I don't know what's wrong with this but this is a mess since I uploaded it by laptop. Anyway, just ignore it okay? Thanks.

 

 

 

 

Jimin waves to the fan and pushes her book to Hoseok beside him. Then another girl shows up in front of him. He gives her a bright smile.

            “Good morning.”

            She returns his smile and pushes his book to Jimin. “Good morning oppa. How are you?”

            “After seeing you? Better.”

            The girl turns a bright pink and Jimin giggles at this.

            “Where do I sign?”

            She clumsily flips the book open. “Oh, I forgot to take out the note.” She reaches inside her bag for the post-it note.

            As Jimin signs the book, a note slides out of it and catches his attention, mostly because it has Jungkook’s name on it. It says ‘Which couple for Jungkook you like the most?’ and below is the name of others.

            His heartbeat sounds too loud as his eyes trail downwards but it abruptly stops when he sees his name was crossed out and Taehyung’s was picked. He immediately glances to another end of the table and there is it, Taehyung and Jungkook who are sitting beside each other are bickering playfully with bright smile on their faces. In another time, he would be okay but now, his mind is numb and all he feels is how painful his heartbeat is.

            “Oppa, this is it.”

            He throws aside all those painful feelings and fakes a sweet smile. “Okay.”

            After the girl is gone, he takes a moment to inhale deeply. But his head starts to get heavy.

            “Park Jimin, what the hell is wrong with you?” he mutters to himself and shakes his head slowly.

            “Morning oppa.” There comes another girl.

            He smiles and it is a fake one but at least he still can. “Morning. How do you feel today?”

            “Great. Sign here, please.” She points to her book. As he does, she is staring at him rather curiously.

            Without looking up, Jimin asks her, “Why? Do you have any question?”

            “You seem to love Jungkook very much. Does he love you back?”

            His moving hand comes to a halt. He looks up and meets her eyes. “I don’t know. Why didn’t you ask him earlier?” because I’m dying to know the answer too.

            She looks innocent when she answers, “I did but he said no.”

            And he gets the answer. Again, Jimin’s heart beats in familiar pain. Unexpectedly, he laughs at this. “Then why did you still ask me?”

            The girl looks surprised. “It doesn’t bother you?”

            Jimin continues signing her book with an unreadable smile tugging his lips. “Even if it does, what should I do?”

            She is rather speechless. Jimin waves at her. “Nice to meet you, bye.” He pushes the book to Hoseok and the girl moves away with a guilty face.

            Jimin shuts his eyes close. His head is getting heavier and the pain in his chest can’t be ignored anymore.

            Are you stupid to think that he’ll love you back? Rejecting you, making fun of you, avoiding your touch, pushing you away when you were close with him, isn’t that enough to tell you that he is far from loving you? Even if he does, obviously he loves Taehyung more than you.

            “Jimin oppa?”

            He shoots his eyes open to see another girl before him and she is staring at him with a hint of pity in her look.

            “Sorry, I was-“

            “Does it hurt?”

            Jimin blinks confusedly. “What?”

            She bites her lips and asks again in a careful tone. “Does it hurt to love someone who won’t love you back?”

            Again, a fake smile is plastered on Jimin’s face. “I don’t know-“

            “I’m talking about Jeon Jungkook.” She cuts him off. “You love him, right?”

            Jimin’s smile freezes in its place. His gaze falls on the table and he sighs heavily. “Of course I do.”

            She frowns. “Then why do you still love him when the only thing he did was hurting you?”

            “Because I can’t stop!”

            Those words come out before he could swallow them back. The pain in his chest intensifies when he finally realises what he has just said. And the sudden outburst astonishes both of them that they fall silent after that.

            Her gaze softens and she reaches out to hold Jimin’s hand. In soft voice, she says. “Stop loving him. You’re only hurting yourself.”

            Oh, how true those words are. It’s now that he realises he has lost too deep in his love for Jungkook to feel the pain of not being loved back. It’s now all those pain rushes into him like a tidal and it hurts, so much that a tear falls down without him knowing.

            This surprises the girl that she immediately retreats her hand back from Jimin’s. “O-oppa”

            “I’m okay.”

            Another tear falls. He wipes it off but it is useless because seconds later, his tears fall in constant stream. He lowers his head and rubs his wet face furiously.

            “I-I’m okay.”

            He chokes on his tears. The pain in his chest becomes unbearable and it all suffocates him. It hurts, too much that he can’t bear it any longer.

            “I-I’m not okay.”

            He can’t lie anymore. Of course he is not okay, not when his tears keep falling, not when his chest is in continuous pain, not when after all the pain he feels,

            He still loves Jeon Jungkook.

            “Jimin-ah, are you okay?”

            Hoseok, who wears a worried look, touches him gently and he reacts by pressing his face against Hoseok’s shoulder. Hoseok is bewildered when a soft sob comes out from Jimin’s mouth. He looks at the fans who are watching the scene and offers them a reassuring smile.

            “Please give us some time.”

            Hoseok asks the staff for tissues while he wraps his arm around Jimin and his hand is busy Jimin’s hair in a comforting way. Jin on the other side of Jimin gives him a questioning look but Hoseok just shakes his head.

            There are some noises coming from the crowd but later, a chant of ‘Don’t cry’ echoes in the room. The other members start to get worried, asking Hoseok what had just happened but Hoseok can only shake his head.

            “Jimin-ah,”

            Hoseok pushes Jimin off his body to take a look at his face. It is wet with tears, with his lips trembling hard and his eyes hold too much pain that Hoseok is render speechless.

            “J-Jimin,”

            Jimin swallows hard to clear the lump in his throat and he flutters his eyes close. Slowly, he mutters out some words in a shaky voice.

            “I’m not okay. It hurts. It really hurts.”

            Fresh tears flow out from his closed eyes. There are creases of worry on Hoseok’s forehead as he cups Jimin’s wet cheeks.

            “It’s okay, Jimin. You have to be strong, for ARMY.” as if on the cue, the chant ‘Don’t cry’ is getting louder.

            Jimin slowly opens his eyes and glances sideway to the crowd. In just one glance, he can see it. He sees how worried the fans are, chanting to him loudly. His eyes meet Hoseok’s and he lets out a shaky breath.

            “You’re right hyung. It’s okay for me to be hurt but I can’t disappoint them. I need to be strong, right?”

            He takes the tissue from the staff and wipes his tears away. He then turns to the fans and waves with a bright smile on his face.

            “I’m okay, really. Sorry to make you guys worried.” He makes a heart sign with his arms to assure the fans and they make a noise, still with worried looks on their faces.

            Jimin takes a deep breath and looks down at the girl in front of him. Smiling, he asks,

            “Where were we?”

            The event goes on smoothly after that, with Jimin occasionally wiping the fallen tears away.

 

 

 

            Hoseok slides the door close and later their manager drives the van off. Other members start to get confused.

            “Wait, Hoseok, where’s Jiminie?” Namjoon asks with a frown on his face. He remembers seeing Hoseok and Jimin being the first rushing out of the room and they disappeared out of others’ sight after that. Now Hosoeok came alone and they are going home without Jimin.

            Hoseok throws his gaze outside the window, obviously avoiding Namjoon’s eyes.

            “He is in the practice room. He told us to go home first.”

            “What happened to him? Why did he cry?”

            The same question lingers in the mind of other five members but it is Yoongi who voices it out. They are looking at each other and soon all eyes are on Hoseok who is still avoiding their gazes.

            In a monotone voice, Hoseok answers, “I don’t know. He didn’t tell me anything.”

            Taehyung folds his arms and frowns to no one. “As expected. He won’t ever tell us his problems.” He sounds angry but everyone knows how worried he is.

            Jin frowns too. “How could he tell us when he often cried alone? That’s why I was really surprised today. It must be too much for him that he couldn’t hold on anymore.”

            Namjoon groans. “I wish he could tell us his problems so we can comfort him, like he always did to us.”

            It hits them hard. Jin’s words remind them that they would always find Jimin crying silently and when asked, Jimin would wave them off and flash them reassuring smile, just like what Namjoon said.

            The journey goes silent after that. Hoseok finally tears his gaze away from the window and searches for the youngest member. When their eyes meet, Hoseok’s hands unknowingly turn into fists.

 

 

 

            Jungkook knows Hoseok has been hiding something from them because when their eyes meet just now, he saw something unexplainable in there. So when they have arrived at their dorm, he approaches Hoseok before the older can enter his room.

            “Hyung, wait!”

            Hoseok turns to him with a weary look on his face but he still goes on.

            “Hyung, I know you know something. Please tell me.”

            Hoseok clenches his jaw. His gaze visibly darkens. And when he speaks, his voice is dangerously low.

            “Tell you what, Jeon Jungkook?”

            Jungkook looks surprised and Hoseok smirks at this. Glaring, he steps closer to Jungkook who is frozen on his place. He seems to momentarily forgets that the others are there, watching him curiously.

            “Let me tell you, Jeon Jungkook, if you really want to know.” His eyes are gleaming in rage and his voice sounds clear and loud.

            “He cried. He broke down. And you know what? He told me he wasn’t okay, that it hurt him, it really hurt him. I saw his eyes, they were in pain, and he really was in pain. I should know better than asking him to stay strong for ARMY because he really did. He said that it’s okay for him to be hurt, that he couldn’t disappoint the fans so he stopped crying and smiled. He freaking smiled and acted like nothing happened. Now you tell me Jungkook-ah, what do you think what I felt that time, after watching him like that?”

            Jungkook doesn’t realise he is crying but when he does, he doesn’t bother to wipe the tears away. His shaking gaze falls on the floor and stays there. He is momentarily speechless.

            Hoseok’s eyes finally flicker to the others and notice the presence of tears in their eyes. He lets out a shaky breath.

            “Follow me, Jungkook.”

            Without another word, he enters his room. Jungkook takes time to inhale deeply and rubs tears off his eyes. He braces himself and steps into the same room, closing the door behind him.

            “Oh my god, Park Jimin.” Taehyung buries his face in his hands and sobs. Jin beside him wraps an arm around him in a comforting way.

            “I wish he will stay strong.” Namjoon mutters and Yoongi nods, dabbing the corners of his eyes.

 

           

 

Once Jimin steps into the all familiar room, he falls right on his knees. He forces himself up even though the pressure is weighing down on him like a lead. Clenching his fists, he drags his feet to stand closer to the mirrored wall.

His reflection is staring at him and the first thing he notices is the weariness sketched out on his entire face.

“What’s wrong with you?” he mouths those words.

He notices how empty his eyes are. They used to burning in passion.

He mouths again. “You look too pathetic.”

He notices the trace of tears on his face. It used to be wet with sweat.

“You make people worried.” Now, his voice is barely above the whisper.

He notices how hard his body trembling. It used to be composed and steady.

“You should be strong.”

He mutters and ends up choking on his tears. His mind is having a flashback from the earlier fan meeting and he is crying again. And he suddenly loathes himself so much that he starts to shout.

            “Then, why did you cry?”

            His loud voice echoes in the empty room. He sees it in the mirror. He sees how fast the tears running down his face. And the pain in his eyes, it is impossible to not see that because it is damn obvious.

            “Why are you crying right now, you stupid? You are weak! You are really pathetic.”

            His voice is getting higher and he keeps screaming. He screams until his voice sounds hoarse and his throat starts to get sore. He doesn’t even think to stop because I’m already in pain, why bother?

            The only thing he thinks right now is; the pain is not enough.

            Not enough for him neither to hate nor to stop loving Jungkook.

            He finally stops screaming and swallows hard. He steps backwards and although his gaze is blurry, he keeps staring at his reflection. Once he is in the centre of the room, he stands still and takes a deep breath. He feels his body burning, and for once, it isn’t because of passion but due to total rage.

            Sobbing, he starts to dance.

 

 

 

            One hour later…

            Dancing this long shouldn’t be a problem to him but this is a completely different case. He is still sobbing and still burning in rage so all of these wear him out faster than before. He doesn’t pause to catch his breath which is getting heavier in every second or to even rest his muscles which are starting to ache. But he never once thinks to stop because still,

            The pain is not enough.

 

 

 

            Two hours later…

            His sob subsides and soon he is crying silently but tears are still falling and he is still dancing, switching from one dance to another. Sometimes, there are even random moves mixed between. His legs starts to beg for him to stop and his eyes are all puffy but his mind doesn’t seem to want to cooperate after all. Probably because he keeps telling himself,

The pain is still not enough.

 

 

 

Three hours later…

His legs completely give him away and he falls on his knees hard, panting heavily. He forces himself to get up but his body is too numb and all energy is drained out that he fails in every try. His face is wet with both tears and sweat, his breathing is uneven and he has to struggle to keep breathing, and weariness takes hold of him entirely that he falls on his back. To be honest, he is in total agony. His head is spinning, his body is aching and even breathing takes such a great effort. In dazed, he stares at the ceiling and soon, he screams because

The pain, after all, is still not enough.

 

It is only 3 hours without Jimin but it seems like the world has already lost its sun. Hoseok and Jungkook are in their respective rooms, Yoongi busies himself composing songs but he keeps filling the dustbin with crumpled papers, Taehyung is watching the tv or more to flipping through the channels absent-mindedly while Namjoon and Jin are in the kitchen, doing nothing but staring into spaces.

“Are you sure he won’t do anything stupid?”

Namjoon’s gaze shifts from the table to Jin’s face which is full with creases of worry. Jin glances at him and sighs.

“I know I keep asking you the same question hundreds time already but, he doesn’t come yet, and I don’t know whether he has his lunch or not, and where is he-“ he pauses when Namjoon holds his hand and he swallows hard to clear the forming lump in his throat.

“I just want to know if he is doing fine, if he stays safe and sound.” He averts his shaky gaze away as his hand starts to tremble.

“I just want him to come back.” A tear rolls down and he immediately wipes it away.

Namjoon gives his hand a squeeze. “Hyung, I believe in him. I believe he will come back. So you have to do the same.”

Namjoon’s voice is comforting and Jin finds himself nodding at this. Right after that, they hear the front door bursts open. Both look at each other and immediately scramble to their feet.

“Jimin!” they exclaim in surprise from the hallway. Before they can make any move, Taehyung rushes pass them and stops some feet away from Jimin who is leaning hard against the door frame. As Jimin slowly looks up, Taehyung gasps and his eyes widen in terror.

“What the hell, Park Jimin?” Taehyung cries out in astonishment and both Jin and Namjoon comes right beside him just in time to see red sticky liquid dripping down Jimin’s nose and falls on the floor as dots.

Jimin tries to focus his hazy gaze on them but his head starts to spin and he barely notices his bleeding nose. He only does when the blood starts to drip faster so with a trembling hand, he reaches up to brush it off. And when he glances down to see the blood staining his hand, there is a small smile on his absolutely pale face.

“I-I’m okay.” He mouths and takes a step to Taehyung. That’s when the pain is unbearable and too much for him that his mind completely shuts down on its own. Before he can fall on the floor, Taehyung catches him. Jin comes to his aid.

“Stupid! You are clearly not okay.” Taehyung mutters in shaky voice. Jin helps him to carry Jimin into his room and puts him on his bed while Namjoon takes out his phone to call a doctor, his lips trembling. Jin runs to the kitchen to grab a box of tissue and on his way back, he is stopped by Hoseok who is just coming out from his room.

“Hyung, what’s with that noise?”

“Jimin’s here.” He answers and Hoseok, eyes widen, follows him into the room.

Hoseok stands there with a terrified look on his face as he watches Jin dabbing the blood off Jimin’s face. He turns to Namjoon.

“Namjoon, have you called the doctor yet?”

Namjoon who loses his words just nods blankly. Seconds later, Yoongi rushes in and once his eyes land on Jimin, he gasps inaudibly.

Hoseok doesn’t know what he has been thinking but soon he finds himself dragging Jungkook out of his room and pushes the youngest to the bed where Jimin is lying on.

Jungkook stands there, frozen. His gaze starts to waver and his throat suddenly feels dry that he has to swallow hard. He bites his lower lip to stop it from trembling but he can’t stop the tears from streaming down his face. Slowly, he steps back away from the others and lets out a soft sob.

Everyone doesn’t say any words after that.

 

Jin is preparing dinner and Yoongi is helping him after he decides his dustbin is full enough already. Namjoon is sitting on another bed with Hoseok beside him and both are staring blankly at the wall. Taehyung is on the floor, right next to Jimin’s bed, holding Jimin’s hand and his gaze never leaves Jimin’s face. Jungkook is nowhere to be seen.

Although they haven’t spoken any words, they have been thinking the same exact thing; they are recalling back the words the doctor had just said.

“He’s fine. It’s nothing serious really. But seems like he is too worn-out, probably he went past his limit I must say.”

“That’s it, right? He doesn’t have to be charged into ward, does he?”

“It’s not necessary to do that. Just let him have a good rest and make sure he takes his meal properly. But I think he needs to do a check-up at the hospital after he wakes up.”

“Why?”

“Well, you said he was in distress and looks like he kept going on even though he was totally exhausted. I can say he was trying hard to forget his problem. That’s why I suspect that he has depression.”

The atmosphere was intense after that.

 

Taehyung and Namjoon are no longer in the room. Hoseok told them to take some rest and reluctantly, they left. He stands right next to Jimin’s bed, looking down at the face with a worried gaze and he silently prays that Jimin will wake up sooner.

“Jimin-ah.” He whispers with a small smile tugging his lips.

Jimin grunts and Hoseok, surprised, leans closer to him.

“J-Jimin?”

Hoseok watches in total relief as Jimin flutters his eyes open and his fingers move slightly. His gaze slowly slides over to Hoseok who is smiling down softly at him.

He blurts out “Hyung,” but his throat feels all dry that his voice comes out hoarse.

“It’s okay, Jimin-ah. Take your time.” Hoseok pats his hand.

Jimin takes a deep breath but ends up having a coughing fit. His chest feels heavy and it seems like his all inside is burning up. Hoseok helps him to sit up and rubs his back to calm him down. He does but his throat is still sore. And worse, his muscles burn every time he moves and his head is spinning that the world seems to be swirling before him.

“Do you have lunch?”

Jimin shakes his head to answer Hoseok. Hoseok’s face wrinkles in worry.

“Come on, let’s get you some food.” Hoseok attempts to drag Jimin up but Jimin shakes his head again.

“Bathroom.” is the only word Jimin croaks out.

“Fine, let’s go.” Hoseok knows perfectly not to argue so he stands up, pulling Jimin with him and slings Jimin’s arm around his shoulder. Carefully, he assists Jimin to the bathroom.

“Call for me if you need anything.”

Jimin nods weakly and shuts the door close between them. Not long after that, Hoseok clearly hears the sound of Jimin throwing up. His face scrunches up, not in disgust but completely in worry. He leans his forehead at the door and at the sound of the shower running, he heaves a sigh.

 

Jimin drags up his legs and buries his face on his knees. Hugging himself, he lets the shower falling on him like the rain and he doesn’t even bother to move a muscle, even to take off his clothes. He’s too tired though.

Too tired to cry even he wants to. And he doesn’t think he has any tears left and his eyes are puffy enough so he gives up on crying.

Too tired to scream even the words are merely just at the tip of his tongue. Besides, his throat feels sore and his voice is already hoarse so he gives up on screaming too. Honestly, he’s too tired to do anything so he just sits silently and lets the water runs on his body.

“Why are you hurting yourself?”

The question knocks him real hard that he finds his body trembling furiously.

“What’s the point of being in pain?”

He unknowingly digs his nails deeper into his skin. Surely it will leave marks but he doesn’t spare any thought about it.

“He still won’t love you anyway.”

His heart clenches painfully and it beats too loud, too fast that he thinks it might burst. Suddenly, everything seems to suffocate him and his inside feels like it is crushed hard. It’s painful, everywhere.

“Jimin-ah! Here are your clothes!” Hoseok shouts with a knock on the door.

Jimin blinks. He feels like he just wakes up from his dream. There’s something in his hand and when he looks down, he lets out a gasp. No word can describe how terrified he is to see that he has less than 10 sleeping pills in his fist and if Hoseok didn’t interfere just now, he probably had them washed down his throat already.

Shaken by the thought, he abruptly drops all the pills into the sink and steps back from it. He’s confused and terrified too but it’s nothing compared to how relieved he is that he gains back his sense before it’s all too late.

“I need to stop this.”

 

Jimin only has time to drag himself a foot away from the bathroom before he is engulfed into a warm hug. No need to guess, he recognises the familiar warmth immediately. Suddenly, he feels belonged again.

“Jimin-ah, are you okay?” Taehyung’s voice is thick with worry and Jimin can’t help but to smile.

“I’m okay, Taetae.”

But Taehyung only tightens his hug and mumbles, “Are you sure?”

Jimin rolls his eyes at this. “Damn sure. Now let me go before I kick your .”

Taehyung pulls away with a frown on his face. “You are really okay.” Even though his face shows annoyance, his voice can’t hide the obvious relief he feels.

Jimin doesn’t have time to smack his best friend’s face because then he is lost in warmth again. This time, it belongs to Hoseok, Namjoon and Jin. They are suffocating him, but in a good way though.

“Jimin-ah, how do you feel?”

“Jimin-ah, let’s get you stuffed with food.”

“Jimin-ah, we’re glad you came back.”

Jimin doesn’t answer; he can’t bring himself too. There’s too much that he wants to say and it all gets stuck in his throat but there’s one word slips out of his mouth.

“Sorry.”

Everyone backs away from him with soft smile on their faces. Hoseok wraps an arm around him and pulls him closer.

“We are sorry for not being there with you and let you face it alone.”

Jimin looks up at Hoseok and there’s a moment of silence before he suddenly mumbles, “I’m hungry.”

They all burst into laughter. Jin, whose face shows so much relief, pats Jimin’s head twice. “Let’s eat. I cook your favourite.”

Jimin waves them off. “Go first. I need to dry my hair.” And when they head to the kitchen, Jimin turns to the other way and limps off to his room.

 

To be honest, he just needs an excuse to be alone so he can put all the broken pieces back into him. And there he is, sitting on his bed, hands on his lap and warm against his thighs, towel draped over his head which is tilted slightly upwards, and his eyes are closed, his eyelashes flutter weakly against his cheeks.

Although uninvited, the earlier incident in the bathroom fills up his mind that he shudders involuntarily. How he ended up being like that, he doesn’t ever want to know but he can’t run from the fact that he knows how it all started with.

“Jimin hyung.”

Jimin thinks he’s imagining it but it sounds too close for it to be one.

“Hyung.”

The damn too familiar voice sounds almost pleading that Jimin can’t ignore it anymore. So he flutters his eyes open.

It’s Jeon Jungkook and all Jimin thinks that time is oh, how I wish it isn’t him.

How he wishes it isn’t Jungkook standing before him, towering above him so close that he can feel their breaths ghosting between their face. How he wishes it isn’t Jungkook staring down at him with shaky gaze and eyes b in tears although they are already bloodshot and puffy. How he wishes it isn’t Jungkook whose lips can’t stop quivering so Jungkook doesn’t have to bite them because the lower one is already full with teeth’s marks.

Jimin only watches in silent as Jungkook reaches up with a trembling hand to tug down the towel and it falls beside him. The same hand brushes softly against his cheek. He closes his eyes at this.

“It takes me to get sick for you to actually care about me, right?”

“H-hyung,”

Jungkook’s voice is shaking and sounds surprised but he still goes on.

“Never mind. It’s my fault. I should know better.”

He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know how confused the younger is. So he decides to make it clear. Fluttering his eyes open, he swats Jungkook’s hand off his face softly. His eyes meet Jungkook’s and in that moment, he feels everything inside him crumples down.

All kind of emotions attack him mercilessly and this time, he is totally defenceless and they win over him easily. He bends over, hands running furiously through his damp hair and he starts to whimper incoherent words.

Amidst all that, he catches Jungkook’s frantic voice. “Hyung, are you okay?” and Jungkook places a hand on him, hesitant but gentle as if he is unsure what to do.

And Jimin laughs. It’s bitter and broken. “Do you really want to know?” he looks up but not looking directly at Jungkook.

“I’m not okay, so what? I’m tired, so tired chasing after you.” he giggles. “I guess I’m such a fool, right? Why did I keep running after you when all you did is going further from me instead?”

He suddenly turns serious, lips forming a thin line and eyes getting darker per second. The air becomes tense. “You want me to stop? You want me to go away?” he is already standing, legs wobble a little out of weariness.

“Fine, I will.” That’s all he mutters before he stumbles pass Jungkook and limps out of the room, leaving the younger alone.

 

 

 

“Jimin-ah.”

He stops in the middle of stuffing his food into Taehyung’s mouth to look over at Jin. “Yes, hyung?”

“Stop feeding Taehyung. You have to eat too.” Jin orders in a gentle way while subtly tries to glare at Taehyung who seems to be very oblivious.

Jimin looks down at his bowl and glances up seconds later with a smile on his face. “I’m full already.” At the sight of frown plastered on Jin’s face, he adds. “You still cook the best hyung but really, I can’t eat any more.”

Jin stares at him for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. “Fine. But let’s go to the hospital tomorrow, okay?”

Jimin’s eyes are crestfallen. “Why hyung? I’m okay, really. I don’t want to skip practices.” he gives Jin a pout.

Jin’s stare softens and he looks over to Namjoon who then nods at him. “Okay, we won’t go but tonight you have to get enough rest. Do you hear me?”

Jimin beams and it literally lights up their worlds back. “So we can watch a movie tonight?” when Jin nods, he makes a high-five with Taehyung, both laughing gleefully.

A smile blooms on Jin’s face. “You have to go to bed early though.” Jimin nods obediently and Jin changes a knowing look with Namjoon and Hoseok.

 

 

 

Once the movie starts, Jimin immediately snuggles himself closer to Yoongi. He doesn’t know why but that particular hyung has always managed to give him calmness somehow (but he mainly just wants to see the irritation sketches on the elder’s face). But tonight, Yoongi doesn’t seem to mind instead he wraps his arms around Jimin’s small body and lets the younger tuck himself under his chin.

Namjoon gets up from his seat and makes his way to the bathroom. A minute later, he comes back with a frown on his face. “Jin hyung, where are all the sleeping pills? The bottle is empty.”

Jin rises up an eyebrow, obviously just as confused. “Really? But last night I saw there’s still a plenty of it.”

Jimin suddenly cuts in, his voice is low and groggy. “I’m sorry hyung, I accidently knocked them down into the sink.” All heads snap at him but he already has his eyes closed with his face pressed slightly against Yoongi’s chest.

Jin’s eyes are wide as he starts to get panicked. “You are telling the truth, right?”

Jimin hums. “I’m sorry again. Yoongi hyung?”

“Yes, Jiminie?”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

A soft smile is plastered on Yoongi’s face as runs his fingers through Jimin’s hair gently. “Of course you can. Do you want me to pick you up?”

Jimin giggles, eyes still closed. “It’s okay.” they stands up together and with arms wrapped around each other, they saunter to Yoongi’s room.

Jin sends them with his gaze. “If he took it, he wouldn’t be alive right now, would he?” he sounds so unsure and he lets his eyes meet with Namjoon’s.

Namjoon nods at him reassuringly. “Don’t worry hyung. I believe in him.”

Taehyung suddenly sighs. “Remind me later to tease Yoongi hyung about his soft spot for Jimin.” Everybody laughs at that; expect Jungkook who just stares at a random wall blankly.

 

 

 

Jimin acts like Jungkook is invisible to him. He walks pass Jungkook as if the latter isn’t there, never uttering any words and hell, he doesn’t spare any single glance at the younger’s direction. No wonder he misses all the flicker of hurt in Jungkook’s eyes.

 

 

 

They are only practising for one hour and half when Hoseok suddenly shouts for them to stop. Everybody turns at him in confusion to see his eyes fixed on someone, widening in terror.

Jimin’s eyes flutter close, his body stagger backwards and “Jimin!” is all Hoseok can shout before he catches Jimin in his arms, both sliding to the floor. The others surround them with panic look on their faces.  

Jimin’s lips part to let out heavy and sharp breath, his eyes shut close and face scrunches up in obvious pain. Hoseok taps his cheeks frantically and keeps calling out his name, trying to get any respond.

“Let’s bring him to the hospital.” Namjoon suggests and his voice is thick with worry. Hoseok nods at him and attempts to carry Jimin up but Jimin stops him by clutching hard at his t-shirt.

“P-Please no.” Jimin croaks out almost inaudibly as he flutters open his eyes weakly to meet with Hoseok’s shaky ones. “Just let me rest.” His feature softens and his breathing becomes slower.

“But, Jimin-ah-“ Jin speaks up but he cuts in.

“Hyung, please? I’m okay, really. Give me a minute.” He wriggles himself out of Hoseok’s arms, crawls to the nearest wall and leans his body against it. Dragging his knees up, he buries his face between them and his body starts to tremble.

“What are we going to do?” Jin sighs and places a hand on Namjoon’s arm, both staring at Jimin’s figure. They watch as Taehyung approaches Jimin and squats before his best friend, talking in a whisper. At last Taehyung nods and comes back to the others but not before handing Jimin a water bottle.

“Let’s continue.” He gives a nod firm at Namjoon and soon, reluctantly, they start the practice again.

 

 

 

“You guys go on without me.” That is Jimin’s respond when the members decide to go out for lunch.

Jin stares at him, eyes widen in worry. “Jimin, you can’t skip lunch!”

Jimin gives the oldest a smile. “Hyung, I don’t say I won’t eat. I just need some rest. Buy me anything.” Upon seeing uncertainty sketched on s’ faces, he lets out a chuckle. “It’s okay, guys. Just go.” He shoves Taehyung away.

Taehyung huffs, eyes narrowing. “Fine then. I’ll buy you a lot and stuff them down your throat.” His lips tug up into a smile as he watches Jimin laugh and it sounds so genuine, so like Jimin.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Jimin sends them out with a wave but Yoongi is still there, standing before him. “Hyung, what is it?” 

Yoongi answers him by cupping his face and pulls it closer to press a kiss on his forehead. “Be strong.” And he gets a soft smile from Jimin in return.

Jimin watches Yoongi’s retreating figure with fond gaze. He turns around and gets ready for warming up, stretching his sore muscles and occasionally groaning at the pain shooting up his spine. He acts like he is alone in the room.

But he isn’t.

Jungkook is standing far from him, watching him with such intensity that he can feel the pressure pressing down on him as he starts to dance to the beat. He is totally bothered but still, he doesn’t voice it out. Instead, he shuts his eyes close, trying to focus on the steps and ignoring the younger at the same time.

That proves to be an impossible task. It seems like Jungkook is undressing him with his gaze and he suddenly feels vulnerable and insecure, as if the younger is trying to peel off the mask he’s wearing. He can’t lie; it’s an agony to ignore the presence of Jungkook when all this entire time his mind is still clouded with their memories but Jimin is just too tired to be around the younger all the while trying hard to put a distance between them. He needs to do that; he can’t effort to fall more for Jungkook.

But it seems like Jungkook doesn’t agree with him at that. One moment he’s dancing to the choreography and the next second, he is shoved against the wall. Groaning in pain, he snaps his eyes open to see Jungkook staring down at him with unreadable and clouded gaze that sends shiver down his body. His knees tremble, threatening to give away but he presses himself more against the wall in attempt to increase the space between them.

“Jeon Jungkook, what is this?” he hisses, feeling the rage building inside but sadness is faster to wash over him. “I told you I will stop chasing after you. So what’s more do you want from me?” he gazes down on the floor, tears gleam in his eyes and hands against Jungkook’s chest, trying to push him away because they’re too close he can feel Jungkook breathing down on him.

 Jungkook peels Jimin’s hands off his chest before linking his wrists together and pinning them against the wall above his head with a hand. Another hand grasps Jimin’s chin and forces the elder to look at him in the eyes. Jimin’s gaze is shaky and unsteady and gleaming beautifully in tears, contrast to Jungkook’s dark and piercing one.

Jungkook’s eyes scream you, I want you and Jimin must have read it because then the elder has his eyes widen and struggles to break free from his grip. And Jungkook finally, finally shuts him still by crashing their lips together. As Jimin lets out a squeak of surprise, Jungkook flutters his eyes close and sighs into the kiss, finally has been able to prove that Jimin’s lips are really soft like it seems to be.

Jimin shuts his eyes close, tears falling down in frustration. He parts his lips to protest but Jungkook takes this as a chance to slide his tongue in and Jimin accidently chokes out a moan. This seems to spark something in Jungkook because then he tilts his head sideway to kiss deeper, breathing becomes heavier per second. And Jimin, despite feeling confused and furious, melts gradually against Jungkook and finally returns the kiss.

Jungkook, feeling Jimin relaxed in his hold, releases Jimin’s chin to wrap his arm around Jimin’s waist, pulling him closer. “Beautiful.” He whispers into the kiss and feels Jimin’s body tremble against him.

“Liar.” Jimin pulls away to grit the word out and a choked sob escapes from his mouth after that. He turns his face away so Jungkook can’t see the flood of pain in his eyes and bites his lip to stifle another sob.

Jungkook sees it nevertheless. His eyes soften as he nuzzles his nose against Jimin’s wet cheek and kisses a new fallen tear. “Hyung,” his breath ghosts over Jimin’s skin. “Beautiful.”

Jimin’s body shakes again with sob. “Stop lying, god dammit!” he struggles to pull down his pinned hands but Jungkook‘s grip on his wrists gets tighten.

“Am not!” Jungkook whispers through gritted teeth. He runs his lips along Jimin’s jaw gently. “You’re beautiful.” He whispers, softer this time. He captures Jimin’s lips again to swallow down all the whimpers and sobs coming out from Jimin. His hand slides under Jimin’s sweatshirt to rest his palm at the curve of his waist and Jimin’s breathe hitches at that.

When Jimin stops whimpering and his sob subsides a minute later, Jungkook takes his time to trail kisses down Jimin’s neck and stops at the collarbone. “So beautiful, that I really want to ruin you.” he whispers against the skin, hand sliding up Jimin’s .

Jimin shudders, eyes shut close but Jungkook catches the sound of his throaty moan. He buries his face into the crook of Jimin’s neck, inhaling deep the vanilla scent mixed with sweat and sighs heavily. “Look at the mess you turn me into.” his hand now running up and down Jimin’s side.

Jimin swallows down the rising moan in his throat to enable him to answer Jungkook. “Then why are you not letting me go?” he chokes out.

Jungkook’s hand stops to grip hard at Jimin’s waist. “Why should I?”

“Y-You have Taehyung already.” The wavering tone in Jimin’s voice is so obvious that it’s impossible for Jungkook to miss it.

“What?” Jungkook’s head shots up to give Jimin a bewildered look but Jimin lowers his own gaze. “Why with Taehyung?”

Jimin seals his lips tight but Jungkook grips harder at his waist to urge him on. He lets out a shaky breath. “You picked him as the best couple for you.” his voice gets lower. “You even crossed out my name.”

 Jungkook scrunches up his face in confusion but later it dawns on him. “The post-it note?” Jimin nods at him with new tears brim his eyes. “, never thought you would read it.” He mumbles to himself, eyes lowering to the ground. “I-I picked out your name, hyung. But Tae hyung crossed out yours and chose him himself. I swear it’s the truth hyung!”

Jimin sighs through his parted lips and Jungkook abruptly looks up back to meet Jimin’s shaky gaze. “But still, nothing’s gonna change between us. I-I’m tired already so please let me go.”

Jungkook’s eyes are gleaming so dark, his jaw set as his nails dig deeper into Jimin’s skin. Jimin winces in pain but doesn’t dare to let out any sound. “Really, hyung? You tell me to let you go? I thought you can’t stop loving me?”

Jimin’s eyes widen in surprise and Jungkook smirks at this. “You can’t stop loving me even all the things I did was hurting you, right?”

“W-what?” Jimin struggles to pull down his hands again as another sob racking his body.

Jungkook leans closer, applying more pressure against Jimin’s wrists. “And I really did say no when the fan asked me if I love you back. It was so sudden that I blurted out the answer.”

It clicks in Jimin that Hoseok probably heard his conversations with the fans and told Jungkook all of it. He shuts his eyes close, letting his tears fall because he feels so helpless and vulnerable. “Please s-stop.” He whimpers.

“No.” Jungkook’s voice is firm. “I want, no, I need you to know this.” He grazes his lips against Jimin’s falling tears. “That’s the worst lie I’d ever told.”

Jimin suddenly chokes in his tears. He flutters his eyes open, peering at Jungkook through his damp eyelashes. “Jung-Jungkook,”

Jungkook kisses him again and lets his lips linger against Jimin’s. “Beautiful, so beautiful, I want to ruin you so bad.” His voice is so husky that Jimin shudders in respond. “Don’t you get it hyung?”

Jimin throws him a confused look and even though his face is wet with tears, he looks so impossibly cute that Jungkook kisses him again. “That’s the reason why I didn’t really want you to stay by my side and be close to me.” He nibbles at Jimin’s bottom lips, smiling at the beautiful whimper coming out from Jimin.

“I would have ruined you sooner if I did.” he chuckles darkly at the fascinated look on Jimin’s face. “But you probably didn’t mind, right?” he watches as blush creeps up Jimin’s neck to his face, dusting his cheek with right shade of pink, and he looks so pretty, prettier even with tears tainting him.

“God, so beautiful.” Jungkook groans, giving Jimin’s lips another kiss before burying his face back to Jimin’s neck. He finally releases Jimin’s wrists to clutch at the elder’s sweatshirt, another hand tracing softly at the crescent marks he left at the elder’s waist.

Jimin lets his hands fall to his side, eyes staring ahead to the wall across him. He is trying to put back all the pieces together, trying to find the end of the rope he is pulling, trying to figure everything out. What has just happened? Did Jungkook just kiss him? Did Jungkook say that he wants to ruin him? Did Jungkook tell him saying that he didn’t love Jimin back is the worst lie? Did Jungkook? Did he?

To say that he’s dreaming, he clearly can feel Jungkook’s body pressed firmly against him, can feel his warm fingers tracing at his waist, and can feel Jungkook’s tears against his neck-

Wait, what?!

“J-Jungkook?” he calls out softly, trying to peel the younger off his body but Jungkook won’t budge. Instead, he buries his face deeper.

“Don’t stop chasing after me. I promise I won’t run away anymore. Please.” Jungkook sounds so broken, so desperate and he is pleading. His clutch at Jimin’s sweatshirt tightens and he stops tracing at Jimin’s waist only to press his palm against the soft skin instead.

Jimin is bewildered at the sudden change, to be honest. He slowly pushes Jungkook away, cupping the wet face of the younger and leans closer with an assuring smile. “I won’t, if you love me back.”

Jungkook nods so fast before closing the distance between their lips. “So sorry I hurt you, so sorry.” He mutters and his eyes are crestfallen. “I didn’t mean it. Sorry hyung. I’m sorry.”

Jimin kisses him, pleased when Jungkook stops rambling. “It’s okay.”

Jungkook suddenly draws a large amount of breath and grips at Jimin’s wrist. “Hyung, stop saying it’s okay when it isn’t. Stop pushing yourself. You didn’t know how worried I was seeing you get sick. And yet you said I didn’t care about you? I did hyung. So please, take care of yourself.”

Jimin cuts him with his usual bubbly laughter. “God, you talk too much.”

Jungkook relaxes, watching the thin line of Jimin’s eyes and the beautiful curve of Jimin’s lips. “Don’t cuddle with others and don’t let them kiss you too.”

Jimin’s lips tug up into an amused smile. “Oh, so you were jealous back then?”

Jungkook’s gaze glazes with dark glint. “You want me to prove it?”

Jimin yelps when Jungkook’s hand trails down to grab at his but Jungkook silences him by kissing him passionately, another hand circling his waist to pull them closer. Jimin kisses back, hand clutching Jungkook’s t-shirt and another running through Jungkook’s hair, tugging at it occasionally.

Jungkook hums at that, swallowing all the moans and whimpers slip out Jimin’s mouth as his hands roam freely all over Jimin’s body and sometimes down the curve of Jimin’s back. “My hyung is beautiful.”

Jungkook loves the way Jimin shudders at his words, the way Jimin chokes all the noises threatening to spill, and the way Jimin holds into him, like he will fall if he doesn’t. Just, he loves how Jimin fits perfectly against him, damn so perfect and against him only.

“I love you.”

And Jimin, with tears in his eyes, laughs so bright that Jungkook watches him in dazed, wondering what he did to deserve this angel in his arms.

 

 

 

Jin opens the door to their practice room and immediately turns around, pressing his finger to his lips to silence the others. They raise an eyebrow questioningly at him but keep their voices down nevertheless. Together they tiptoe into the room and slowly, content smile bloom on their faces.

There, on the floor, Jungkook and Jimin are sleeping, Jungkook’s arms are wrapped gently and yet possessively around the elder’s waist who buries his face into Jungkook’s neck, and hand clutching at the younger’s t-shirt. What makes the sight more adorable is both have slight smile on their faces but enough to light up the entire world.

“They only kissed, right?”

“Shut up, Taehyung.”

 

 

 

oh my god, I'm soooo sorry for the too late update. sooo sorryyyy. TT.TT anywayyyy, thanks for suscribing and thanks for reading.. i love you guys. find me as @blackjiminie on twitter and blindAngelJM on archive of our own. by the way, do comment so i can write better, okay? thanks again. <333