17/07/16

Today was a fairly cold day, and I woke up drenched in sweat. I was not surprised, since I tended to sweat a lot in my sleep. I sat up and checked the time, which showed 6:48 am. I realized that in a few hours, i would be going to a place that I really hated: the Busan Cancer Circle Center. The place where people that were getting treatment for their cancer went to talk about how their type of cancer affected them and if they were close to being cured.

I visited the place every two weeks.

I hated going to that place because I didn't want to be pitied when someone I knew saw me visiting there. I didn't want to talk about my cancer to a bunch of people that I did not want to see. 

I was close to eighteen when I first started to attend there, due to my mother begging me and saying that it would be good to 'make some friends' and 'share my troubles.' Anytime she talked about making friends, I thought about the people who promised to stay by my side, only to abandon me when I said I had blood cancer.

I knew that I didn't have a choice that day, and I didn't have a choice today either.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face. Anytime I came here, I avoided looking at myself in the mirror because I didn't want to know how the intense chemotherapy had affected my body. 

I decided to take a look, surprised when I saw how pale and skinny I looked. I had eyebags the size of plums. My dark hair looked really messy, so overall I looked like a corpse. I looked away and went back to my bedroom, going to sleep once I hit the bed.

-

I felt someone nudging me, so I opened my eyes to see mom asking me to wake up. I could see relief on her face when I sat up, feeling slightly dizzy.

"I made breakfast, Jimin."

I nodded as I stood up and followed her to the living room. She told me that it was 8:30 and the Busan Cancer Circle Center started at nine. 

I ate my breakfast in silence, mostly because dad went to work and Jihyun, my little brother probably went to visit one of his friends again, which left mom and I. Out of all my family members, she was the one who was the closest. Maybe because she was the one who drove me to the hospital for treatment.

The hospital was like my second home ever since that doctor's visit a few months ago. I had complained to my parents that I kept feeling tired and weak, and I couldn't dance as much  as I used to because I started to bruise easily. Ever since the test results revealed that I had blood cancer, my parents have been treating me like a baby that could break. I remembered being really scared, thinking that i was going to drop dead any second, but the doctor had assured me that the cancer was in its early stages and that we shouldn't worry.

I started to keep to myself after hearing the news, which affected my social life and my dancing. My so called friends started to ignore me for that reason, and to say that hurt would be an understatement. 

-

I opened the door to mom's car and started to walk towards the building. It was stll a cool day, so I was in a hoodie which covered my entire upper body. I didn't have time to say goodbye to my mother, since I was still mad about going to that center.

With my hoodie practically covering half of my face, I didn't see a male coming towards me, so we ended up bumping into each other. I also ended up falling on my .

I groaned, annoyed at the dude who was now staring at me. I looked at his outstretched hand and grabbed on to it as he pulled me to my feet.

I looked up at the male, who happened to be taller than me, and had brown hair which looked clean and well managed. Not at all like my messy, dead black hair.

"You should really take that hood off your face, you know. In case you end up bumping into more people," he smiled. He had a sort of playfullness in his voice, and he didn't look like he belonged at a Cancer center.

I give him a nod and took off the hood, revealing my face. Before he could make any judgemental comments about my appearance, I walked into the room where we/they normally had their sessions.

I always sat by the window in order to watch outside when we/they had their meetings. I needed to distract myself from their soul- speeches and sad rants.

Everyone was soon seated, and I frowned when the same guy that I bumped into came inside. The natural smile on his face did not match the mood of the room at all, and I guessed that he was already cured of his cancer.

Why would he be here, then?

His eyes scanned the whole room, and I purposely avoided his gaze. I think that I didn't want him near me.

I heard the chair next to mine squeak, and I looked up to see him seating by me. His smile widened when he noticed that it was me.

"Hi," he said, and I nodded in response.

Jin, the center's coordinator, started the meeting. As usual, I stayed quiet as the other members spoke about their disease. I ignored what they said as I didn't want to be reminded of the cruel reality.

The guy who sat besides me was asked to introduce himself since he was apparently new. 

For some reason, I found myself listening to his words.

"Hello. I'm Jung Hoseok-"

"Hi Hoseok."

"-I'm eighteen, almost nineteen, and I had osteosarcoma." He ended his introduction with a smile, and I started to watch out of the window.

I didn't say anything for the rest of the meeting.

As soon as it ended, I called my mom and hurried out of the building. I noticed that Hoseok was coming my way.

"Hey. Um, I noticed that you were quiet for the whole meet up. Are you alright?"

"I have cancer. I'm not alright," I answered. I wasn't in the mood to talk as I put on my hood. He chuckled and ran his hands through his well-kept hair.

"You know, when I had bone cancer, I thought that everything was falling apart. I was afraid that I would die in my sleep. I realized that cancer is nothing but something that opens your eyes." i turned to look at him, only to notice that he had been watching me all this time.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Ther's something about having a life threatening disease that makes you hyper aware of the blessings that you have. You realize how much you love your family and cherish your friends. You learn how to appreciate the little things. Most of all, you're thankful for every single particle of air that you're able to breathe, which doesn't result in you dying."

He looked like he was speaking from personal experience.

"You don't have the cancer now, so what's the point?" I asked.

"The point is to enjoy yourself and never worry about the future."

I saw my mom's car arrive and I left him there.

I should've known that something was up when I saw mom wave at him.