“You deserve someone better, oppa.”

She knows they’re holding in—restraining too much their own desire for their own sake—and that’s not healthy. She bites back the following sentence someone like Luna unnie because she knows it’s gonna come out as bitter spat instead.

Most of the times, Jung Soojung is a good kid. She’s polite, independent and beautiful. But the special trait of Jungs aka their stubbornness somehow will burden him. She’s stubborn, also impatient and far from perfect like Luna unnie.

There, she’s being bitter again.

“So do you.”

When she hears him—collected and calm like his usual him—Soojung knows this is the best for them. She also tries her best to make herself look composed, not to get intimidated by Jongdae’s stacked exterior, with one small smile. She feels dry.

She doesn’t even get to hear happy first year anniversary, my love Soojung yet from Kim Jongdae, because if they do not break their relationship, five days later will be their official one year anniversary (Soojung doesn’t count, it just happens in her mind, she’s even bad at calculating something trivial like this).

___

She doesn’t cry. Not even when Heo Youngji casually suggested double date for the following day of the d-day (the date is still marked in tiny love drawing with red marker on her calendar desk, she thinks ripping the month page apart from the rest is too dramatic and no, she’s fine) because Soojung doesn’t tell anyone that they have broken up—neither her roommate nor her sister.

Oh Sehun comes that night with a bucket of vanilla ice cream and her favorite chocolate biscuit, and together with Youngji they stay up late to accompany her doing a marathon of Wang’s Family. She doesn’t know the exact time she’s asleep, when she wakes up Youngji and Sehun sprawl on the carpet as she tries to figure them out in the darkness. Soojung slept on the couch, someone has put her blanket to cover her.

She gets up and walks to the kitchen, needs a glass of water. Her tongue feels numb, it’s funny, and Soojung blames on those sweet treats she savored previously.

She waits in the darkness for her tears to come out, but they don’t.

Soojung thinks she’s fine—they are okay.

She drags her body to the bedroom and like a routine, she checks her phone. It’s when there’s no missed call or unread text that gets her think she’s missing something.

His number isn’t deleted yet from her phone. Soojung stares at it for quite a while until she’s dizzy, her head is spinning and she ends up landing on her bed.

What’s wrong with me?

But she still doesn’t cry.

___

Rain accompanies her whole day. Soojung hangs her clothes inside because the veranda in her apartment has no roof. She didn’t ask, but usually Jongdae would suddenly pop up in the front door and the warm beef stew’s scent hurriedly filled in her nose. Youngji still isn’t home yet though the clock already says 5 pm.

In the silence like this Soojung’s mind is going to make an illusion—a longing feeling, feeling lost—and she can’t just let it win.

Her phone rings, she takes a moment to hum along the melody before answers it. It’s Sooyeon, her sister. She asks if Soojung is okay and Soojung insists she is. Sooyeon knows about her break up and Soojung just realizes she needs brand whole new circle of friends.

Kim Jongdae must have told Byun Baekhyun, his best friend and Baekhyun told his fiancée Kim Taeyeon. Not so surprisingly, Taeyeon is best friend of Sooyeon’s.

Sooyeon doesn’t question Soojung how the hell she ended up knowing after quite a relay message. No, they are not that close. Talking in the phone about how Soojung feels is the most intimate scene for Jung siblings to experience. They used to be busy ignoring each other.

Soojung shuts her eyes for a moment; this is also an impact of his influence. Jongdae got the sisters closer with his friendliness and endless concern.

“He deserves better.” She talks to her sister, biting her lower lip.

“Everyone. Everyone deserves better, Jung Soojung.”

“He deserves someone much better than me. I don’t deserve him.”

She wonders why feels itchy suddenly, where Youngji goes in the dawn time and when the rain will stop singing the heartbreaking rhythm.

“That’s not true, Jung Soojung. That’s never been true.”

Soojung lets out a choked sob.

“Soojung-ah, are you okay? Should I come to Seoul tomorrow?”

Sooyeon is always back and forth between New York and Seoul since her own fashion line began to succeed and Soojung doesn’t think they are still not that close yet to let one of them sacrifice their precious time and give hug to comfort each other.

“Don’t worry, unnie. Thank you.” Thanks for opening my heart, unnie.

Soojung cries to sleep for the rest of the day.

___

Heo Youngji is sick. Turns out when she got wet because of the downpour last evening, it easily damaged her body immune. She has a high fever and Soojung sprints to the nearby convenience store after calling Oh Sehun about his dear girlfriend. Soojung already in line to pay when Sehun comes from the drug store, asking her what else he should buy for Youngji. They are in the middle of small, urgent discussion when the door of the store was open, and Soojung’s gaze immediately connected with Jongdae’s.

The pair of his eyes flashes an odd look after glancing at Sehun before back into normal one, as he greets them politely as both him and Baekhyun walk in. That reminds Soojung about maybe moving place too, because apparently with their apartment in the same block, the awkward coincidence like this will happen a lot, and she isn’t likely fond of unprepared encounter.

She can practically feel how her stomach does funny thing and her heartbeat quickens.

Baekhyun is the first one to break their unhealthy silence with small chat about what Soojung and Sehun do at the store and after Sehun answers briefly about Youngji’s condition, the older guy says this:

“Then, let’s hurry, Sehun-ah! High fever can lead to anything!”

Suddenly Byun Baekhyun pulls Sehun’s arm and drags him out of the store, purposefully leaving Jongdae and Soojung behind. Well, she still needs to pay the goods in her hand and Jongdae needs to find his necessity, so no worries.

Soojung ignores the polite guy and starts waiting in the line, and she pretends her body doesn’t react weirdly upon the fact they are under the same roof again. She almost loses her cool when his steady breath ticks her nape as he’s standing behind her now. She can’t believe he already taken whatever his stuff this quick.

Jongdae’s hand is faster when the cashier girl says Soojung’s total, handing out his card. Soojung tries to stay calm in spite of the fact he’s practically hovering over her from behind and besides, she doesn’t like to make a scene.

“You don’t need to do that.” She scowls as they coming out of the store, his hand brings none. “Here,” Soojung adds, handing him the cash she owes him.

“And you don’t need to do this too.” He refuses, buries both of his hands in his pocket jeans instead.

“No, oppa. Please take this. It’s inconvenience for me to owe something to you.” She bluntly retorts, too late to take back what shouldn’t have been said. She bites her tongue to talk furthermore, as eyes watching carefully his darkened face.

He mumbles something, there are Hun, me, Soojung doesn’t quite catch and before her knowing Jongdae already takes the money from her grip.

“Tell Youngji I say hello and wish she’ll get a speedy recovery.”

He sounds forced, voice is thick with restrain and Soojung thinks there, there you are, holding in again whatever something bothering you. Jongdae has already left when she can’t even let out a proper sentence.

What left is a heavy burden in her chest.

___

“Oh, Soojung…” Youngji sighs. “My poor Soojung,” She reiterates but Soojung is still in her spot, sitting at the edge of her roommate’s bed blankly. Baekhyun visited Youngji last time as he and Sehun walking together from the store. Of course Byun Baekhyun told Sehun his consent about Jongdae and her (more like from Jongdae’s point of view) then Sehun passed that to his girlfriend.

Soojung doesn’t want to open at first because well, Youngji is sick and she can’t add the burden to her dear friend but Youngji keeps pestering her about how unlucky they are.

“I told him he deserved better.” At the beginning her voice already loses its steadiness. Youngji squeezes her hands, warm and weak, but it does give Soojung invisible power to carry on. “Like Luna unnie.”

She tastes salt. She tastes her own tears.

“Oh, Soojung…” Youngji responds, her voice sounds sad and emphatic. “You are better than anyone else.”

“I,” Soojung chokes on her breath. “I’m not.” She whispers, broken.

Youngji sits up (and in Soojung’s rational mind reminds her about how truly unwell her friend’s condition is right now, but the other part of her mind only knows to cope with her sudden leaking sadness) and reaches Soojung’s face. Her other hand still keeps Soojung’s hand warm in her grip.

“You are wonderful human being, Soojung-ah. Do you know how I feel so much jealousy toward you? I didn’t even believe when Sehun confessed to me because of the closeness and natural chemistry both of you have. But instead of being mad at me for suddenly claiming your childhood friend’s time more, you actually support us, and I truly grateful for that.” Youngji lets out a sincere smile as she takes a breath before continuing on. “Still remember how Sehun and I got into fight often? We figured it out that we still didn’t come honest with each other.”

She moves her arm and softly wipes away Soojung’s tears, while the latter still has no word to reply.

“Talk it out with oppa. Be honest about your feeling, Soojung-ah, if you love him, tell you love him. If you’re jealous, tell him clearly and don’t mask your true feeling.”

Soojung sobs. Youngji pulls her into a hug. At the outside of the bedroom, Sehun leans against door frame watching over his precious girls. He flashes a warm smile when Youngji catches his gaze and she smiles back.

They hope Soojung can see how sincere Jongdae is, and wish everything turn well.

___