Hanbin was one of those students that are silent in class. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk; he just didn’t find the need to most of the time. Meanwhile, Bobby was one of those students that won’t stop talking. It just seemed so natural that he was the centre of attention; he fit in the larger circle.

They met in America, when Hanbin went there as an exchange student in his second year of high school. He was a shy Korean kid at that time, and the one that approached him just happened to be Bobby. Bobby was so excited that finally there’ll be a Korean that knows Korean in his school, although only for a couple of weeks.

While Hanbin’s friends went with their respective guides, Bobby had stole him and said he’d show Hanbin around by himself. Bobby wasn’t a part of the student council, and he wasn’t the best guy to trust for a job like this either, but he was finally allowed to after a day full of begging.

Bobby knew there were another nine students from Hanbin’s school, but he was specifically attracted to Hanbin. Reason being he saw Hanbin practicing his rap. It was outthought of as he looked like a guy that loved to study, and only study.

Their stories mingle together from then on, starting from being acquaintances that only talk about rap, to best friends that talk about mostly everything.

After two years of long distance friendship, Bobby moved to Korea to enter university. He said America feels a bit lonely, and since he had Hanbin, he preferred to be in Korea.

When they met again after two years, Hanbin was bursting out with happiness. He loved Bobby, Bobby’s a nice guy. He was also Hanbin’s first best friend. Hanbin thought he’d finally have someone close to him. It wasn’t that he was lonely, but he never thought making close friends was necessary. So he didn’t make any close friends, he only became friends with his classmates so he’d have a somewhat normal school life.

They talked with each other everyday via email, they shared secrets, made fun of each other, and encourage each other, just like best friends do.

Bobby moved into Hanbin’s apartment and they lived together, all the things they did via email were now done face to face.

Hanbin thought he knew all about Bobby, but three months into living together, he was proven wrong.

Sometimes when Hanbin does something, Bobby would react the opposite from what he had expected.

Just like when Bobby said to him that he had invitations to go party from his friend.

Hanbin thought Bobby would love parties, so he said, “Go then,” with a big smile.

But Bobby frowned at him so he asked why.

Bobby didn’t say anything but he grabbed his jacket and slammed the door.

Hanbin wondered, what did he do wrong?

Bobby had came home at two in the morning that day. However, he didn’t seem to be intoxicated. Hanbin was happy; he wouldn’t like it if Bobby comes home drunk.

The atmosphere that morning was thick and heavy, Hanbin could almost cut it. Bobby still had the same frown he had when he left five hours ago.

Hanbin didn’t understand, so he asked, “Was the party not fun, Bobby? Why are you frowning?”

But Bobby went into his room as soon as Hanbin finished his question.

Another three months passed ever since the party mystery. Hanbin never asked anything about Bobby’s parties after that. He also tried to choose his words better, and also tried to control his tone.

After his efforts to be better than before, it became a habit. He really never asked Bobby about his activities with his friends.

But it happened to have the opposite effect as Hanbin thought it would’ve. Bobby didn’t talk to him as frequent as he did, and Hanbin had lost track about what Bobby was doing or where he was. Hanbin tried to prevent another clash with Bobby, but of course, it wasn’t for him to decide.

Halfway onto the year, a semester break came. Hanbin decided to stay in his apartment and not go home. He thought if he went home, his studies would not go as well. So he opted to video call his family rather than to visit them.

Bobby also stayed; he didn’t have the money needed to visit his family in America.

In the middle of the break, Bobby suddenly approached Hanbin when he was watching the TV.

“Hanbin,” Bobby had called him.

Hanbin turned to look at Bobby. He was surprised that there was so much concern written on his face.

“Are you avoiding me?” Bobby had asked.

Hanbin was quite shocked and he choked on air.

“What? No!” He replied.

Another frown appeared on Bobby’s face. It looked like he was in a dilemma.

Hanbin tried really hard to not ‘avoid’ Bobby, so he messaged him more than usual.

Once on a Friday night after the semester had started, Hanbin texted Bobby:

Hey Bobby, what are you doing? I thought you’d be home?

I’m out with some friends; I’ll be back in a while.

I see. Be careful not to get too drunk! I’ll wait for you just in case.

Who’s this?

??

I’m Bobby’s girlfriend! Who are you?!

I’m Hanbin…?

I’ll block you! Don’t ever text him again!

The texts ended very abruptly that Hanbin was so confused about what just happened. Bobby had a girlfriend? He never told Hanbin that. What’s up with that girl anyways? Hanbin is a male, what’s so threatening about him that she became so defensive?

The fact that Bobby had a girlfriend did not bother him – or so he thought – but the fact that Bobby didn’t tell him bothered him. Did Bobby not think he was worth telling? Did he do something wrong? Was it because Bobby thought he ‘avoided’ him?

Tears streamed down his cheeks, like the calm rain that had come down in the morning. Hanbin looked down at his phone, little by little filled with his tears. Was he really that distant to Bobby?

Hanbin had cried in pity for himself in a similar situation back in middle school. He had a friend, but he backstabbed him. That person started the rumour that he paid the teachers for his good marks, and he ended up being bullied. It got so bad that he had to change schools. And from then on, he closed himself; he didn’t want to get attached to a person, to the wrong person.

Was Bobby the wrong person to get attached to?

However, the sadness felt different for Hanbin. That middle schooler tears and this university student tears felt different. As if… the pain was not only because Bobby hadn’t told him a secret, although Hanbin had told him all of his.

But maybe Hanbin had another secret that was even hidden from him.

Did the love for a friend turned into something else?

Hanbin wiped his tears and got out of the apartment. He walked down the stairs and to the park nearby. Clutching his phone, he had hoped Bobby would text him.

He might or might not have hoped that Bobby would be worried and looked for him, although he was on the other side of the city partying with his girlfriend.

Hanbin waited, and waited, but nothing came.

He had two options, one is confront Bobby about his supposedly girlfriend, and two is to distant himself from Bobby. By then, the thought of them being close while Bobby for sure had someone else to go to other than him, hurt him. But in the end, he didn’t make a choice.

Hanbin stood up from the swing he was on, and started to walk towards a nearby convenience store to buy an ice cream. The cashier had been a little bit concerned about his choice to eat something cold in a winter night, and he thought that was really nice. Someone actually thought about him for once.

He ate the ice cream slowly, while looking at the dark road. He looked at the couple swinging left and right, unable to walk properly. He observed the parked car beside the store, and he wondered why such a car was left without protection. He saw and watched everything around him, and by the time he finished his ice cream, he completely forgot about his worries.

Everything’s been brushed away; maybe the ice cream turned his whole body numb.

So Hanbin walked home, ever so slowly. He hummed to his favourite song, recited his newest rap lyric, and danced whatever moves came into his mind.

He stopped in front of his apartment building, thinking about how different he was when he exited that door just hours ago. He didn’t walk in though; he opted to just sit on the sidewalk and looked at the sky.

“I want to be like the night sky, pretty even without my stars,” Hanbin suddenly said.

Then he made up his mind; he won’t be affected by Bobby’s behaviour so much, not anymore.

It’s been another three months after the girlfriend incident. Hanbin woke up to someone opening his bedroom door. It was two in the middle of the night.

“Hanbin?”

Hanbin stirred on his bed, and looked at the door from his pillow, “What?”

“Did you get my message? I thought you’d wait for me?” Bobby asked back.

Hanbin stayed silent for a couple of second, he spared a glance at his phone on the bedside table, “Oh.”

Bobby let go of the door and leaned on the doorway.

Hanbin rubbed his eyes, “Yeah I got it. I thought it’s going to be the same thing as usual: You coming home at two in the middle of the night. It’s better to use my time waiting to sleep, you know?"

Bobby stayed on the doorway, expecting Hanbin to say more. But Hanbin wasn’t having any of that.

“Bobby go sleep or party some more, any is fine. Just close my door,” He said as he turned to face the other side and pulled up his duvet.

The Monday following, Hanbin saw Bobby bickering with some girl. Seeing how angry they were, he was sure that’s Bobby’s girlfriend he never been told about.

Hanbin watched from afar, sitting down with his classmates. He watched how carefully Bobby controlled his hands, and he saw the tears coming down from the girl’s face. She looked so pitiful, but Bobby looked somewhat distressed too. Hanbin then thought a relationship wouldn’t work without both parties giving their best effort. If one is not committed, it is bound to fall.

Then Hanbin thought of his own relationship with Bobby. Was he giving his all to keep Bobby by his side? Was everything he’s done enough to keep his one and only best friend?

Emails, advises, a place to live, attention, care, a person to go to. Those were what Hanbin provided.

What did Bobby give back?

False alarms?

Or was Hanbin too sensitive?

What if Bobby didn’t mean to do what he did?

Hanbin didn’t find an answer to any of the questions. He didn’t know much about Bobby to answer that question. He knew nothing about Bobby.

Ending his daydream he looked back at the bickering couple. He took a spoonful of rice into his mouth while the girl pointed at Bobby. He took another spoonful when the girl left.

Bobby’s shouts were heard clearly by Hanbin. Something on the line of ‘just go away I don’t need you anyway’. Hanbin looked up from his meal to see Bobby standing hopelessly in the middle of the hallway.

Hanbin has been doing this for three months, not caring a bit about what Bobby did. But this was too much; he had to go to him.

Hanbin finished his meal and bid goodbye to his classmates and walked towards Bobby. He patted Bobby’s shoulder, “So… was that the girlfriend you never told me existed?”

Bobby looked at him with frowned brows, “Hanbin, I really don’t need this right now.”

It was a common reaction after a break up, but all that was building in Hanbin exploded. Hanbin was offended.

Hanbin laughed and put his arms up while backing away from Bobby, “Whoa there. You don’t need me at all anyways.” And he walked away.

The week after Bobby’s break up was somewhat awkward. The activities at home included Bobby watching the TV and Hanbin whistling in the kitchen. That didn’t last very long either, sometimes Bobby only spend two hours at home, another time Hanbin would go to the studio he rented.

There was no real talking in that week. Hanbin felt it though, Bobby’s frustration. It was like he could see a thunderstorm right on his head, and Hanbin was amused. Hanbin thought it was kind of heartwarming to see Bobby think so hard on how to solve the awkward situation they had.

Two weeks went by. Bobby began to talk to Hanbin properly and made jokes again. Hanbin was happy, really, but he chose not to pay attention to that feeling. He was afraid he’d be let down again.

One night at 11pm, Bobby decided to bring a heavy subject back on the table.

Bobby looked at Hanbin right in his eyes, “Hanbin.”

“What?”

“Why are you so cold?”

“Well, what do you think?” Hanbin yawned.

Bobby sighed and looked at his toes, “Hanbin I swear I don’t know.”

“I ate an ice cream the day I found out you had a girlfriend.”

“Three weeks ago? Wait what does that have to do with—“

“No, four months ago.”

Bobby looked at Hanbin, totally confused. Hanbin looked back while chewing on the candy he got from a classmate.

Hanbin giggled, “Well, if she didn’t erase the message log, you’d know.”

Bobby shook his head and put up his hand as if to say ‘stop’ to Hanbin, “When was this again?”

“When I tried to find out where you were. The last time I did that was months back, remember?” Hanbin shifted in his seat, trying to get a better look at the confused mess in front of him.

“Well,” Hanbin started again. “Maybe if you had told me when you got her you won’t be this confused,” he got up from the sofa and headed for his bedroom.

Hanbin had sorted out his feeling months ago under the dim streetlights. He knew the feeling he had for Bobby was not platonic anymore, or rather, it never was.

Hanbin had never got so much attention from a stranger before Bobby took him off his group to tour him around, only the two of them. So when it happened, he was surprised, and very much delighted.

But the thought of how it could be anyone and not specifically Bobby actually made him bitter about his feelings. He thought he was pathetic; he’d technically fall for anyone that took him that day.

This realization completely changed Hanbin’s behaviour around Bobby. He’s bitter about his feelings for this person, and he became bitter about the person, his whole existence, his belongings, the bar he went to, the floor he walked on, the girl he dated, his friends, his favourite words, his dorky behaviour, his stupidity, his laugh.

This behaviour wasn’t ‘Hanbin’ though; he himself knew it. He wanted to change back, and give himself time to actually understand Bobby. He wanted to be his usual self, the stress of pretending to be who he wasn’t was building up, and it build up really fast.

The school year has ended. Hanbin went home really early that day, he wanted to just get rid of everything and relax. But he didn’t have anything to do, so he wandered off. He took his wallet and went out of the apartment.

He took to the mall to window shop, then wandered in the city centre and looked at people. Looked at how they interacted, and how many emotions there were.

At midnight he decided to go to a pub and drink his problems away.

Hanbin looked at the bartender, “Give me something that’ll make me drunk really quick, please.”

After a few shots Hanbin was totally drunk and he thanked the bartender for it. He was a good bartender, Hanbin thought, and he gave him lots of tips for keeping up with his demands.

Hanbin walked out of the pub all the way home, it was three in the morning. He looked around and wondered: if he were a nightscape what nightscape would he be, Seoul nightscape or Jeju nightscape?

He arrived at the convenience store near the park and sat on a bench he never saw was there. He looked up again, which nightscape was he? Both are beautiful, but one was completely lit with streetlights, and the other lit with stars. One was artificial, and one was natural.

He decided he was Seoul nightscape.

He sat there for half an hour, while swaying left and right. The convenience store worker eventually got out from the store and tapped Hanbin’s shoulder.

“Sir? Are you alright?”

Hanbin looked at the lady and smiled sheepishly, “You’re very kind, you were worried about me last time too. You’re kind, very kind.” He nodded, “I am okay, lady. Just a little bit bothered.”

The worker nodded after making sure he was okay again, and walked back in.

Hanbin was dozing off, and the worker was ready to run out and hold him in place in case he’d fall from the bench. But a loud shout of his name pulled Hanbin back.

Hanbin looked around, and he saw Bobby running towards him.

"Babyyyyyy," Hanbin said, later laughed at how easily he could mask it as Bobby's name.

Bobby had a worried look plastered on his face as he walked a couple of steps and stopped in front of Hanbin.

"What the , Hanbin," Bobby blurted out.

Hanbin's eyes went wide, "Shhhh. There's a lady, don't speak ill."

Bobby flailed his arms, "I don't ing care." Then crouched in front on Hanbin, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting drunk."

Bobby slapped himself, "No. I mean, what the man. You got me worried."

Hanbin tilted his head to one side.

"You left your phone at home and I didn't know—“

Hanbin stomped his feet, "Maybe if you took the time to get to know me you would."

"What happened, Hanbin?" Bobby asked tenderly.

"Funny you asked, cos you're the reason."

Bobby sighed and stood up still looking at the drunk Hanbin. Suddenly Hanbin clutched on his shirt and looked up at him, crying.

"I know nothing about you, Bobby. Yet I fell for you, and am still staying there like a fool." Hanbin sobbed. “Tell me, Bobby…”

Bobby looked down and decided to crouch back down to level with Hanbin.

Hanbin looked at Bobby dead in the eyes, “Tell me how can I know you? Just a little thing is enough…” He wiped his tears. “If that’s too much, tell me… how do I get back up?"

Hanbin woke up with a slight headache from his hangover, and he tried to recall last night to no avail. He walked out to his living room, thinking Bobby wouldn’t be there because it’s Saturday. But there he was, behind the kitchen counter, making breakfast.

The scene surprised Hanbin, so he stood there in front of his bedroom door looking at the man in the kitchen.

“I can cook,” Bobby suddenly said. “Not much though, just the quick everyday stuff.”

Hanbin blinked. Why was Bobby telling him this?

“Sit down here,” Bobby said, waving at Hanbin and pointed at the kitchen stool.

Hanbin sat on the stool and Bobby gave him a plate of omelet. He looked up at Bobby and saw that teethy smile he hated so much. Then he started eating.

Bobby sighed, “I am sorry.”

Hanbin looked up while still munching on his breakfast.

“I… uh. Sorry, yeah?” Bobby repeated. “I am not good at this so like, forgive me?”

Hanbin stared at him in confusion. Bobby had never said sorry. What the hell happened last night?

“Okay so hear me out,” Bobby began, while scratching his leg with the other foot. “I am so seriously sorry for everything I didn’t know you were suffering I thought I did the right thing I am so sorry I never fell for another guy before okay.”

Hanbin finished his meal and set the plate aside, then continued to stare at the mess, that was Bobby, in front of him.

“Okay so first of all in high school I thought you were ing gorgeous okay so I took you out and around my school because I thought that bright smile of yours was a ing lighter lighting up my dim world and I just had to see it again and again and kept it all to myself.”

Hanbin was having a hard time processing Bobby’s words because of the hangover, so he opted to just stay still, stare and listen.

“Yeah so I got addicted to your smile and I gave you my email so I can keep in touch with you after you go back and I realised I missed something I never missed before when you went back and I decided one day I have to come and see you,” Bobby stopped and took a deep breath.

Hanbin patted the stool beside him, “Sit here and slow down. I can’t understand you.”

Bobby sat on the stool and looked down at the table, “Then we started to live together, magically. I had to control myself to not just jump on you and reduce this friendship to nothing because honestly that’s the last thing I needed. I wanted to spend time with you, and I was honestly trying to figure you out.” Bobby groaned.

Hanbin put his chin on the table.

Bobby continued, “In the process I realised I didn’t like you as in, ‘friend’ kinda way. I like you as in, ‘take me’ kinda way. So umm I got confused, yeah? I never knew anybody who fell for another guy, and I just had to make sure. So I got that girl, I didn’t tell you cos you were the main reason I did it and you were the one person I didn’t want to be discovered by, because I like you.”

Bobby sighed, “But that ing chick blew all my covers by taking my phone and replied to your text and then BLOCKING YOU – I am still mad actually about that – so I had no clue whatsoever what you texted me that night and, , I thought you’d hate me for that.”

“I do hate you for that,” Hanbin breathed out.

Bobby banged his head on the table, “Oh great.”

Hanbin had managed to process everything and Bobby’s words were registered into his brain. The red-hot blush on his cheeks proved this. He was still trying to act indifferent though, so he just turned his stool to face Bobby – who still had his head on the table.

“So what are you expecting from me now that I heard whatever you confessed about?” Hanbin said while suppressing his yawn.

“I expect you to date me, Kim Hanbin,” Bobby said, peeling his head off the table and turned his stool to face Hanbin.

Hanbin was taken aback by Bobby’s words, so to cover up his happiness; he put his hand on his mouth – much like a mask, “How bold. What made you so sure I’d date you?” He chuckled.

Bobby quirked his eyebrow up, “You confessed to me last night, Hanbin.”

Hanbin’s eyes went wide and he chocked on air.

“You also said something about not knowing much about me. I’m sorry about that, I really am. I was so caught up with my own problems that I didn’t realise I was hurting you,” Bobby took Hanbin’s hand in his own.

Bobby breathed out, “I love you, Kim Hanbin. Please be my boyfriend.” And took Hanbin’s hands in his.

Hanbin was sure his face was beet red and he cursed at his blood flow.

He felt dumb then, listening to Bobby and understanding his words. Bobby had problems, and that was his way of dealing with it, by trying to figure everything out on his own. Hanbin really did feel dumb. Suddenly his struggles to keep himself together didn’t make sense. It felt unneeded.

But then he remembered a critical aspect of his struggles: he didn’t know all this. He didn’t know Bobby wasn’t ignoring him. If he knew, he wouldn’t have thought what he thought, and he wouldn’t have done what he did. So he stopped thinking he was dumb. He was uninformed, that was all.

He was still hurt, just not dumb.

Hanbin looked down at their joined hands, then up at Bobby’s face, and he smiled.

There were still a lot of thing that Hanbin was trying to understand, and he needed Bobby to help him.

“Sure.” Hanbin squeezed Bobby’s hand. “But we have a lot to talk about, Kim Bobby.”

Hanbin looked at the brown orbs in front of him. They glowed, and there he saw everything he always wanted. He then understood. He wouldn’t have fallen for anybody else, even if the one that took him off his group in high school weren’t Bobby. If it wasn’t Bobby then, he was sure he’d meet Bobby elsewhere. Because when two souls are meant to be together, they will be. Time is the only decider.

“Three years worth of explanation in one day? I am up for it.” Bobby smiled. “And twenty years worth of information. Because I owe you that.”

Hanbin still didn’t know what he did the night before, but whatever it was, he was thankful to his past self.

“I also have lots to ask you about,” Bobby grinned. “Especially for this past year.”

Oh no.

A/N:

Just want to say if anything in the fic offended you in any way I'm sorry, not my intention.

Anyways! Don't be a silent reader, comment below~!