Jeongguk knew he wasn’t welcome the moment he stepped his feet on ground of the segment.

He wasn’t expecting it, he wasn’t expected to be rejected. To be honest, he really anticipated for  his first variety guesting. His hyungs even supported him and encouraged him that everything would be all right as long as he compose himself and settle down, breathe in and breathe out. Jimin, his best friend, prepared his luggage for him and asked him if he brought this, if he brought that and brought what. It was annoying how Jimin treated him like a child or to be more specific, like a baby when he was clearly not and he was already an adult for peke’s sakes. Nonetheless, he felt glad and loved. He won’t never admit that to Jimin because he was shy about it and he was certain that the latter would brag that fact to their fans if he ever knew. Basically, Jungkook was saving his for another embarrassment from Jimin’s actions which he found adorable.

Seokjin on the other side, gave him tips on how to survive for two days without his hyungs, without them beside him. He completely rolled his eyes at that, but still nodding in understanding as the oldest lectured him. He knew they were concerned about his health, about his safety and about his security. Frankly, he was extremely worried and anxious too, but he couldn’t rely on his hyungs all the time, couldn’t he?

And there was Taehyung, slightly crying on his chest as his older boyfriend hugged him very tight. He was muttering ‘don’t go’ and Jeongguk swore his heart stopped beating for awhile due of Taehyung’s soft pleas. Yet, he couldn’t do that. Even though he wanted to stay and cuddle with his older boyfriend, he must go. He was casted in and it was already announced that he would be the guest for Flower Crew plus, the fans were all excited and jittery, feeling proud and happy for him.

At the airport, he couldn’t help but to turn around and glance at the fans behind him. They were shouting words of motivations to him, they were congratulating him because finally, he got this rare chance to show what he was capable to. He waved at them, bowed at them and smiled at them, he was truly ecstatic especially when the fans cheered for him to do well and return safe and sound. He promised them that he would have fun and yes, he would be back safe and unhurt.

Jeongguk already broke his promise.

He was in the bathroom right now, supressing his sobs. He wanted to break. He wanted to die. He wanted to go home. He wanted to feel Taehyung. Why? Why things went like this? Why did they look at him with utter disgust and why did they acted toward him like that? Did he do something wrong? Did he offend them? Did he say something rude? He knew he didn’t do anything out of hand. They were like ten years older than him, he would definitely respect them. Wasn’t it because he was late? He was late because he bought burgers for the seniors, to show his respect and sincerity yet they told him he was a weird kid and disregarded him alongside with his burgers left untouched and unwanted just like him. Jeongguk tried to cover his disappointment by telling the viewers how amazing the burgers were, he even did exaggerating gestures and hand signals to define the burger. Not knowing to do afterwards due of the fact that the others were having their own conversation and he felt like he shouldn’t interrupt, he slowly made his way to sit on the ground where his name located, hands holding the pack of burgers.

As the broadcast continued, he felt even more tier. Fans, probably, armys showing their support to him flooded the comment section and his cam even got six million hearts in just a mere minutes. The seniors, Seho indeed, commented that the show wasn’t all about Jeongguk, similar to it's not jeongguk's crew, it's ing flower crew hinting that it wasn’t a show only focused to Jeongguk. He just nodded and forced himself to laugh it off, chest tightening as different emotions surged in. Then, the votings for leader came. Seho told the viewers to vote wisely and fairly, he even asked Jeongguk regarding it and he agreed. There was a bitter tone on Seho’s voice, he attempted to shrug that feeling and distract himself by looking at the comment section. He gestured to the viewers to stop voting for him because he felt that being a leader wasn’t suited on him and he just wanted to have fun without feeling a burden on his shoulders but on the brighter side, he wanted to be a leader too, experience different opportunities and responsibilities yet, he knew this time wasn’t the right time to even consider that so he threw signals that he didn’t want to be the leader. Especially now, he felt like the others eyeing him with disapproval because of the attention he was getting. He was an idol, what did they expect?

He won. He ing won and he wasn’t feeling good about it. He still thanked the fans, nevertheless. He wished that they didn’t notice how his eyes got slyly teary and watery, he felt exploding.

Jeongguk continued to cry, a hand clasping over his trembling lips. He was leaning his back against the hard metal of the bathroom, damn it, how could he endure this kind of treatment for a long period of time? How could he sleep? How could he search for peace of mind? How could he enjoy? He needed anyone, somebody. He needed Taehyung. He felt dizzy, close to vomit all the food he consumed in. Apparently, the others were eating right now and didn’t give a damn where he was. He couldn’t even let himself face them without breaking down. He couldn’t let himself be humiliated by their cold jokes and harsh stares. He knew they had a kind heart too, it just happened that they were pissed off because he got people’s side due of his raising popularity. Even so, they should have expected that to happen since he was a hallyu star, if they didn’t want that to happen at the first place, they shouldn’t have invited him.

Jeongguk jumped backwards when his phone vibrated, the brightness of his phone made his eyes squint and sting.

Taehyung.

Rubbing the tears away, he answered the call and he was welcome by Taehyung’s deep voice that he missed very much.

“Hi, baby.” The older started, chuckling lowly. Taehyung only called him like that when he was missing the younger. “How are you in there? You were doing good! Jimin couldn’t stop tweeting about your appearance in that show you’re in. How’s Jeju?” Taehyung casually asked, adjusting his phone close to his ear to hear his younger boyfriend’s voice clearly.

Jeongguk gave his best not to whimper, not to make any sounds that would made Taehyung suspicious. He really tried his all might not to. “I-I see. I’m really good here-“ Couldn’t bring himself to lie to his boyfriend, he paused and the line went quiet as he bawled his eyes out and frantically gasped for air as he weep hard. He couldn’t control himself, he couldn’t mask his inner feelings if he was with Taehyung.

“I know, I know,” Taehyung whispered, vulnerable and fragile just like Jeongguk’s current state. “I saw what they did. But you know that you don’t deserve that, right?” The younger nodded his head abruptly, gripping on his device firmly as he listen to what Taehyung’s saying.

“I love you so much, Jeongguk-ah.” The older spoke gently, making Jeongguk’s legs weakened. “You’re an idol, most of the viewers supports you because you’re their role model and they love you as much as I do or perhaps, more than that. Heck, they wouldn’t even watch that show if you’re not in. Don’t be feel so unhappy being the leader; the fans loves you that they gave you hearts. They were there to vote for you because you’re the reason why they’re watching the show. Honestly speaking, I called you because I was really worried about you. I know you overthink, I know you can’t handle your own emotions and I know you will be depressed and let yourself suffer in anguish. But, the question is, would you let them affect you that much?”

Jeongguk pondered a bit, digesting every fibre of words the older gave to him. Eventually, as he swallowed down the statement Taehyung said, he felt strangely relieved and determined to show what he got and what his capabilities were. Instead of moping around and getting his heart torn apart in a million ways because of the judgements of others, he would still do his thing and be Jeon Jeongguk. Since when did he care about others saying? As long as he was happy and not stomping on anyone’s pride and dignity, he would continue what he was doing and enjoy what he had now. Just like what Taehyung said, show them what you got and prove them that you were not worth messing with.

“Can I just go home?” Jeongguk stammered, staring up at the ceiling. He had stopped crying already, tears dried on his flawless skin.

Taehyung laughed at that, he knew that the younger was just joking around to light the dark atmosphere they were in. The older shook his head in disagreement while muttering a, “No, you need to stay and let me miss you like how much I made you missed me when I was filming my drama.”

Jeongguk snickered, he recalled those days whereas he was crazily missing the latter every time he got to shoot. It was painful to wait but if its Taehyung, he knew it was all worth ‘til the end.

“I miss you, Jeongguk.” The older stated, biting his bottom lip. “Come back home, soon.”

With a smile dancing on his lips, he momentarily shut his eyes and responded, “I will. I miss you too, baby.”