Belting a long final note, Sung Gyu ended the performance, earning cheers from the crowd gathered below him. The crowd which was his pride. Which was, as everyone had seen and known all this time, his life line. Sung Gyu was known, as a solo performer, to win every stage without anything amiss. He was the perfect idol; the ideal boyfriend of his female fans, the ideal son, the ideal father to the millions of imaginary children; the ideal husband, that one idol known for all his perfect ways. Sung Gyu owned the stage. Sung gyu owned the world.

Or so he thought.

Nonetheless, he couldn’t get around the fact that all the media responses, on whatever he did, whether he dined at a restaurant or visited a public bath, were all on the negative end of the spectrum. He had lived up to his reputation all his ten years of idol life; but all he got, for all his commitment, was a back slash. Be it on the popular news media sites or the miscellaneous magazines that single old ladies collected because they couldn’t get enough of their beloved idols, all that Sung gyu got was something which marred his character, and he was sick of it. He knew that it was all because those media people were jealous of his success; who wouldn’t they be? Sung Gyu was on the top of the world. He was on the top of internet searches and he was the only idol who ranked first in both looks and popularity. He had pride in everything he did. It was because of this reason that he refused to accept whatever the solutions for non-existent problems that his representative of the agency threw at him. He didn’t want solutions. He wanted to know what the problem was, the first place.

After all the cheers died down, Sung gyu bowed at his spectators and threw flying kisses at all the directions for good measure. The stage lights died, enclosing him in utter darkness, and Woohyun, his manager, quickly made a beeline towards him, carrying about a dozen of water bottles, a towel and the weight of the world. Woohyun conceded all the so-called problems of Sung Gyu as if they were all his responsibility. He cleared up the mess after him, so Sung gyu liked to see him not only as his bestowed manager but also his best friend. The smile which Sung Gyu flashed at his fans had vanished into a frown, and he gulped down a bottle of iced water before dumping it into Woohyun’s arms. Woohyun followed him around like a cat after his prey. So basically Woohyun was his peasant, if it weren’t for the title as ‘Best friend’ that Woohyun had given himself. They made their way through the hustle of the staff towards Sung Gyu’s dressing room. The moment he opened it however, he closed it back with a look of distaste and beckoned his manager with a frown.

“Get rid of it for me” Sung Gyu said and began to walk off on his own. Woohyun’s eyes followed after him before he dumped the bottles onto a nearby chair and opened the door himself. Inside the dressing room, except for the makeup artists, coordinators and hair dressers was Howon, Sung Gyu’s representative from Woolim entertainments, and thrown on the stool before him were a dozens of magazines, all with Sung Gyu’s name and face up on the front.

“Where’s Sung Gyu?” Howon inquired the moment Woohyun’s head popped into the room. Sung gyu pulled this stunt almost all the time, and usually he would either take a taxi to his house or wait near the van with hundreds of complaints. Woohyun looked at the corridor once more, as if Sung Gyu ever waited for his return and let out a sigh.

“What’s up? Did he cause trouble again?” Woohyun asked as he stepped into the room. Howon didn’t respond. He merely pointed at the tabloid magazines before him. Woohyun picked one up, and dropped it back on the table as if it stung him. “I warned him, honestly” He said in the end.

Howon stared at the manager quite thoughtfully, his brows furrowed, and rubbed his finger on his lips. “Is it just me or does this kid have a knack for trouble?”

“He doesn’t see all that as trouble, the first place” Woohyun shrugged.

 All the magazines had the headlines, all referring to Sung Gyu’s most recent scandal. It was his twelfth time to have gone out with and dumped an older female actress, and the story was all over the net and the papers, recalling all the way back from his first dating rumor nine years ago to the most recent. Sung Gyu, on the other hand acted as if they were all run-on-the-mill issues. If only he understood all the trouble both Woohyun and Howon went through to clean up after his mess every damn time; but no. The response he had for all such scenarios was to merely throw a glass or anything close by on the general direction of the nearest human being and get it over with.

“How is Haneul-ssi’s side responding?” Woohyun asked, sitting comfortably on the sofa.

“She’s claiming assault” Howon replied.

“ual assault?” Woohyun asked, fearing the worst, but Howon shook his head in response. “No. just assault, thankfully”

“I’m sure he threw a glass at her”

“A whole bottle of whiskey” Howon said. “At the window. You can possibly imagine the rest”

Woohyun brought his hands together and leaned forward, his eyes assessing the fine features of Kim Haneul, the actress, holding hands with Sung Gyu as if they shared the best relationship ever. He had known the latter for long enough to understand that Sung Gyu didn’t do love relationships. It was unbelievable how something so fictitious seemed so real. Sung Gyu made them seem so real. The problem was, though, even if Sung Gyu didn’t actually mean them, he still associated himself with the likes of relationships. It was difficult to fathom what his intentions were. Relief? Distraction? Then why would he end each of them with his angry outbreaks?

“He has serious anger issues” Howon went on, as if he was stating something new. “Haven’t you discussed with him anything about getting treatments?”

“He wouldn’t even touch the topic” Woohyun said with a sigh. “I think he’s completely out of his mind. He doesn’t think he has anger issues”

“He probably thinks getting so overworked was usual”

“He does” Woohyun nodded. “What I fear the most is having something directed on my direction, or worse”

“Or worse” Howon doubtlessly agreed.

“By the way, how is it going on about his masked singer?”

*

Sung Gyu pressed the replay button for the third time and leaned comfortably against the tire of the van, the cold tarmac of the ground not bothering him one bit. She began to sing, her voice honey-le and soft, echoing in his ears and running through every inch of him as if it was a current holding him back. It was the mosaic singer, the voice, the girl Sung gyu has been searching for all his life. She was a popular YouTube artist who has done a number of covers of various songs, including the most popular tracks of Sung gyu himself. He found her after he followed a link one of his fans had sent to him on sns, and since then Sung gyu had passionately followed every single track of hers as if his entire life depended on it. She was, just as her YouTube identity explained, hid herself behind a mosaic. There wasn’t a single trace of her except for her daily YouTube updates, and even though he had tried everything to locate her, they haven’t gotten any further than that she was a Korean citizen. Sung gyu wanted this voice, he needed to find her, the voice that he’d been obsessing over for as long as he remembered, and he had sworn to himself, he would find her; he would do whatever it takes.

Sung Gyu loved it, the feeling that her mere voice would give him. Every time she would sing was always like the first time. She sings to his heart, opens doors to his heart and take him out into the longest, beautiful dreamlands. She never failed to amaze him, and the effect she had on him was absolutely mesmerizing. He hadn’t met anyone like her all his years of life as an idol. And he had realized, even as he sat on the cold tarmac ground, being the closest as he’d ever be to her, that he’d always be searching for her no matter where it would lead him.

The only thing Sung gyu had been as passionate about was his dream to stand the stage. He had brought himself there; it was how his determination was. Sung gyu wasn’t a quitter. Even if it landed him on the broadest slopes. And if it was to find this girl who had relentlessly haunted his dreams, he would take the sword any day.

Sung Gyu was so much into the song, his eyes bearing into the mosaicked view, searching for a slightest trace of her that he didn’t even notice all the fans watching him, their apparels snapping away. It was Woohyun who saw this misbehavior from a far, which wasn’t unusual for him. He could only slap his hand on his forehead and quickly make his way towards his best friend, lagging all his bags behind him.

“What the are you doing?” He hissed at Sung Gyu, who only looked up to give an acknowledging nod. “The fans are watching you!”

“Took you long enough” Sung gyu shrugged and put his phone away for the moment before he helped himself up on his feet.

“You don’t care one bit, do you?” Woohyun deadpanned, his eyes narrowed at the flashing cameras.

“Nope” Sung Gyu replied.

Woohyun simply rolled his eyes before he proceeded to unlock the vehicle. Once they were inside, Sung Gyu put on himself the seat belt while Woohyun stared ahead, his head in a complete mess. Sung Gyu had done all kinds of enough times already and the backslash he was receiving were unamendable as they were. He had scheduled another meeting with Howon for the next day to discuss their plan regarding Sung Gyu’s latest case of assault, and he was certain that the topic about anger management issues would definitely arise. Hence, it was for the best that he discussed this matter with Sung gyu himself. But only, he doubted it that Sung gyu would ever concede.

For the sake of keeping his name, Sung Gyu rolled down the shutter and waved at his loving fans although he spent good fifteen minutes completely ignoring them. He supposed the fans didn’t care much. After all, they all refused to accept the flaws of him, and all the fan site masters had sworn to secrecy to keep all his darkest sides a blur, which was all good. After they had passed the concert venue, Sung gyu rolled up the shutter, sat back, plugged his ears and returned to listening to the mosaic singer.

Woohyun stopped at a four-way junction on a red light and took a subtle glance at Sung Gyu’s phone and let out a sigh. “It’s the mosaic singer again?”

“Huh?” Sung Gyu pressed pause and unplugged one of his ears. “Oh, yeah, she just released her latest cover”

“What is it, this time?” Woohyun asked conversationally.

“What makes you beautiful, one direction”

Woohyun scoffed. “You don’t even like one direction”

“But I like the mosaic singer”

Woohyun nodded, his eyes staring ahead. But before Sung gyu returned to his own world, he quickly brought up the topic he really wanted to confide.

“Kim Haneul filed assault against you”

Sung gyu stayed absolutely still for a moment, as if he was assessing the situation, then he simply returned to continue what he was doing. Woohyun remained silent too, trying to calm his anger, but then when he failed, he simply reached out and pulled out one of Sung Gyu’s earphones.

“What the ?” Sung gyu exclaimed, taken by surprise.

“Did you even hear what I said? Kim Haneul, the woman you dated, is claiming assault. It’s all over the papers and news sites and you don’t even bloody care?”

Sung Gyu stared ahead, pursed his lips, and roughly put aside his phone to look at his manager. “Give her a ing settlement, that will shut her up, and the rest is for the company to take care of”

“Well, for your information, it was you who threw a bloody whiskey bottle!”

“So what?” Sung gyu growled at the edge of his patience. “What do you expect me to do? Get down on my knees? Beg for forgiveness?”

Woohyun sighed, finally giving up and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. They drove on for a quiet moment, Sung gyu’s phone now darkened and forgotten lying on his side, and after a while, Woohyun’s voice ripped through the silence.

“What I wanted to tell you is, they’re going to talk about it at the meeting tomorrow”

“Tsk” Sung Gyu smirked and looked away. He knew how all those meetings went. Talk about all the flaws they see in the idols and bring it out as if it’s the only thing which defined them with all the exaggeration they could possibly muster, drag in a problem that hardly even mattered, and end it in a way which hardly benefitted in the idols life. It was how the industry went. It was as if they were dehumanizing them. Sung Gyu wondered if they even saw them anything more than the assets of the company. He was certain they would bring out the matter with the actress as if it was the only matter which needed to be discussed; not how Sung gyu was the other significant party of the commotion, not how he might have a fair reason for the entire ordeal, not how he repented his impulsive decisions at a moment of selfish indictment, but only how he threw a ing bottle of whiskey at a window.

“They would talk about therapy for your anger issues-,”

“I have no ing anger issues!” Sung Gyu yelled and slammed his hand on the dash board. “Damn it”

“Look” Woohyun sighed and turned to look at his best friend. “Just as much as you do, I too want to believe that you had no anger issues. But look where it leads us.”

Sung gyu continued to look out the shutter, nonetheless Woohyun carried on. “We’re concerned, Hyung. I am concerned. And if there’s anyone who cares about you more than anything else in the world, that would be me…you know. You’re this-this big part of me. You’re not only my job or responsibility. Although I am seriously dialing on explaining this, I just really hope you understand”

Sung gyu remained to stay silent, looking out the shutter, lips pursed and eyes staring into the distance of the starry summer sky. But Woohyun had known Sung Gyu all his life. Woohyun had known him long enough to understand what his clenched fist meant, clenched until his pale knuckles turned white, until the green veins protruded like branches of a lone tree. Woohyun smiled. He knew he couldn’t have touched even an inch of Sung Gyu’s cold, cold heart. But he was getting there, and it was enough.

“Then help me find her” Sung gyu suddenly said, his voice a soft whisper over the gentle rumble of the van. Woohyun turned to face him, quite surprised that he spoke, and witnessed Sung gyu staring ahead longingly, his eyes reminding him so much of their younger days. The days which they spent together as trainees, uncertainties ghosting above them yet holding them closer and vibrant. They have gone on separate ways since, but Woohyun never thought that he had failed.

“I will do everything” Woohyun said, almost determined. “I will do everything to find her for you, Hyung. Whatever it takes”

*

Bomi threw a tabloid magazine across the table the moment Eunji, her room mate stepped into the room carrying a week’s worth of laundry from her room. She was headed on her way to the washing room after a long day of work, planning to prepare dinner afterwards since her set of summer clothing were piling up in the basket and it seemed more indispensable at the moment to get the laundry done before supper. Bomi had a rather distasteful expression as she haughtily skipped through the magazine as if for demonstration, and Eunji returned to the kitchen, her weariness washing away, replaced by the mood to chatter about with her best friend.

“Your prince charming is at it again” Bomi said as Eunji took a seat on the kitchen table. The two had been living together in a lofty downtown apartment for almost two years now. Although they had both gone on different paths after college ended, Eunji and Bomi were an inseparable pair. They found comfort in the presence of each other in their petite confines of the apartment, and Eunji shared almost every bit of her life with Bomi, including her undying love to this perfect, perfect idol.

“It’s Kim Haneul, this time” Eunji muttered, blankly skimming through the content of the magazine article. “Ah, she’s hot. No wonder he had the eye for her”

“He had thrown a bottle of whiskey at her, apparently” Bomi said rather glumly. “He has serious personality issues I tell you”

“I heard” Eunji said and put down the magazine before her. “They were talking about it over at work today”

“You lucky girl!” Bomi clasped her hands together, rolling her eyes heavenwards dreamily. “Don’t you actually like, swoon and stuff?”

“Of course not!” Eunji said, chuckling at her friend’s ridiculousness. “He’s like this ice prince, going about, spewing orders and deathly glares. Swooning is the last thing on my mind”

Eunji, despite her rather peculiar dreams of marrying her favorite idol and becoming a mother to an entire baseball troop of children, worked as a hair dresser for the Woolim entertainment artists, which also included Kim Sung gyu. Her intention of joining the agency the first place was seeing her most favorite person in flesh and bones, and although giving Eunji his petty orders and bloody glares and also directing a hairbrush or two at her direction was pretty much all Sung gyu had done for her, Eunji’s impression on Sung Gyu has never changed. She was a firm believer of loving someone as how they were, and she had always seen Sung Gyu’s wrath as a mere part of him. Everybody had flaws, and they only defined them. Eunji liked to think likewise, so that her own flaws will only be what which made her, her. Therefore, Sung Gyu’s angry outbursts or endless scandals had hardly ever irked her.

“But you should try” Bomi began, giving her a sly smile. “You know, wear your hair down, put on some make up; idols are farfetched but it’s worth the try!”

Eunji laughed, throwing her hand in the air. “Oh you think?” She looked down at the tabloid magazine on the table in front of her. Sung Gyu looked perfect as he had ever been. His soft dark hair pushed back, the hair Eunji had ran her fingers through numerous times, eyes narrowed in the heavy summer sunlight and a hand securely placed on Haneul’s waist. She had met the idol just earlier that day. She had heard his voice, she had inhaled his scent; but all of a sudden he seemed so unreachable, so far away, so much so that she was finally believing that he was indeed an idol.

“He’s not the type to date” Eunji said after a while, looking up to meet Bomi’s eyes.

“Really?” Bomi gave a questioning look. “But he dates women left and right like crazy!”

“No!” Eunji chuckled, shaking her head. “That’s not what I meant. He’s not the kind of guy I want to go out with, you know…he’s just not-not worth it”

“Is he not?” Bomi frowned. “You’re being too traditional; don’t you think? I know, you’re always waiting for “The one” to come and sweep you off your feet, but listen, sweetheart, prince charming doesn’t exist”

“No It’s not that” Responded Eunji and flipped through the magazine distractedly. “I like Sung Gyu as my idol, and I want to keep it that way. Besides we’re talking about a celebrity, not just any guy”

Bomi rolled her eyes as if Eunji’s response greatly irritated her. “Eunji. What I’m trying to say is this. We’re not getting any younger. Either you seduce your idol, which is, like, a dumb, dumb idea; or you settle down with someone for once and for all”

Eunji sighed and sat back, her whole life beginning to run before her eyes, ending up in a question mark. She had graduated college but didn’t pass as significantly to speak of. She lives in a dingy little downtown apartment, waiting for her life to pass by. She had crushed her parents’ dreams. Eunji knew that her parents acted like it didn’t matter just for her sake, and she could never forgive herself for that. The next biggest hurdle for her was marriage. She was in her late twenties already, and she didn’t want to wake up in a few years, only to realize that she had made the wrong choice again, just like she did with a number of decisions she had made in the years of her life and disappoint her parents again. She needed for her love life to be perfect. But now, still flying solo, Eunji didn’t know anymore.

“I’m still waiting” Eunji replied, tugging at the end of her sleeve. “You know; these things shouldn’t be rushed”

“You’re not rushing” Bomi said, giving Eunji a stern look. “You’re just not trying at all”

*

Sung Gyu was barely out of his bed when his phone began to buzz on the nightstand. He opened one eye and blindly reached out for the apparel, pushing a few items off the surface onto the marble floor. A candle stand rolled down towards the bathroom door and a photo frame fell by the foot of the bed. Sung Gyu pressed onto the blurry images on the screen and placed the phone against his ear.

“Hyung, hurry up. I’m already down” Woohyun’s voice eched into his ears and Sung Gyu groaned rudely into the phone. “It’s still early. Go home”

“Hyung!” Woohyun sighed, and Sung Gyu could imagine him grasping onto his hair as if he wanted to pull them off, strand after strand. “Hyung they have planned a sudden press call today regarding the Kim Haneul scandal”

Sung Gyu let a few seconds to pass by, the clarity of the situation slowly sinking in, and he suddenly sat up, throwing the comforter off his bare chest. “What the ?!?”

“I don’t know Hyung! Seems like the problem is much worse than we hoped”

Sung gyu took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his nerves but there was no use. He regretted having met that woman the first place. She was pretty and pleasant when they first met at the gala ball, Sung gyu specifically admired her smile. Although she was years of his senior, she easily fit into the picture like she was meant to be there; and Sung Gyu thought it was all going great. He thought he could finally stop chasing after a YouTube singer he would never be able to meet; all until she stepped onto his shell, and hell broke loose. He never meant to get angry at her claiming how distasteful he could get. He didn’t mean to lose himself when she not only saw his flaws but undermined him for them. Nobody understood him, and it only made him feel worse. More than anything, he didn’t mean to throw an entire bottle of whiskey towards the closed window and shatter the glasses into fragments equivalent to his broken heart. It all didn’t seem to make sense anymore. And now a press call. They all existed to burn him and set him apart.

“Hyung?”

“ing go home, bastard” Sung gyu mumbled under his breath and let out a long breath. “Did they even ask me? This is my bloody life you bastards! Why do you all have to intervene?”

“Look, Hyung-,”

“ off”

“Hyung-,”

Sung gyu cut the line off, his fingers trembling as he grasped onto the final string, and when the phone began to buzz again, it was his last straw; he reached out for whatever which laid on the nightstand as if it stood on his way and threw it right across the room against the blank pastel blue wall. The glass, which was a sand clock he had received from a fan few years ago had shattered like a child’s broken dreams, the thin white stand discarded all over the marble floor. Sung gyu took one deep breath, then another, and slowly realized that his life was waiting to continue. The press conference was the next due step, and there was no backing away.

He stepped down the bed, and flinched as something cold pressed onto his foot. He looked down, removing his leg off whatever he stepped on, and found the photo frame lying quietly on the carpet. He picked it up, almost apologetically, and ran his thumb over the cold glass surface as if it was the closest that he could get to her.

Maybe it was, truly it was the closest, it was the closest he had ever been to her since his sister passed away two years ago. Sung gyu could still remember her smile, vividly as if it wasn’t in his memories but in his eyes. Jieun was the epitome of perfection. She always stood stern, she always led the way. If she was there, there was nothing which worried him, as if she were the greatest pillar which kept him headstrong and going. Ever since his parents divorced, Jieun had been the biggest support in his life. It was not that they didn’t care for him. Sung Gyu’s parents loved him immensely. But at the tender age of seventeen, he had never imagined for his parents to separate from each other. The family was so well. They were well off, they were happy, they had everything going so well. It was for this reason that Sung Gyu stood always in denial. It was hard to understand why his father decided to marry again. It was hard to understand why he couldn’t love his mother anymore. Sung Gyu’s mother went through hell for them. She still does. But the hell became even difficult for them ever since Jieun died in an accident. It was then that he finally came to accept that the world was never fair for you. He knew that he stood the world on his own.

With a grunt, Sung Gyu stumbled his way into the bathroom, almost stepping on the candlestand at the foot of the door. Whatever happened, he had got to move on with life. It was the greatest lesson that Jieun left behind with him, and he followed it through and through.

*

“Hey, new girl!” One of the senior hair dressers called while Eunji carried a box of shoes towards the dressing room. “Get a new can of hairspray will you?”

All the staff of the Woolim entertainments that she was involved with referred to her as the ‘new girl’ as though they had never come to learn her name. it irked her in the beginning, because she very much preferred her name over anything. But then she slowly got used to it. At least she was needed, at least it made her important, at least she wasn’t only the girl who thought she was a hairdresser rather than a mere helping hand.

Eunji rushed towards the rack of supplied, grabbed a new can of hair spray and made her way towards the hairdresser. They were preparing Woolim’s only girl group ‘Lovelyz’ for their fan meeting and since they were lacking hairdressers today, the whole place was a mess. Eunji had made trips back and forth from their van to the dressing room a number of times, carried coffee, polished shoes and ironed skirts, she was pretty dead as she was and she pretty much regretted having joined Woolim as a hairdresser.

The prime reason why she joined Woolim, however was to pave her path into the industry and make it big as a singer. Eunji was a passionate singer and her father has always told her that she had a soulful voice. This is the reason why she gathered all her music loving friends back in high school and formed a band. They could never go beyond from being a mere nameless group who did music for personal indulgence. Some parted ways, some still followed their shattered dreams, and Eunji, she was uncertain of where she was. One thing was clear for her, nonetheless. And that was that she hadn’t taken the right route.

Another one of the hairdressers called for her, and she joined her in combing one of the girls’ hair while the hairdresser was on her phone. The ‘Lovelyz’ girls, just as their name explained, were lovely. All were timid and soft spoken and weren’t bossy or air headed as Eunji had imagined for idol girls to be. They all effortlessly contributed in making their performance a success, and never had a word to complain. In that way, Eunji didn’t mind working for them. They were quiet and humble, and they never made her feel alone.

“Eunji” Called the hairdresser who was responsible of the girl whose hair Eunji was combing. Eunji turned around. “Yeah?”

“I think you would have to make a detour to the main building”

“Um, really?”

The hairdresser nodded. “They have called a sudden press call apparently. Sung Gyu hadn’t any schedules today so we brought all the staff we had today. And it turns out they need some help there.”

“Oh…” Eunji gulped. No matter whether she worked for them now, the fact that she will be in the same room with her favorite idol always managed to give tingles all over her.

“You’d have to take a taxi though” The hairdresser went on as she brushed the girl’s hair. “And you better hurry up. You know how the brat is like”

“Yeah” Eunji nodded and made it to her belongings. She hadn’t been needed before, and this indeed made her feel quite important. And if anything, she sure was going to make her first time worthwhile.

*

Sung Gyu sat in his dressing room, legs propped on a stool, going through the online news sites regarding his latest scandal. He had already seen couple of them, all putting the blame on him and highlighting it that he had assaulted her by his angry wrath and that his representing agency had released a statement that he was reflecting on his behavior. Sung gyu wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. By all means he wasn’t regretting it. He was a man with pride, and if anyone ever happen to strip him off his pride and stomp on it, if anyone ever crossed that line, Sung Gyu wouldn’t tolerate. He didn’t care if it was an older actress on a hoobae singer or even if it was his company’s director, he would never let anyone cross that line. His father, despite his flaws, had taught him to be wise wherever his pride was involved. A man’s treasure was always where his pride was. It was for this reason why a man should never raise a hand at a woman, should never reject a drink offered by another, why he should never lose his stance. And it was a rule that he always went by, even if his father had failed him.

The door cracked open and both Woohyun and Howon filed in. Sung gyu looked up and flinched at the thought that he had to be in the same room as Howon and dropped his feet.

“ you Howon” He said.

“Good morning to you too, Sung Gyu” Howon said with an undeterred smile and took a seat. “Well, it’s gone far beyond our control. Haneul-ssi doesn’t want a settlement. She wants a press release. She wants to clear her name”

“Then what about my name?” Sung Gyu returned. “It wasn’t only hers which was marred.”

“At least she didn’t try to assault you”

Sung Gyu almost jumped off his seat, taken by his anger. He was so mad that he could asphyxiate Howon to death. “I didn’t try to ing assault her you bastard!”

“Throwing a bloody bottle is bad enough, apparently”

Sung Gyu sat back and took a deep breath. Then he leaned over, took an empty can of beer which was abandoned on the table and threw it at the closed door. Just at the moment, however, the door cracked open and it nearly hit the intruder on their face.

Eunji stepped back, struck by befuddlement, and one of the men inside the room buried his face in his hands and got up on his feet before making it to the door.

“Um, is anything the matter?” He asked.

“No um..” Eunji played with the door handle nervously. “They asked for a hairdresser?”

“Oh, yes” Howon nodded and opened the door, letting her in. Eunji stepped inside rather timidly, making her way around the can of beer which nearly hit her face and reached the dressing table. It was her first time to be dressing up an idol herself, and she had never imagined for her first client to be Sung Gyu himself. She felt rather nervous, excited as well. But she couldn’t say she didn’t really expect for something to be thrown on her direction. Rather, she quite knew it would happen.

Howon let the girl to deal with her business and returned to the sofa where Sung Gyu still sat, accompanied by his manager. He sat down then, and proceeded to explain what he was there for.

“Now, I don’t want you causing any more trouble out there” He patiently explained. “You and I both know how things in this industry work. You cause trouble, you reflect on your doing, or you go down the drain”

Sung gyu sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “What do you want me to do?”

“Apologize, simply” Howon said as if it were that so easy to do. “Tell them that you’re greatly ashamed of your behavior and that you’re reflecting on yourself. Ask for forgiveness from fans of both yourself and hers, and tell them that you would make sure it won’t happen again”

“You make it sound like its ing easy” Sung Gyu replied.

“It is ing easy. What is so hard about saying it?”

You don’t understand. Sung Gyu wanted to tell him. You don’t ing understand. But it was true. It was how the industry went. Once you cause trouble and try to explain yourself, it would be the end of you. Sung Gyu was there on the tip-top position after having climbed a difficult ladder. The climb wasn’t easy, and he wanted to remain there. He had reached his dreams, that’s what mattered most. There were many whose dreams only remained dreams, there were many who were still struggling, and there was him; and for this reason he had to follow their words.

“Alright, alright” He said.

Howon laughed and reached over to pat him on his arms. “Ehey! Don’t look like I ing murdered you! It’s going to be fine!”

“ off”

“Come on Sung Gyu!”

Woohyun reached out and removed Howon’s hand before things could get worse. “I think that’s enough”

“Alright” Howon said and proceeded to climb up on his feet. “I suppose it’s my cue to leave. Hope to see you at the press call”

Woohyun followed after Howon and quickly let him out of the room. Once he was gone, he turned around and let out the long breath he was holding in all this time. “Phew! Now let’s get your hair done”

*

Eunji brushed Sung Gyu’s hair so softly as if one wrong move would break him. It was so soft to the touch and beautiful that Eunji couldn’t help but treat him with gentle ministrations. It’s the closest Eunji had ever got to him and she had never even imagined she would ever get to touch the hair of her favorite idol, and now, it was like a dream coming true. She brushed it slowly, minding every single strand and brushed it upwards, to a side, revealing his pale forehead. This style looked the best on him because Sung Gyu had a broad forehead and his narrow eyes perfectly complemented the dark texture of his hair. Then she parted it to a side and brought his hair forwards, which gave him a rather tender look. It wasn’t bad on him. It made him look like the ideal boyfriend, the man whom everyone dreamed of. Eunji herself had many dreams about this man. But it didn’t fit her taste at that time. She tutted to herself and rested her hands on her waist.

Sung Gyu on the other hand was feeling rather tensed. The girl’s hands in his hair was making him feel slightly better because she was gentler than the usual dressers were, and he liked it. But right now, he felt as if he wanted a distraction. Someone to lean on, someone to pour his mind on to, to make him feel better. Someone who would understand him.

Woohyun never understood him. Sung Gyu wished he did but Woohyun had his own life. Woohyun was treated unfairly; and it was understandable that he didn’t try to reach him any further than he should. But Sung gyu wished if there was someone who saw Sung Gyu more than they all did. Someone who’d be a part of him. It’s for this reason that he had searched for comfort in all these women. But they had never made him feel better. They only made things worse. He wished he had the chance to know the mosaic singer. Mosaic singer was living her dream. She was a singer, she was popular, she was loved by so many, but she was hiding behind a mask. How easy must life be like for her. To be spending an ordinary life, to be living with ordinary people, to not be pushed and pulled around to anybody’s liking. But to be singing for a crowd despite everything. He wished he chose that life

Or the life of a hairdresser. Every other person’s life seemed simpler in his eyes.

Eunji was wondering what went the best, trying all the ideas she had on him when Suddenly Sung Gyu met her eyes on the mirror. They were so cold and distant that Eunji felt her insides going stiff, and she retrieved her hands, suddenly feeling self-conscious. She wondered if he was going to throw a brush at her, or worse, fire her. But then, for her utter surprise, he said. “Chill… Are you new here?”

Eunji pursed her lips and gave a nod.

“Hm. I figured. You’re taking too long”

“Ah…” Eunji looked down at her feet. “Sorry…I’ll be quicker” Then she hurriedly reached for his hair.

“Hey! Careful, my hair is worth million dollars”

Then she brushed his hair even gently, which, miraculously, earned a smile from him. She carried on for a moment, both basking in the quietness of the room, and after a while Sung Gyu cleared his throat, garnering Eunji’s attention.

“Say” He began looking straight ahead. “New girl. Do you like this job?”

“Hm?” Eunji reached for a straightener and tilted her head. The truth was, she wasn’t sure whether she liked it. She went to college, did music, but couldn’t pass well due to her obsession of pursuing music in other means. She graduated without enough results to make a living as a musician and failed all the auditions she did for entertainment agencies. She overlooked her parents’ dreams to make her a good musician. She overlooked her own dreams to pursue music. She pulled out all sorts of stunts, tried everything, ended up somewhere as a singer, and she could only make a living as an underestimated hair dresser of an agency. So much for her dreams.

“I don’t hate it” She said in the end.

Sung gyu scoffed. “You bent the truth” He said. “Have you ever dreamed of being a singer?”

Eunji stopped pressing Sung Gyu’s hair and let down her hands. Of course she had. She did, all her life. But right now, she didn’t feel it was right to admit, so she remained quiet.

“I dreamed of being a singer” Sung Gyu said. “All my life. I sand for the school choir, I sang for all the music festivals in school, I auditioned for all the agencies, and here I am no, the highest earning money bucket of Woolim entertainments”

Eunji quietly carried on grooming his hair.

“I should be happy though” He went on, almost in wrath. “I should be ing happy, you know. I should be over the moon. I have the money, the fame, the popularity. I get girls more than the zeros on my ing salary, but am I happy?”

“Are you happy?” Eunji asked.

“That’s the question” Sung Gyu said and picked up a can of hair gel. “Do you know that they import customized hair gel from the states for me? That’s how ing important I am”

“But you’re not happy” Eunji said.

“I’d rather be a hairdresser” Sung Gyu carried on, inspecting the content in the hair gel container. “Or I’d ing import hair gel from America”

“Or you’d be a ing can of hair gel?” Eunji supplied, and Sung Gyu looked up. Eunji immediately thought she had crossed a line and was all about to bow and apologize when suddenly, Sung Gyu gave her one brilliant smile.

“Yeah, that”

Eunji could hardly believe her eyes. There she was, chatting with the idol she had loved the most all her life, the idol she had a many wildest dreams with, the idol whom she followed for an eternity. And what’s more, she was doing his hair. And even better, he just gave her a smile. Not just any smile. A drop dead gorgeous, summer skies and dew on tips of grass and rainbows from water falls smiles, a smile meant only for her. Eunji felt as if she was cloud nine.

But more than anything, she understood him. She had seen how all-bright-smiles Sung gyu always was on screen. He was a brilliant singer, and a perfect idol in many eyes. But it was once she entered the behind scenes of his idol life that she understood that it was all pretense. Idol life was much more than she had ever imagined.

“But I’m not telling you to give up your dreams” Sung Gyu said, and put the can of gel aside. “This is one way of living the dream. But there are many other. This is just the path that I chose”

Eunji stayed quiet and did his hair. Sung gyu nonetheless seemed as if he was waiting for an answer. When she didn’t give any, Sung Gyu let out a sigh. “I just ing hate this sometimes, you know…it just gets bloody difficult”

“You just want someone to speak?” Eunji supplied, meeting his eyes on the mirror. “That’s what my mother always say. ‘If you feel it’s difficult to go on, just speak to me. Then you’d feel better’”

Sung Gyu raised his brows. “So do you speak to her?”

“When I go home, yes”

“When you don’t?”

Eunji shrugged. “I talk to my best friend”

“Does it get difficult?” He asked, and Eunji went quiet. It was as if he couldn’t understand. Maybe he couldn’t. Eunji could hardly blame him. He was living his dream. He was rich, he was popular. He didn’t crush his parent’s dreams, he didn’t end up somewhere he didn’t want to be, and there were people to do things for him. His difficulties were much better than hers. At least he didn’t have to worry about the apartment fee. She bet he had a bungalow with someone to plow his lawn.

“Maybe I don’t understand” He said in the end, and Eunji nodded before she could stop herself. Sung Gyu grinned in response. “You’re too honest for your own good”

“Anyway” Eunji said, ironing the last bit of Sung Gyu’s hair. “If you ever feel difficult again. Talk to someone. You’d be okay”

“Would I do this press con okay?” He asked.

Eunji picked up a comb and gave him a smile on the mirror. “You’d be absolutely fine.”

For a final touch, Eunji combed his hair down to his forehead and all around. She hadn’t seen this style on his since his debut ten years ago. And now that she had done it on him, Sung Gyu didn’t seem that he had changed a bit. Sung gyu now was the same Sung gyu from ten years ago. Unpopular but innocent and timid, holding the mike in both hands, young and tender, smile brighter than the morning stars. Eunji missed those days, and there he was, right in front of her.

“W-wow” Sung Gyu mumbled, his voice a quiet echo in the silent room. His hand raised and smoothed down the bangs on his forehead. It’s been years. It’s all that he could think. After all these years, he still looked the same. It reminded him of those tender days when he was still fresh into the industry. All seemed beautiful and well back then, and he had big dreams. He suddenly felt like he was dragged back into those days, the times when everything was simple. And it made him feel much better. It made him tell himself what he told himself ten years ago, when the young Sung Gyu first climbed onto the stage.

‘Everything’s going to be okay’

“You did great” Sung gyu said, feeling rather satisfied. He didn’t expect for a new hairdresser to do this great on her first day with him, and he was impressed. “Thank you”

“I-it was nothing” Eunji muttered, bowing her head. Sung gyu stood up and reached out for his coat.

“You should be around” He said, giving her a soft smile. “Who knows? I might even make you my personal hairdresser”

It’s a good day. Eunji thought, watching Sung Gyu slip out the parting of the door. It’s definitely the best day of my life.