It feels very much like a dream to wake up to Moonbin’s face every morning, limbs spread ungracefully and taking up most of the space of their king-sized bed despite being a top-notch dance instructor and face pressed up against Eunwoo’s cheek with soft snores in the form of warm puffs hitting Eunwoo’s face in his half awake state. Moonbin forgot to draw in the curtains last night, with the early morning sun conveniently hitting Eunwoo directly in his barely open eyes. He makes a move to shift his face out of the way, simultaneously pulling away from Moonbin’s tight, octopus-like one-armed hug. His boyfriend whines sleepily, and Eunwoo stops to look down at him in fondness.

Though he had been working in a law firm for almost half a year now, it still feels like yesterday that he was singing and dancing as a part of Astro. After the group decided to part ways because everyone found different dreams and Astro had finished their successful run in the entertainment industry, Eunwoo went back to school to finish up his law degree while still keeping in contact with the rest of the members.

MJ stayed in Korea, taking up several variety show MC positions and singing OSTs as a side job. Eunwoo made sure to keep up with his hyung’s shows late at night as he stayed up memorizing law terms, while falling asleep to the eldest’s crooning voice through the earbuds of his music player where he diligently stored all of MJ’s OST tracks. Their maknae, like Eunwoo, went back to school to learn beyond music and broaden his mind and then took a year off volunteering at schools and exploring the countryside. Sometimes the other would come around and crash at his apartment with no warning (Eunwoo only slightly regrets giving Sanha his address when he comes home and sees no food in the fridge). But Eunwoo doesn’t complain, having missed the bright chatter of the younger boy as he relates to Eunwoo all of his new experiences.

The other three members went abroad – Rocky and Jinjin stayed in America for a year for dancing and rapping. They made sure to keep in contact with Eunwoo, regularly facetiming the studious college student after their late night dance practices. Despite the time difference, Eunwoo’s day is always made better with the familiar intonation of their voices heard through the phone. Even if it was lunchtime and Eunwoo was in the middle of eating, he always had a lullaby ready on his tongue, prepared to sing in his soft, melodious voice should either of the two feel homesick.

Moonbin left for Europe, leaving everyone only a phone number that he hardly seemed to answer to. For the first month, Eunwoo didn’t think much of it. He himself was busy, applying to schools and getting used to juggling studying and working part-time. Not hearing from his best friend wasn’t a big deal, maybe the other needed some alone time to reflect somewhere off in the Alps. But some time into the second month, Eunwoo caught himself staring one too many times at his phone, hoping for a call from the other. The first time he caught himself, Eunwoo brushes it off and blames it on feeling weird that Moonbin isn’t physically hanging off him 24/7 – a habit that the younger adopted back when they were in Astro. By the tenth time it happens, Eunwoo is mindlessly putting aside his books and curling up in his bed, trying to not admit that he really misses Moonbin.

When Moonbin does call or pick up – Eunwoo can’t remember who initiated it – their first conversation lasts for over two hours and Moonbin has to hang up first because of international fees. He does, however, promise Eunwoo that he’ll call more frequently to update the older on his life and whereabouts. From then on, Moonbin always makes sure to call at least once a week, bringing Eunwoo an uncontrollable grin to his face and ready laughs waiting to bubble out of his chest, something akin to pure adoration that Eunwoo fails to initially recognize.

He comes to terms with the shy butterflies in his heart by the third month Moonbin is gone. With a hurried and accidental “I love you” that Eunwoo says into the phone because once again, their phone call has passed an hour and Moonbin needed to go, Eunwoo almost drops his phone. His mind is racing at the silence on the other side of the line, and he has half a mind to hang up until he hears Moonbin mumble, “Love you too” and the line is dead, leaving Eunwoo to the muddled whirlwind that is his own thoughts.

Moonbin doesn’t call Eunwoo for two weeks after that and Eunwoo feels like he’s losing his mind. He drowns himself in his books because by coincidence, he also has his midterms. Eunwoo tells himself that once he’s done, he’s going to sit down and give Moonbin a call to clarify his feelings and hope the other doesn’t misunderstand him. It will hurt but if he was going to hold onto the sake of their friendship, he will sacrifice the flutters and pit-pats of his heart for the other at the drop of a heartbeat.