of his head. “I put it there myself for you. Now, take it out.”

Jongin chuckled weakly as well and reached out to take the bow off. The two dogs suddenly jumped down the couch, it was likely that something caught their attention in the corner of the room as they ran towards it. He smoothed the hair after the bow was gently taken off and Taemin’s cheek bone with his thumb softly, looking at him in a way that he knew screamed ‘I missed you.’ Though, he wanted to say it out loud as well.

“I missed you.” He whispered, and pulled the adorably smiling blond into his arms. He buried his face in Taemin’s neck and took a deep breath.

“I missed you too Jonginnie.” He heard Taemin’s soft voice and felt his boyfriend’s hands on his back, caressing him.

They stayed in each other’s arms for what felt like hours, but Jongin wasn’t complaining. When Taemin made a move to stand up, he grabbed him tighter and buried his face further into his neck.

“I’m here all day baby, you can let me go. I bought so many yummy stuff, let me prepare them for us.” Taemin said as he put a hand on Jongin’s shoulder and pushed him back gently.

Jongin pouted and leant back on the couch when Taemin got up from it. Before he walked off to the kitchen, he pulled the coffee table closer to the couch and placed Jongin’s injured foot on top of it gently. Jongin let his head drop back on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling. He really didn’t feel like eating anything and wished Taemin just stayed in his arms.

15 minutes later and Jongin was surprised that he was actually enjoying his meal. When Taemin first came back from the kitchen with a massive bucket of chicken from his favorite place and two coke bottles, it hadn’t really made him want to eat. It was weird, since he almost never turned down chicken but for days and days he hadn’t been