The unpredictable weather of Seoul plays a big trick on Da Eun today. It is supposed to be dry all day without any rain but she is soaking wet from head to toe because of the sudden downpour. Bending down, she takes off her Converse and keys in the passcode to her apartment. Once inside, she is greeted with silence and darkness, the two combination she is the most comfortable with. Her hands fumbles with the light switch, she flicks it and the whole apartment came to life. Da Eun turns to her shoe rack, and suddenly she feels her heart drops at the sight of a pair of Vans.

He’s here?

Without taking her coat off, she dashes towards her bedroom and stops in front of her door that is slightly ajar. Her heart quickens, and her breathing hitches. Slowly, she places her hands on the door knob and carefully pushes the door, trying not to emit any sound. Her room is pitch black, but her eyes could trace the outline of a male sleeping on her bed.

If it is not for her hold on the door, she would have fallen onto the floor. Her legs wobble at the sight before her, and a drop of tear cascades down her cheek. Her feet pad their way slowly to the bed. Countless of thoughts are running through her mind. She hopes she is not dreaming, but it feels like a dream. She always has this vision of him wherever she goes. However, Da Eun silently hopes tonight is an exception.

She squats by the bed and brings her fingers close to his face. Is it too much for her to touch him? Her fingers leave featherlike touches on his skin, and she jumps back when realisation dawns on her.

He’s real.

Jongin… why are you here…

Quietly, she pulls the blanket that pools around his feet and brings it up until it covers his whole body. He reeks of make-up and perfumes, Da Eun does not fail to notice. She sits down by the bed again, and this time, threads her fingers in his hair gently. She wants to wake him up, she wants to gaze into his dark eyes. She wants to do so many things with him at the moment, but a part of her just wants the moment to freeze.

A soft moan escapes between his lips, and Da Eun is quick to retract her hand from his hair. She looks at him, and her heart feels heavy. She has not seen this man since his dating news broke out. She has not heard from him ever since. She feels betrayed, but her love for this man is greater than anything she holds for in this world.

“Da Eun… is that you?” Jongin’s voice croaks and he tries to open his eyes. He has not seen her since that day. He thought he was doing her a favour by cutting all contacts, but in reality, he was the one suffering at the end of it. He has had enough.

“Yes, it’s me. Shush, go back to sleep…” Da Eun ruffles his hair as she whispers into the night. is starting to swell, and her vision turns glassy. She misses him so much. Has he been well? Is he eating? Is he sleeping? Those are the questions she asks herself every day. Now that he is in front of her, all she wants to do is cry and cry.

Afraid of breaking down in front of him, she quickly gets up and grabs her towel. She moves as lightly as possible, afraid of disturbing his peaceful slumber. Da Eun snatches a clean tshirt and trousers and heads for the bathroom, but his voice puts a halt in her steps.

“Come back, don’t leave me” Jongin has his hand stretched out in the air, as if waiting for her own hand. “Sleep with me” his voice is soft, and Da Eun feels her heart wavering again.

“I’m going to shower, ok? I’ll come back” Without waiting for his reply, she quickly shuts the bathroom door and turns the shower on to drown her cries.

***

“SM confirms EXO KAI and f(x) Krystal is dating”

Da Eun dropped her fork onto her plate as her eyes read the article’s title again and again. No… He’s with me… Her lips quivered, and she found herself dialling Jongin’s number like it was a reflex.

Voicemail…

As she tried again for countless times, her calls were only directed to his voicemails.

Da Eun never heard from Jongin anymore.

***

Standing at the foot of her bed, she wonders how is she going to sleep on the same bed with him. Her brain is telling her to sleep on the floor, but her instinct wants him.

it.

Taking a deep breath, she scoots to her side of the bed carefully and slowly. Her heart drums against her ribcage, and her palms are starting to sweat. Great…

Jongin senses her presence on the bed and opens his eyes. He looks at her, and is again reminded of the reason why he fell for her at the first place. How gentle, how beautiful, how amazing she is. In a swift move, he pulls her down to lie down next to him, and curls his fingers around her neck.

Da Eun’s temperature shoots up, but she gives him a smile. She takes in everything at the sight of this gorgeous human being lying next to her. His romantic eyes, his alluring lips, and his sharp jawline. Kim Jongin is a vortex of melanin beauty.

“I miss you. So much” As soon as those words escape from his lips, all the walls she has built crumbles down. All her guards and shields surrender, simply because she loves him. But she is not going to show that, not just yet. Deep inside, her guts still hate him for what he did, or did not do.

“Go to sleep, it’s late”

“I am so sorry, Da Eun” Jongin tries to choke back a sob but fails, and tears escape from the pool of his eyes.

, please don’t

“I am so sorry I left you.” He cups her face with his palms and bores a deep gaze into her eyes. “I am so sorry, I… I didn’t know what to do… Oh my god, I miss you so much”

“Jongin… don’t. It’s okay, I’m okay. Don’t worry” Lies, and he knows her too well. Da Eun doesn’t even know why she bothers.

“I… Do you believe me? Do you trust me?”

A wave of nausea washes through her, and Da Eun realises she wants to cry again. She wants to blame him for what happened, but she was in no position to do so. They were never a thing. They never made anything official. Kim Jongin was just a member from EXO, whom on certain occasions find himself hanging out at her apartment when he has a free time.

“Of course, I trust you, Jongin… Are you okay?” She caresses his cheek gently, and wipes his tears away. “You look exhausted” Da Eun touches the area under his eyes. His eyebags are no joke.

“I am so tired with everything… I just want to be with you, you have no idea…” Jongin snakes an arm around her waist and pulls her closer. He breathes in the scent of her, her hair, her skin. “I am so tired without you, Da Eun”

Her heart trembles because of this man. The effect he has on her is mesmerizing. Being this close to him brings back so many feelings she thought she has forgotten. Her pulse is increasing and Da Eun finds it difficult to breathe in his embrace.

“How is work? I saw you on television today” She tries to stay in the safe lane, not wanting to touch the sensitive subject, yet.

“Hell. I forgot how tiring promotions are” His tone dips down an octave and he snuggles closer, their noses almost touching.

“Hmm… then you should get some sleep. Don’t you have work tomorrow?”

“No, no work” His breath hits her skin, and all her sanity flies out of the window. “I miss you. Do you miss me?” Jongin’s eyes trail down from her eyes to her lips, and he gulps. “I was going crazy…”

“Does your manager know where you are?”

“No”

“Jongin… you can’t do this. Go back”

“No.” He grips both of her wrists and hold them between their chests. “To hell with them. I just need a moment with you, or else I don’t know what I would do” Jongin starts kissing her knuckles softly, and slowly, he makes his way up to her cheeks, then her eyes, her nose, and lastly her lips.

He nibbles on her bottom lip, pulls away, then claims her upper lip. Jongin keeps up with this pace, and Da Eun finds herself accepting him. She longs for his kisses, his touch, his embrace. She wants to stay like this forever. Jongin parts her lips with his tongue, and she whimpers. She wants him so much.

Jongin stops and looks at her with all the love in his eyes “I’m sorry I left you” He kisses her again and pulls away “But don’t tell me to go” His lips seek for her again and he breathes against her skin. “I know I’m selfish, but I don’t know how to let you go”

Da Eun suddenly finds her cheeks wet with tears, and she realises she is crying. “I’m here, Jongin… I’m here” She pulls him in for a hug and her hands automatically wraps around his neck. She catches a whiff of his body, the scent she misses for months now. Da Eun feels Jongin’s hands encircle her waist and he buries his face into the crook of her neck.

“I just… I always find my way back to you.”

“Me, too. I miss you like crazy, Jongin”

“Don’t hate me, please” Da Eun sobs silently onto his tshirt, and shakes her head. No way in hell.

If they could have their wishes granted, it would be to freeze their moments together. Their times together seem to be too beautiful, but the world has other plans for both of them. Jongin and Da Eun know, when tomorrow comes, they simply cannot be together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's note:

I was inspired to write this when I saw how exhausted Jongin looks lately. I hope EXO will stop promoting for a while. They need enough rest, especially with the upcoming concerts and whatnot. Header thanks to Raysoda. I'm sorry for so many grammar mistakes. I wrote this at 1am and my head was tired haha. Pleasr leave your comment! :)

p/s: sorry if I offended any Kaistal shipper.