Incipient (adj); beginning to happen.

He was beautiful – he was alluring, he was heavenly, he was simply stunning – and it killed her slowly but constantly, but weird thing was that even though she is no longer waking up with him besides her, she still loves the feeling – she wasn’t sure herself whether she loves him or the feelings he made her feels. He stopped saying those addictive, fine words he used to say when they first met, but she was unbothered – no, she was bothered, but her mind decided to ignore the fact and her heart betrayed her most of the times. She knew what went wrong, but he makes everything perfect, she didn’t care about went wrong anymore. She constantly breaking apart, yet she did not seem to give any damn, and that’s how Nam Woohyun could affect someone.

“The flowers are pretty,”. His voice was also addictive just like his words, it was dancing all night long inside her head and if she could choose, she would want that honey-like voice to lullaby her every night before she call it a day. , her heart was trying to break her again and again, just like he did, when it decided to beat so fast as he came closer to her direction. “Smoking is not good for your lungs,” He said that cheekily as he pulled away the cigarettes between her lips. “Speak to yourself, Woohyun,” She replied with a hiss when she saw him putting the dangerous stick between his lips. “What stress you out by the way?”. He smirked. “I hope it’s me, I loving the fact that you can’t stop thinking about me,” He continued, when all he got was a tense silence from her. 

“Where did you get the flowers?”. He asked as he blew the smoke out from his mouth. “Why? You are running out of idea of what to give to whoever will warm your bed tonight?”. She raised her eyebrow in amusement; she was trying to challenge him. “Aren’t you the one who will?”. He dared to give her his cute little frown and those doe puppy eyes – goodness, it was adorable as , but she knows him too well. If only she didn’t know better. 

She concluded that Woohyun was red; he was the vision of the crowded busy city, the crack on the fireplace, the smell of an adventure, the chaos, the euphoria, he was not just a damned candle, he was the fire – he was red. He was like a destroyed art, something so distracting yet so desiring and she can’t stop looking. He was an explosion hiding underneath those expensive satin suit – it frustrated her, he was never meant to seat around in the top of the skyscraper, holding a meeting and signing papers – he was always meant to be out there, to be free to lit everything up just like fire. One night when she found him sitting at the edge of the bed while staring emptily to the ground, she knew that it frustrated him too no matter how hard he tried to conceal it.

And just like fire, he is not someone who can be contained, especially with other people; he was the spilling sink, the overflowing water. Nobody could tied him – not her, not anyone, he just do whatever he want to do without any other permission, just like how he made her feel alive or how he broke her at the very same time. And just like red, he radiates warmth, and it was one of the reasons why she let him break her over and over again. He gives her those feelings when she curled up inside her favorite blanket on rainy days, those feelings when the sun touched her skin is the thing she woke up to – he was a leaking sunlight, he was her sun, and it has always been him since a long time ago. 

And she was blue. The faint blue that is so pale compared to the flaming red Woohyun always is. Maybe he was searching for something – or someone that could live up to his fire and she believed it, she knows he was searching for the one as bright as him, she knows because one other night, which seems endless to her even until now, he her cheek slightly and she could tell by his bitter smile, that she was not the one he has been looking for.

Maybe, when he touched her and she turned into the lilac sky, he then decided that purple just wasn’t for him. She doesn’t like purple either, but if purple is what it takes to keep the sunlight dropping from Woohyun’s gaze for herself, she might try to bare with it, but Woohyun just didn’t have any intention to do the same. But then again, why is he keeping her all this time, and why did she stay?

Goodness, she wanted to laugh at herself for being so miserable and pathetic inside, she hates herself for loving him too much, sometimes it made her even forgot how the pain feels like – and some other times she forgot to feel anything else but Woohyun. It was always too much, but too much just wasn’t enough for him. He was a sick , one day he said that he wanted her and the other day he broke her apart like a piece of paper. It was always been this frustrating – he was so distant, yet so close, yet too far for her to reach, yet too close for her to let go. It’s very much like Woohyun, though, he does this kind of magic of being alluring – just like red. Woohyun was just simply stunning, and just like any other pretty things; it was always beautiful before you realize it will burn you to the ground.

---

“Hey,”. His voice was somehow different, it was not that cocky hey he used over the phone and he never really calls anyway – when he needs her, he will just show up in front of her face. “Hey, Woohyun,”. She took a deep breath. “What’s going on?”. She heard a deep sigh across the phone. “I just wanted to know what you are doing, pretty,” He replied. She almost scoffed and not because he called her pretty, but the fact that he was calling her in a broad daylight, to ask what she was doing. “Work, Woohyun, unlike some people, I have real work,”. She heard a light chuckle across the phone – goodness, she is weak for that. “It’s almost lunch, let’s eat together,”. 

The phone call lasted like that, and she did not even think it would be more than just that. He was hard to read, he was hard to chase, and he was like a fairytale – he was unreal. His presence, his tingling pair of eyes and his adorable smile were all unreal for her. Especially when he was sitting in front of her, his eyebrow knitted together and his forehead wrinkled – signs that he was in the deep thoughts – as he tried to choose the wine from the menu. “Let’s just go with Cabernet, shall we?”. He raised his head from the menu and looked at her for approval. “Yeah, sure,”. She nodded nonchalantly and he closed the menu book before he handed it to the waiter.

He was staring at her and she hated it, it means he was studying her, he was trying to guess what’s playing inside her mind and he will be mostly right – it was either he was a mind-reader or she was just as clear as water, which she hopes it was just him being able to mind-reading, because being transparent . “I’m playing a small gig this Saturday at downtown,” He spoke up. “Sounds cool,” She replied and she noticed the troubled look on his face right away. “You know, do you want to, I don’t know,”. He was blabbering nonsense and it kind of scared her. “Want to what?” She raised her eyebrow. “I don’t know how to ask you out properly,” He stated.

“Now you are freaking me out,” She scoffed. “I don’t know, it feels like I can’t just pull off an ‘hey, wanna see me sing and maybe we can bang each other later on the backseat of my car?’ to you,”. He shrugged nonchalantly with a frown. “Yeah, because you usually skip all the bull and get straight into the business with me, is that it?” She replied sarcastically. “Properly, I am trying to ask you out properly, woman,”. He was still frowning. “Why did I do to deserve that kind of honor?”. It was a sincere confusion for her though, Woohyun never asked her to watch his gig – to watch him sing, but he doesn’t need to know that. “You don’t really have to do anything,” He replied casually and shrugged as the food started to come.

“The flowers are not working with the ladies?”. She smirked. “It works just fine, trust me,”. He nodded his head proudly with a big grin before his attention got back to his food. “It’s not like it’s a date,” He added afterward. “My therapist, he was saying nonsense thing like I might have used my prescription carelessly, so I’m out of pills, and please do me a favor, I can’t break down in front of some stranger while ing her,”. He was blabbering with a low grunt, but she can heard what he was saying just right. “I was not expecting a date either,” She replied nonchalantly. “And you are using your pills carelessly, Woohyun, you might die overdose at this point, not because some chick found out that you were just using them for one night stand and kill you in your sleep,”. “Honestly, it just sounds like something you would do,”.   

---

They met through a friend, it was at a bar and it was almost midnight and she mostly fell in love at the first impression. One night became almost every night, strangers became friends, and friends became – what she believes to be – not-lover but with the benefits. She knew almost everything about him, like his bad habit of depending on his anti-depressants and cigarettes when he was on the edge of his damned complicated mind, or how he always wanted to become a singer. And he knew everything about her, like her bad habit of buying books without really reading it for a long time, or how madly in love is she with him. Yes, he always knows that she was in love with him, it’s like being trapped inside an endless one-sided love wasn’t enough for her.

“Are you having fun tonight?” Woohyun asked when she was tidying her clothes and her purse. “Enlighten me, Woohyun, which part are you asking?”. She was raising her eyebrow. “I don’t know, you tell me which one is the fun one,”. He was still grinning cheekily. “Sleep it off, honey, you are drunk and I’m going home,” She said as she gave him a slight smile as she walked to the door. “Stay then,” He said out of the blue and it managed to stop her from her track. “You are just really, extremely drunk, Woohyun, and trust me, you are going to really regret what you said in the morning,”. She slammed the bedroom’