They know it. 

But how come they could pretend they do not?

Is this all a sick joke for them? A ing prank that will lead them laughing at him for believing the 'truth'?

She is dying.

He could see through her smiling facade that she is indeed hurting. Feeling worse as every single second passes. He could see her eyes glistening under the light, tears threatening to fall at any moment but choose not to. She chooses not to. She doesn't want him to see her crying, revealing all the pain she's been through. She doesn't want him to know that she can be more vulnerable than she already is.

And that is the reason she pushed him away. Away from her. Away from the negativity she creates. Away from the thoughts clouding her mind, eating her soul, gnawing at her conscience seemingly making her guilty on purpose.

He did not let her push him away. No, he stayed by her side, afraid that she will crumble into pieces and no one will glue the pieces back together.

But that only lasted for a few months. He did not see it happening, but she made sure that he will not stick by her side. He became busy with all sorts of things. With the popularity of his group rising along with hers, the time they spent with each other lessened and lessened, until he saw himself just guarding her from a far.

Checking updates of her from time to time, he began to doubt himself. What he thought about her, was it really just an illusion? An excuse for him to take care of her, an excuse for him to show the love he has for her? After all, she has a wide smile on her face, carefree from all the problems she is facing. She is happy.

He thought of himself as a coward. Someone who is too afraid to show his true intentions thus creating an image of the girl she loves as someone she is not. He felt disgusted with himself that he could proclaim she is dying. In fact, she never is. She had a beautiful life, and a more beautiful one ahead of her.

She really had a beautiful life, loving parents, a handful of uplifting friends, and even a caring boyfriend. She had. She didn't know when it went wrong, where it went wrong, or how it went wrong. But then she just knew that the mistake was her. She started to doubt her abilities - her strengths turned into weaknesses, her confidence turned into self-consciousness. She didn't trust herself anymore.

People around her started to notice the little changes in her. She was aware of the differences it brought in her, but she didn't know she will be affecting them in some way. And so she started to build walls around her worries and covered them with the old her, the bubbly girl who smiles wide despite the problems she is facing. 

They believed her in an instant, they were just so happy that the girl was back to life. But the job of convincing was not yet done, as she was not able to deceive him with her smile.

It only lasted for a while though. She did not mean to push him away, but that was the only thing she could do because staring back into his eyes will make her destroy herself, letting the tears come streaming down her face and voice out all her worries - pain, suffering, doubts, all there is that haunts her - to him, making her destroy him too. And that she could not do.

She did not mean to act in front of the people she loves, but she loves them, that is why she had to pretend that everything is the same and under control. 

But alas, she never got hold of the steering wheel and let the demons inside drive. She was too busy tricking them that everything is okay, everything is fine, she is happy living her dream, that she forgot to address the ones living deep within her. Being able to invade her thoughts, they were able to lure her into choosing the wrong path, a choice that will make thousands weep and a few rejoice - her finally finding the freedom she was longing for.

She had a beautiful life, and a more beautiful one ahead of her. He wouldn't say that now, would he? He could not bring himself to tell what was wrong. She is fine, she is happy, she is living her life.

And perhaps that was his mistake. He was so caught up on the idea that she was strong and he was the weaker one. And that he proved true.

After all, he knew.

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